Susan's Place Transgender Resources

We have lots of picture threads, but that's not very reliable because images don't tell the whole story. You know if you pass or not, so tell us based on your interactions with other people, do you pass? I usually get a 50/50 mix of sir and ma'am, and most people correct themselves to sir after I say something. Last weekend outside the store a woman was collecting donations, I got sir, then she corrected to ma'am, I was thrilled!

I go out in guy mode, a little facial hair n all but a fair few people still call me girlie names, maybe they see me as ftm (I'm mtf)  lmfao 

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 04, 2014, 11:10:55 AM
We have lots of picture threads, but that's not very reliable because images don't tell the whole story. You know if you pass or not, so tell us based on your interactions with other people, do you pass? I usually get a 50/50 mix of sir and ma'am, and most people correct themselves to sir after I say something. Last weekend outside the store a woman was collecting donations, I got sir, then she corrected to ma'am, I was thrilled!

I no longer think about it, I just go about my life.. occasionally I get misgenderd but either they correct themselves or I gently correct them.

I would never ask anybody, specially a fellow TG person, whether I pass or not. I (an others)have in more than one occasion take a picture of cis female and ask the TG communities whether or not the person in the picture pass or not... you can guess what the majority thought... yeah, you guess right... no pass...LOL

I'm all right outside my neighborhood and as long as I keep my mouth shut

Depends upon who sees me. I don't really know it, I go by what others tell me.

Guys never seem to clock me. Even from close up, two meters away, they feel the need to catcall me. But when I say something, it might reveal...

The only time I got clocked in 2014 -and noticed it- was a by 10 year old girl at the beach, at least she said to her mom: is that woman or a man? since children are notorious for having the most advanced trans*radar, she still doubted my gender. Which is a good thing, in a way. So I guess people either think I am a woman, a woman with male features, or they are undecided. The last time I got called "sir" was about 2 years ago.

So I guess I pass, usually? or maybe people are too polite to say something and I am imagining my unclockability. Who knows. I will never know because everyone sees something different I guess.

I do attract a lot of stares and craning necks. Maybe because I am tall, have very long hair, and aren't the typical or average female. Maybe I confuse these stares with clocking and get all paranoia over them. Any tall girl will attract stares, because it isn't common.

How do you measure passing?

kids,  the CIA should hire them for their advanced radar system

Quote from: PinkCloud on December 04, 2014, 12:07:38 PM
Depends upon who sees me. I don't really know it, I go by what others tell me.

Guys never seem to clock me. Even from close up, two meters away, they feel the need to catcall me. But when I say something, it might reveal...

The only time I got clocked in 2014 -and noticed it- was a by 10 year old girl at the beach, at least she said to her mom: is that woman or a man? since children are notorious for having the most advanced trans*radar, she still doubted my gender. Which is a good thing, in a way. So I guess people either think I am a woman, a woman with male features, or they are undecided. The last time I got called "sir" was about 2 years ago.

So I guess I pass, usually? or maybe people are too polite to say something and I am imagining my unclockability. Who knows. I will never know because everyone sees something different I guess.

I do attract a lot of stares and craning necks. Maybe because I am tall, have very long hair, and aren't the typical or average female. Maybe I confuse these stares with clocking and get all paranoia over them. Any tall girl will attract stares, because it isn't common.

How do you measure passing?

That's kind of what I'm trying to find out. I know for me, I can be taken as female visually, but my voice usually changes the person's mind. I'm wondering if some of the other members are in the same boat (and brave enough to admit it!  :laugh: )

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 04, 2014, 12:21:12 PM
That's kind of what I'm trying to find out. I know for me, I can be taken as female visually, but my voice usually changes the person's mind. I'm wondering if some of the other members are in the same boat (and brave enough to admit it!  :laugh: )

Last month some guy said over the phone: Let me check, ma'am, sir.. so I guess my voice isn't all that good, but again, mostly undecided. I asked a woman once what she thought of my voice. She told me that it sounded somewhat neutral, not bad for a woman. But again, one never knows how truthfully people are. Are they trying to please by saying something nice? or are they jealous and say the opposite? It is confusing...

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 04, 2014, 11:10:55 AM
... so tell us based on your interactions with other people, do you pass?...

Yes. It seems to make no difference who I interact with - infants, children, teens, adults or oldsters - all gender me correctly and have done for years. The only exception in the last 12 months is somebody who worked with counselling transwomen and she was unsure and skirted around the subject for a few minutes. She still gendered me as female.

I never expected it to be like this because, having transitioned in my 50s, my transition should have been a complete shambles according to the "any transition over age 15 will be a disaster" brigade.

On the phone always. My name is a gender neutral nickname and I'll either get the feminine version, (Sam Samantha). Or they'll call someone back and say I was speaking to the girl who works there before.

In public same everything it can be hit n miss. If I'm with male friends or by myself,  with a girlfriend it has been yes ladies what can I get you. As well as Ms to me personally

No clue...some people say I do, maybe they're just being nice, I'm not sure.  Voice definitely doesn't pass.  I get gendered 100% male at work by customers. Outside of that job, I am gendered F by pretty much everyone, strangers included.  must be the uniform, I guess. But really what's important to me is not "passing" as cis, it's being treated as a woman, which can and does really happen without passing. 

Maybe I should ask every single person who stares at me? Would be a good experiment, but maybe I am afraid of the truth. Good OR Bad.  :P fear of passing!  ^-^ :laugh: as in fear of success!

I like to call it blending in, and yes I do. Not in a million did I think the mone's would have changed my face the way it did. I went back home for my best friends funeral and friends I grew up with since I was a kid had no clue who I was, kind of shocking and at the same time sad for I feel like the old me is finally gone. I think a lot of it is how you carry yourself and how much confidence you have.

No clue since I rarely interact with those outside of where I live. I certainly don't pass at Subway's because I go there every week and at my apartment building.

I think I'm seen as a woman from more than 20' (7m)...at least, that's the range distance guys stop staring at my boobs and look at my face....then they look like the cat who ate a canary!

I get ma'am'd probably 10% of the time, but it's mostly guys who correct themselves. ???

There's an occasional time (like maybe once a month at the most) that I get called a masculine nickname like "brother" or "my man" by someone, but honestly that could easily just be them using a "default" pronoun nickname without even thinking about it, since culturally it's totally acceptable to call a woman with masculine nicknames. I don't know. Although I get those occasionally, I haven't been called "he" or "him" in over 6 months now, I've only been called male pronouns over the phone ONCE since going full-time back in April, and people don't stare at me out in public anymore unless I'm wearing androgynous clothes or have my hair down. So yeah, I'd say I'm passing. And I probably get asked at least once a day whether I played basketball in high school, so it seems to me like a vast majority of people are reading me as a very tall cis girl.

Certain forum members would have me believe that I'm not passing, since they're so hung up on the notion of "people might just be being nice to you and just aren't bringing it up," which honestly makes everyone feel like crap, but in terms of being treated like a woman by everyone and being instantly gendered female by every stranger and friend alike with no questions asked, yes, I'm passing. Whether people wonder if I'm trans or not, I have no freaking clue. Because after a certain point, you'd never be able to tell the difference socially. Because while people may question if you're trans or not to themselves, there's a certain point where you're female enough that absolutely nobody cares, and they can't imagine you any other way because they've only ever known you as your identity gender.

So yes... I pass. And at least a vast majority of people just assume I'm cis. Whether or not that means I'm living up to the "holy passing standard" where nobody could ever tell or not, I have no way of knowing, nor does ANYONE on this forum, so it's not worth obsessing over.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on December 04, 2014, 02:00:31 PMCertain forum members would have me believe that I'm not passing, since they're so hung up on the notion of "people might just be being nice to you and just aren't bringing it up,"

...

Whether or not that means I'm living up to the "holy passing standard" where nobody could ever tell or not, I have no way of knowing, nor does ANYONE on this forum, so it's not worth obsessing over.

I fully agree with this. I listened to the doubters for years and delayed my transition for years. I wish I had never bothered with them. I just should have believed in myself and powered ahead.

Nowadays I tell the doubters / critics / naysayers to get lost.

When I go out in girl mode, clean shaven and keep my mouth shut people gender me "ma'am" or simply don't at all. Once I talk all bets are off. It's "sir" all the way and it seems people do it to remind themselves that they are talking to a dude. But not to worry I just started HRT for good and I'm fixing the voice. And maybe I'll start wearing makeup.

In guy mode I get a mix, no gendering but usually "sir"

In appearance yes 99% of the time.When speaking hardly ever,I sound like I gargle with battery acid and rusty nails

Either people are being very polite or I'm passing. I've never been misgendered in public and aside from some rude stares people don't seem to pay too much attention to me.  My transition is essentially complete at this point so I try not to worry about passing too much and I just live my life.

I can do a solid female voice with much effort, but physically I'm not sure if I'll get there.  Guess I'll let you know in a couple years...

In public I'm passing 100% now. I went to a very crowded concert last week and got nothing but sir, dude, bro ect.
Now if I have to show my ID since I haven't gotten things changed over, I get extremely weird looks but thankfully no one has questioned it yet. I do fear though that eventually someone will or even say I've stolen someone's ID.
I've had instances where family or even where a store owner that knew me before transition has outed me in front of others who assumed I was male so that was fun.. not.

But as far as complete strangers when I'm around, no one knows any different now which is nice. The only quip I have now is the fact I sound like a very flamboyant male which bothers the crap out of me.

I pass most of the time it seems, even when I'm not trying, but my voice and the little facial hair left are sometimes causing confidence problems and that can easily lead to not passing. I really need to work more on my voice, this is far the worst problem right now, because I still did not reach the level where my voice alone could be gendered female or at least andro at all times.

I pass.  I taught a course a few weeks ago to a group of total strangers.   After the course I was talking with three of the students when a guy came up who I have known for several years and outed me in front of the students.   They were stunned that I was trans.  They heard me talk and watched me teach for hours and didn't know. 

After that I got even more confident and haven't been misgerdered once since.

Jen

Apparently yes I do, I guess most of the time.

Last week I was changing some name documents. The woman from the bank had a bit of a chat with me about the weather before we got to the business at hand. I told her I was changing my name and that I was transgender. She did a good job at hiding it but I could tell I had really surprised her, she had no clue until I told her. And that's despite me being 6'3" tall.

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 05, 2014, 02:49:36 AM
Apparently yes I do, I guess most of the time.

Last week I was changing some name documents. The woman from the bank had a bit of a chat with me about the weather before we got to the business at hand. I told her I was changing my name and that I was transgender. She did a good job at hiding it but I could tell I had really surprised her, she had no clue until I told her. And that's despite me being 6'3" tall.

Most of the time? Uh trust me Grace I have had the pleasure of meeting you in real life (only briefly I'll admit). I can't see how you don't pass for cis all 6'3" of you.

Quote from: aafhtu on December 04, 2014, 01:06:59 PM
... my transition should have been a complete shambles according to the "any transition over age 15 will be a disaster" brigade.

I started at 16 :( Well, I'm happy so if that's what being a disaster is like, then call me a train wreck struck by lightning.

On a more serious note, I'm not sure honestly. To a degree, yes. Completely? I doubt it. I don't remember the last time anyone I've ever met has called me a "he". If they're new to meeting me, then they call me she & I don't ever have to ask them to. I've had people tell me that they told they're friend who briefly saw me that I'm a tgirl & they didn't know. I've been directly in guys faces & they didn't know I was a tgirl. I've actually noticed that it's easier for a guy to think I'm a regular girl than a cis girl does. I usually get clocked by girls, but that actually is probably because when a girl is talking to me I lose my guard since they're girls & aren't potentially going to beat me up if they realize I'm a tgirl. Plus, girls usually just do the whole "Oh my god you're so pretty!". I would say, I pass about... 85% of the time. Some people might just have a good eye & know & the other ones hear my voice. Even if they do hear my voice, they don't ever call me a "he" though. I think I look & act too girly to be actually considered a guy. & if anyone ever did call me a "he", I would definitely tell them something.

Bottom line, no. I don't think I'm completely passable. I think it's kind of foolish for people to assume they are because a few of the Tgirls I've met that swear they're fish as hell aren't nearly as passable as they think . I don't want to be that tgirl & I don't think my insecurities would let me be anyways.

Interesting question.

In public yes, I'm never misgendered (nowadays), in private with colleagues a few males are still confused (they knew me as a 'male' for many years and stumble sometimes).

<As an addendum I mentioned today that I could not attend a management meeting next Feb, when asked why I said I was being replumbed and rewired, the guys cringed, the woman came over and hugged me.

Maybe misgendering is a fear factor response for guys?>

Quote from: immortal gypsy on December 05, 2014, 03:12:31 AM
Most of the time? Uh trust me Grace I have had the pleasure of meeting you in real life (only briefly I'll admit). I can't see how you don't pass for cis all 6'3" of you.

That's very kind of you, hon, thank you :)

I pass extremely well. I have not been mis-gendered in public since March so I must be doing something right especially with all 6' 7" of me. The only time I ever get mis-gendered is from those that knew me from before and they always correct themselves, but it's rare that it happens anymore. Voice wise, my pitch averages in the 175-195 Hz range which isn't bad, but my resonance is excellent. Unfortunately a lot of that resonance gets lost on the phone due to technology issues (cell phones sound so much worse than the older landline phones).

I always get gendered correctly, and I've never had a problem in a women's restroom, but I just think people give me the benefit of the doubt and an (A) for effort, since I have more female characteristics than male.

I certainly don't FAIL.  Well, unless you count "as male", in which case I've consistently failed my entire life.  :P

Maybe now you need to change your name from Jill F to Jill A+... ;D

When I present as female, I'm usually gendered female. I've never been clocked or addressed as male when I was presenting as female (not to my face, at least). I know there's a lot of people who are hung up on this notion that "people might just be being nice". The thing is, I don't care. I'm satisfied with the way I'm treated when I present as female--that's more important to me than "passing".

Quote from: Cindy on December 05, 2014, 04:03:04 AM

Maybe misgendering is a fear factor response for guys?

Hmm.

Maybe misgendering is a mental reassurance that they are talking to a gender they establish in their brain, even though their brain is conflicted as to what you really are. I'm sure there's research somewhere out there that confirms or debunks this, LOL.