Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I read the thread from a 40 something wondering if she was too old.  Well I'm 65 and wondering.  I've known I was the wrong gender since I was 8 years old.  At that time transgender wasn't even a word.   I was amazed when I read of Christine Jorgensen's transformation.  I guess I always assumed that it was something only people with lots of money could do so I soldered on and practiced life as I was expected to do.  So here I am, near the end of my life looking at the very big mistake I've made.  Is it too late to correct it and would correcting it actually improve my life?  I have no clue, and having lied to myself for this long I am doubting that a change would do me any good.

Please give me some opinions.  As you can see I've fought with this dilemma for a very long time.  I've covered so many different aspects of the question I'm no longer sure what to even think of it on my own.  At this point I'm leaning towards doing nothing since that is the path of least resistance.

One thing I really dislike about society is that exact phrase "you're too old for ____." Well when the heck did there ever become a set limit of age as to when you can or can't do stuff. That's just really unfair. I think if you have the physical ability to do something that you really feel you want to do, then you should do it. Age shouldn't tell you that. I've read stories in the Ripley's books before of an 80 year old guy climbing mt. Everest. Society would tell you, "hey your 80 years old, don't climb mt Everest," but that guy said yes I can, and he did. Life doesn't have to have age limits on things. I really think you should do what you really feel you need to do inside. You shouldn't let other people tell you yes or no on your own life.

Hey Neonglass

Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

The simple answer is that you are never too old. This is a very common question, and it usually crosses most people's minds whether they're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70...

I had a chance to transition when I was in my twenties but it imploded, this time I'm in my late 40s and for at least 15 years prior to that I kept telling myself I was too old, that it would never work - but it got to a point where I decided that didn't matter that it was "transition or bust". Turns out I wasn't too old. And neither are you.

The best thing to do is talk to a counsellor or therapist and work out how you want to proceed. Getting as much support as you need is crucial. As for transition improving your life that is only something you can determine once you are on the other side. It won't be a cure all for all that ails you but it sure can have a positive effect in gender dysphoria.

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Cheers

Grace

Well, I'm 63 and started puberty 14 months ago. Just using the last of my allotment for the best use possible.

Hi Neonglass, welcome to Susan's Place! If you're still on the right side of the grass it's a fine time to start! See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Wholeheartedly agree with everything that has been said so far. You owe it to yourself to at least explore the possibility of transitioning - a therapist would be a good start. But in short, you're never to old to transition. It may well even bring you a great deal of happiness! Best wishes.

I would say about 150 is too old. But you never know. ;)

From what I've heard, don't people who are old tend to transition really well, anyway? Young people and old people can look very androgynous, so passing is usually easy.

I mean, that's how I think it works. So yes, you can transition beautifully!

Like Miss Grace I twice experimented with transitioning in my early twenties. Twice opted for "Normal(ish)". Unlike her I waited until I was 52 to take on the trans beast for real. I had to, every one of my life's major disasters was because of how I was NOT handling being trans. Going to my first ever TG Support group meeting changed my life.

An amazing part of the process to date is how much better I feel about being me and the life I had. I am slowly becoming one whole, health, happy person. Not all these seperate and one buried person. BTW - Six years later I still live as a male.

Now, if you look around you see a lot of "Wow is me, my life is over. I am already 16,17,18,etc., and I haven't transitioned, and never can. I'm too old now".

I am 52 and at group there is a girl that is 65, she is doing very well.

I'm about to turn 48 and just started my transition.

Never...

Welcome to Susan's

Hugs,

Jen

I'm 62, and I started transitioning a bit over a year ago. It's the best thing I ever did, and it's going fine. It does feel sort of weird to be going through a second puberty at this age (zits??! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Feek.gif&hash=669241757cc6b77b28c325f022e1bf7b2454d127)), but I'm now read as male 99% of the time when I'm out and about, and it's just very... relaxing. For the first time in my life, I'm comfortable in my skin.

Don't think of yourself as near the end of your life -- your real life might be just beginning. I'd say you owe it to yourself to explore the possibility of transitioning, and Susan's is a great place to start. Welcome.

I'm 61 and trying to figure this out, too.  No, it's not too late!  Would you rather die true to yourself or die lying to yourself? 

Don't get me wrong, transition (especially as we get older) isn't for everyone.  First, you'll always be clocked as a "trans-woman".  Even with surgery, IMHO, you'll always have features that will mark you as male in a previous life.  Do you have family? Will they accept you?  If not, will it kill you emotionally should you leave them (to be a woman)? 

Lastly, there are lots of options in dealing with dysphoria.  You can crossdress occasionally, you can take a light dose of hormones, or you can  fully transition. I've begun working with a gender therapist to figure out which one of these (or a combination) that I'll have to do.  I would rather try to work through this than die by my own hand with depression and despondency.

Marie

Like Marie, I m 61 and just starting out on this path (came out to my wife end of Oct 14). I am seeing a counsellor and looking at the exact questions Marie has listed! Marie - I read that post and went Wow - does she know me!

It appears many of us are in a similar position.

I am 63, had my facial hair removed (slowly) starting at 50.  Went on Hrt at about 55.  My wife is fine with it, knew before we married 30 years ago.  Work - not so much.   I have done those things to appease the dysphoria Gods without being too obvious.  I am about to retire and am gearing up to push the boundaries a little more, maybe all the way.  An article in the news forum had a girl in England getting GRS at 81!  Do we get a Senior discount?  You have lots of time.

Welcome Neoglass to Susan's family

To answer your question with a question

Is it ever to old to find happiness?

Answer that and that's the answer.

Hugs

Welcome to the forum, Neonglass! I am turning 65, didn't think I would even reach that age, since my father died young at 55, but it is what it is. I am just happy that I have had significant breast growth over the last few years. Even though the possibility of having the full surgery is very slim (the money), the "girls" will always be with me for the rest of my life. And at least that is something that I cherish!

Quote from: neonglass on January 01, 2015, 03:51:52 PM
So here I am, near the end of my life looking at the very big mistake I've made.  Is it too late to correct it and would correcting it actually improve my life?  I have no clue, and having lied to myself for this long I am doubting that a change would do me any good.

Hi, Neonglass!  Your post resonates with me since my life history is so much like yours.  I've been asking myself the same questions for quite some time now.

I've been out full-time for 2 years now, and they've easily been the happiest 2 years of my life.  Like you, I'm wishing I'd started this process many years ago.  If I had, things would certainly be different today.

E.g., I still haven't done electrolysis.  I don't have the money.  Still haven't started HRT.  I've been in good health all my life, have never needed to take any sort of medicine on a constant basis.  I hesitate to do it now.  It's very easy for people to say, "You're never too old!"  But the fact is that when you're 60+, you simply aren't up for things that you could have handled easily enough in your youth.  And the fact is that hormones can have unwanted effects.  If they did so with me, would I be physically up to the challenge?  I'm not at all sure.  And as for GCS, the thought that at my age I should undergo something like that that I never faced when I was young--well, it absolutely terrifies me.

Quote from: neonglass on January 01, 2015, 03:51:52 PM
Please give me some opinions.  As you can see I've fought with this dilemma for a very long time.  I've covered so many different aspects of the question I'm no longer sure what to even think of it on my own.  At this point I'm leaning towards doing nothing since that is the path of least resistance.

You call it "the path of least resistance".  To my mind, it may be that what I have now is the best I'm going to get.  If I go forward, I think there's a real risk that I might make things worse for myself, that I might lose what I've gained with no positive return to show for it.

It's a fact that there are lots of over-60's who have fully transitioned or are in the process of doing so.  If they're clear in their minds that that's what they need to do, then they're absolutely right to do so.

But for someone like me who's full of doubts--I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't take the next step until my heart clearly told me it was right to do so.  So far it hasn't done that.  So I still hesitate, and I don't regret this hesitation.  I think it makes sense as long as you're not completely sure what you need to do.

Neonglass, if you'd like to PM me some time (I think you need ten posts before you can do that), I'd look forward to chatting with you.  It sounds to me like the two of us are in much the same circumstances.  Perhaps we could both benefit by some mutual feedback.  Perhaps not.  But if you're interested, don't hesitate to contact me when you can.

Best wishes,
Foxglove

It's been a while since I have logged onto here so I've just read everybody's replies to my initial post.  A very large Thank You to everybody for all of the encouraging comments and suggestions.  They have given me a lot to think about.  They have lead me to a couple of questions.  There were several suggestions about seeing a councilor.  Having had bad memories of dealing with them back in the 1950's when I was looked at as weird by them I'm a bit reluctant to talk to one now.  Is there an organization that can recommend therapists or councilors for TS/TV issues?  I live a a somewhat major city so I'm hoping there would be someone local.  My other question is of a more practical nature.  How does one learn how to do the outward transformation?  Are there classes or workshops, or do you just muddle along and figure out your mistakes as you go?

Hi,

From the 62 year old Forum Admin! A very happy woman.


Therapy has, I hope, gone to far better places nowadays.

A place to start would be the WPATH providers.

www.wpath.org

Also look at the SOC 7 that is available on the same site as are providers who follow SOC.

AS a n 'oldie' I found therapy very helpful, I had 58 years of baggage to look through and get rid off.

As long as you are on the right side of the grass, you are never too old  :D

I found the best therapy for me comes via my TG support group. I was totally blown my first ever meeting (age 53), sitting there in a room filled with others whose life stories were practically identical to mine. I thought I knew about everything there was about being trans... Everything except the universe of feelings, and non-feelings, that come along with it. They all were instrumental in helping me turn my life around for the better. A few special angels were also there for me when I really needed them.

If you're near or in a big city that is great. Plenty of options. The closest group to me at the time was some 90 miles away. Add another 90 to get to either DC or Pittsburgh for the closest "Big" cities. All groups have personalities. You may have to try a few out before finding one you feel at home in.

As to how to find them? Google is your friend. A good first pass is an LGBT center, followed by some statewide LGBT advocacy group like "Equality (your state). If you are really lucky there may be a Gender Clinic nearby. NYC, Baltimore, Phili, DC all have one, as well as many other big metro cities. Unfortunatly putting "Transgender" or Transsexual" anything into Google tends to yield tons of hookup sites or porn. A few years back when I was "In Search Of" it took about 3 months of searching a few hours every evening after work in an ever widening then targeted cites/towns/counties near my home until I finally hit paydirt with a support group.

Trans friendly therapist can be found via a local TG support network, or Psychology Today has a Doc-Find with a "Gender-Issues" tick box. But beware, many times that gets ticked because they see LG clients and maybe once had a course where they mentioned trans.

Dressing and makeup is much like the old joke of "How do you get to Carnegie Hall?". Practice, Practice, Practice <rimshot>. Thrift stores are a great way to start. At a few $ per item you get to experiment with clothes. Most department stores have private changing rooms. I used to grab up armloads of women stuff and cover it up with a pair of like size 50 mens slacks and head for the men's changing room. Never had a problem.

It is never too late to transition.
I started hormones, therapy and living full time at age 43.
I had surgery at 49, and I'll be 50 next week.
I feel more like 30 than I do 50

Quote from: neonglass on January 01, 2015, 03:51:52 PM
I read the thread from a 40 something wondering if she was too old.  Well I'm 65 and wondering.  I've known I was the wrong gender since I was 8 years old.  At that time transgender wasn't even a word.   I was amazed when I read of Christine Jorgensen's transformation.  I guess I always assumed that it was something only people with lots of money could do so I soldered on and practiced life as I was expected to do.  So here I am, near the end of my life looking at the very big mistake I've made.  Is it too late to correct it and would correcting it actually improve my life?  I have no clue, and having lied to myself for this long I am doubting that a change would do me any good.

Please give me some opinions.  As you can see I've fought with this dilemma for a very long time.  I've covered so many different aspects of the question I'm no longer sure what to even think of it on my own.  At this point I'm leaning towards doing nothing since that is the path of least resistance.

Neonglass- I am 64 and in the first week of HRT. Like you, I can look back on my history and clearly identify points where I knew that something was just not right. I also "soldiered on" and have been provider, father, husband. But, now that I HAVE put it together, and HAVE read the many accounts of amazing women (like us) courageously making choices to honor their own integrity, I have come to realize that mine is the only life that I can save. I have not gone through FFS or SRS yet... but I intend to. And, there are so many people on this board that once on the other side of failed relationships and painful surgeries and loss of family support....still say that they are happy and content and WOULD DO IT AGAIN. I just trust what I know I am, and hold tightly to the  the honest stories of other women who have gone before me to do the hard things that are asking to be done. I do know, in my own case, that if I don't honor that part of me that is so deep and so sacred that my quality and quantity of life will not be sufficient to justify walking away from transitioning. Those are my thoughts at an early point. I hope that you will continue to post and we can dialogue as you move further into this. You are not alone in this journey. Blessings, Sheila Grace

Quote from: Muffinheart on February 09, 2015, 11:02:23 AM
It is never too late to transition.
I started hormones, therapy and living full time at age 43.
I had surgery at 49, and I'll be 50 next week.
I feel more like 30 than I do 50
[/quote

Muffinheart- Wow, you LOOK 30!!! Gorgeous. Keep it up... Blessings, Sheila

Very simply, too old is when you're dead!

I'm a paltry 32, but I can testify that being the right and real you is something you can start any time. I also have quite a few friends in the 60s, 70s, and 80s range and they are only as old as they feel! (I, myself, have been 96 years old a couple times for reasons.)

Welcome to the family and may your journey bring you all you deserve.

I'm 40 ( all right maybe not 40) you have to do what needs to be done, this is it time is absolutely limited no way around it. Be what you need to be and say goodbye to this planet a happy camper.

If it makes anyone feel better, I'm 41 going on 24. LOL =P

It's never too old to start your journey. ;-)

Interesting observation while I was at the recovering centre at Dr. Brassards last year:
The ftm all were under the age of 25 while the mtf were all over 40...one was 65.
I think it when it comes to happiness, age shouldn't be a barrier.

I am 37, and for the first time in my life, I am starting to love myself. I am going to be starting therapy, and hoping that I will start Testosterone therapy soon after. I see posts from people that are under 25, asking if they are too old... What??? But, it is different for people in their 30's and above. We usually have a career, relationships, friends, etc. I work at my local City (for 10 years), and most of the people here have known me since I was a kid because my father worked in the same department for 30 years, retired 10 years ago. Now, that I will transition even more, I am sure the awkwardness is going to come.. especially looking like more of a guy. I am still looked upon as "My father's little girl"... so that is a struggle...

I got started at 40, although it was my second attempt. My first was at 25. I have to tell a lot more people than I would have back then (creditors), but I'm now in the jeans and a t-shirt age group, so I don't have to work as hard on presentation as I would have when I was younger. Good points and bad points.

I'm 60 and started HRT and transitioning 9 months ago. I just went full time a couple of weeks ago.
Never been happier! It's NEVER to late!

I personally think there isn't a too old for anything.  You're never too old to make the decision to transition in any way, shape or form.

Also for some reason this reminded me of the TV series "Transparent" from Amazon.

Quote from: neonglass on February 08, 2015, 02:45:47 PM
How does one learn how to do the outward transformation?  Are there classes or workshops, or do you just muddle along and figure out your mistakes as you go?

Mistakes?  You mean like those ten inch high neon pink platform sandals kind of mistakes?  Or the electric blue eye shadow?  Or having to butch up fast for a business meeting and walking in with a huge false eyelash stuck to your cheek?  That's half the fun of transitioning...

Quote from: CarlyMcx on February 05, 2016, 08:20:35 PM
Mistakes?  You mean like those ten inch high neon pink platform sandals kind of mistakes?  Or the electric blue eye shadow?  Or having to butch up fast for a business meeting and walking in with a huge false eyelash stuck to your cheek?  That's half the fun of transitioning...

Hehe, relatable.  Probably not smart of me to leave those breast forms on on accident when I went to Lowes (oops).  At least it was half empty.  Or half full.

Hey, I'm 71 and my transition exploded on me at 68 when, all of my life's puzzle pieces finally fit and the light came on. I now totally pass full time and have never been happier!

I am 56. I recently meet a transwomam, and she ask did I ever cross dressing in the past. While talking about her transition. I realize her story same as my crossdressing experience, and I do some research about transgender. After I take COIGATI test, and result came back with level 5 transexual. I know right away that gender dysphoria have been with me for a long time, and I have been in denial about it. I will see my therapy next week present this result.

Luanne

Neon glass,

I am 58 years old. I am going to live my life fully with pride as a women for the rest of my life yeeeeeeees!!!! Just think of the possibilities. Middle or old age is not a death sentence it can be another rebirth for you don't buy any negative garbage about being a lady at any age. Have fun and enjoy the process.

Love💕😘
Michelle

If you are dead you are too old. Otherwise start living. I am 64 years old myself and have been playing dress up I guess since kindergarten.  Damn I wish I would have come out sooner.  Not out yet but working on it for March. If I am going to be depressed anyway. I might as well enjoy it a little. I would love to be a woman.  I love hanging with women. I love talking babies and family, fashion and being told how they love what each other is wearing. I see this happening at any function I have attended with women. I usually retire to the kitchen with the girls because they are always more interesting than the guys. There is only so much sports you can absorb.

Quote from: neonglass on January 01, 2015, 03:51:52 PM
I read the thread from a 40 something wondering if she was too old.  Well I'm 65 and wondering. 

Please give me some opinions.

Hi, Well I'm 68 and after 3 months  on HRT must say that this should have happened 20 years ago.
One thing that happens is also a mind shift and this is great.
Anna Marie