Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi all

So finally had my first therapy session today, and it didn't quite go as I was hoping. A lot of the things I thought might set off alarm bells seemed to do just that - my lack of dysphoria as a young child, not having a problem with the onset of puberty, my aversion to crossdressing, the fact I seem to have a lot of issues unrelated to gender identity. They suggested that I don't have a strong sense of self and because I am more secure in my feminine side I maybe cling to that as a way of defining myself. They said I might benefit more from psychotherapy rather than gender counselling, but they would do a few more sessions with me before deciding whether to refer me on or not.

One thing they said was they wouldn't consider prescribing hormones until I'm pretty much living as a woman already. Perhaps I have this all backwards, I was waiting for a go-ahead from a professional before I made any serious moves towards transition, when maybe I should be starting down this road myself, then I'd probably be more convincing to the therapists.

Part of me feels I should have lied about a few things in order to convince them I was trans but then that would probably be foolish.

Anyway, I guess I was hoping for a clearer goal at the end of this but now I feel more confused and hopeless. If I'm not really trans I just don't know what to aim for.

Truth is always the best. You don't want to start down the path of transition if your not ready too. Sounds like you have some things to sort through to be honest and as those get sorted out you will have a better idea if this is right for you or not. I can understand why they won't prescribe them yet, but forcing you to live as a women first seems a bit backwards too me. Hugs and good luck.
Mariah

It can be confusing in the beginning for sure. Not everyone's history is the same with regards to being trans. Whether you're trans or not, psychotherapy is certainly a good idea for anyone! And it might help you clear up a few things.
Gender transition is a huge decision and definitely not something you want to rush into.
Do you have a friend you can trust? If so, you could ask them to start using the female pronoun with you and see whether it 'feels right' or not. Just an idea!

Quote from: Mariah2014 on January 14, 2015, 01:49:12 PM
Truth is always the best. You don't want to start down the path of transition if your not ready too. Sounds like you have some things to sort through to be honest and as those get sorted out you will have a better idea if this is right for you or not.

Thanks Mariah. Yeah I probably do have other issues to tackle, I guess I just don't know which to tackle first! I was kinda hoping maybe everything else would start to fit when I started to transition. But guess that is a pretty extreme route to take.

QuoteDo you have a friend you can trust? If so, you could ask them to start using the female pronoun with you and see whether it 'feels right' or not. Just an idea!

That's a really good idea Zukhlo, thanks! I guess I'd feel awkward asking friends to do that, but then if I can't ask them to make that small change, how could I ever expect to transition in front of their eyes?

I wish I could say there is particular order in tackling them, but that order is different for everyone. The longer your in therapy and get to know yourself better the more things will fall into place. I had to tackle my issues back after I started back in 2006 and stopped since I had some things to work through along with family problems that were much more pressing. After I got everything in order including the health my kidney's I was finally able to move forward with my gender transition. So work at what ever pace works for you. I wouldn't worry about the order of things because to be honest as things get sorted through they kind have their own order of getting dealt with no matter how much we try to plan what we want to deal with first. Hugs and good luck.
Mariah

Quote from: Kiera85 on January 14, 2015, 02:52:14 PM
Thanks Mariah. Yeah I probably do have other issues to tackle, I guess I just don't know which to tackle first! I was kinda hoping maybe everything else would start to fit when I started to transition. But guess that is a pretty extreme route to take.
That's a really good idea Zukhlo, thanks! I guess I'd feel awkward asking friends to do that, but then if I can't ask them to make that small change, how could I ever expect to transition in front of their eyes?

Thanks Mariah, I feel a lot more positive now. I'm sure I'll get there in the end, wherever there turns out to be  ;)

Your welcome. I had a lot to work through to get where I am. After stopping in late 2007 and then formally restarting this spring. Hang in their you will make it and learn a lot, more than you could ever imagine, about yourself and other things too regardless of what your final destination turns out to be. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Kiera85 on January 14, 2015, 03:51:03 PM
Thanks Mariah, I feel a lot more positive now. I'm sure I'll get there in the end, wherever there turns out to be  ;)

Never lie to your therapist.  If they're any good, they won't judge you.  This is a big decision and you want to go into speaking the truth even if you don't the answers you want to hear.  I lied in the opposite direction in that I never told my therapists about my "past" gender issues. 

Good luck.

Thanks ChiGirl, yeah that's what I figured. These people probably know better than I, so giving them false information to work off would only be hurting myself.

Good for you!  Hugs! [emoji106]

Honesty with yourself and your therapist is key.
I remember lying to a therapist back in my twenties and saying I was straight and cis. Well, 25 years late I'm finally honest with myself and except for worries about transitioning with work and family, I've never been happier.
Don't give them the answers that they want to hear, but look deep into yourself and try not to deceive yourself.
Good luck on finding the real you.
I used to tell people all the time that " it doesn't matter." As far as other people's opinions. I think I'm finally applying it to my own life and it's scary but better then the alternative


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Thanks, I think that's very true, it's always easier to tell others good advice than it is to live by it.

Indeed [emoji4]


Wherever you go, then there you are

Hello Everyone,

I am new to these pages and just began my therapy and am nervous but also excited as I begin my journey to become me in body as I have always been in my heart and soul.   It took me many years and starts and restarts to get to just this point.  But I know this will be the beginning of my journey to finally becoming the female in body that I have always seen in my dreams.   It was actually very rearding opening up to my therpaist about my feleings.   I picked a female therapist as I have always found it easier speaking with another woman.   I am on my way, it is a very happy time for me, I am 56 years old and i almost did this when I was 19 but family got in my way.   I hope and pray i can be ready for surgery before my 60th birthday as a Vjay would be a beautiful and fulfilling gift to give myself.

Have a beautiful day everyone,
Mary

Hi Mary, glad things are going well for you :)

Hi Kiera, sorry things didn't go as you'd hoped, but you did the right thing by being honest. I think there's a lot of wisdom in trying to sort out some of your other issues first. Don't let your gender therapist's not diagnosing you here and now as a roadblock, they have a duty to help you find the most accurate diagnosis they can, not necessarily the one you came in expecting. Your history apparently doesn't support that at this point, but, as they say, the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, it's just too early (for them) to draw a firm conclusion. And, let's be honest, this one needs to be a firm conclusion!!

I worry a little bit about being blocked by gatekeepers because my story doesn't exactly fit the mold---like you, until recently I had little dysphoria, was never miserable, etc, just always profoundly wanted to be female. I plan to start HRT well in advance of public transition, but I am doing as much as I can in semi-private to "switch over." That means obtaining women's clothing, makeup on weekends, coming out with my plans to trusted people, and generally trying to "test" my comfort with the changes.

I've been seeing a general therapist for a couple years now, for the vast majority of that time without having identified my gender "issue." We worked through a lot of other things, and I credit that with bringing me to a place where I could think critically and honestly about myself. After all this, he's deeply supportive of my plans, so I don't expect to have serious gatekeeper issues with my endo-to-be (but that doesn't stop me from being paranoid!).

Anyway, for me, going through a long period of "regular" therapy was a very good way to come to where I am. I hope that your road can be successful in bringing you to a "happy place," whatever gender that involves.

Thanks Jeni :)