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I need a perspective on this. Yes... Im sorry this is about my crush, but its not what you think. The past two months, me and my crush never had intellectual conversations of any sense besides talking crap or patronizing inuendos about how cute I am. "Look at those muscles... you can do it!" Little fist  hits when I do something smart, or how young I am.  He even told me to stop eating when I was getting chocolate, at one point, he look at me with a glow. Or just giggle at me... when he first met me he even said....,"Lets go potty", because I said Ill be right back.

But then it all changed.... I lost my infactuation with him, and I no longer was a giggly mess.... yes seriously this guy saw me acting like a giggly fool at one party to him. I couldnt look him in the eye and couldngt stop smiling..... ((MOst guys in my opinion would think thats weird... but he kept saying something I was excited, and he follows me everywhere)). Its like he shows signs of being into me.

But.... then I think he realized I am intelligent, and today we had deep conversations about philosophy. My desire for him went to a very mutual relationship.... but he text long winded messages. Its like.... I wish our friendship was like this 2 months ago... and not some highschool Taylor Swift crush. Its like now that I know him on a human level I dont worship his  existence.

Now Im confused about if he ever was into me or not..... and I know he thought I was the cutest guy ever (we had a 1 ft height difference.... but it wasnt something he ever mentioned... but the effect wore off).. Its like he sees me as an equal (Freud... adult to adult). I had to tell him i was too old for openig xmas presents just yesterday though.

But... im scared


Im scared I created a love drama in my head that had no bearing to reality....

I felt like this love for him goes to the level of Bella Swan and Edward.

A month ago.... this is sick.... but I felt I was going to die because I loved him so much.... like Ariel at the end.

seriously, this may sound hard, but you should seriously consider talking to a therapist before things go off the deep end. I'm sorry I don't want to sound mean it's just I think talking to a qualified professional would help organize your thoughts.

Quote from: stephaniec on December 29, 2014, 10:28:59 AM
seriously, this may sound hard, but you should seriously consider talking to a therapist before things go off the deep end. I'm sorry I don't want to sound mean it's just I think talking to a qualified professional would help organize your thoughts.

I am not depress.

You know youre crazy when you are. I think I maybe schizo a tad. I am beginning to talk to myself more than ever.

I seen him avoiding me all day... but it was like he wanted to talk to me. He did at the end but just to make sure I go to a dinner.

I feel hes afraid to express his feelings... because when I saw him this morning his eyebrows were highly raise (it means you like what you see)... yeah i analyze his every moment.

I didnt give him a reason to like me...  he shouldnt know Im attracted to him.

Wildflower I don't want to sound like a bitch, but I don't think you're seeing how you're acting. At the risk of getting negative action against my account because I think this needs to be said, and it sounds horrible in my head to even say it, I think there are people who might read your posts just to see how crazy and outlandish they're becoming. There's a reason so many people are suggesting, possibly even begging you strongly consider professional help since you've been posting your story.

Sounds like love to me ;~)

^^ it was love last month.... now its sick sad infactuation.

Lol. I know this is beyond unhealthy and even normal... but I cant stop thinking about this.

I need to get over this. 

Quote from: KittyKat on December 29, 2014, 09:36:36 PM
Wildflower I don't want to sound like a bitch, but I don't think you're seeing how you're acting. At the risk of getting negative action against my account because I think this needs to be said, and it sounds horrible in my head to even say it, I think there are people who might read your posts just to see how crazy and outlandish they're becoming. There's a reason so many people are suggesting, possibly even begging you strongly consider professional help since you've been posting your story.

I agree.

You're fine, Wild Flower. You're just young, smart, and passionate. It's better to be interesting than sane anyway, take my word for it. ;)

Quote from: Elsa Delyth on December 29, 2014, 11:13:41 PM
You're fine, Wild Flower. You're just young, smart, and passionate. It's better to be interesting than sane anyway, take my word for it. ;)

For a cisgender.... Im mentally insane. For a mtf.... any mental state besides suicide is usually a win win. As long as I have my job. My life. Im good.

Im not used to being openly flirted with a handsome guy... I fell in love with him like a tragic girl over a boyband or Twilight.

I'm sorry, but this guy just screams "creepy". I don't know your age, but this man is clearly infantalizing you. Talking about how young you are, patrionizing you, suddenly losing interest when you show maturity.. and come on, "potty"??

I'm not trying to freak you out, but.. you need to cut ties with this guy, quick. He could potentially hurt you.

Quote from: Wild Flower on December 29, 2014, 11:49:03 PM
For a cisgender.... Im mentally insane. For a mtf.... any mental state besides suicide is usually a win win. As long as I have my job. My life. Im good.

Im not used to being openly flirted with a handsome guy... I fell in love with him like a tragic girl over a boyband or Twilight.

:D

That's perfectly nature. Like I said, you're fine. I'd be just as off the walls as you. I'm happy for you. Keep on keeping on. :)

Here's one for the both of us:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUTGr5t3MoY

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on December 30, 2014, 12:00:36 AM
I'm sorry, but this guy just screams "creepy". I don't know your age, but this man is clearly infantalizing you. Talking about how young you are, patrionizing you, suddenly losing interest when you show maturity.. and come on, "potty"??

I'm not trying to freak you out, but.. you need to cut ties with this guy, quick. He could potentially hurt you.

I told him the reason why Im so ackward in real world... yesterday. Its unrelated to being tg and more mental disorder.

I really show my intelligence in text messages. Social interactions are hit or miss. Like he showed me his pet animal and like brought it to my face (okay what was he expecting me to do? I thought he was creepy that day.... and he offer me his shirt to wear because he didnt like what i was wearing) .. okay hes a creepy weirdo in a handsome male body. And i know thats why he was attracted to me... because he thought I was cute. Like he talks in a singsong voice when hes happy and with me....

Even my coworkers were like "Dude lay off of him" in a much subtle way.

When I first met him he thought I was 19 (clearly it could had been 17-18), since the first word he use was kid to describe me... but he never called me man or guy. He always use my last name. So he never really recognize me as a man.. man. Im over 21. But perception is reality. We are only 1 or 2 yrs different... but he looks like hell for his age like 28.

He could never hurt me... besides unintentionally  emotionally.

Quote from: Elsa Delyth on December 30, 2014, 12:03:54 AM
:D

That's perfectly nature. Like I said, you're fine. I'd be just as off the walls as you. I'm happy for you. Keep on keeping on. :)

Lol. Theres nothing to be happy about.... hes leaving from my life forever soon.

I appreciate it though.

Quote from: Wild Flower on December 30, 2014, 12:32:14 AM
I told him the reason why Im so ackward in real world... yesterday. Its unrelated to being tg and more mental disorder.

I really show my intelligence in text messages. Social interactions are hit or miss. Like he showed me his pet animal and like brought it to my face... okay hes a creepy weirdo in a handsome male body. And i know thats why he was attracted to me... because he thought I was cute. Like he talks in a singsong voice when hes happy and with me....

Even my coworkers were like "Dude lay off of him" in a much subtle way.

He could never hurt me... besides unintentionally  emotionally.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you posted about this guy before? Didn't you say he was married?

If I'm not mistaken, then that alone is all the proof you need to know that he is not a good man. He may not have hurt you (yet), but if he's going around flirting with other people when he's married, he's hurting his wife. He's hurting her and he obviously doesn't care.

I know you're on cloud nine over someone being attracted to you like this, but he's not worth the drama.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on December 30, 2014, 12:44:07 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you posted about this guy before? Didn't you say he was married?

If I'm not mistaken, then that alone is all the proof you need to know that he is not a good man. He may not have hurt you (yet), but if he's going around flirting with other people when he's married, he's hurting his wife. He's hurting her and he obviously doesn't care.

I know you're on cloud nine over someone being attracted to you like this, but he's not worth the drama.

I know.... hes leaving. Im over him as any form of relationship.

I dont know what kind of relationship he has with her... but my heart tells me hes in love with being in love with her because shes like me.. emotional weak and sensitive. But he described her like shes purely emotional and has no logic.

I think he has a superiority complex because he feels unimportant. Becausr to like 90 percent of people.... hes a complete jerk and talks about how great he is. But the dude will stop in his tracks the moment I walk into a room like Im some god and  cater to me if its socially necessary. He tells me everyone hates him.

Quote from: Wild Flower on December 30, 2014, 12:50:16 AM
I know.... hes leaving. Im over him as any form of relationship.

I dont know what kind of relationship he has with her... but my heart tells me hes in love with being in love with her because shes like me.. emotional weak and sensitive.

Good.  :) We may be complete strangers, but I don't want you to get hurt over a little crush.

As for his wife.. well, I hope he learns to respect her. She's no more deserving of being taken advantage of than you are. Hopefully she knows she deserves better (as do you).

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on December 30, 2014, 01:00:57 AM
Good.  :) We may be complete strangers, but I don't want you to get hurt over a little crush.

As for his wife.. well, I hope he learns to respect her. She's no more deserving of being taken advantage of than you are. Hopefully she knows she deserves better (as do you).

I hope he treats her right...  but.... for now I enjoy the moments of flirtation with him. But i know its wrong.

Im no Jolene.

Just sent him a text to explaining my conundrum about a silly text.

Like ehhh... this guy changes personas constantly. Now hes all i want the best for you as a coworker...  then he tells me his mental problems.

But at least hes not at the level i thought he was a god on Earth. Since i can send a text at my whim.

I'm sorry , I'm very confused, maybe I haven't understood your posts very well, but I wonder if you could clarify something. Are you a cis male or a cis female, are you presenting as male or are you presenting as female , I'm somewhat confused as to how your presenting to the gentleman . please don't take the question wrong , I'd like to try to help , but I'm quite confused about if your male or female

Quote from: stephaniec on December 30, 2014, 02:26:02 PM
I'm sorry , I'm very confused, maybe I haven't understood your posts very well, but I wonder if you could clarify something. Are you a cis male or a cis female, are you presenting as male or are you presenting as female , I'm somewhat confused as to how your presenting to the gentleman . please don't take the question wrong , I'd like to try to help , but I'm quite confused about if your male or female

Cisgender male. But when its just me and him... I go full Regina George mood. Talking girly and stuff.

But it doesnt matter.... he doesnt look at me as a man... man. Its like he sees me as a name only.

But hes leaving soon.... the day it happens ill go sane again. Ever watch Gone With The Wind???? Its borderline hes Ashley Wilkes.... i didnt why she love him till now.

"I loved something I made up, something that's just as dead as Melly is. I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn't see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes—and not him at all."

so he's a heterosexual cis male and married. Just curious why would you think there is some possible attraction by him for you if your presenting male or why would think there could be some attraction for you or is this totally or was totally a one sided feeling on your part to think there was some kind of chance that he might be attracted to you at some point in the future.

Quote from: stephaniec on December 30, 2014, 02:50:13 PM
so he's a heterosexual cis male and married. Just curious why would you think there is some possible attraction by him for you if your presenting male or why would think there could be some attraction for you or is this totally or was totally a one sided feeling on your part to think there was some kind of chance that he might be attracted to you at some point in the future.

Because of his body language. He put his hand on my chair once, when i was talking to someone he turn his head so fast, he complimented me twice, he offer his shirt once because he didnt like how i look one day to a party, he happen to be at every function I was going...., he defended me once, he told me things he wouldnt tell his coworkers, he SAT directly in front of me with his feet nearly touching mine. He smiled at me at every dumb thing i said. He eve. Said aloud that he would hit that (referring to me)

Nothing there has been dramatize.

He does not do this for anyone.


If I text him last month when he look infactuated it be different.

So I must of missed something in your posts, where is the problem . If  he's flirting flirt back. or if he's leaving you can still keep contact