Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My mother and I argue a LOT about my being trans and transitioning. She's very strongly opposed to transition, and doesn't understand gender identity and gender expression and as I'm a bit of a tomboy, she doesn't get how I can be transgendered. My argument is that gender identity and gender expression are different and separate; one is set in stone while the other is defined through environment. Does anybody have any scholarly articles on this matter?

Welcome to Susan's Place, Rose!  Grab a cup of coffee and give a big thanks to the Wiki Staff!

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Gender_identity
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Gender_expression

Quote from: GLaDOS_9000 on November 30, 2014, 06:58:19 PM
My mother and I argue a LOT about my being trans and transitioning. She's very strongly opposed to transition, and doesn't understand gender identity and gender expression and as I'm a bit of a tomboy, she doesn't get how I can be transgendered. My argument is that gender identity and gender expression are different and separate; one is set in stone while the other is defined through environment. Does anybody have any scholarly articles on this matter?

Hi GLaDOS_9000:

I'm not sure exactly what kind of scholarly material you're looking for.  The distinction is a matter of language.  The two terms simply mean different things and address different topics.  Something like Julia Serrano's book, Whipping Girl, might possibly be what you are looking for? 

Whipping Girl - I've heard of that book. My mom reads a lot trying to understand me (I have to give her credit for effort), I'll suggest it. But her argument is basically that if I don't like girly things, I can't be trans.  :-\ I guess I'm just looking for help coping with that assertion.

edit;
It's not that I don't like girly things, it's just that I've never gone out of my way looking for them, nor shown any predisposition to being trans when I was young (but I still knew my gender was off!)

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Quote from: GLaDOS_9000 on November 30, 2014, 07:36:05 PM
Whipping Girl - I've heard of that book. My mom reads a lot trying to understand me (I have to give her credit for effort), I'll suggest it. But her argument is basically that if I don't like girly things, I can't be trans.  :-\ I guess I'm just looking for help coping with that assertion.

edit;
It's not that I don't like girly things, it's just that I've never gone out of my way looking for them, nor shown any predisposition to being trans when I was young (but I still knew my gender was off!)

That's an unbelievable thing for her to say. So using that logic if a man is effeminate he's not a man or if a girl is butch she's not a woman?  You should of said that to her and see her struggle with a comeback  ;D

Hi GLaDOS_9000,

I'm sorry to hear that you are in the situation you described with your mother. We are all uniquely who we are as transgendered people and as individuals. Why don't you write down how you feel about yourself and your identity and let your mom read that? Or write a poem about "Who I Am and What Matters" and make a collage of words, pictures, images to go along with it. Show it to your mom and if she responds positively or sees what you are getting at, fine. If this still doesn't do the job, at least you've written one good semi-poem or list of what matters to you as a transgendered person. Peace.  :)

  I've explained this stuff in great detail to my mother.  I give her credit for listening and somewhat understanding it, but in the end understanding wasn't the problem - she's simply fundamentally uncomfortable with me living like this anyway.  You may find in your situation that this is really the root of the issue with your own mother.  It would certainly lead to a lot of fruitless debate if so.  Try not to expend too much emotional currency on this.