Susan's Place Transgender Resources

did you ever ask your self why you are trans? why we feel this way?

also is it real that people born this way (trans-gays-or lesbians)? or we become this way? ofc every person from the comunity if you ask him/her they will tell you we born this way!! but is it real, i talked with cis people about it and all of them dont believe we born this way they said it's just cause of how our parents raised us!! they said everybody born straight but what we live and experience is what it change us to be trans or gays!! also if we was born this way then why people keep change there sexuality all the time if you were born this way then i won't be able to change, that's the big proof it's a choice!!!

also what the proof that we will feel this way toward our bodied forever? what if that change ?what the proof that all our feelings won't change?!! sorry so many things going on in my head just want to discuss the subject!

I don't know that anyone can really provide proof of anything, truly. All we have are our experiences, emotions, our memories. That forms our reality. Getting more philosophical, I had a teacher in high school who challenged us in a lot of ways but one exercise he did with us was to put a chair in the middle of the room and ask us to prove it existed without touching it or causing anything else to touch it. Because you see it? But who is to say your perception of the chair's existence is my perception of the chair's existence? I think that applies for a lot of things. I only know my reality. And my reality is that I am one of those people who has felt something different from my earliest memories. I don't believe that it had anything to do with how I was raised. While my parents are supportive of me now, they didn't "encourage" me to feel like a stranger in my own life. I didn't know anything about being transgender or that transition was option until into my twenties. So my reality is that this has always been a part of me. It has always been who I am. I don't believe for me that it was a choice, other than the choice to own that part of me and to do what I needed to do to feel ok.

The people you're talking to don't really know anything.  Lots of studies have been done trying to find the common factor in the way transgender people were raised-- there isn't one.  Plenty of people try not to be transgender, they choose not to be transgender and, guess what? They're still transgender.  Whether or not to pursue hormone therapy, surgery, and transition is a choice, but sometimes the alternatives are pretty unthinkable.  Yes, sometimes (very rarely) gender identity changes during a person's life-- sometimes weight changes, or eyesight, or hair color, or mood.  The fact that it changes doesn't mean its a choice. 

Whatever causes us to be this way, it's something intrinsic to the individual, which is either set before birth or by some random environmental event in the first couple years of life.  People can believe anything they want, they can say anything they want, but that doesn't mean their beliefs are factually correct.

I have asked that question many times...and still have no answer to the "WHY?"...but living for forty years in a female body waiting for the awful feelings to go away was not a healthy way to live.  So I changed things to feel better, more like myself,  and live a more fulfilling life.  I am certain transition was right for me, but yes, I still wonder "Why did this happen to me?"  I think that is okay.  There are many things in the world that exist without explanation.

thnx for the replies, me too i dont know why i'm this way but inside i feel it's the true me the real me a man and i'm 10000% sure of it but i always have that big fear that i might be wrong i mean what if you wake up someday and you dont feel this way no more?!! you said everything change right? ain't that so scary?!

Quote from: jossef-ftm on January 09, 2015, 04:52:22 PM
you said everything change right? ain't that so scary?!

It really, really is!  If you take the time to really know yourself, you can usually get a sense of what changes are and aren't likely.  But the fact remains that nothing is guaranteed to stay the same.  Gender identity and sexual orientation are really two of the *least* changeable aspects of character.  It's common for people to choose a career, get married, have children, align themselves with a political philosophy, practice a religion, get a tattoo-- whatever-- and then decide years or decades later that they did the wrong thing.  It's terrifying. 

Quote from: jossef-ftm on January 09, 2015, 04:52:22 PM
thnx for the replies, me too i dont know why i'm this way but inside i feel it's the true me the real me a man and i'm 10000% sure of it but i always have that big fear that i might be wrong i mean what if you wake up someday and you dont feel this way no more?!! you said everything change right? ain't that so scary?!

When you think about how life works, it's not that scary. There's nothing you can be certain of at all except death and taxes.

Marcellow : death is not scary, life and it surprises r more scary, when you r dead you don't feel nothing!

How far you have gone))))) If we ask a question on the reasons of the reasons, we'll come – jne way - to the problem of Big Bang )))) When You asked the question - I remembered real conscious reasons: why I'am ready to go to transition - because I want this, this and this, and I do not accept this, this and this.

You can't expect for cis-people to a) understand what it's like to feel this way or b) define what makes someone trans*.  There are plenty of guys (and girls) like myself who have had the awareness of being trapped in the wrong body since before starting school - as an earliest memory.  So to say that social conditioning "makes" us this way is absurd.  It may be the case for some confused people out there, but I think that would be incredibly rare.

I also believe that there is no 100% guarantee that every trans* person will always feel dysphoric or will always feel bound to one end of the gender spectrum.  As we experience life, our perspectives can change.  So some people may feel, down the road, that they are more gender-fluid.  Some will always feel male or female.  Some people may experiment with their sexualities.  There's no reason to feel fearful of change.  It's going to happen in this lifetime whether we like it or not in some aspect - gender, sexuality, favourite food, favourite colour, prejudices - they can all change.  It's just how you facilitate and deal with that change that matters.  Not anyone's opinions.