Susan's Place Transgender Resources

  A couple of weeks ago the other women at work invited me to join them at their table for lunch it was so nice to sit and talk about things I actually cared about. They continued to ask me to join them when I happened to be in the break room when they were having lunch, now I have regular spot at the table. Today I was asked to join some of them when they do some light aerobic and stretching exercises during break time. It was a lot of fun and I felt wonderful afterward. I did not understand the Korean being spoken on the tape so I just watched them to see what to do, they told me the recording was of the exercises they did as school children.
   This morning when I woke up I looked in the mirror and thought you are never really going to pass at your age. I am full-time fifty six and pre HRT I may not pass but I am being accepted which is something I am starting to think is more important.

hey Stevie,

I'm glad to hear that some of the woman at work are being accepting of you. That is a big step. As for the passing part, it's all mental. One day you will look at the mirror and be in complete shock that you have no idea who this beautiful woman is staring you came from. you might look around and see where she's at, and boom suddenly it'll hit you. It's you. Just keep doing what you want and it will soon enough show its face.

"Passing" is a mental fear issue.

Acceptance is real.

Just something I learned in my transition.

Well, you don't have to 'pass' to be accepted or loved or viewed as yourself :) passing refers to the physical, and honestly, to a lot of people, that doesn't matter. You are who you are, and if people accept that, then good! That's the way the world should be. I'm glad they're accepting you though, that's brilliant.

  I've been making an effort to be more social with the women at work prior to my coming out.  Some of them are responding proactively with me as a result in building healthy friendships and they are acting like we are on equal footing.  I feel much more comfortable and natural having these interactions with the women than the men.  When the time hits for me to go full-time female at work I don't think any of them will care that I'm not finished with transition at that point.

That's really cool that they've accepted you like that. Acceptance is the most awesome feeling.

For me there is a real definite divide between acceptance and passing. When I go out, I am completely confident that I will be accepted in a female role. I have yet to have anyone react to me as male since I've started transitioning. According to some family members and friends, I exude femininity and seem so completely natural. However, I don't think I pass all that often. Maybe more than I think I do, but not nearly as much as I'd like. lol.

I have a lot of knocks against me for passing - I'm 6'5", have a small adams apple, walk hand in hand with my wife, wear size 13 boots, and while my fingers are long, my hands can palm a basketball.

But, I do not let any of that affect my confidence when I go out. Nor do I let it affect my happiness. I take ownership of my features, and don't let them control me. It was weird when I was first able to do that. And so liberating.

- Jess

Totally awesome Stevie  :icon_chick:  You go girl!!! I'm in my 50's also

  I have worked with these people for years, and have been transitioning openly. They have seen me over the years as I suffered from the progressive deterioration of my body and spirit from denying who I am. They have also seen the positive effects of my transition on both my mental and physical health. I have not come out per-say to everyone at work but it became pretty obvious when I started to wear my mary janes and carry a purse at work  :)

That sounds fantastic Stevie, I'm glad that you've found people you're more comfortable with.

Most of my friendships at work have all been with men, we've always just had more in common. But there's some hurdles, like on the night out when we had "male" and "female" tables and that felt really awkward. It would be great if they'd invite me to sit with them. I plan to transition openly at work too, and have been doing the same job for six years so most people know me quite well. Can only hope it goes half as well and really hope this continues for you.

See I am afraid that I am the opposite of what Jessica mentions. I am afraid I have too much of a guy personality to exude femininity... I honestly think this is the biggest thing holding me back right now. I guess when I look outside myself interacting, I feel like I am a clumsy man trying to act like a woman. I doubt I am that bad, but it is hard to see past that.

Stevie,

It sounds wonderful, have fun.

Quote from: Melissa Forever on January 28, 2015, 04:55:00 PM
See I am afraid that I am the opposite of what Jessica mentions. I am afraid I have too much of a guy personality to exude femininity... I honestly think this is the biggest thing holding me back right now. I guess when I look outside myself interacting, I feel like I am a clumsy man trying to act like a woman. I doubt I am that bad, but it is hard to see past that.

I used to feel that way. I don't know if it was just my self acceptance that got rid of that feeling, or what it was. I've had so many people tell me I definitely don't act like 'a guy in a dress'. The first time I went out dressed as myself (after accepting that I was in fact transsexual) I felt so absolutely normal and comfortable. I wish, really really wish I could tell you how to achieve that! I'm sure I could market it somehow. :)

Even now when I present as male at work, I cannot bring myself to let much femininity out. But the opposite of that is true also, it's very hard for me to move masculinely when I'm dressed as me.


Big Hugs,
Jess

Stevie-

Acceptance feels good, doesn't it? Congrats!  :)

I transitioned a few months ago. I had previously made efforts to form good relationships with my female workers to make sure things went smoothly after my transition.

A couple of them knew what was coming, but not everyone knew before the day the announcement was made.

I have gotten a complete acceptance of me as female from them. It's even led to some very definitely female conversations about very definitely female things like maintenance issues of the lower region and babies and family. And i've found that women are much nicer than men are, but a surprise to me was that they expect total allegiance to them about things. Appearing to side with the guys in any way is bad; it is viewed as a male thing and is not something that you want to be caught doing as a trans person because it places you on the outside of the sister alliance. You gotta have their back on things.

Such a tightrope we walk as we learn the ways of our new life  :laugh: