Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This weekend I need to come out to my grandparents and aunt/uncle/cousins. My grandparents are extremely politically conservative from my knowledge (they're heavily right leaning but mostly on the financial topics.) we don't discuss things like that in their house other than financial views. They are not religious people.

Advice for mentally preparing myself for all possibilities? I do not have a single idea how they will react, it could be "we love you no matter what" and it could be "get out of the house you ruined christmas we won't pay for college anymore" it literally could be anything and I wouldn't be surprised. I'm getting extremely stressed about this because I can't prepare myself, I don't know how I can deal with a bad reaction.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.

My first thought is to bring backup. If you have another family member you are already out to who is going to be present during the holidays, then ask them to support you while you come out to the relatives.

Second thought, do this the way you think will work better. You can tell them all at once, or you can tell them individually. Positive of telling them individually is you don't have to deal with the reactions of everyone all at once. Positive of telling everyone at once is you get it done in one go (like ripping a bandaid).

Third thought, relax, breathe, you know who you are. Stay rooted in that and you should come out of the whole thing relatively unscathed.

Best of luck!

One thought came to mind. People have been utterly astonished on how happy I now am. In some cases it has been a straight comment that 'you are a different person, you are happy, sociable and loving' I reply 'Yes, because I'm now me'.

Maybe try this as an approach?

If your family was religious conservative, I'd say hold back.  But if they're not very religious, then I wouldn't worry too much.  I'd take a favourite aunt or uncle aside, one that you know you can trust, and tell her/him, then gauge the reaction, and maybe even ask, "How do you think Grandperson will handle it if I tell her/him?"  Then you can go from there.

Thank you everyone
Lorenz- I've got my immediate family there too and they all know. My mom made sure to tell me she supports whatever I decide to say and when. She also offered to help my family members accept it, if it's needed. So I'm thankfully not alone.
Cindy- hopefully my mom will bring that up if they don't notice. My mom has commented several times to me that I seem much more confident and happy since starting T, so hopefully they see it too. I know that's part of why my mom is finally accepting.
Amadeus- thanks, that's a good idea. Sadly my mom would be the best person to ask, as it's her mom I'm worried about. Her stepdad seems to go with the flow and her step sister doesn't know her mom as well as she does. But my mom said she has no idea either. But she did say that all she knows is my grandma loves me, so hopefully that love is enough. And yeah, if they were religious conservative, I'd stay away from coming out. I've not heard many stories from non-religious conservatives though so I hope that's a good thing.

My parents aren't technically religious but they are pretty conservative. Not once have they tried to pull the God card on me. But it has taken a few years for them to come around. My dad still isn't really on board and my mom has her rough patches, but they wouldn't ever abandon me because I'm trans. I think the more I change from being on T, the easier pronouns and my new name will be for them. My brothers are doing great with it now. Especially my converted Mormon brother. He got all of his in-laws on board (but they're not super religious, even though they're mormon. My brother and sister in law are more into it than them.) Honestly it could go either way. But sometimes people surprise you. Good luck!

You're lucky to have family to back you up for that! Good luck!

My dad is similar, politically conservative but not religious. He still manages to find stupid reasons to be a bigot, all fed to him from religious conservatives on TV. He watches Fox News, especially Bill O'Reilly, religiously. Oh wait. I guess he does have a religion.

Only you know how intelligent your grandparents are. If they follow their beliefs because of their own intellect, and not because of what someone in the media fed them, then they can use their own reasoning to process the transition of a family member they love.

Did you do it!?  ;D

Quote from: ftmax on December 22, 2014, 04:47:21 PM
Did you do it!?  ;D

I was going to but when they spent the weekend watching Fox News and saying some really rude things about some people, I lost my nerve. When they started talking about how they "watch Fox News so they get more news than most" and how "fox has the most truthful and reliable information" I couldn't do it. I just got too scared. I'm going to write them a letter instead, I can't do it in person. My anxiety has been flaring up more so I'm not going to push myself so far as to force an in-person coming out.

Aww, hey, at least it was a telling experience and you had the chance to hear those things before trying to come out to them.

That sucks. Good luck with your letter!

Quote from: CursedFireDean on December 22, 2014, 11:36:53 PM
I was going to but when they spent the weekend watching Fox News and saying some really rude things about some people, I lost my nerve. When they started talking about how they "watch Fox News so they get more news than most" and how "fox has the most truthful and reliable information" I couldn't do it. I just got too scared. I'm going to write them a letter instead, I can't do it in person. My anxiety has been flaring up more so I'm not going to push myself so far as to force an in-person coming out.

Sweet Jibbers Crabst!  Yeah, I'd be anxious too if I found out my family thought Faux News was a reliable source of information.  Good luck with the note, mate.  Shout if you need anything.

Thanks for all the replies guys, when I finish my letter, I'm sure I'll post it on the forum for advice before I send it.

I used to manage a psychiatric rehab. You'd be amazed at the number of residents who swore by Fox News... or maybe you wouldn't.

FWIW my dad watches Fox News constantly and is supportive, and he is also religious, so you never know.  And google "Fox News lies" for some recent research into how truthful news is.

Fox News mostly scares me because I know they've said some gross things about trans people