Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Do you sometimes feel that you are overdoing it? I for sure get this mental episodes every now and then. I recently bought a pandora bracelet with a few charms as my Xmas gift. However, I feel very self conscious wearing them as I feel that I am imposing myself to much as a woman in public. This goes along with make up and everything feminine. I am pretty sure I am over analyzing it - However, I just want to get your thoughts about thinking this way.

Love,

April

I have a whole drawer full of necklaces and bracelets that I thought were beautiful and classy when I first started out, but haven't worn since I don't know when.

You just have to find your range of presentation...best way is to do it, then eliminate what you don't feel bold enough (or coy enough ;) ) to pull off.

:)

Nearly every day. The more makeup I learn to use, outfits I wear (particularly skirts), and other lady stuff I do makes me feel like I'm over doing it. I'm fearful of negative comments or gestures. However, more often than not, I get complements and am happy with who I am and that's all that is important. Plus, I can build any accessory I want out of paracord and steel wire to match any outfit.

I'm only feel that sometimes that I'm over doing the makeup otherwise I tend to have stayed more on the conservative side. I could add somethings in the mix and I'm not even entirely sure why I haven't other than not getting around to it. I wouldn't worry about what people think to much because as long your happy that is what matters. Besides sometimes we really do have to push that envelop due to how society views and handles us.
Mariah

You strike me as particularly empathetic Carmen (I bet that you're especially paranoid on the internet, because it is so much more difficult for you to sense how people are feeling), but we all feel the pressure of the superego -- or the expectations those around us, and society at large have for us. It is difficult, but we need to be able to separate our own feelings, from everyone else's, otherwise we will be pressured to be disingenuous.   

It makes you happy, it makes you feel good, and when you feel other's feeling the opposite about it, or thinking it inappropriate, I think that you have to ask yourself if they are wrong or right in two senses. Based on preference, are you doing the right thing? Are they trying to impose their preferences? Or do they see that you are having the preferences that you think you're supposed to, and they know that they aren't really yours. Or, if what you're doing is actually substantially wrong, and harming, or damaging. If you are confident that what you enjoy, and makes you happy are genuinely your preferences, and not things you think that you ought to prefer, and that what you're doing isn't harmful, then you can safely ignore the superego, I think.

Obviously you aint from around these parts where the more jewelry, gaudier the better, you wear is required says this Joisey girl.

Given the size of my hands bracelets give me added confidence in my presentation. My wife sometimes comments on how I may want to back off a bit on the makeup. But this advice comes from someone who hasn't used any in ages claiming it makes no sense to paint on a wrinkled canvas. Besides, I mostly do girlie girl. Though even in jeans I still do a little makeup if I'm leaving the house

One aspect of your question intrigues me. You said "Imposing yourself too much as a woman"? It almost sounds as if you are in male mode. Which, if that is the case, you just may be since you are feeling uncomfortable. But I suspect for reasons like your well being may actually be the real reason.

Ha, well I have a few shoes I haven't found the right opportunity to wear yet. But you know...shoes! I think "overdoing it" (be it shoes, dresses, make up, bracelets, bras, eye) is a natural response to having so little (or nothing) for so long we suddenly feel like a kid in a candy shop. It'll equalise out the other side in time.

Thank you so much Elsa,  You are right - I am very sensitive about the feelings of others and always feeling the need to  conform but you posed a very good question - when is it too much? I think the answer to that differs from one woman to another. I guess being raised in a right wing Christian family impacted me in more ways than one.

Anyways, I am declaring 2015 as the year of Self Love, Humility and Beauty (haha).

Thanks again ladies for the wonderful input xo

April

Quote from: Elsa Delyth on January 02, 2015, 04:36:34 PM
You strike me as particularly empathetic Carmen (I bet that you're especially paranoid on the internet, because it is so much more difficult for you to sense how people are feeling), but we all feel the pressure of the superego -- or the expectations those around us, and society at large have for us. It is difficult, but we need to be able to separate our own feelings, from everyone else's, otherwise we will be pressured to be disingenuous.   

It makes you happy, it makes you feel good, and when you feel other's feeling the opposite about it, or thinking it inappropriate, I think that you have to ask yourself if they are wrong or right in two senses. Based on preference, are you doing the right thing? Are they trying to impose their preferences? Or do they see that you are having the preferences that you think you're supposed to, and they know that they aren't really yours. Or, if what you're doing is actually substantially wrong, and harming, or damaging. If you are confident that what you enjoy, and makes you happy are genuinely your preferences, and not things you think that you ought to prefer, and that what you're doing isn't harmful, then you can safely ignore the superego, I think.

I've been a minimalist all my life . I can't seem to change

This feels like a subject that weighed on my mind when I started out. Makeup, wardrobe style, and accessorizing all feel like they can fit in the mold of voice training. Practicing your speech in falsetto feels funny, but the idea is to let it come down to a more natural pitch and timbre. There doesn't seem to be any reason why this can't apply to other expressive forms.

Sort of like having to push limits, in order to see what you're comfortable with, you know?