Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Just Ole Me on December 12, 2014, 09:33:20 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Wife prudish.
Post by: Just Ole Me on December 12, 2014, 09:33:20 PM
Post by: Just Ole Me on December 12, 2014, 09:33:20 PM
Wife and I have been together 20 years and I've been on HRT for 18 mos. I'm still stealth to all but wife, my therapist and endo.
She has never been comfortable talking about sex. It's been less of an issue in our marriage since HRT tanked my libido (which has been great). But I want to work on us having a sex life of some sort of sex life again but she won't talk about sex. Not sure what to do. It's frustrating and I can't understand why someone would be so uncomfortable talking about sex. It's natural.
Any advice?
Hugs
Kay
She has never been comfortable talking about sex. It's been less of an issue in our marriage since HRT tanked my libido (which has been great). But I want to work on us having a sex life of some sort of sex life again but she won't talk about sex. Not sure what to do. It's frustrating and I can't understand why someone would be so uncomfortable talking about sex. It's natural.
Any advice?
Hugs
Kay
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: mrs izzy on December 12, 2014, 09:57:48 PM
Post by: mrs izzy on December 12, 2014, 09:57:48 PM
Maybe its more alternative sex acts she is more uncomfortable with?
That's harder sometimes the letting it just happen.
Lots of luck.
That's harder sometimes the letting it just happen.
Lots of luck.
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: Sincerely Tegan on December 12, 2014, 10:11:11 PM
Post by: Sincerely Tegan on December 12, 2014, 10:11:11 PM
Quote from: Just Ole Me on December 12, 2014, 09:33:20 PM
Wife and I have been together 20 years and I've been on HRT for 18 mos. I'm still stealth to all but wife, my therapist and endo.
She has never been comfortable talking about sex. It's been less of an issue in our marriage since HRT tanked my libido (which has been great). But I want to work on us having a sex life of some sort of sex life again but she won't talk about sex. Not sure what to do. It's frustrating and I can't understand why someone would be so uncomfortable talking about sex. It's natural.
Any advice?
Hugs
Kay
My advice would be to talk with a couples or sex therapist. Hopefully together you can move past these inhibitions and strengthen your relationship.
Good luck,
Tegan
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: JustASeq on December 12, 2014, 11:18:35 PM
Post by: JustASeq on December 12, 2014, 11:18:35 PM
As you know women are not telepathic. A good relationship is based mainly on communication. If I were you, I would open up a dialog with her. Maybe express how you feel about the matter without asking from any input from her. I'd like to think that if you all have been together for 20 years, you have a pretty strong bond. I think as much as we have to adjust during transition, so do our loved ones. What's important is that they are.
She seems to still be around after 18 months, and it's already been 20 years so it definitely looks like she cares to me. I'm fairly certain things will work out for you all once you start communicating about it.
She seems to still be around after 18 months, and it's already been 20 years so it definitely looks like she cares to me. I'm fairly certain things will work out for you all once you start communicating about it.
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: Rachel on December 13, 2014, 01:21:33 PM
Post by: Rachel on December 13, 2014, 01:21:33 PM
My wife had a difficult time with sex at first. We would start and my breast (small) would rub against her and she would stop and leave saying I can not do this. There have been times after sex when she cried. This was the 1st 6 months. I too am on HRT 18 months. Our sex life is infrequent. I use Cialis heavy dose so I need to plan ahead of time. I ask her how she is feeling and if I should take a pill for tonight. Two times she said yes but later changed her mind, that is not good.
Infrequent but when we have sex it is beautiful and a very caring and sharing time.
I worry because as time passes I am having an increased difficulty getting an erection and it is not hard. In time I think it will just get to the point where I need to use something on her and not have sex.
I ideally I would have grs and use something to pleasure each of us at the same time.
Perhaps in time we will not have sex.
Infrequent but when we have sex it is beautiful and a very caring and sharing time.
I worry because as time passes I am having an increased difficulty getting an erection and it is not hard. In time I think it will just get to the point where I need to use something on her and not have sex.
I ideally I would have grs and use something to pleasure each of us at the same time.
Perhaps in time we will not have sex.
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: Mikaela on December 15, 2014, 03:02:12 AM
Post by: Mikaela on December 15, 2014, 03:02:12 AM
Sorry OP, women our age think a little differently. Sex talk can be taboo. It has to do with the times. Natural has very little to do with it. Patience might get you there, but maybe she has difficulty being with a girl. I can't say, but as previously mentioned couple's therapy might help.
Cynthia, I am so sorry sweetie, we went down the rabbit hole. This is the path less traveled. Trust me when I say, and this is for everyone of every gender or sexual orientation, two people connecting sexually on the same wavelength is rare. It could be as simple as she does not feel attractive. Youthful hormones make it seem so easy, it's not. On a positive note, I was able to satisfy my ex for years after I was unwilling to use the penis, if the love is there you will find a way.
Cynthia, I am so sorry sweetie, we went down the rabbit hole. This is the path less traveled. Trust me when I say, and this is for everyone of every gender or sexual orientation, two people connecting sexually on the same wavelength is rare. It could be as simple as she does not feel attractive. Youthful hormones make it seem so easy, it's not. On a positive note, I was able to satisfy my ex for years after I was unwilling to use the penis, if the love is there you will find a way.
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: Lostkitten on December 15, 2014, 08:44:31 AM
Post by: Lostkitten on December 15, 2014, 08:44:31 AM
Is it a weird thought to think that if you are already on HRT before you tell your partner.. you will just make it more difficult for yourself? I don't get it. It is dishonest and you can't really expect someone to stand behind your decisions if you have already made them without trusting the other enough to tell them straight away =/.
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: Dahlia on December 15, 2014, 12:25:43 PM
Post by: Dahlia on December 15, 2014, 12:25:43 PM
Sure sex is natural. Or that used to be for you and your wife. But how about taking HER feelings, emotions, her mental state about YOUR MTF transition into consideration?
And how about HER sexual orientation?
It must be very, very confusing for her, her former straight husband becoming a lesbian.
Your post is about you, you, you, not about her let alone 'us'.
And how about HER sexual orientation?
It must be very, very confusing for her, her former straight husband becoming a lesbian.
Your post is about you, you, you, not about her let alone 'us'.
Title: Re: Wife prudish.
Post by: Dahlia on December 15, 2014, 12:40:54 PM
Post by: Dahlia on December 15, 2014, 12:40:54 PM
Quote from: Hanazono on December 15, 2014, 03:55:03 AM
you could go down on her. it's independent of orientation
*GASP*!!!