Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Marissa is who I hoped I'd be one day, but that doesn't look like that's going to happen.  I have always thought I wasn't right somehow and always wondered if I was meant to be female. Lately these feelings have come to the surface like a tsunami. I thing it might have something to do with the latest round of testosterone treatment.  I was using T pellets. I sought out T replacement several years ago to try to make the female part go away, it didn't  work.  The implants I received in September didn't seem to work so I went in for blood work and it showed T levels were at 350, I went back to my uro and found that due to personnel changed at that clinic she was no longer working there.  The other uro in the practice saw me and did another pellet implant and had me tested for estradiol.  I turned out my E levels were high so he put me on arimidex, an aromatase blocker. My dysphoria has been unbearable the last month or so . In addition I came out to my wife of 24 yrs, and it was not received well at all,  in fact she said that she would rather have heard that I was dying rather than me being trans. She could not bear to be married to a woman.  I have south out a gender therapist and I have another appointment later today. It is my second appt. the first was before the holidays. I spoke to my wife about coming to a visit some time and she flat refused and said the therapist was "feeding me poison"   I am at my whits end and don't know where to turn. It seems I can't transition nor can I bear living a life of dysphoria.

Hi Marissa,

You are correct, giving a gender dysphoric patient testosterone is like throwing dynamite on a fire.   Please keep talking to the gender therapist.  It may be possible for you to go on a therapeutic dose of estrogen and not need to transtion.   Your wife does need to process the distinct possibility that your brain is female and this is what it may take to keep you afloat.   Some marriages survive this, and some do not.   You should prepare yourself for this.

In the meantime,

Here's some quick links to help you along

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Hugs,
~Jill

Quote from: Jill F on January 07, 2015, 12:05:38 PM
   Your wife does need to process the distinct possibility that your brain is female and this is what it may take to keep you afloat.   

I definitely feel that I have a brain that is mostly female. (still part male due to original equipment?). I have always felt like I'm pretending to be male, always very worried about appearing feminine. The dysphoria is difficult to bear, But I 've found a strange peace about deciding that I would no longer be self conscience about appearing feminine and just be myself no mater what anybody thinks. Ironically the qualities my wife adores in me are the feminine parts of me.

Welcome to Susan's,Marissa. No matter how much you suppress those feelings, they come roaring back. I'm happy that you are moving forward in your transition. Give your wife time to process all this because it will be a change for her as well as you. Keep us posted on your progress.


:)

Hi   :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M