Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been reading about this condition and I know I have it.  :-\

http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd

I have most of the symptoms like camouflaging and obsessively wondering if people notice my physical appearance. I used to constantly look in mirrors, storefront windows, or any glass / reflective surface to "check on it" but for the last 6 months or so I've been avoiding looking at myself at all! If I walk by a mirror I put my hands in front of my face so I won't be able to see my reflection. My friends have commented on my weird behavior. I don't let anyone take my picture anymore, and if they try to I'll look away or cover my face. I'm probably borderline anorexic as well. People are always commenting on how skinny I am (I don't see it though)

The thing I don't get is everyone compliments me and tells me I look great (some even say pretty or beautiful) but all I see is gross and ugly if I look at me. Not looking at myself is the only thing that has helped recently because I tend to forget about the whole thing if I'm not reminded of it.

I feel like this obsession / delusion is getting worse. It was really bad before I transitioned.. then it went away.. now it's coming back again..

How much of this is related to being trans? Have you experienced this? If so, is it getting better? Worse? Do antidepressants really help? Am I simply delusional and unable to "see" what everyone else does?

Quote from: brianna1016 on January 03, 2015, 05:11:55 AM
I've been reading about this condition and I know I have it.  :-\

http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd

I have most of the symptoms like camouflaging and obsessively wondering if people notice my physical appearance. I used to constantly look in mirrors, storefront windows, or any glass / reflective surface to "check on it" but for the last 6 months or so I've been avoiding looking at myself at all! If I walk by a mirror I put my hands in front of my face so I won't be able to see my reflection. My friends have commented on my weird behavior. I don't let anyone take my picture anymore, and if they try to I'll look away or cover my face. I'm probably borderline anorexic as well. People are always commenting on how skinny I am (I don't see it though)

The thing I don't get is everyone compliments me and tells me I look great (some even say pretty or beautiful) but all I see is gross and ugly if I look at me. Not looking at myself is the only thing that has helped recently because I tend to forget about the whole thing if I'm not reminded of it.

I feel like this obsession / delusion is getting worse. It was really bad before I transitioned.. then it went away.. now it's coming back again..

How much of this is related to being trans? Have you experienced this? If so, is it getting better? Worse? Do antidepressants really help? Am I simply delusional and unable to "see" what everyone else does?

Me too, I hate mirrors, I avoid seeing my own reflection, even when I'm using my laptop, I tilt my screen down so that I can't see myself when it goes dark. If I look good on a reflective surface, I can keep staring at for hours. There's no better way to make me angry than to take my picture, especially using a crappy phone. I persuade them to delete them immediately or I'll delete it myself if they don't.

My uncle/aunt have wanted to video chat with me for a long time because they genuinely care about me, but every time I give them an excuse and slip away. If I'm not 'feeling' good about myself, I tend to avoid my friends, like for the past three days my friend has wanted to talk to me, I agreed today, but I insisted he come at night and we go somewhere no one's around. I haven't seen straight into the mirror in a few days, I just have a quick glance and look away, my mom and dad have noticed this, and in turn, respect this too, I'm thankful for that, but they are concerned.

I've always thought these OCD symptoms, but I suspected it could be something else too so I don't know.

In male mode I absolutely abhor mirrors. There are many days I know I never "looked" at myself in one. Even if it is right there in front of me. I never liked the way I looked. I lost out on the gene pool lottery. Big, ugly and balding. And that was my teenage years!

I also used to be V-E-R-Y overweight. Even these days hovering around 145 lbs all I see are big blobs of blubber hanging around my waist and my thighs. And I lost the extra 100 lbs a good 30 plus years ago. I guess that haunts me just like all the name calling I got as a kid. All major baggage that still haunts me, except when...

In female mode. I can't get enough of mirrors. With or without clothes. Sure, I still see all the blubber, but a lot other wonderfull changes took place these past few years. No matter what I wear, be it jeans and a nice top, of a fantastic dress, I love the feeling of being authentic, inside and out

I sort of like and dislike mirrors. I feel like everyone else sees a different image of me than I do. I might feel I look stupid in one outfit and others will say I look great. And I can't see it. It drives me crazy. It's like the mirror for me is a trick mirror.

Quote from: Cin on January 03, 2015, 05:29:15 AM
Me too, I hate mirrors, I avoid seeing my own reflection, even when I'm using my laptop, I tilt my screen down so that I can't see myself when it goes dark. If I look good on a reflective surface, I can keep staring at for hours.

I totally get it. Same here. It's so distracting sometimes when I'm trying to do something or someone is talking to me but all I can do is think about how I look. I feel stupid honestly. Vain.

Quote from: Cin on January 03, 2015, 05:29:15 AM
I've always thought these OCD symptoms, but I suspected it could be something else too so I don't know.

I thought acting like this was just part of being transgender or something. But I guess 'normal' people don't obsess over it like I do. They might not like something about their physical self but they just deal with it or accept it. It certainly feels like OCD.

I've answered about 5 different types of BDD tests online and not one has suggested I'm even close to being BDD.

Yes I am on HRT and love it and love my changes, but I do not have BDD. I am doing this for my inner woman
and want the changes that go along with HRT, and at age almost 49 I also have NO DESIRE to Transition.

I am happy with my body and most certainly the changes that are here and coming in the future. I am doing this for me
and me alone. And NEED NOT one single person to tell me how or what to do in my choice and desire for happiness.

My doctor has also told me he has other transgender clients with no desire to transition. This is the way I roll and
happy to be here.

Ginger

I don't know if this will help anyone else, but it has somewhat helped me.  Whenever I see myself in a reflective surface I pretend its not me.  I can see why others consider me goodlooking presenting as the sex I was born as when I do this, but its because I'm not thinking of that person as me.  Maybe not the healthiest approach, but it allows me to see what's really happening with my body and understand what other people see.