Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 07:53:24 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Gender and friends
Post by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 07:53:24 AM
Post by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 07:53:24 AM
I have a close group of friends up locally where I live. These aren't really good ole country boys but they like things like target shooting and outdoors. But really they aren't into "girly" stuff. There are a lot of off color jokes and misogyny and sometimes even homophobic comments made. I just stay silent and roll with it. I mean I have spoken against some of the stuff but it just happens so often I just don't even bother anymore. Apart from that they're good.
But I came out to one of them, and pretty soon I'm going to come out to all of them. The one I came out too was pretty supportive. The others probably will be too.
But my wife is now saying," so if you consider yourself to be a woman now, why are you hanging out with a bunch of these rough men?" To be fair she has somewhat of a point, but at the same time they are my friends. It's not even that I'm scared for my safety as I can most definitely handle myself.
I dunno, I was thinking of maybe scaling back hanging out, it's not like we hang out often to begin with, maybe once every few weeks. I want to go back to making more friends with women, as I did before I emigrated to the U.S. and how I do in my professional life (I talk and hang out with women at work, not really men as much). I mean the shooting thing is no big deal as I can go on my own and I always meet new people at the club range anyway.
So the question is, have you scaled back or adjusted friendships when you transitioned, or did you keep your same friends? What changed and how?
I have something else but I'll save it for later.
But I came out to one of them, and pretty soon I'm going to come out to all of them. The one I came out too was pretty supportive. The others probably will be too.
But my wife is now saying," so if you consider yourself to be a woman now, why are you hanging out with a bunch of these rough men?" To be fair she has somewhat of a point, but at the same time they are my friends. It's not even that I'm scared for my safety as I can most definitely handle myself.
I dunno, I was thinking of maybe scaling back hanging out, it's not like we hang out often to begin with, maybe once every few weeks. I want to go back to making more friends with women, as I did before I emigrated to the U.S. and how I do in my professional life (I talk and hang out with women at work, not really men as much). I mean the shooting thing is no big deal as I can go on my own and I always meet new people at the club range anyway.
So the question is, have you scaled back or adjusted friendships when you transitioned, or did you keep your same friends? What changed and how?
I have something else but I'll save it for later.
Title: Re: Gender and friends
Post by: suzifrommd on January 13, 2015, 07:56:07 AM
Post by: suzifrommd on January 13, 2015, 07:56:07 AM
All my friends are female. I never had much in common with guys and we never understood each other. I never liked the sort of friendships guys had with each other, so I've always preferred females as friends. Most of my friendships have not changed since my transition.
Title: Re: Gender and friends
Post by: Ara on January 13, 2015, 08:24:31 AM
Post by: Ara on January 13, 2015, 08:24:31 AM
I wouldn't change my friendships with people just because I transitioned. I still intend to be friends with everyone I'm friends with now. I predict that there will be a change in the relationship dynamics. I won't be "one of the guys". But I'll be that cool girl they are friends with instead.
Title: Re: Gender and friends
Post by: Jason C on January 13, 2015, 08:33:10 AM
Post by: Jason C on January 13, 2015, 08:33:10 AM
I've kept the same friends, but to be fair, I am useless at making friends. I have two close female friends and two close male friends. I don't think you should stop hanging out with them unless you would even if you weren't trans. I mean, if you don't want to anymore, then fair enough. But if it's that you don't think you should have male friends because you're female, I don't think that should be an issue. It doesn't really matter; if you like hanging out with someone, hang out with them if you want to, you know?
Title: Re: Gender and friends
Post by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 08:42:31 AM
Post by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 08:42:31 AM
Quote from: Ara on January 13, 2015, 08:24:31 AM
I wouldn't change my friendships with people just because I transitioned. I still intend to be friends with everyone I'm friends with now. I predict that there will be a change in the relationship dynamics. I won't be "one of the guys". But I'll be that cool girl they are friends with instead.
This is exactly what I envision. However it will take them some time to get used to the idea that I'm not one of the guys anymore. It might even be a bit awkward.
Title: Re: Gender and friends
Post by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 08:53:11 AM
Post by: ImagineKate on January 13, 2015, 08:53:11 AM
So there is more.
I get the vibe that my wife thinks I am romantically involved with one of them... why I have no clue. I mean, I don't even find them attractive in that way. Even though I'm now bi leaning to straight I really have no interest in a relationship, or worse, an extramarital affair right now.
Also, she's never really been keen on friends. We have had a few but if I make too many friends, even friends of the same gender, she kind of gets upset. She asks why I'm hanging out, why I'm doing this, that and the other... really, can't I have a life? I do all my chores and housework, dammit.
I get the vibe that my wife thinks I am romantically involved with one of them... why I have no clue. I mean, I don't even find them attractive in that way. Even though I'm now bi leaning to straight I really have no interest in a relationship, or worse, an extramarital affair right now.
Also, she's never really been keen on friends. We have had a few but if I make too many friends, even friends of the same gender, she kind of gets upset. She asks why I'm hanging out, why I'm doing this, that and the other... really, can't I have a life? I do all my chores and housework, dammit.
Title: Re: Gender and friends
Post by: Dee Marshall on January 13, 2015, 09:25:58 AM
Post by: Dee Marshall on January 13, 2015, 09:25:58 AM
Sounds extremely codependent. My wife had been that way for the first 10 years of our marriage or so. Shy as I am it really whittled down our friends list to the point where we only have one locally now. Not a good situation. I can understand her concerns about your friends, but I agree with the majority here. There must be some other way to alleviate her concerns.