Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Vicky Mitchell on November 27, 2014, 09:37:02 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I guess this is Hello.
Post by: Vicky Mitchell on November 27, 2014, 09:37:02 PM
Post by: Vicky Mitchell on November 27, 2014, 09:37:02 PM
I feel I could copy and paste so many of these introductions as it sounds like my own story.
I am a 39 year old male. Married have a great son, good job and roof over my head. You think I be happy but. Yes there is always a but. I just don't feel happy like I think I should be.
My life started off normal boy child hood had good loving parents that gave me all the freedom I wanted. But at times things did not feel right. I can remember going through my mom clothes feeling them and thinking how nice they felt and wondered what it felt like to wear them. I even tried some pieces on felt nice but scared me to death. I was like "What am I doing" put it all back and closed the door and said ok that was weird but just a fluke. I did not do it many more time for each time I did. I felt good but I could hear the voices in my head say "What are you doing this is not right, put your mom things back." So I never did it again but yes I thought of those times many times over. Then when I was 16 and could drive I remember going out to a local store and bought few pieces of female clothing. Took them home put them on and was like this is not so bad this feels nice I like the way they felt on my skin, and then I was like "Omg what will people think if I get caught" I ran through every definition in the book. Even with the thoughts I did this many more times even if only for a few min to look at myself in the mirror and then I get nervous of being caught and change back. But those few min things felt right they felt different. I was like so is this what it is like to feel like a girl to feel sexy. Oh how I envy the girls at my school. Now I got along with the boys and I was one of the gang I had girlfriends and dated and went to prom in my tux. But there always seem to be something missing. What I noticed back them but never put 2 and 2 together was that the girls could talk to me. In high school my female friends could talk to me. Talk to me about things that they would not even talk to their boyfriends about. If felt nice to know they trusted me like that and they would say it all the time. "That I was different and they could talk to me about anything." So high school came and went and on to moving out on my own. What I remember about that is the countless nights I would sit around in woman clothes. Just going about my normal business or watching TV as if it was just a normal. And once again I would wonder what it would be like to be like this 24/7 to be a woman. It was times like that that made me sadden that I know I be laughed at if I dare leave the house like that. I can now admit that I even thought about ending life a few times as things just did not seem fair. But I was able to work my way through that. The tears that would bring to my family and friends if I did and what would I gain from it nothing I would never then even have a chance to try to be a female. It was some time about then that I said man up. You're a man be a man. So I huffed up my chest lifted my head though out everything female that I owned. I was like I can beat this it is only a phase. And I think I did well I went 5 years without trying on any women clothes but the thoughts. The thoughts were still there in my head always asking WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A WOMAN. I find myself checking women out all the time not in a sexual way. No I am looking at their shoes, how they dress how they walk and act and move. Well at 29 I meet the dream girl of my life got married and all should have been perfect but the voice that little voice was still there and before you know it I had snuck off and was trying on my wife clothes and once again it felt right. I have tried to be more and manlier to make thing be like "Normal" Grew a beard dressed the part stay away from anything that I even thought would make me feel sexy. Well here we are 10 years later. For the last year I have been playing a female character on second life. My wife thought it was funny and at one time thought I was trying to cheat on her. After some long talks with I am still playing the game living my life as a female there. It all seems bitter sweet a glimpse of what it could be like but then also it reminds me of what I am missing. So that brings me here. So as I think of what to say for an intro I figured the whole story will have to do.
Two things have come to hit me hard in the last 2 weeks. First I got on the scale and I am now at 229. I look at the mirror and I am disgusted at what I see. But then I think back when I was 180 and fit and even then I was not impressed. I was always worried about how my but look or upset that my thighs touched. Second) I saw a video done in high-speed done on Facebook of a boy putting on makeup and how within min he went from a normal looking boy to a gorgeous looking female. I was like why can I not do that.
I think it was that moment that I finally admitted to myself that I am not alone and why does there have to be something wrong with me if simply enjoy something or think different. So last night I sat down with my wife and I have told her about this skeleton that I have kept in my closet. I believe she is still trying to process this all asked me a few question I tried to answer them as best as I could. She has not said much about it today so I am giving her time to process me guess. Now as I read more I am trying to figure out where I go from here what is next. I don't know if I should ask for her permission to well dress up a bit more without hiding her from her. I did say I want to go see a dr but I don't even know how to go about to find a psychologist. As I read though the forums I am not even sure what to ask for. I don't know if I am a cross dresser or am I mtf. If you nailed me to the ground now I would say I want to be a female 24/7. I want the body I want the mindset, I want the clothing. I would sign up for HDT now. I do not think I want bottom surgery. But I am worried still what that would do to my friends and family and I don't even know if I could ever pass as a woman. I am 6' tall and currently weigh in at 229. I can say a few years ago I was 180 lbs but still I was 6 foot.
So there is my Story I guess I have nothing more to hide.
Steven
I am a 39 year old male. Married have a great son, good job and roof over my head. You think I be happy but. Yes there is always a but. I just don't feel happy like I think I should be.
My life started off normal boy child hood had good loving parents that gave me all the freedom I wanted. But at times things did not feel right. I can remember going through my mom clothes feeling them and thinking how nice they felt and wondered what it felt like to wear them. I even tried some pieces on felt nice but scared me to death. I was like "What am I doing" put it all back and closed the door and said ok that was weird but just a fluke. I did not do it many more time for each time I did. I felt good but I could hear the voices in my head say "What are you doing this is not right, put your mom things back." So I never did it again but yes I thought of those times many times over. Then when I was 16 and could drive I remember going out to a local store and bought few pieces of female clothing. Took them home put them on and was like this is not so bad this feels nice I like the way they felt on my skin, and then I was like "Omg what will people think if I get caught" I ran through every definition in the book. Even with the thoughts I did this many more times even if only for a few min to look at myself in the mirror and then I get nervous of being caught and change back. But those few min things felt right they felt different. I was like so is this what it is like to feel like a girl to feel sexy. Oh how I envy the girls at my school. Now I got along with the boys and I was one of the gang I had girlfriends and dated and went to prom in my tux. But there always seem to be something missing. What I noticed back them but never put 2 and 2 together was that the girls could talk to me. In high school my female friends could talk to me. Talk to me about things that they would not even talk to their boyfriends about. If felt nice to know they trusted me like that and they would say it all the time. "That I was different and they could talk to me about anything." So high school came and went and on to moving out on my own. What I remember about that is the countless nights I would sit around in woman clothes. Just going about my normal business or watching TV as if it was just a normal. And once again I would wonder what it would be like to be like this 24/7 to be a woman. It was times like that that made me sadden that I know I be laughed at if I dare leave the house like that. I can now admit that I even thought about ending life a few times as things just did not seem fair. But I was able to work my way through that. The tears that would bring to my family and friends if I did and what would I gain from it nothing I would never then even have a chance to try to be a female. It was some time about then that I said man up. You're a man be a man. So I huffed up my chest lifted my head though out everything female that I owned. I was like I can beat this it is only a phase. And I think I did well I went 5 years without trying on any women clothes but the thoughts. The thoughts were still there in my head always asking WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A WOMAN. I find myself checking women out all the time not in a sexual way. No I am looking at their shoes, how they dress how they walk and act and move. Well at 29 I meet the dream girl of my life got married and all should have been perfect but the voice that little voice was still there and before you know it I had snuck off and was trying on my wife clothes and once again it felt right. I have tried to be more and manlier to make thing be like "Normal" Grew a beard dressed the part stay away from anything that I even thought would make me feel sexy. Well here we are 10 years later. For the last year I have been playing a female character on second life. My wife thought it was funny and at one time thought I was trying to cheat on her. After some long talks with I am still playing the game living my life as a female there. It all seems bitter sweet a glimpse of what it could be like but then also it reminds me of what I am missing. So that brings me here. So as I think of what to say for an intro I figured the whole story will have to do.
Two things have come to hit me hard in the last 2 weeks. First I got on the scale and I am now at 229. I look at the mirror and I am disgusted at what I see. But then I think back when I was 180 and fit and even then I was not impressed. I was always worried about how my but look or upset that my thighs touched. Second) I saw a video done in high-speed done on Facebook of a boy putting on makeup and how within min he went from a normal looking boy to a gorgeous looking female. I was like why can I not do that.
I think it was that moment that I finally admitted to myself that I am not alone and why does there have to be something wrong with me if simply enjoy something or think different. So last night I sat down with my wife and I have told her about this skeleton that I have kept in my closet. I believe she is still trying to process this all asked me a few question I tried to answer them as best as I could. She has not said much about it today so I am giving her time to process me guess. Now as I read more I am trying to figure out where I go from here what is next. I don't know if I should ask for her permission to well dress up a bit more without hiding her from her. I did say I want to go see a dr but I don't even know how to go about to find a psychologist. As I read though the forums I am not even sure what to ask for. I don't know if I am a cross dresser or am I mtf. If you nailed me to the ground now I would say I want to be a female 24/7. I want the body I want the mindset, I want the clothing. I would sign up for HDT now. I do not think I want bottom surgery. But I am worried still what that would do to my friends and family and I don't even know if I could ever pass as a woman. I am 6' tall and currently weigh in at 229. I can say a few years ago I was 180 lbs but still I was 6 foot.
So there is my Story I guess I have nothing more to hide.
Steven
Title: Re: I guess this is Hello.
Post by: gennee on November 28, 2014, 01:44:27 PM
Post by: gennee on November 28, 2014, 01:44:27 PM
Hello Vicky and welcome to Susan's. You're story is common to many of us so you're in great company. There are some great resources here along with some great people. Feel free to ask any questions that you may have.
:)
:)
Title: Re: I guess this is Hello.
Post by: V M on November 28, 2014, 02:54:17 PM
Post by: V M on November 28, 2014, 02:54:17 PM
Hi Vicky :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Here's some quick links to help you along
Please be sure to review
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Here's some quick links to help you along
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Title: Re: I guess this is Hello.
Post by: Vicky Mitchell on November 28, 2014, 03:07:20 PM
Post by: Vicky Mitchell on November 28, 2014, 03:07:20 PM
Thank you. It is nice to know there is a place where I fit.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: I guess this is Hello.
Post by: Devlyn on November 28, 2014, 07:36:01 PM
Post by: Devlyn on November 28, 2014, 07:36:01 PM
Hi Vicky, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm a Bostonian. Your introduction sure has a familiar ring to it, that's good, it means everyone knows where you're coming from. Start making friends, there's lots of good people here!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn