Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi there! Im brand new to the website, and I am just starting to transition so I believe this would be a great place to be a part of.  :D

I begin therapy next week, and when living at home my father threw away most of my stuff. (Even despite me attempting to convince him I was making the items to sell on my online shop) So today I am going to go and shop for some items. When I bought them before I did it online and had it delivered. I am lacking social skills and my insecurities are high so I am forcing myself today to go buy a wig and feminine items to begin transitioning. It's kind of a "push" thing to make myself realize that I am making this much more of a demon in my mind then it really is.  After all drag queens do it all the time, right?

Anywho I am leaving in an hour or two to go shop a bit. I was wondering if you guys can give me motivational tips or maybe even quotes to help along that I can kind of keep in mind for shopping for a wig and such or even for another shopping trip. I can't get everything today anyway haha. I am a person who usually always has a back up plan before something goes wrong, and assume the worst just so I can be prepared. So far i've even told myself the worse case scenario is some bigot like shoots me or something, but whats life if you can't live it happily as your true self you know?

Looking forward to hearing from you guys and thank you so much!

(EDIT) I dont know if it helps/hurts with the advice, but I live in Alabama.

O I remember the first time I went shopping for clothes, I was so psyced to do it, but when I was in the women's department the nerves really hit, my face felt red hot n some people where looking oddly at me, but I knew I really wanted this, this n this, so I pushed through it n I was so happy when I got back home, I put my new clothes on right away, then I was super happy. 

Just go and do it. Really.

The stores want your money.

Who you buy for is none of anyone's business.

Cashiers by and large do not care. I don't even get stared at.

Many assume you're buying for wife or girlfriend.

Don't be afraid.

I've shopped in lower Alabama (NW Florida) and Texas. No big deal.

Store patrons may look but I've found 99% do not.

As far as wigs go, don't a lot of the stores cater to trans or cross dressers anyway?

Quote from: Clhoe G on December 07, 2014, 12:02:18 PM
O I remember the first time I went shopping for clothes, I was so psyced to do it, but when I was in the women's department the nerves really hit, my face felt red hot n some people where looking oddly at me, but I knew I really wanted this, this n this, so I pushed through it n I was so happy when I got back home, I put my new clothes on right away, then I was super happy.

That is what im looking forward to. I was planning to tell them I am buying a gift for Christmas but im sure they'd think I was lieing haha.

Quote from: TiffanyP on December 07, 2014, 12:23:49 PM
That is what im looking forward to. I was planning to tell them I am buying a gift for Christmas but im sure they'd think I was lieing haha.

Don't volunteer information. It's nobody's business.

The first time i went shopping for women's clothing other than underwear, was at a Wal-Mart, where I purchased some underwear, leggings, a female sweater, some women's jeans and a scarf. It was kind of frightening because of other people, thrilling, and felt right when I overcame those  feelings and I purchased and wore the right clothes. It was not a well-reasoned  and well-planned decision to do it, I just felt impelled to do it and could not continue just dreaming about wearing the right clothing. I wouldn't start with Wal-Mart because the clientele that can be very judgmental and lack the manners to not say what they are thinking about other people aloud. As far as Wal-Mart employees go, they are poorly paid, nowhere to be found because the stores are severely understaffed, semi-conscious, often lacking any intelligence, and those with intelligence hate their job and just want to make it through the day (I worked there once, so I have first hand-experience). My second time shopping, I was still kind of nervous, but I went to the mall, and was treated just fine by most stores and was treated really well at H&M after I told a woman who worked there I was transgender. I also wore some of the right clothing in public for the first time. I was a little nervous, but it felt really good to dress how I felt, even if I had some LGBT-phobic comments directed at me by others. I am finding out that I don't hate shopping anymore, even though it would be nice to have nice new clothes magically appear without having to spend lots of time and money.

When you shop for feminine items, be PROUD. Being transgender is nothing to be ashamed of. You can hold your head high and show them that the face of transgender is strong and confident. You were born with this - it doesn't diminish you in any way. Never any need to be embarrassed about buy or trying on items for women.

I just walk in, bold as brass, and buy what I want. What's the worst that can happen? A comment about my purchase?? Pffft. They can get fired for being rude  lol. Then again, I usually know what I'm getting before I get there, so I can head directly there and out again.  If I'm in any busy place too long I get anxiety attacks. 

Bobbi

I bought a few items online first. A bit hit and miss but mostly hit. Then I had the outfit I need to go shopping in girl ode. Meant I could browse as long as I wanted and go and try stuff on. But I agree 100% with Kate, they want your money, most of them don't care why you're buying it, just as long as you're buying it they're good.

This is something I did just recently for the first time.  I found a small shop, and I ended up talking with the owner beforehand, who was actually the designer.  The designer was more excited to have me come in.  It ended up being a very positive and self esteem boasting experience.

Quote from: rachel89 on December 07, 2014, 01:11:47 PM
The first time i went shopping for women's clothing other than underwear, was at a Wal-Mart, where I purchased some underwear, leggings, a female sweater, some women's jeans and a scarf. It was kind of frightening because of other people, thrilling, and felt right when I overcame those  feelings and I purchased and wore the right clothes. It was not a well-reasoned  and well-planned decision to do it, I just felt impelled to do it and could not continue just dreaming about wearing the right clothing. I wouldn't start with Wal-Mart because the clientele that can be very judgmental and lack the manners to not say what they are thinking about other people aloud. As far as Wal-Mart employees go, they are poorly paid, nowhere to be found because the stores are severely understaffed, semi-conscious, often lacking any intelligence, and those with intelligence hate their job and just want to make it through the day (I worked there once, so I have first hand-experience). My second time shopping, I was still kind of nervous, but I went to the mall, and was treated just fine by most stores and was treated really well at H&M after I told a woman who worked there I was transgender. I also wore some of the right clothing in public for the first time. I was a little nervous, but it felt really good to dress how I felt, even if I had some LGBT-phobic comments directed at me by others. I am finding out that I don't hate shopping anymore, even though it would be nice to have nice new clothes magically appear without having to spend lots of time and money.

It probably helps that I'm in NJ/NYC but I haven't had anyone really comment. Well except at Burlington where the cashier told me the coat I was buying would look good on me. It was in Chelsea which is pretty much the "gay" part of town and I've even seen some obviously non gender conforming people in the store. So who really knows. Only thing I hate is the long lines and sales tax over $75 (in NYC, no sales tax on clothing in NJ)

Walmart around here is no big deal. I just came from one and bought clothes and stuff and nobody really cared.

Most of the fear is in our heads and most people could not care less. Once you overcome that you're good.

I shop  at wal mart, target, Macy's, Burlington, kohl's and others. I'm more afraid of my wife saying something because she'll complain about how she doesn't get to go shopping (which is kind of her fault since she doesn't drive, and I've offered. So it's probably a lame excuse to complain about me transitioning.)

No one cares one iota. Just be yourself, tell them what you are looking for..try it on. If i get treated rudely i leave and tell the manager why. For the most part i meet fun women who love the challenge. Once when at a MAC counter a little beeotch wouldnt help me so told manager and i was given a 100 dollar gift certificate for letting him know. Saw him later at a club..nice guy.

If your'e feeling nervous about going shopping, watch this piece by George Carlin on shopping malls.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSDU8Laoi2U (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSDU8Laoi2U)

Quote from: Hanazono on December 07, 2014, 06:08:16 PM
after you got your wig
do consider trying thrift stores. plenty of nice stuff at super prices. they usually don't mind browsing either

Yeah this one's a great idea, you can find a lot of things there that ain't made anymore, not to mention most of the time their pretty daft about brands and price of mattereal,  you just need to look around n shop around a thrift shops to find the really good stuff, I use to do it all the time.

Quote from: ImagineKate on December 07, 2014, 12:21:47 PM
Cashiers by and large do not care. I don't even get stared at.

Many assume you're buying for wife or girlfriend.

Cashier: "Oooo, that's pretty. Is that for your wife?"
Me: "Sure, let's go with that."

I rather order online, never been a fan of shopping :P. If I do see something fun.. Well, depends on the day and how I feel about the place >_<.

Quote from: Clhoe G on December 07, 2014, 12:02:18 PM
O I remember the first time I went shopping for clothes, I was so psyced to do it, but when I was in the women's department the nerves really hit, my face felt red hot n some people where looking oddly at me, but I knew I really wanted this, this n this, so I pushed through it n I was so happy when I got back home, I put my new clothes on right away, then I was super happy.

It's strange if people look oddly at you.... you could be just shopping for your mother's or girlfriend's birthday or whatever.... now if you were in the intimate section like where bras and panties are, I can see this.  I usually go wee early in the morning when people are still ZzZz to go to walmart and grab these items or I just order it online.

Quote from: Alexis2107 on December 08, 2014, 08:28:38 AM
It's strange if people look oddly at you.... you could be just shopping for your mother's or girlfriend's birthday or whatever.... now if you were in the intimate section like where bras and panties are, I can see this.  I usually go wee early in the morning when people are still ZzZz to go to walmart and grab these items or I just order it online.

Not exactly :P. If, in their eyes, a feminine man is shopping in the girl deperartment then it is pretty obvious they are shopping for themselves :P.

You guys comments were very helpful and I am so thankful! :) I did not get any bras or panties as I was heavily too embarrassed to go do so.

Well yesterday went ok! I went to a beauty supply store, and the clerk was super nice! I was starred at by pretty much everyone, and two guys with their girlfriends were talking alot, laughing, and when I walked over to view the products near them they jerked and walked away real fast. The store must have a lot of shop lifters because there was a cop there that also followed me around the entire freaking time. When I would catch him I would smile and nod hello and he'd just keep starring at me. Then again, hes a cop so it's expected. Actually, I don't see any of that as bad as I sort of expected it in living and shopping in Alabama. I am more surprised with my self control and insecurity management. When growing up I always was very reactive and got very defensive when people would judge me. So I feel I grew a lot doing that and at the end of the day the new stuff was awesome and it felt so neat to finally be myself.

In fact if they didn't do that I would be left with the question of how to react when someone treats me like that. So i am glad that they did, and if they were here today I'd thank them for helping me grow. It was so weird too that I didn't feel defensive when they acted that way, oh well. :P

Once again thank you guys so much and I will definitely take those tips into mind next time. I am actually planning a 3 AM shopping trip to walmart as we speak. :P

I grew a lot from my experience to, n even more when I went out in public, in my new clothes,  but I do my shopping in guy more still.

Why is it? When men are shopping alone in the women's department they are looked at with suspicion and doubt. However, when women are shopping alone in the men's department nobody takes notice.

I don't know how long I've wanted to go to the cosmetics to buy a nice foundation in the right color.
I guess the first steps are the hardest.

I've only managed to buy some underwear once. I'm too scared otherwise.

I shop in the women's section all the time and honestly couldn't tell you if anyone gives me funny looks. I don't pay much attention to other people in the store. And I couldn't give two poops about what anyone else there thinks anyway.
I'm also in full dude mode. I wouldn't be considered to look even slightly feminine in a room full of NFL linebackers.

Quote from: transtastic on December 08, 2014, 04:57:38 PM
I don't know how long I've wanted to go to the cosmetics to buy a nice foundation in the right color.
I guess the first steps are the hardest.

When I finally asked for help the first time, the girl asked me why did I wait so long in my life before I asked for help. I said I was tired of being afraid.
Don't be afraid.
You don't know them and their opinion of you doesn't matter to you in your life. Nor does the opinion of anyone else in the store.

My second time shopping was first time I wasn't a completely nervous wreck. I was a little nervous, but I was also at a point where I couldn't not get what clothes I could feel a little a better in. I didn't plan very and so I was not able to find the best deals. There is no need to get a dress if you don't feel quite ready. The first outfit that I wore in public was simple a more feminine of what i usually wear (very tight fitting jeans instead of men's jeans (a girdle helped conceal my ugly bits) and a tight low cut blue top instead of a blue t-shirt or button up shirt. I also bought scarves. These can add a lot of color to your outfit and can hide an adam's apple. This was also when I purchased foundation and concealer. This is where I'm not so sure I got the best deal, but I needed help with color. I ended up getting MAC, which was probably way too expensive to start out with, but it seems to work. I somehow got the courage to ask for help at Macy's, the person was polite and sent me to the MAC counter where the sales person was also nice and helpful (they need to sell you things to make money for the corporation so they can keep their job). Neither acted like I was the first transgender person they had ever encountered. If your looking for a really good deal, the department store makeup counter is not the cheapest, but the foundation a lot of drag queens use (Dermablend) isn't that cheap either. The issue of money aside, it appears that Macy's is trans-friendly, as is MAC cosmetics. I didn't encounter LGBT phobia from stores, but got have gotten some of it from other people at mall who can't find anything better to do, mostly teenagers who do not seem all that brilliant or conservative middle-aged men who do not seem all that brilliant either. The stores will probably be nice, most people will mind their own business, some will look at you out of curiosity and get on with their day, and as George Carlin says "...lumbering through the mall, like a fleet of interstate buses..." ;D and many of them are the last people who should be staring or laughing. The LGBT-phobes are simply part of America's cultural and political cesspool, neither you nor anyone who is remotely civilized should even want their respect.

I strictly only buy online and mail order. Not because I am scared or anything, I just hate stores with a passion. Most clothes in stores are worn and tested by a 1000 woman, with hairs, sweat and dandruff on it. Then there are these woman that feel the need to jump into a pile of clothes and elbow themselves to the item you are looking at for a couple of minutes, and grab it out of your hands. Clothes have tears, lose threads and what not. Just a massive random pile of moths, lice and human excrement, Hell for those who suffer from bacteriophobia.

Besides, most stores do not have clothes in my confection anyway.  :icon_smile:

Quote from: LauraSpiral on December 08, 2014, 05:14:32 PM
I've only managed to buy some underwear once. I'm too scared otherwise.

Hmm.

I buy mine from the supermarket when I do my grocery shopping, where I'm more than likely to meet some of my local friends, neighbors and people from church... doesn't stop me. T

Just do it. Nobody's going to care. Worse comes to worse they'll think you're buying for a wife or girlfriend.

Quote from: PinkCloud on December 09, 2014, 09:33:34 AM
I strictly only buy online and mail order. Not because I am scared or anything, I just hate stores with a passion. Most clothes in stores are worn and tested by a 1000 woman, with hairs, sweat and dandruff on it. Then there are these woman that feel the need to jump into a pile of clothes and elbow themselves to the item you are looking at for a couple of minutes, and grab it out of your hands. Clothes have tears, lose threads and what not. Just a massive random pile of moths, lice and human excrement, Hell for those who suffer from bacteriophobia.

Besides, most stores do not have clothes in my confection anyway.  :icon_smile:

Always wash your clothes before you wear them. There is stuff from the factory you need to get rid of too. Even panties in a sealed pack gets at least one wash before I put it on.

Quote from: GeorgE on December 08, 2014, 08:05:52 AM...
On the Walmart observation; have you seen the people at Walmart?  Not only do some (many) who shop there smell really awful, they tend to dress terrible or said another way 'come as you are', pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.

Link to the People of Walmart: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com  Enjoy!

I've always kinda thought that if you dress up too much at Walmart (and don't look like you just came from church) it must go something like this...

Greeter: Welcome to Walmart! (softer) Ah, sir, we, ah, have a dress code.

Customer: I'm dressed quite well, just came from the office!

Greeter: Yes, sir, that's the problem. Just put your suit coat on this hanger... now pull out your shirt tail... Great! Now just put on this tractor hat and wear these complementary "Billy Bob" teeth,... and sir? Next time you're planning to visit us, try not to shave so close. You're good to go. Enjoy shopping at Walmart!

Sorry to derail the thread.

i have been a few times.  I just walk in and go to what i want and shop.   I figure it this way.  They want my money i want their product.  If someone wants to be rude to me i will simply talk to the management.   I personally love and hate shopping  Love the looking though the racks as i put outfits together in my head I hate it as i keep trying to total how much i have in my hand and i am surprised how fast it climbs up there in cost.  My wife never liked shopping so i usally went with her to help her out so i guess that is why i am comfortable doing it.   So all you that are scared of doing it.  Just have some faith and take that first steps it does get easier with time and once you get home and try your new things on you will be reminded of why you did it. 


Vicky
MtF

Quote from: transtastic on December 08, 2014, 04:57:38 PM
I don't know how long I've wanted to go to the cosmetics to buy a nice foundation in the right color.
I guess the first steps are the hardest.

I actually found that the easiest. Here I always just claim its for acne, and now that I dont have acne I claim it's to hide my insecurities. I volunteer that info to assure myself and make myself feel like they now aren't thinking otherwise. I've seen a lot of guys do it. I've always been afraid because I live in AL but a lot of guys seem to do it even here! Keep that in mind if you ever want to go again :).

Quote from: Shannon14 on December 08, 2014, 06:33:21 PM
I shop in the women's section all the time and honestly couldn't tell you if anyone gives me funny looks. I don't pay much attention to other people in the store. And I couldn't give two poops about what anyone else there thinks anyway.
I'm also in full dude mode. I wouldn't be considered to look even slightly feminine in a room full of NFL linebackers.

That's what I tried to do until I heard the snickering. You're very brave but I am one of those people who for some reason just cant look over to see if anyone's looking. Maybe they can help me with that in therapy.

Quote from: Vicky Mitchell on December 10, 2014, 10:15:40 AM
i have been a few times.  I just walk in and go to what i want and shop.   I figure it this way.  They want my money i want their product.  If someone wants to be rude to me i will simply talk to the management.   I personally love and hate shopping  Love the looking though the racks as i put outfits together in my head I hate it as i keep trying to total how much i have in my hand and i am surprised how fast it climbs up there in cost.  My wife never liked shopping so i usally went with her to help her out so i guess that is why i am comfortable doing it.   So all you that are scared of doing it.  Just have some faith and take that first steps it does get easier with time and once you get home and try your new things on you will be reminded of why you did it. 


Vicky
MtF

That's very true! I've always considered that but I thought "What if the management is also bigoted?" then I remembered that it's not too hard to contact the people above them either. A San Fran or NYC executive will probably not be so happy to hear that bigotry is going on in their stores for personal or even corporate reasons. You may even get a few free goodies out of it ;D.

I've decided that next month (provided I have $) I'm getting my brows and nails done in a salon. My wife has been wanting us to do that for some time now but we haven't had either the time or the $ to do it.  And of course, my own insecurity has gotten in the way.  She's even told me to just do it. There's nothing to worry about. LOL

Bobbi

I've never had any fear when shopping for womens clothes and intimates. Where I was a lil afraid was shopping for men's clothes. I always felt nervous and out of place shopping in the mens isles unless I was shopping for a Christmas or birthday present.

Ally ;)

I still haven't managed to buy any more. I'm trying to get the friends who know to help... But they never follow up on their "promises"

Did anyone watch the George Carlin segment on shopping malls and did anyone feel a little better after watching it?

  I'll give you a slightly different take on this.  I work in retail but I am not out there yet despite having feminized quite a bit.  There have been a number of MTF trans customers I've dealt with (one is a regular customer and three have been shopping with their cis-male partners).  It's not an environment where being trans has any relevance to the type of products offered.  It makes me feel great to be know inside I'm helping a trans customer in the way I want to be treated - it's just normal life and products everyone needs.  But I do feel really happy inside knowing I've met 'one of my kind' and I go out of my way to be super-extra-nice to them and more open with my voice and mannerisms than I would typically be with anyone else.  Nothing is ever spoken about being trans, but if they have their 'trans-radar' running like I do then I figure they're at least suspicious I am trans too and suspicious I know they are.  Every one of them has quite obviously appreciated how comfortable a customer experience I've tried to give them.  One in particular shopped again and spent a heck of a lot more money the second time than they might have otherwise because they were so happy with their experience.

  I'm just saying to be prepared to be pleasantly surprised in your shopping experiences.  Whether trans or not your customer service person is generally looking to have a good experience too.  They may even be more appreciative of you for knowing you're trans if you are pleasant with them and trusting.  I get treated like dirt so often in my job I'm going to give all respect to the people that do the same for me.

Quote from: KarinMcD on December 08, 2014, 05:44:34 AM
Cashier: "Oooo, that's pretty. Is that for your wife?"
Me: "Sure, let's go with that."

I don't think I've been asked that except at Victoria's Secret or similar because I used to go there to buy stuff for her and specifically said I wanted something sexy for her.

In fact one time at another store I was asked if I tried on an item I was buying. I said yes it fit pretty well. I was presenting obviously male. The cashier took my money and I got my goods. No stares no laugh just innocent small talk.

But these are the exceptions rather than the rule. Most times they say nothing, have a blank look on their faces or we talk about stuff. One time a cashier at Walmart was complaining about how she was soooooo busy that day because everyone is spending their food stamps and she hates those days because it's non stop. Another talked about her kid and I talked about my kids.

The bottom line is that one should be confident. Confidence is power. About the only time I am afraid of shopping for feminine items is when I'm with my wife because she asks why I buy so much stuff... Erm, you have a full wardrobe, I do not.

You're right, it does take a certain amount of courage, because even though you're scared, you do it anyway.  You deserve to have the things you need and want!

If you are completely Secret about being trans - as in, NO ONE knows but you - then this advice won't be that helpful, but if you have at least one or two trustworthy people that you have shared with then here you go:

I have chosen to ask for "dressing help" from my two friends that I have opened up to. Between them, they have given me plenty of good suggestions on what type of clothing to get that's either andro or more masculine (I am FTM). They have also volunteered to take me out shopping and one offered to take me to her hair stylist, while the other gave a great suggestion for the style. We are planning a shopping trip in the new year to get me some new wardrobe options for both casual and work wear that is masculing and/or andro.

Having someone who accepts you for you go with you can take away a whole pile of the anxiety. I know I'm already feeling better and we won't be shopping until February probably. The added bonus is if you are a mixed group there will be far fewer looks (unless your friends are as vibrant as mine, then THEY will get the looks! ;) ).

For me, mustering the courage to wear women's things at all in the first place was the biggest battle, then wearing them outside the house.  Once I was there, shopping for them was no big deal.   Then again, I had been buying feminine items for my wife (in guy mode) since 1992.

It's no big deal.   Who wouldn't happily take your money anyway?