Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It drives me crazy when I'm at work and someone's children are just staring at me. I know kids just do this at anything/anyone really, but they are also more likely to speak up about perceived discrepancies they may find in a person. I don't seem to tip the scales of my gender to male in the eyes of most adults, but I'm so paranoid that some child is going to throw their mum or dad/other guardian into doubt. Anyone else have this concern??  :-\

Kids are definitely the litmus test. I know what you mean about that fear. My very first time out in public I found myself on a train sitting opposite a kid in just that right age group to say something hideous. Luckily he never did!

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 11, 2015, 06:24:36 PM
Kids are definitely the litmus test. I know what you mean about that fear. My very first time out in public I found myself on a train sitting opposite a kid in just that right age group to say something hideous. Luckily he never did!

The worst I've had was a girl asking if I was a boy or a girl, her mum just apologized and looked embarrassed.. so it wasn't really awful, but also an annoying reminder of where I am in this process. Actually, I may have been sporting no makeup+five o'clock shadow.. probably didn't help. This was before I was presenting female. lol! But still really bothered me.

kids have a innately genetically built radar . I think they could detect a loose bolt from a supersonic aircraft fly at the edge of the stratosphere . It really is more horror filled then watching the scariest movie you ever saw when they sit there or walk by you with their eyes glued to you. It happens to me no matter how I'm dressed. Then when your sitting somewhere and they walk by you holding hands with their mother and their head and eyes are locked on to you and no matter how far they move away their face is always pointed at you. then when they get far away and their still looking and the mother bends towards then to try to figure out what their looking at and you sit there and try to guess the kids explanation why he's dead weight.

aw look at it this way - this is our part in raising a well-adjusted and open minded new generation :~)

I live in a rough-ish area where kids are allowed to run wild. I have kids *coming up to me* to ask questions.

First time it was quite awkward. But then I realised they were genuinely curious - and these are my chances to make a good impression - which I think I did because I'm very open and not easily offended.

Nowadays a bunch of local kids know my name. When we see me they call out 'haiii Sarah!'. It's very sweet :~)

Quote from: Damara on January 11, 2015, 06:21:34 PM
It drives me crazy when I'm at work and someone's children are just staring at me. I know kids just do this at anything/anyone really, but they are also more likely to speak up about perceived discrepancies they may find in a person. I don't seem to tip the scales of my gender to male in the eyes of most adults, but I'm so paranoid that some child is going to throw their mum or dad/other guardian into doubt. Anyone else have this concern??  :-\

Could happen, right? There's no such thing as perfect passability. Fortunately getting clocked is survivable. So she tells her mum and her mum does what? Shoots you a dirty look? You feel embarrassed for a brief second before your realize that having transitioned is nothing to be ashamed of - in fact something to be proud of. You hold your head high and show them the proud face of transgender. Then you move on and the brief incident is over in seconds.

No big deal, right?

Quote from: suzifrommd on January 11, 2015, 07:50:50 PM
You feel embarrassed for a brief second before your realize that having transitioned is nothing to be ashamed of - in fact something to be proud of. You hold your head high and show them the proud face of transgender.

I just could not agree more.

We *should* be damned proud of ourselves. We are doing this to become better people. It takes courage, resilience and patience. No small feat. *well done all of us* <3

Quote from: SarahBoo on January 11, 2015, 07:40:57 PM
aw look at it this way - this is our part in raising a well-adjusted and open minded new generation :~)

I live in a rough-ish area where kids are allowed to run wild. I have kids *coming up to me* to ask questions.

First time it was quite awkward. But then I realised they were genuinely curious - and these are my chances to make a good impression - which I think I did because I'm very open and not easily offended.

Nowadays a bunch of local kids know my name. When we see me they call out 'haiii Sarah!'. It's very sweet :~)

this is the best

aw Alex, no you are <3

I'm sure I've said this before.

My gorgeous 41/2 yr old daughter of a very close friend has been 'confused' I'm Cindy to her and she draws pics of me as a woman, but she also knew me as a 'man'. Her Dad asked her 'is Cindy a man or a woman?' 'She's a woman, but she use to be a man'. She then embarrassed the crap out of her Mum in a post office when she walked up to a stranger and asked 'are you a manwoman like Cindy?'

It is a innocence that I accept as being just that, innocent.

I have kidphobia,even before transition kids spooked me and I avoided them at all times.I keep out of kids way as much as possible

Quote from: Damara on January 11, 2015, 06:21:34 PM
but I'm so paranoid that some child is going to throw their mum or dad/other guardian into doubt. Anyone else have this concern??  :-\

I find it's less of a concern for me as time goes on... I don't pass very much anyway, in my own eyes (tho I seem to be gendered female everywhere, for the most part), so, if some kid outs me, so be it.

But, when I first started my transition I went shopping with a good friend and her kids... It was like my second or third time going out of the house dressed as a woman, so I was already incredibly nervous. And my friends 8 year old daughter walked up to the cashier and said "My friend Jennifer is really a boy."

I turned and immediately walked out of the store. I haven't returned since.

It's kind of cute... with my hourglass figure and waist-length pink, green and brown hair, little girls stare mesmerized at me everywhere I go.  The general consensus among my friends is that little girls see me and think, "She looks like a Barbie." 

I smile and wave... they stare in wonder and usually wave back.   ::)

I have a soft spot for kids.  They really are just curious.  If I do get any stares I just smile, and if appropriate, say hello.  That seems to diffuse any staring quickly.  No one has asked if I am a man or a women, but if they did I would say I am a women and give no further explanation.  It is interesting though.  I have fairly recently come out to my neighbors, and one of the Moms told me one of her children always thought I was a women, even before I came out to them.   Apparently the parents tried to tell the child I was not several times, but he remained unconvinced.

Quote from: jessical on January 12, 2015, 02:07:00 PM
...Apparently the parents tried to tell the child I was not several times, but he remained unconvinced.

Yup, I can totally see why he couldn't be convinced... you're cute as can be.   ;)

I am quite OK with kids, they dont usually stare at me or whisper something to their parents - the funniest thing which has happened was once in the hospital when some little girl looked at me and the loudly asked her mother: "Moooom! Why is he wearing a ponytail?!?"
I could not restrain myself and started giggling quite loudly in reply (was thinking - here we go! Just got gender-policed by a little girl!) - her mom looked at me with apologising look and I just smiled back at them.

My granddaughter (3 years old) told the nurse in the hosp when her sister was born, "This is Beth! She's my mom's dad!"

:laugh:

Gotta laugh with the honesty.

Quote from: Miharu Barbie on January 12, 2015, 02:13:58 PM
Yup, I can totally see why he couldn't be convinced... you're cute as can be.   ;)

Awww, Thanks!  That made my day ;)

I get the stares from kids too sometimes. But I have to say (and I may be the odd man out here) that I really don't mind it as much when it comes from a kid. Even when they get around to actually asking if I'm a boy or a girl, it still doesn't upset me. I guess cuz I figure that kids under a certain age don't really hold judgments, they're just curious. At least that's been my experience.

The first time I had a child stare at me, I had only been full time a little less than a month. I'm standing in line at a Panera bread and a 6 year old girl kept staring and smiling at me while twisting her body around and back of her mom. My fear was that I was about to be outed by a 6 year old. I smiled back at her and then she says: "Wow, your a tall lady!!!!" I responded with a "Yes I am." with a big smile. That made my day. To be fair I am 6'7" so I do get stares, but it's for being seen as a tall woman. I have a cis woman friend who is 6'4" and it happens to her all the time.

Quote from: big kim on January 12, 2015, 02:37:36 AM
I have kidphobia,even before transition kids spooked me and I avoided them at all times.I keep out of kids way as much as possible

That is probably because young kids are genuinely "in your face" honest.  They have yet to be beaten down an "moderated" by "political correctness".  Ah...the innocence of youth.

Just a couple weeks after I decided to get top surgery I had a 5 y.o. boy ask if I was a man or woman. I'd taught his class several times already and, other than binding and some good arm muscles, I don't look male at all. I have long hair but no makeup. I smiled and told him it didn't matter. He asked again a few minutes later. Same answer. No questions over the next couple of weeks.

Is it wrong that I was a little amused?  :)

Old story but I can relay it again.

My friends have a son who just turned 5. He's seen me as I transitioned from age 3 onward. One time his mom mentioned to him that "Liz" was coming over for dinner.

Mother: Liz is coming over for dinner. Do you remember Liz?

Boy: I remember Liz! Sometimes Liz is David but sometimes Liz is Liz!

Mother, now curious: Does it bother you that sometimes Liz is David?

At that point the boy stares at his mother as if she asked something totally ridiculous. She loved it. And when she told me, I loved it. And their son loves to see me come around because I shower him (and the new baby sister) with my attention when allowed. :) So their son has grown up in an environment where someone being trans is a great big "so what?" sort of moment. :)

If kids are the litmus test, then teen girls are the Acid Test  :'( 

The weird thing for me is that kids used to look at me and scream/cry.  Apparently I was "scary".  Now little kids smile and wave at me.  I guess I'm not so scary anymore.

Quote from: LizMarie on January 13, 2015, 06:22:44 PM
Old story but I can relay it again.

My friends have a son who just turned 5. He's seen me as I transitioned from age 3 onward. One time his mom mentioned to him that "Liz" was coming over for dinner.

Mother: Liz is coming over for dinner. Do you remember Liz?

Boy: I remember Liz! Sometimes Liz is David but sometimes Liz is Liz!

Mother, now curious: Does it bother you that sometimes Liz is David?

At that point the boy stares at his mother as if she asked something totally ridiculous. She loved it. And when she told me, I loved it. And their son loves to see me come around because I shower him (and the new baby sister) with my attention when allowed. :) So their son has grown up in an environment where someone being trans is a great big "so what?" sort of moment. :)

A friend of mine's 4 year old daughter did similar things regarding me. At one point she walked up to me and said "You can't be Jennifer because Jennifer is a boy's name and you're a girl." I had no idea how to respond that that.

Quote from: JoanneB on January 13, 2015, 08:58:33 PM
If kids are the litmus test, then teen girls are the Acid Test  :'( 

You aren't fooling. I can't count the number of times some teen girl has given me dirty looks, and one time I overheard some teen girl telling her mom "That lady looks like a dude."

I was going to suggest poke your tongue out at them, but then I read this is at work, so probably a no-no :-P. It's a great ice breaker with smaller kids though :D

"I was going to suggest poke your tongue out at them"

Bingo!!

Quote from: alexbb on January 14, 2015, 09:40:21 AM
"I was going to suggest poke your tongue out at them"

Bingo!!

[emoji16]

So glad I'm not the only one with this issue.. But truly, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks about us. Making this a reality inside, is difficult though.  :-\

About a year ago I was out somewhere and some kid was obviously starring at me, and I heard his dad say, "Don't stare." in such a way that it was obvious I was off in someway in gender appearance, but it was better to just not acknowledge it out of politeness.

I was so crushed. Now I notice weird looks more than I did before. If we are out somewhere and there are kids near us at a restaurant or something, I will make sure not to face them when sitting down for fear of a comment directed towards me.

I don't think I stand out that much, so that event brought home the reality that I may look stranger than I think I do.

It started out with me disliking kids a lot, and their honesty. But nowadays it almost feels like a compliment. Kids are curious about whatever is new and clearly you bring up quite some curiosity for them. No matter how you look at it, you clearly don't look like a cis guy anymore.

Now if a kid sees you as a guy dressing up and says that out loud, it hurts. But then you can start thinking of how that changes into a feminine person.

I'd lie if I say I have not gotten hurt by it a few time when you pass by a kid and hear something as 'that guy has long hair!' but eh.. it also is a slap in the face that I have to stop letting my insecurities play a bigger role and stop being afraid of being me =/.

I am rambling ._.

Lol.....
RELAX  girls. 

Get  out  of  the  self  doubt  mindset  and  take  a  lil  trip.  go  to  the  mall,  the  market,  the  park. 
  your  mission,  observe  the  women. 

  you  will  find,  all  shapes  and  sizes,  some very  feminine,  others  that  could  tuck  in  the  boobs  and  pass  for  guys. 

i  recall  early  in  my  transition,  in  that  real  life  trial  stage,  where  i  obsessed  about  'passing'.
  that topic  came  up  in  one  of  my  sessions  at  the shrinks  office.
i  did  the  lil  road  trip  as  discribed  above,  and  reported  back.
  yep  there  were  girls  taller  then  my  5'  11'',    girls  with  deep  voices,  girls  with  big  hands,  girls  with  well  defined  muscles,  and  girls  with  masculine  features. 

and  the  appithany,  they  too  got  the  second  look . 

its  human  nature  to  look,  just  as  everyone  looks  when  some drop  dead  georgous  woman  walks  by. 

  relax,  enjoy,  dont  sweat  the  kids,  99%  of  my  'outings'  by  children  were  followed  by  embarrisments  or  apologies by  the  parents. 

  just  be  thankfull  for  growth  hormones  in  milk  that  made  the  average  female  grow  much  taller  then  our  counterparts  of  40  years  ago....   

I don't mind much with obvious children stare or ask me questions. Where I live, there aren't many black people so I get asked about my color and hair by children all the time. I guess I'm bout as odd as seeing a Bengal tiger for them! Some little kid even came up and said, "Can I touch your hair?" When I worked at McDonalds. I just shrugged, walked around the register, and laughed when his mom came around and saw him petting me and screaming out, "It's like a sheep!" and poor lady looked like she was about to die of a heart attack.

Now if these said kids are beyond the age of 13, all my patience for them dies. I have no patience, let me said NO FREAKING PATIENCE for older kids. They should, at that point, have enough common sense to known black people exist out of Africa (some one child asked me if it snowed in Africa -_-. I don't know kid, I'm not from there....)

Now if kids ask if I'm a boy or girl, I say boy. If a parent says, "Don't say that!" I say, "It's okay sir/ma'am. They're just curious and young.". If a kid stares, I stare back playfully. If a parent says, "Don't stare." I shrug it off. I really don't mind with little kids. Actually like the little ones. But seriously, past 13 NO patience exists for them. Past 8, they still annoy me but it's a childish annoyance and therefor I have patience for them. But 13 year olds? I think riding my bus made me completely hate them and everything for their age group. Especially girls.

My mom is a preschool teacher. And I think a least 50% time I went to her classroom, no matter my age (from let's say 3 to today so 25) a child asked me if I was a boy or a girl. It doesn't bother me in fact. (must say I'm agender so for me it's the most natural question someone could ask because it's normal they don't understand in which box to put me). When I was younger I always said "I'm a girl" because I thought it was easier. But now I prefer say things like "what do you think ?" or "Is it important ?" or "I was just asking myself the same question" or my favorite one "and you ?". (In fact I think adults should ask more often if someone is a boy or a girl. It would make things easier. You just say what you feel and there is no strange moment when the stupid sandwich seller can't decide how to call you).
I've a friend who is genderqueer and he does the same. Never put us in a bad situation.

But what I can't stand is when I go shopping, as I don't like girl clothes and I'm too small for men clothes I often go to children department (boy, of course). And there, I can't stand children stares !!

ooooh my goodness.  Kids are always the first to go on with the "are you a boy or a girl?" question.  Back in the day it was always "i'm a girl" and they'd say "are you sure?"  Turns out they were more right then I was at the time.  Luckily I haven't had the issue since becoming hormonally male.  I'm sure you'll get there too!  Seems you're doing better than I was already!