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Everyone, I really need any input you are willing to offer. I need it more than ever right now given what I endured a couple of hours ago...

First of, I'm mtf, and have been on hrt for four months almost. The effects have helped me love myself and love life for once, and I wanted to go full-time soon....

But earlier today, I randomly experienced a ten-minute window wherein I stuttered a lot. My head felt really compressed, and within half an hour, those symptoms ceased, but my face started tingling. I knew it would be stupid to let something like that go unchecked, so I stopped by the ER to get checked out. They did a CBC, an EKG, and a CAT scan; everything came back perfectly normal, and there were no signs of a TIA even.

But the ER doctor told me to stop my hrt and call my main doctor to see where to go from here. He was so rude to me... I'm so scared that I'll be taken off of hrt and never be able to live as who I am. It's killing me....I can't be left alone. It's haunting me. I've come further than I ever thought possibe, and the last four months of my life have been so amazing. I can't go back.

To make everything worse tonight, I got sir'd three different times, and I think it's because I got my hair trimmed too short. I've been given a sample tonight of what going back to looking less feminine would do to my psyche, and I can't take it. I've decided that, if I'm taken off my hrt, I won'tallow myself to feel the pain of being male. I can't win if that happens to me....

I think my odd symptoms were the manifestations of an anxiety attack, because I had it happen pre-hrt also. Please, anyone, help me through this or feel free to offer advice.

I love you all,

Alice

Hi Alice,

Good girl, you did absolutely the right things.

The ER Dr who was rude is a pig if he was rude to you.

I will not give medical advice but if the CAT and EKG were clear you sound OK.

Do you have swelling in any limbs? Particularly legs?

If not, and if these events have happened before (is there a trigger for them BTW?) I would make an appointment to see my treating Dr and continue on the HRT regime prescribed for you.

This is personal opinion not professional.

And stop worrying! There is no reason not to transition!!!!

Ignore the insults, or rather wear them with pride. We transwomen are pretty damn special, to us insults are compliments :laugh:

Hiya, Alice

I'm sorry you've had such a rotten turn :~(

It sounds to me like you've had an anxiety episode triggered, the symptoms match up. I know those well ... have only really gotten them under control this year (age 10-30 was hell).

You will get there. Don't be afraid to see your doc. I think the ER team reacted quite catastrophically to your HRT, and without thinking about it holistically. Often anxiety can be a different issue to transsexualism altogether.

Don't ever take no for an answer x

Hi Alice - glad you're better following your turn. Certainly you should see your main doctor just to clear your concern about the HRT. While it's unlikely to be behind what happened it's better to know for sure than not. Even if it was the HRT it just might mean different doses or meds or combinations are required rather than cessation. Stay safe!

"It sounds to me like you've had an anxiety episode triggered, the symptoms match up. I know those well ... have only really gotten them under control this year (age 10-30 was hell).
"

Yep Im no doctor, but Ive had the stuttery tingle face and felt like death the doc said it was a panic attack. I had a few last year, one on stage giving an art demo in front of lots of people; eeeech! Its harmless even tho i feels like death and that EMT was just rude. Hope youre feeling better :) x

Again, as others have stated, the ER Dr should keep his comments to himself, especially given the outcomes, it is really bad practice...

With out being Dr Like, but are you taking any other drugs? as sometimes there are reactions between drugs... however your Dr should be able to advise fully... If it is depression related you should talk to your Dr about this in the first case...

Above all do not get worried... especially if it happened pre-hrt

Hope all goes well Alice...

Love Katy  :-*

Don't worry until you talk to your endo.  But it sounds to me like a pretty bad panic attack.  I've had some pretty bad ones myself.  One of them, I actually thought I was having a stroke.  I didn't, but it sure felt like it.

Good luck.  You can do this.

Thank you so much for the help, everyone. I'm almost positive that it was just an anxiety attack gone awry. Either that, or a migraine since my head is still pulsating like it was last night. I don't think I'm going to call my treating doctor and talk about this since everything came back okay. I kind of think that the ER doctor's logic -- that my stroke-like symptoms are stroke warning signs -- is kind of flawed since everything came back completely normal, including blood pressure. Someone correct me if I'm wrong,

And I do have utterly terrible anxiety. Also, I titled this "I Feel Like I Can't Win" because stopping HRT would entail me hating myself and likely giving up. But continuing transitioning (which I'll do regardless) will entail a great deal of hardships as well. It's just all so hard.

Again, thank you.

Alice

Sounds unpleasant all around, sorry!

But I think you should definitely talk to your doc and let them know what happened, just in case. Hopefully they are better equipped to think critically about it than the ER doc who couldn't even act like a professional. Someone who has a little experience with HRT ought to be better able to evaluate the symptoms, and if it does happen to be a serious concern, I'd certainly want to adapt the HRT treatment to avoid unnecessary risks.

Hi everyone,

I experienced pretty much the same anxiety attack, or whatever I experienced yesterday, just a few hours ago. I freaked out majorly whenever this happened, and attributed it to a TIA due to what the ER doc told me yesterday. The thing is, I did all the little stroke tests multiple times, and I did just fine... But during my episode, which lasted for almost an hour, I just felt so much tingling, and whether it was my bias or not, I swear it was only on one side -- even in my ear.

So, I'm really freaking out. My mom just basically ignored me and told me to relax because I sometimes I have bad anxiety attacks, but the thought of having to halt HRT makes the anxiety a thousand times worse. My main question right now is if injectable estrogen is safer than oral, which I have been taking. I'm genuinely concerned at this point, especially after finding out that the CT scan wouldn't have detected a TIA.

Again, I don't know if I'm just freaking out over nothing or not, as I just experienced some stuttering here and there, odd tingling, and a migraine feeling that persists. My blood pressure is also low due to being so light, but I'm scared. My mom made things worse tonight by telling me that I'll have to choose between transitioning and thereby experiencing a stroke, or living a normal, depressed life...

Also, I can't find it on my phone, but someone asked about whether or not I experienced swelling; I did not.

Please, any advice is appreciated. I can't go back to how I was...

Alice

Also, I'm returning to my university today, where I'll be staying alone since I room alone. It's really scary to me because if I experience something like what the doc said would happen through continuing estrogen, no one would notice. I don't even have a phone... If I do what the doc told me to do, and drop estradiol, I'm going to slowly revert back to where I was, and that would torture me. I almost want to just keep taking aspirin and my full hrt... All so terrifying.

Not a doctor, but sounds 100% like anxiety to me

I've been there. You're just fine, anxiety symptoms manifest themselves as a host of other things. I went through an 8 month period where I thought I had heart issues, leading me to believe I was experiencing a heart attack up to 4 times a day at the climax of it all. Those were dark times for me, I became completely agoraphobic to the point where I almost had to quit my job because I could not even get in a car without panicking thinking I was about to die. That could not have been farther from the truth. I was just freaking myself out.

Anxiety will tell you that you have lost control of your body- that you are stuck there, in it. It feels like you're dying and that this could be your last breath. But listen to me, you are just fine. The brains fight or flight systems get all out of whack when it comes to anxiety. It tells you RUN but there's nothing to run from.. so where does this energy go? Adrenaline, emotion, panic. First step is to make sure you are breathing somewhere IN BETWEEN too little and too much. Average breathing. No deep breaths because that's going to aggravate things more. Calm breathing, 3/4 full, to 3/4 empty and repeat. Always remember this.

You must get ahold of this anxiety or it will just continue having its way with you. And the only way to get ahold of it is to TRUST your body. Trust your health, your youth, and your genepool. Trust that the universe has provided you with a good and fully functioning vessel in life. It's not going to let you down, you are gonna be a-okay.

Drop a line here if you need, as you have been doing

Quote from: Jennygirl on January 10, 2015, 05:42:10 AM
Not a doctor, but sounds 100% like anxiety to me

I've been there. You're just fine, anxiety symptoms manifest themselves as a host of other things. I went through an 8 month period where I thought I had heart issues, leading me to believe I was experiencing a heart attack up to 4 times a day at the climax of it all. Those were dark times for me, I became completely agoraphobic to the point where I almost had to quit my job because I could not even get in a car without panicking thinking I was about to die. That could not have been farther from the truth. I was just freaking myself out.

Anxiety will tell you that you have lost control of your body- that you are stuck there, in it. It feels like you're dying and that this could be your last breath. But listen to me, you are just fine. The brains fight or flight systems get all out of whack when it comes to anxiety. It tells you RUN but there's nothing to run from.. so where does this energy go? Adrenaline, emotion, panic. First step is to make sure you are breathing somewhere IN BETWEEN too little and too much. Average breathing. No deep breaths because that's going to aggravate things more. Calm breathing, 3/4 full, to 3/4 empty and repeat. Always remember this.

You must get ahold of this anxiety or it will just continue having its way with you. And the only way to get ahold of it is to TRUST your body. Trust your health, your youth, and your genepool. Trust that the universe has provided you with a good and fully functioning vessel in life. It's not going to let you down, you are gonna be a-okay.

Drop a line here if you need, as you have been doing

Thanks so much for posting this. It helped so much given the timing. I needed someone to have confidence in me like you did in your post, as opposed to hearing my mother, for example, telling me to stop transitioning. Whenever that happens, I just feel like everything is such a bigger deal than what it really is, and I get even more anxious over something that's not even a big deal. Thanks again.

Jasper Youre awesome! we will never meet but from here to there, as someone just applying for HRT and often doubting, I salute you! To go through this with people being negative around you, but doing it anyway, thats guts. seriously, u r an inspiration to me.
xx alex

Quote from: Jasper93 on January 10, 2015, 06:30:28 AM
Thanks so much for posting this. It helped so much given the timing. I needed someone to have confidence in me like you did in your post, as opposed to hearing my mother, for example, telling me to stop transitioning. Whenever that happens, I just feel like everything is such a bigger deal than what it really is, and I get even more anxious over something that's not even a big deal. Thanks again.

Ugh you are so welcome, dearie! Helping people with their anxiety is a gift I was given after I had to conquer it for myself. It is my way of paying it forward, and holy crap do I love doing it! I am right there with you breathing a huge sigh of relief, so thank you for your message.

As you might already be able to feel, it all comes down to learning to trust in your body on the daily. To sum it up in one simple term, it's self confidence. It takes time to build. Chances are you might have another spell in the days to come. That is normal and don't be surprised- be ready for it okay? You know what to do and think now: breathe averagely and trust in your body. I would also stay away from any caffeine as well as huge blasts of sugary food like soda, chocolate, and starches and eat a healthy diet. I found that to help a lot in my case, diet was huge. Also if it's any consolation, I was exactly your age when it hit me the hardest :)

Jasper,

I've found that ER docs and EMTs say the darndest thing. Lord knows how many of them I've dealt with... I've had a few homophobic and transphobic ones too. One of them doesn't even like men wearing skinny jeans.

You did all the right things as others said. HRT is important but you don't want to die. Once you talk to your endo you'll likely restart. The good news is that not much can happen in a couple weeks. You'll feel like crap and your skin may start to roughen a bit but it won't really be all that bad. MTFs stop hormones before surgery anyway.

Good luck!

Hi again, everyone.

I've just been sick...

Everything I experienced the last couple days extended into today, and I started feeling so terrible that I puked for the first time in eight years, and like the fifth time ever. As soon as I did it (in the passenger's seat on the way up to my university -- wonderful), I felt incredibly better. The migraine stopped, all the weird sensations stopped, and I didn't have any random stutters. I don't ever puke, not even when I'd run cross country on a full stomach, so I know I caught some sort of stupid sickness, which also never happens.

So, thanks for helping me hang in there, everyone. I'm going to likely call my doc and tell him that I had a terrible migraine for like 48 freaking hours, and it really scared an ER doc -- and probably will ask what to do thereon. God, I feel so much better about everything now lol.

Alice

Quote from: Jasper93 on January 09, 2015, 12:41:02 AM
But the ER doctor told me to stop my hrt and call my main doctor to see where to go from here. He was so rude to me... I'm so scared that I'll be taken off of hrt and never be able to live as who I am.=

I know nothing of HRT yet but I do know ignorant conclusion-jumping when I hear it.  If he was rudely telling you to stop taking a life-saving medicine with which his only knowledge of most likely includes a bible, I wouldn't think too much of it until you talk to the doctor who prescribed it to you in the first place.  If he wasn't a biased person, don't you think he would have told you in a more compassionate manner?

Think about it.  Which is more likely, that an ER doc would know a whole lot about HRT or that he may just not approve of your condition? 

Definitely don't take his word over your own doctor.

Quote from: Abysha on January 10, 2015, 10:02:54 PM
I know nothing of HRT yet but I do know ignorant conclusion-jumping when I hear it.  If he was rudely telling you to stop taking a life-saving medicine with which his only knowledge of most likely includes a bible, I wouldn't think too much of it until you talk to the doctor who prescribed it to you in the first place.  If he wasn't a biased person, don't you think he would have told you in a more compassionate manner?

Think about it.  Which is more likely, that an ER doc would know a whole lot about HRT or that he may just not approve of your condition? 

Definitely don't take his word over your own doctor.

Wonderful post. Yes, there's stigma associated with HRT being used for trans people in a lot of places. It's hard to find a doctor who will even treat a trans person who's on HRT near my hometown. I guess, in all, the ER staff handled it well -- and the nurse even told me I wouldn't have to take my shirt off during the EKG because I've developed breasts -- but the doc"s attitude was horrendous.

As far as HRT goes, I'm 21 years old, have low blood pressure, have good liver function, and don't smoke or anything, so it's supposed to be safe for me. The main concern is typically blood clots, so of course, the doc attributed my weird symptoms to just that. God, he was intimidating. He said verbatim, "If you continue these medications, you will have a stroke." I asked him if I could just discontinue the estradiol, and he said to stop the entire thing.

Mind you, I just showed up there to basically see if my symptoms should cause concern given what I'm taking, and was expecting a genuine recommendation as to what to do, as opposed to having all these tests conducted on me, thereby making me feel even more anxious.