Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Luna Star on January 12, 2015, 12:12:57 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: Luna Star on January 12, 2015, 12:12:57 PM
Post by: Luna Star on January 12, 2015, 12:12:57 PM
Hello there all, again...
This is the only place really that will understand my frustrations about this I bet. Basically the story is like this.
I just decided to let me grow out my hair a bit and now it is longer than it has ever been, but not abnormally long (for a guy). And even though I feel better in my skin than I ever have and even though my family knows about my trans feelings, to top it off with the fact that I will see a psychiatrist in April...
They keep making fun of me and my hair because it is longer and keep telling me I should get a haircut...
I can "laugh" once, I can laugh twice perhaps at the same lame "joke". But not over a million times. Especially not when I already stated bluntly that I like my hair like it is and that they should stop picking on me all the time. Even though I do all that, they still laugh at me even when I am not there.
My family told me they wouldn't support me on my trans journey but neither hinder me. I've come to realization that only get hindered anyways, behind a facade with a sign on it saying "Supportive".
I don't know what to do. I never feel at ease. I can hold off people in daily life just fine but I feel(/am) attacked all the time by people who should at least not hinder me.
The worst part is that they think they are doing the right thing, "accepting" me nonetheless when this "joking" is just turning into bullying from my perspective.
I am just going insane, it is not about a dumb haircut it means so much more to me than just the hair. It's about the whole gender issue I've been struggling all my life with where they are now making a joke off :'( .
I don't know what to do anymore
This is the only place really that will understand my frustrations about this I bet. Basically the story is like this.
I just decided to let me grow out my hair a bit and now it is longer than it has ever been, but not abnormally long (for a guy). And even though I feel better in my skin than I ever have and even though my family knows about my trans feelings, to top it off with the fact that I will see a psychiatrist in April...
They keep making fun of me and my hair because it is longer and keep telling me I should get a haircut...
I can "laugh" once, I can laugh twice perhaps at the same lame "joke". But not over a million times. Especially not when I already stated bluntly that I like my hair like it is and that they should stop picking on me all the time. Even though I do all that, they still laugh at me even when I am not there.
My family told me they wouldn't support me on my trans journey but neither hinder me. I've come to realization that only get hindered anyways, behind a facade with a sign on it saying "Supportive".
I don't know what to do. I never feel at ease. I can hold off people in daily life just fine but I feel(/am) attacked all the time by people who should at least not hinder me.
The worst part is that they think they are doing the right thing, "accepting" me nonetheless when this "joking" is just turning into bullying from my perspective.
I am just going insane, it is not about a dumb haircut it means so much more to me than just the hair. It's about the whole gender issue I've been struggling all my life with where they are now making a joke off :'( .
I don't know what to do anymore
Title: Re: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: Ms Grace on January 12, 2015, 04:31:36 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on January 12, 2015, 04:31:36 PM
Parents are usually utter freaks when it comes to hair and their kids, I have no idea why. At a guess you are up against a fairly sustained passive aggressive campaign of teasing, whether they are conscious of it or not. My response would be to keep it growing but get it styled so that it stays neat and presentable. Also, number one rule when being teased - ignore them. Don't acknowledge any "joke" don't even blink. There's a high probability they will get bored soon enough.
Title: Re: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: Reilana on January 12, 2015, 07:20:50 PM
Post by: Reilana on January 12, 2015, 07:20:50 PM
I second Ms Grace, 'jokes' only really work when one responds to them, so if you don't find it funny, then you ignore it and make no reaction, they'll get bored of it after a while. Also as one who was teased a bit during my junior high and high school years, I know from experience that ignoring the jabs is the best way to deal with teasing, the ones doing the teasing get bored pretty quickly.
Title: Re: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: Kacie Lynne on January 12, 2015, 07:41:44 PM
Post by: Kacie Lynne on January 12, 2015, 07:41:44 PM
not sure how your relationship is with them in normal non trans issues but my family
used to joke and make fun of me when i was a kid so i know how it is, what i ended
up doing is just leaving the room, either going to my room and locking the door or
i would leave the house and stay away for a while and then when i did get back i would
not talk to them, soon they where all wondering why i never spent any time with the family
anymore, so i told them that as long as they wanted to treat me like crap and like i was not
part of the family then i would not be around to spend time with and they started to get the
idea and they eventually stopped the jokes, sometimes the people you should be able to trust
the most end up being the most hurtful
used to joke and make fun of me when i was a kid so i know how it is, what i ended
up doing is just leaving the room, either going to my room and locking the door or
i would leave the house and stay away for a while and then when i did get back i would
not talk to them, soon they where all wondering why i never spent any time with the family
anymore, so i told them that as long as they wanted to treat me like crap and like i was not
part of the family then i would not be around to spend time with and they started to get the
idea and they eventually stopped the jokes, sometimes the people you should be able to trust
the most end up being the most hurtful
Title: Re: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: katiej on January 12, 2015, 09:34:01 PM
Post by: katiej on January 12, 2015, 09:34:01 PM
You can't control them. But you can control your proximity to them.
So as others have said, if they start up, remove yourself from the equation either by ignoring it or by physically going away. It's not fun to bully someone that isn't bothered by it.
And just stay strong. It'll get better...one way or another. :)
So as others have said, if they start up, remove yourself from the equation either by ignoring it or by physically going away. It's not fun to bully someone that isn't bothered by it.
And just stay strong. It'll get better...one way or another. :)
Title: Re: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: sonson on January 13, 2015, 01:19:08 AM
Post by: sonson on January 13, 2015, 01:19:08 AM
I've endured enough unwanted comments on my hair length that I have become numb to the words.
Im sorry your family is being so insensitive to you. the most important thing is to not let them break down your confidence in yourself, though I know thats easier said than done. Do you have any friends who support you? or perhaps a trans support group? I think you could use some time with people who will treat you with respect and positivity, being trans is a tough road and you dont deserve to go through it while living in ridicule.
Im sorry your family is being so insensitive to you. the most important thing is to not let them break down your confidence in yourself, though I know thats easier said than done. Do you have any friends who support you? or perhaps a trans support group? I think you could use some time with people who will treat you with respect and positivity, being trans is a tough road and you dont deserve to go through it while living in ridicule.
Title: Re: Hair and Family, need help
Post by: Steph34 on January 13, 2015, 10:44:50 AM
Post by: Steph34 on January 13, 2015, 10:44:50 AM
Growing hair longer is one of the best ways to feminize one's appearance. It worked well for me pre-transition, or so I thought until I suffered from severe DHT poisoning, which due to the length was not evident until most of my hair was gone. My father did not like it, either. The best way to get through this kind of thing is to find someone who is supportive and spend a lot of time with them. I find that having the support of others makes my father's hate so much more tolerable. And if you think their comments have become bullying, then as others have said it might stop if you try to ignore it. I know that can be easier said than done sometimes.