Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Stevie on November 23, 2014, 01:03:09 AM Return to Full Version
Title: My not so brief Introduction
Post by: Stevie on November 23, 2014, 01:03:09 AM
Post by: Stevie on November 23, 2014, 01:03:09 AM
I apologize for this long and disjointed post and any affronts I commit to grammatical structure.
I consider myself very fortunate so far with my transition I know that some people have lost a lot in this process.
I am a 56 years old; I have finally started living after decades of self doubt, fear, and self destructive behavior. I told my wife of thirty years about a year and half ago, she has been very supportive and says she just wants me to be happy. I know she doesn't understand completely, but it took me decades, and even if she never does we still love each other. It was my biggest fear that she would spurn me. She even has helped me with something's like doing my eyebrows and picking out clothes. Our children have been supportive as well.
I am the last in line of six children five boys and one girl I have not told any of my brothers directly, but I did tell my sister about year ago and she is actually very happy for me. I talked with my mother about it a few months ago, she has always been very progressive and she was not fazed at all her first response was "I always wished you were a girl". So my family at least the ones that know are all still in my life so that fear has been abated.
Before I came to accept myself for who I am I was a miserable negative person who thought his family would be better off just collecting on my life insurance.
When I finally pulled my self out of a death spiral of self destructive behavior of binge eating I weighed over 380 lbs. My plan is to lose weight and transition slowly and emerge at the end of this metamorphosis as the woman I am. My hope is that the people around me will transition along with me in a sort of organic manner.
I have so far lost 147 lbs and plan on getting to about 180 I would be happy to get below 200 though. I plan on starting HRT when I get closer to my goal. I did start electrolysis after reaching one of my weight loss goals and have more of those rewards for myself as I reach my weight loss goals. Also starting to see a therapist, something I should have done long before now.
I have gotten rid of all my male clothing at this point in my weight loss. I started wearing my new clothing to work phasing it in slowly at first, now I wear nothing but women's clothes.
I finally told my boss last week after the fire department came in for an inspection and one of the female fire fighters said good afternoon ladies to me and a coworker I was walking with. I have only told my manager, my HR rep already knew a year ago because I chat with her all the time. As I said I am hoping my coworkers will transition with me. So far the only thing any one else I work with has asked me is what I carry in my purse, I told them wallet, keys, and glasses just like anyone else. Currently working for a small company with people that I have known for many years in a small segment of the aerospace industry where almost everyone knows each other so I am not sure how some of the people I have worked with over the years will react when we cross paths again. Most people have noticed that I am much happier and more at ease and attribute it to my weight loss, however that weight loss would of not been possible with out my self acceptance, which is what really has turned my life in a positive direction.
I think I worry too much how people will react when they meet me and so far my fears have been unfounded and hope that continues. It probably has a lot to do with my age making the standards for passing less scrutinizing. Right now I pass about 50% of the time even though I have not started HRT or wear makeup; maybe people are just being polite which is fine with me. Full time without passing well can be hard at times, but I am not ever going back to pretending to be man .I know I feel more at ease and open in social situations than I ever have in the past despite this.
The only other transgender person I know is my son, who I wish I had confided with when they told me they were a boy in the 7th grade. There are so many things I wish I would have done or not done after he came out to us. I told him that I loved him no matter how he is, but I questioned him if it was just a phase or something. I don't know why maybe I hoped to spare him the kind of hell I was living at the time. In hindsight I should have helped him to embrace who he is right then and there. He was already in therapy trying to deal with early symptoms of schizophrenia and my questioning their identity certainly could not have helped. I love my son and he loves me, but I wish I would have done so many things differently, maybe his mental health problems wouldn't be so debilitating. I still feel horrible about this.
Stevie
I consider myself very fortunate so far with my transition I know that some people have lost a lot in this process.
I am a 56 years old; I have finally started living after decades of self doubt, fear, and self destructive behavior. I told my wife of thirty years about a year and half ago, she has been very supportive and says she just wants me to be happy. I know she doesn't understand completely, but it took me decades, and even if she never does we still love each other. It was my biggest fear that she would spurn me. She even has helped me with something's like doing my eyebrows and picking out clothes. Our children have been supportive as well.
I am the last in line of six children five boys and one girl I have not told any of my brothers directly, but I did tell my sister about year ago and she is actually very happy for me. I talked with my mother about it a few months ago, she has always been very progressive and she was not fazed at all her first response was "I always wished you were a girl". So my family at least the ones that know are all still in my life so that fear has been abated.
Before I came to accept myself for who I am I was a miserable negative person who thought his family would be better off just collecting on my life insurance.
When I finally pulled my self out of a death spiral of self destructive behavior of binge eating I weighed over 380 lbs. My plan is to lose weight and transition slowly and emerge at the end of this metamorphosis as the woman I am. My hope is that the people around me will transition along with me in a sort of organic manner.
I have so far lost 147 lbs and plan on getting to about 180 I would be happy to get below 200 though. I plan on starting HRT when I get closer to my goal. I did start electrolysis after reaching one of my weight loss goals and have more of those rewards for myself as I reach my weight loss goals. Also starting to see a therapist, something I should have done long before now.
I have gotten rid of all my male clothing at this point in my weight loss. I started wearing my new clothing to work phasing it in slowly at first, now I wear nothing but women's clothes.
I finally told my boss last week after the fire department came in for an inspection and one of the female fire fighters said good afternoon ladies to me and a coworker I was walking with. I have only told my manager, my HR rep already knew a year ago because I chat with her all the time. As I said I am hoping my coworkers will transition with me. So far the only thing any one else I work with has asked me is what I carry in my purse, I told them wallet, keys, and glasses just like anyone else. Currently working for a small company with people that I have known for many years in a small segment of the aerospace industry where almost everyone knows each other so I am not sure how some of the people I have worked with over the years will react when we cross paths again. Most people have noticed that I am much happier and more at ease and attribute it to my weight loss, however that weight loss would of not been possible with out my self acceptance, which is what really has turned my life in a positive direction.
I think I worry too much how people will react when they meet me and so far my fears have been unfounded and hope that continues. It probably has a lot to do with my age making the standards for passing less scrutinizing. Right now I pass about 50% of the time even though I have not started HRT or wear makeup; maybe people are just being polite which is fine with me. Full time without passing well can be hard at times, but I am not ever going back to pretending to be man .I know I feel more at ease and open in social situations than I ever have in the past despite this.
The only other transgender person I know is my son, who I wish I had confided with when they told me they were a boy in the 7th grade. There are so many things I wish I would have done or not done after he came out to us. I told him that I loved him no matter how he is, but I questioned him if it was just a phase or something. I don't know why maybe I hoped to spare him the kind of hell I was living at the time. In hindsight I should have helped him to embrace who he is right then and there. He was already in therapy trying to deal with early symptoms of schizophrenia and my questioning their identity certainly could not have helped. I love my son and he loves me, but I wish I would have done so many things differently, maybe his mental health problems wouldn't be so debilitating. I still feel horrible about this.
Stevie
Title: Re: My not so brief Introduction
Post by: Jessica Merriman on November 23, 2014, 03:31:00 AM
Post by: Jessica Merriman on November 23, 2014, 03:31:00 AM
A big warm welcome to the family Stevie! That is quite a story and we have many transitioners over 45. I myself started at 47 and have had good results. I hope things proceed to your desired goals. It is wonderful to live freely as the real you! Relax and dig right in as you will get some of the best guidance and suggestions out there. The good thing is it all comes from real people and their personal experiences.
Please read these very important topics
Please read these very important topics
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Title: Re: My not so brief Introduction
Post by: MelissaAnn on November 23, 2014, 06:48:53 AM
Post by: MelissaAnn on November 23, 2014, 06:48:53 AM
Hi Stevie...!
A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. It always great to welcome another sister to ever growing family. I started my transition at 50, so it's never to late. I'm so glad that your family is supportive. There are many beautiful people here that have ether gone through or are going through the same feelings and emotions that you are. There is a vast array of information and some great resources available on this site. Everything is right at your finger tips. So pull up a chair , relax and let your fingers do the walking. I hope to see you around the forums. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angles always look upon you and help guide you on your path.
Much love,
Melissa Ann
A big warm welcome to Susan's Place. It always great to welcome another sister to ever growing family. I started my transition at 50, so it's never to late. I'm so glad that your family is supportive. There are many beautiful people here that have ether gone through or are going through the same feelings and emotions that you are. There is a vast array of information and some great resources available on this site. Everything is right at your finger tips. So pull up a chair , relax and let your fingers do the walking. I hope to see you around the forums. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angles always look upon you and help guide you on your path.
Much love,
Melissa Ann
Title: Re: My not so brief Introduction
Post by: Stevie on November 23, 2014, 09:10:31 AM
Post by: Stevie on November 23, 2014, 09:10:31 AM
Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I have already read several posts that I see similar experiences to the ones I have had, which is comforting even though some of those experiences are not so nice.
Stevie
Stevie
Title: Re: My not so brief Introduction
Post by: Devlyn on November 24, 2014, 06:02:20 PM
Post by: Devlyn on November 24, 2014, 06:02:20 PM
Hi Stevie, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Get busy posting and making friends and I'll see you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn