Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am pretty femme/metro as far as guys go. And for a long time I thought I was a girl. But although I loved putting together femme outfits, I always felt like I was dressing someone else; styling someone else's hair. I didn't really recognize myself in the mirror. Nowadays I am binding more and more. I realize that many of my hangups during sex were about how we interacted rather than who I was with. But I feel like I should have known! I should have had more indications than a really hardcore tomboy phase when I was a kid. Granted I had really conformist friends who shamed me for doing anything weird, and I spent years trying to fit in with them or fearing their scrutiny. Anyways, slowly I'm getting more comfortable being seen as masculine, and I can't really help it, I'm just drawn to presenting masculine, I feel a serious need to flatten my chest, and I like my male name (which I haven't told many people about) better than my birth name. So like, ->-bleeped-<-'s getting real. I just... I mean... come on, shouldn't I have known?? And did anyone else just not know??

*raises hand*

I feel like a complete idiot, frankly.  I have no excuse.  I'm a queer person from a liberal, mostly secular family, I've known that transguys existed since I was in my early teens-- and didn't recognize my gender dysphoria until I was 34.  There are Reasons, but none that seem sufficient to explain the difference between my experience and the textbook "trans narrative." Looking back, there have been several times in my life when I was on the cusp of the realization, but I always shied away from it.  Now, there are countless ways I look back and identify my gender dysphoria, constant annoyances in my life that I recognize as stemming from my gender incongruity.  But that's not how I explained it at the time.

Do you have any ideas why you didn't discover this until relatively late?  Do you think it was mostly because you were trying to fit in with conformist friends?  For me the "felt like I was dressing someone else," idea was a big part of it-- I'd gotten so used to evaluating myself in the third person that I didn't even recognize that I didn't feel like myself.  Not only the way I presented, but even the way I evaluated my gender presentation, was a defense mechanism instead of an expression of my inner truth. 

I thought I was a boy (as in DMAB) when I was a little kid, but after puberty I assumed I had just been delusional. It never occurred to me that I could have been right, it was inconceivable. I didn't act like a boy much either before or after I realized my body was female. My gender expression was (and still is) really mixed up. For example... I wore skirts. Frilly colorful ones. While climbing trees and getting into play-fights and playing boy roles in pretend games. I can't really look back and point to things that make it obvious even now. I knew something was seriously wrong, especially once I started being actively suicidal over it, but not what or why.

I can't imagine anything short of someone I trusted sitting me down and patiently explaining all the possibilities could have helped me understand myself any sooner, if even that. And *that* was as likely to happen as an angel coming down from heaven and gifting me with a real penis is likely to happen now.

If I had come out as trans to my parents, they would have done far worse than just disown me and kick me out. So I can't say I'm exactly sorry for it taking so long, I'm not sure I would have survived any other way.

Thanks Bran, I'm so glad for your response. I relate to so much of what you were saying: getting used to this third-person existence instead of expressing myself. I'd wanted to play with gender expression, but I didn't think it was appropriate if I was into men, so I didn't; and then I got my first trigger crush on a girl and something snapped and I cut my hair and I bought androgynous clothes and it seemed to come all at once.

I had been really used to blaming myself for stuff (though I'm working had to reverse this): I thought I was sooo fat, when really it was my curves that bothered me; and then I worried that I wasn't accepting my body enough, so I blamed it on being a bad feminist; etc. I knew something needed to change but I didn't know what.

I'm perceived as really gay by friends/others, but I'm not a gay woman, though it's easier to think that than it is to openly question gender. So I'm stuck in a weird place, identity-wise and in how I want to be perceived. I feel like the weirdo/"freak" that was always inside me is coming out after trying to hide him.

Hopes this clarifies.

Pixie thanks for sharing. I'm amazed at the people who have someone caring ask them outright "Have you ever considered...". I wish I'd had that to make things easier; evidently I'm very good at pretending.

Quote from: DangerTom on December 20, 2014, 12:48:40 AM
Pixie thanks for sharing. I'm amazed at the people who have someone caring ask them outright "Have you ever considered...". I wish I'd had that to make things easier; evidently I'm very good at pretending.

Does that ever actually happen??? I find it hard to believe, honestly. But I grew up in a very conservative and religious family, so the only likely conversation would have involved "reparative therapy" or a no-contact nunnery at best. I love stories about accepting and loving families, but it reads like fairy tales to me.

I didn't develop a strong distaste for being female until I hit puberty (and my body became more female in all the wrong ways). However I've never wanted to become male so I didn't think I could be trans* because I'd never heard of anything outside the gender binary (decades ago). I just thought I was weird (in a good way) for not associating with the foibles of either sex. Looking back there are lots of indications of gender dysphoria sprinkled throughout my life: I changed my name to something gender-neutral 3 decades ago, my extreme discomfort with a dress uniform for work, my lack of any maternal/paternal feeling, my tendency to pick up male speech and mannerisms even while I prefer long hair, my feeling of surprise whenever I look at my female body in the mirror which doesn't match kinesthetic feeling I have of moving in a semi-male body.

It was only about 2 months ago that I first heard of someone transitioning to a more neutral agender state. That clicked immediately and now I'm looking into getting the horrid chest lumps removed.

Quote from: Pixie on December 20, 2014, 12:55:10 AM
Does that ever actually happen??? I find it hard to believe, honestly. But I grew up in a very conservative and religious family, so the only likely conversation would have involved "reparative therapy" or a no-contact nunnery at best. I love stories about accepting and loving families, but it reads like fairy tales to me.

I've seen some videos/read some blog posts where someone is told by a significant other that they might be gay or trans for the first time, and then they consider it. I know, my family would never do that either, but it happens to mythical other people with mythically supportive families.

I think I have most of you beat. I realized when I was 54. I grew up in conservative, working class Michigan. Only gay person I knew was my cousin. Never knew or even knew of any cross dressers let alone trans people. Then I moved to a major metropolitan city, like Superman,... uh, no. Went to college, got married, raised a child. Envied women's clothing. Did all kinds of gender-bending things. Still... no... clue. Felt like a sham, so I never stood up for myself, but didn't know why I felt that way. Thought, as many people do that trans people were like Ru Paul or that one princess in Shrek 2. Finally figured it out when I researched it because of a mentally Ill trans client when I worked in mental health. My wife thinks it came out of the blue, she's as clueless, but willfully clueless, as I was. She thinks I just decided one day that it would be cool to "become" a woman. She doesn't understand that I always was. Neither did I.

Quote from: DangerTom on December 20, 2014, 01:10:49 AM
I've seen some videos/read some blog posts where someone is told by a significant other that they might be gay or trans for the first time, and then they consider it. I know, my family would never do that either, but it happens to mythical other people with mythically supportive families.

I have a really supportive family and friens but I can't imagine any of them suggesting that. I don't think I would even do that because it would feel like crossing a line.
On topic, I am still young but I didn't always know and even during puberty I didn't know even though I knew about gender identity and I knew I liked/disliked certain things. I definitely had the dressing someone else up feeling, I wore alternative clothing and dressed up like a fairy or a pixie. That felt a little better then dressing like a girl strangely.

Quote from: DangerTom on December 19, 2014, 10:52:44 PM
And did anyone else just not know??

Had no idea for 50 years.

Quote from: DangerTom on December 20, 2014, 12:45:10 AM
Thanks Bran, I'm so glad for your response. I relate to so much of what you were saying: getting used to this third-person existence instead of expressing myself. I'd wanted to play with gender expression, but I didn't think it was appropriate if I was into men, so I didn't; and then I got my first trigger crush on a girl and something snapped and I cut my hair and I bought androgynous clothes and it seemed to come all at once.

I had been really used to blaming myself for stuff (though I'm working had to reverse this): I thought I was sooo fat, when really it was my curves that bothered me; and then I worried that I wasn't accepting my body enough, so I blamed it on being a bad feminist; etc. I knew something needed to change but I didn't know what.

I'm perceived as really gay by friends/others, but I'm not a gay woman, though it's easier to think that than it is to openly question gender. So I'm stuck in a weird place, identity-wise and in how I want to be perceived. I feel like the weirdo/"freak" that was always inside me is coming out after trying to hide him.

Hopes this clarifies.

*laughs* The body stuff!  I relate so much.  Not liking my breasts and thinking it was because of their shape, their size, the attention they got-- then realizing it was because they were *breasts*.  Trying to go in for the body positivity stuff and realizing that I actually felt better when I was fatter, because I looked more androgynous.  I remember being about 12 when I had the disappointed realization that I would never pass as a man, and having that be a kind of constant drumbeat in the back of my head: "You'll never pass as a man, so you better learn how to be an acceptable woman."  Didn't even occur to me that most women don't think like that. The irony of going hyper-femme and havign everybody around me think I had this awesome personal style when, really, it was all a choreographed performance.  Realizing that, though I was bi, relationships with straight men were impossible because they were treating me like a woman-- thinking "I'd really like him better if I was a man."  And I thought it was a feminism thing!

Some of my work is with kids, and every so often I'll hear one of them say "I really wish I was a boy" or "I wish I was a girl."  I always make sure to reflect back at them some version of: "Do you, really? Because that would be OK."  It seems to be garden variety gender role irritation for all of them who've mentioned it.  But I also know a couple of young people I'm pretty sure are some variety of trans, and I haven't found a way to ask them about it.  If it's not on their radar, it would really freak them out. 

The more I look back the more I see those times I "almost figured it out" ...age 8, age 17.. finally at age 32 it all makes sense and I've discovered the term Trans Guy and embraced it for myself. I'm happier in myself for it (though more susceptable to triggers now that I see my dysphoria for what it is etc) and firmly on the journey. It's all too easy to beat yourself up for missing those clues as a kid, but peer pressure, family expectations and in my case just what I learned as factual science from a very early age all make it hard to see past your AAB gender.

Missed the cues that were there for roughly 38 years. Although now that I have finally managed to connect the dots I remember a horrible sleepless night I had when I was about 24 or 25, torturing myself with the thought "omg, what if I'm trans*"?

To Start off with I am MTF.

The only recollection of my one great grandfather was him calling me she and my response was "I'm a boy". When I was young I liked playing with toy soldiers and guns. When I was in secondary school I liked rough and tumble sports (playing not watching).

When I was 7 or 8 a friend of mine mentioned that a transgendered person moved in to the small village that I grew up near. My thoughts at the time were "why would someone want to do that". Unfortunately I didn't have someone to sit me down and explain things to me nor the resources to research the topic. This stuck with me most of my life until maybe 10 years ago when a friend came out as transgendered. I reacted poorly when I found out, I didn't want to hang around he anymore. I believe that it was looking into a mirror that I didn't want to see. Because of the reaction that I had I tried very hard to overcome my feelings and learned more about the trans community. I still hadn't accepted that I was trans at that time.

When I was nearing puberty playing with a (different) friend, I would most often play the damsel in distress role. After hitting puberty I would like to wear women's underwear and clothing, I hated myself for doing so but it felt so good. I thought for the longest time that this was just a sexual perversion up until close to 2 years ago. 2 years ago before realizing that I was trans, I wanted so so much to find a source of female hormones so I could grow at least small breasts. I also wanted to crazy glue a prosthetic vagina to myself and allow it to fuze with my skin. All of this will thinking to myself "I am not trans" and discovering that I was likely trans stopped me from doing something stupid. When I was playing online games and talking with people I found that I related better to women then I did men.

In the end I think it was more refusing to accept that I am trans then not truly knowing for me.

Quote from: Bran on December 21, 2014, 11:54:08 AM
*laughs* The body stuff!  I relate so much.  Not liking my breasts and thinking it was because of their shape, their size, the attention they got-- then realizing it was because they were *breasts*.  Trying to go in for the body positivity stuff and realizing that I actually felt better when I was fatter, because I looked more androgynous.  I remember being about 12 when I had the disappointed realization that I would never pass as a man, and having that be a kind of constant drumbeat in the back of my head: "You'll never pass as a man, so you better learn how to be an acceptable woman."  Didn't even occur to me that most women don't think like that. The irony of going hyper-femme and havign everybody around me think I had this awesome personal style when, really, it was all a choreographed performance.  Realizing that, though I was bi, relationships with straight men were impossible because they were treating me like a woman-- thinking "I'd really like him better if I was a man."  And I thought it was a feminism thing!

Some of my work is with kids, and every so often I'll hear one of them say "I really wish I was a boy" or "I wish I was a girl."  I always make sure to reflect back at them some version of: "Do you, really? Because that would be OK."  It seems to be garden variety gender role irritation for all of them who've mentioned it.  But I also know a couple of young people I'm pretty sure are some variety of trans, and I haven't found a way to ask them about it.  If it's not on their radar, it would really freak them out.

aaahhh duuudee... all the yes... :-P

I was also complemented a lot on my personal style, which evolved out of feeling like, bored I guess? with how I looked. I was forever trying on crazy things because I just didn't like how I looked, generally, and didn't know how to fix it. I'd look around and think, "that girl does her hair this way, it looks cool, maybe i'll try it on me!" and then it'd look all wrong on me. Meanwhile wishing I could pull off men's jeans. And there was a while I wanted to lose weight but couldn't bring myself to try, like I wanted to want to lose weight more than actually wanting to. So I finally forced myself to and I still hated my body! It was so frustrating to work on being healthy and body acceptance but not be able to fix what was wrong. I dunno, but binding helps.

As for how to talk to kids about it, there are probably some resources online. The best thing you can do for any kids is tell them they're okay the way they are. I mean high school will undo all of that, but it's worth a shot...

Quote from: NathanielM on December 20, 2014, 04:46:04 PM
I wore alternative clothing and dressed up like a fairy or a pixie. That felt a little better then dressing like a girl strangely.

I did that too, but I can't claim it as an indicator because I kind of sort of still do. At least, when I'm not too depressed for it. My next sewing project will involve making a rainbow-colored skirt out of tulle and ribbon, and probably either bright green or rainbow colored wings. And yea, I know, I'm totally not helping myself pass as a guy doing this. But ... I will look so much more awesome as a rainbow pixie now that I no longer have breasts.

Dressing in costume as a teen was a thing though, it helped me avoid having to dress like a girl. And  it meant I could also dress up as a boy and no one would hurt me for it because I was always dressing up in crazy things so it didn't mean anything. Not that I always did pixie costumes, I pretty much did anything that caught my fancy, but pixies are totally gender-neutral. No one realizes there are boy pixies because they look just like girl pixies. So I could slip into a pixie costume and be myself safely, it was one of the very rare moments I felt okay. It helped me keep my secret a lot longer than I otherwise could have.

If I had known at a younger age and if anyone had asked me if I was trans, or really a boy, I would have hit them for it and refused to talk to them ever again. It just wasn't safe. Even as a young kid I knew better than to endanger myself by telling anyone. Adults weren't to be trusted, they ALL talked to each other so telling one risked them all finding out.

I was aware of how I wanted to live, but was unaware of actually having a real possibility at transition until just a few years ago. Not sure if that counts or not. So...


Yes and no?

I didn't know what a transsexual was for the longest time, and when I did become aware of the phenomena, I never seriously considered the possiblilty that I might be one.  I did, however, seriously consider a lot of other possibilities.

So, yeah....I did "not know" for a long time.  I recollect it was in the early-to-mid-80's before the epiphany occurred in an all-day presentation/seminar at a conference I was attending.  The presentation was on gender dysphoria, and a professor from one of the institutes included a dog & pony show as a part of his presentation.  But "knowing" and doing are 2 different things....didn't commence transition for about another decade. 

I definitely did not know until recently, this past year or so. To be honest, I think a lot of my reason for not knowing is attached to the fact... I had other things that were blowing up in my face that I needed to focus on.

My mother was a raging alcoholic and my father is an immature man who acts like an 8 year old boy, spitballs and all. My mom would take out her feelings - anger, depression, violence - on me, and my dad did nothing to help me. I took on the role of the adult of the family in order to protect my brother. My mother died when I was 16 and my dad promptly got in a relationship with another incredibly abusive woman who stalked and threatened me over the cell phone (god knows how she got my number!) Thanks to this... I had other things in my mind. I also have severe anxiety disorders and depression, likely a cause of my childhood issues, but these left me stressed to the point of minor hallucination.

Thanks to this, I had to... get out of that situation to actually start understanding myself. I didn't figure out I was asexual, had anxiety/depression issues that NEEDED treatment to help my suicidal thoughts, and that I am a transman until a good year after I left my hometown to pursue my own career path.

Looking back, there was definitely some signs! No wonder I was never very happy with the way I looked and uncomfortable with puberty and my chest and just assuming it was cuz I was 'ugly' or something... haha. Had other things that were most important to me at the time, I guess! But I feel so much more in my skin now that I am looking at myself more objectively this year.

Does being in deep denial admit me into the club? I knew at age 4 or 5 that I wasn't like the other girls, but not like a tomboy either. Turns out I'm a femme/metro guy myself, but only realized this a few months ago. I have the embarrassing excuse of having ignorant criteria for being "trans enough" and internalized transphobia while growing up.   

I want to quote Bran and Dangertom, but I'm on the moblie version, so I'll just comment again later.

i feel exactly the same way. i didn't finally admit to myself that i was male until very recently. i do enjoy ~femme~ things but i've always felt like that wasn't really me. presenting as masculine makes me feel at home.

I didn't know what transgender, GID, or Any of it was. I did know that I felt better in women's clothes. I know I felt wrong at a young age. And I learned that I had better not breathe another word about it. I practiced masculine behavior patterns and everything. If I didn't I knew I would "have to be toughened up". I also learned what any derogatory term to describe my dysfunction was, from my brother, my mother and stepfather. Now I have issues 35 years later not feeling shame about who and what I am. I still need to get to a therapist, I know that. But my question is why do I feel worse after I acknowledged Dysphoria, than when I was suppressing it? What should free me, is turning me into a hypersensitive emotional wreck.I came out to my wife, and stepsons, and they were cool with it, and very supportive. Yet I have this fear in me. Rambling now,  so time to shut up.

Quote from: natash on December 27, 2014, 10:31:13 PM
I didn't know what transgender, GID, or Any of it was. I did know that I felt better in women's clothes. I know I felt wrong at a young age. And I learned that I had better not breathe another word about it. I practiced masculine behavior patterns and everything. If I didn't I knew I would "have to be toughened up". I also learned what any derogatory term to describe my dysfunction was, from my brother, my mother and stepfather. Now I have issues 35 years later not feeling shame about who and what I am. I still need to get to a therapist, I know that. But my question is why do I feel worse after I acknowledged Dysphoria, than when I was suppressing it? What should free me, is turning me into a hypersensitive emotional wreck.I came out to my wife, and stepsons, and they were cool with it, and very supportive. Yet I have this fear in me. Rambling now,  so time to shut up.

It does seem ironic that putting a name to the beast makes it worse, but it's more like, putting a name on a thing is the result of seeing it clearly and fully. Before, maybe you only caught glimpses of it, in the mirror and in the fit of your clothing, and that made it seem like maybe it's not real; maybe it's not there; maybe it's not threatening. But then you learn that there is a name for the thing, and you realize that you can no longer rationalize away the beast: it's there, it's real, it's unignorable. But the good news is that once you know the nature of the beast, you'll know how to face it. And with the support of your wife and stepsons, you seem to be in great hands.

i didnt particularly know what was wrong.  i was just continuing to live my life and being miserable with myself.  trying to blame my misery on other things going on and working on trying to fix them.  of course, while the things i dealt with ended up making my life easier, i just kept getting more and more miserable, till i realized that it wasnt the things going on in my life, or the people around me that were the cause, but rather i was the cause.

in hindsight, there were alot of signs.  but i hadnt talked to people about any of them so i thaught that they were "normal" and just dealt with it.
pretty much the moment when i was having a conversation with an old friend of mine online about it and she enlightened me.  was like flipping on a lightbulb in my brain and all the pieces started falling together.

Thank you dangertom for your kind words.

First off MTF waiting for HRT to really make sure if I am if that makes any sense. I think I know why GID bites us in the tush is that after thinking of things in the past and how we reacted to things and or other people perhaps differently then our birth gender that we find out about GID. When I discovered it it was like a eureka moment of o that's whats up with me then started to think more on it and as I accepted it more then I really got more emotional about it.

Big reason I was emotional about it was I think It was the fact I was facing the truth and in that the old fear of truth and that truth hurts thing. Next step for me at least is to taste the hormones so to speak as well as delve into my soul more to figure out who/what the heck I am.

Now I could be wrong but I think the bad part of GID is more the fear of change as well as the fear of oppression by others for thinking nah you cant be or when you are in that transition phase people looking at you oddly fear. I admit I also have days of what in the hell am I thinking am I just delusional and in ways I hope I am would be easier to deal with but maybe I am not delusional either.

The big question I think all here can attest to is To be or not to be or to really be who you are?

Btw failed to mention now at 42 I have finally seen the light or think so even though had signs in the past and one kicker was first friend I came out to. I went to tell him and in reverse he asked me first which put me into shock and don't have a lot of friends or family but basically all of them have so far seem to accept it.

If we can all figure out the truth about ourselves and deal with it however that goes then I think we shall finally be at peace. Just hope for all that the road is smooth and not bumpy but I am sure it will have some bumps along the way no matter what.

It's taken me being forced off work and stuck at home with literally nothing to do for me to realize that I have genderqueer tendencies. I am still somewhat unsure and private about it in person, having shared it with only two people in my circles (and by proxy to some friends of the first, since they had met me as F and then were informed prior to a group party where I was presenting as M). No one in my family knows one whit about this yet, even though I was bound at the family XMas gathering.

The scariest part of this for me is how strongly I feel drawn and called to religious life (Nun, Priest, Monk... I don't know anymore, my friend made up Nunk for me). Up until I started exploring this aspect of myself, I was *hardcore* seeking into a Nun's community, now I'd be rather embarassed over the whole thing!!!

I really knew all along. It was pretty intense too. Every time I wanted to nod off for a nap (at home, on the bus etc) I would imagine myself as a woman. I would even feel it too, feel my breasts and  even my vagina. I got very good at it that I had some vivid dreams as a woman too.

But I never really felt the need to transition because I felt I could live and be happy in my little fantasy world. I also thought I would never look like a woman, and I would look like a freak. Well I was so wrong. Dressing came back with a vengeance and I saw you tubers and what they had done and how they were before. Then I figured I should get help and try to make myself happy. Then we are where we are now.

It wasn't until I was 12 that I knew that something's off as I started to have weird feelings, and I'd picture myself as having a vaguely feminine body when I grow up (with breasts). It didn't make sense back then, but now that I look back, it only reinforces what I am now. Before that (ages 6-10) I thought I only had a problem with assigned gender roles, it only got worse after that until I finally figured out what I was going through when I was about 20. At the moment, I just don't want to grow up.

I'm so glad this thread exists. I'm 28 (not all that old I know), but still I feel like looking back there were all sorts of blatant signs that I just ignored or pushed away. I didn't grow up in a very accepting house and went for a pretty conservative college for my first two years.

Still, I knew I was different. I just stuck to the whole tomboy thing because it was easy.

And now, looking back, I wanna shake some sense into my younger self.

Quote from: Cin on December 31, 2014, 07:57:37 AM
...At the moment, I just don't want to grow up.

Haha yes... it's like I'm going through a second adolescence and I don't want to grow out of it just yet.

Quote from: AbeLane on December 31, 2014, 08:16:59 AM
I'm so glad this thread exists. I'm 28 (not all that old I know), but still I feel like looking back there were all sorts of blatant signs that I just ignored or pushed away. I didn't grow up in a very accepting house and went for a pretty conservative college for my first two years.

Still, I knew I was different. I just stuck to the whole tomboy thing because it was easy.

And now, looking back, I wanna shake some sense into my younger self.

Heh you're 28, I'm 26 and I still think that's "old" to have figured it out, especially since I grew up in an accepting household; the pressure was all self-inflicted. Like when I was a kid and was dressing in all boys' clothing, and a kid actually asked me out because he said he liked "sloppy dressers", and I thought I was looking all cool and grunge, so I started incorporating more girly clothing so that other boys would like me and not think of me as sloppy. I was thinking at the time that boys wear this stuff and don't look sloppy; why can't I wear it and be perceived as wearing "normal" clothes?

Younger self is less wise, always.

Quote from: DangerTom on January 02, 2015, 05:08:45 PM
I thought I was looking all cool and grunge.....I was thinking at the time that boys wear this stuff and don't look sloppy; why can't I wear it and be perceived as wearing "normal" clothes?

Yes. Totally this.

Also, lets build a time machine and go educate our younger selves.

I thought that I was some weird crossdresser or something when I was a teenager (40 years ago).  Nothing in the literature at the time talked about "transgender" behavior. 

Fast forward to now.  After living all these years as male, I still think "WTF?" when I feel "complete" dressed as a woman.  I didn't know that my feelings were that strong.  Must have been buried and now they're coming out.

Marie

When I first discovered 'TGism', I just wanted to fit in with everyone else, even though I didn't feel as strongly about cross dressing/make up and stuff like that as most other people (I felt strongly about wanting a different body though). I had a hard time accepting this, because I felt insecure and didn't want people to question my 'authenticity'. Now I realize that no transgender people are the same, or at least they don't have to be. 

Quote from: Cin on January 03, 2015, 02:09:17 AM
When I first discovered 'TGism', I just wanted to fit in with everyone else, even though I didn't feel as strongly about cross dressing/make up and stuff like that as most other people (I felt strongly about wanting a different body though). I had a hard time accepting this, because I felt insecure and didn't want people to question my 'authenticity'. Now I realize that no transgender people are the same, or at least they don't have to be.

This is interesting. I definitely get this. When I was debating cutting my hair, my first worry was that I would be ugly. And having some interest in dating guys, I couldn't think of anything worse than being perceived as ugly. I just wanted to fit in; I didn't want my short hair to make me different. But I wasn't being authentic, so I was really torn. I knew how to be an attractive girl; I didn't know how to be attractive and androgynous/masculine.

No two cis women are the same: some like skirts and some prefer slacks; some like their breasts others think they're too big/small. No two cis men are the same: some like dressing dapper and others prefer flannel; some like their bodies and others want to be bulkier/skinnier/bigger. Why should any two FTM or MTF be the same?

I think after years of inauthenticity, it starts to feel easy to use group membership to dictate personal choices, so it's really tempting to trade one group membership for another, and try to be an average/normal/standard trans person. But no such thing exists, and you won't be automatically accepted if you fake a strong desire to cross-dress from a young age.

Anyways yeah, I'm totally in this position. But like right now I'm wearing guys' clothes and a binder and flower earrings, and up until 10 minutes ago had nail polish on. We all do gender a little differently.

Quote from: AbeLane on January 02, 2015, 06:07:02 PM
Yes. Totally this.

Also, lets build a time machine and go educate our younger selves.

I'll get my legos and my copy of "Nobody Passes".

As a small child (until I was about 4 or 5), I didn't know there was a difference bebetween boys and girls. When I finally realized there was, I started to think we could change by choice thanks to that ever popular parent line "You can be anything you eant to be when you grow up." Around age seven I started being really concerned that other boys had a penis and I didn't, so I asked my mom when mine would groe. Needless to say, the resulting conversation spurred years of self loathing.

I guess I just always knew.

Quote from: DangerTom on December 19, 2014, 10:52:44 PM
I am pretty femme/metro as far as guys go. And for a long time I thought I was a girl. But although I loved putting together femme outfits, I always felt like I was dressing someone else; styling someone else's hair. I didn't really recognize myself in the mirror. Nowadays I am binding more and more. I realize that many of my hangups during sex were about how we interacted rather than who I was with. But I feel like I should have known! I should have had more indications than a really hardcore tomboy phase when I was a kid. Granted I had really conformist friends who shamed me for doing anything weird, and I spent years trying to fit in with them or fearing their scrutiny. Anyways, slowly I'm getting more comfortable being seen as masculine, and I can't really help it, I'm just drawn to presenting masculine, I feel a serious need to flatten my chest, and I like my male name (which I haven't told many people about) better than my birth name. So like, ->-bleeped-<-'s getting real. I just... I mean... come on, shouldn't I have known?? And did anyone else just not know??

Hey Tom I don't think anyone just knows at least I didn't I was born a boy but even at a young age 7 or 8 I would try on my mums jewellery. I had no idea someone could be as the Cliché goes be born in the wrong body I thought I was alone in feeling the way I did. It wasn't until later years I came to realise I'm not alone and It took quite a while to work out that I wasn't just a boy who liked girls clothes but a girl who was born with the wrong body.

Quote from: DangerTom on January 03, 2015, 05:11:50 PM
I'll get my legos and my copy of "Nobody Passes".

I think this is the perfect packing list for "lets time travel to our young selves"