Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I just signed on to a lesbian date site to explore my options and I was wonder how the experience has been for others

I'm about 7 days ahead of you. Seem to be a lot of ladies on the site that live nowhere near me...

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 15, 2015, 08:01:08 PM
I'm about 7 days ahead of you. Seem to be a lot of ladies on the site that live nowhere near me...

I thought I'd give it a go . A scientific expedition into the unknown

I can't help but think of the furor I've seen here because someone doesn't want to be someone else's experiment. I'm not a big fan of using dating sites as playthings. The people on the other end have hopes, dreams, expectations, and feelings, too. Remember that.

Hugs, Devlyn

I have to agree with Devlyn on this one.  I have to wonder how you see yourself "fitting in" as  lesbian among lesbians, based on the following understanding of lesbianism.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbian

I have no ill intentions I need someone like everyone else . I'm not going to say the number of years of been alone ,but it is significant, which would be fine if I was part of a celebrate religious order, but I don't happen to be that so I need to experiment to see where I belong before I pass from this planet if it's at all possible to do that.

I also am not going to debate my legitimate claims as to whether I am a lesbian proper through the process of transition to be who I have been from birth. I have ever right to find a partner if I possibly can .I have a right the same as every living thing  on this planet to find love.

It's 53 years for me, but I don't look at being alone as a bad thing.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 15, 2015, 08:29:07 PM
I also am not going to debate my legitimate claims as to whether I am a lesbian proper through the process of transition to be who I have been from birth. I have ever right to find a partner if I possibly can .I have a right the same as every living thing  on this planet to find love.

Of course you have the "right" to be whomever you choose to be.  You also have the "right" to seek out love.  There are of course no guarantees and love, as I am sure you would agree, is a two way street, so I suppose the other party might have some "rights" as well, such as the right to react or respond to your needs according to their own needs or desires.

Just as my ex divorce me due to my transition, I met a lesbian on-line who was into transwomen.  We had an intense, short on-line relationship and it didn't go real time but it gave me hope so soon after divorce.  I've had other lesbian friends with off and on on-line "intimacies" since.  I did meet a bi-sexual woman who was a real possibility but it didn't work out for other reasons.  So it is always possible, just don't hold your breath.  I'm on several dating sites but none (even the LGBT ones) have helped me to find other women.

I found my gf through tinder so that one worked. Okcupid and Plenty of Fish were ok but there weren't as many women in my area as I thought there would be like a 15 mile radius. Tinder ended up giving me more and better matches. Coincidentally, my gf and I found each other on okcupid too shortly after matching on tinder lol.

I'm finding there is quite a few in a 25 mile radius, of course I live in a suburb of Chicago so there is a lot of people around   on OKcupid

I live in France so maybe different to the US but I have been very well received at a few Lesbian clubs I visited over the last couple of years. I also recently signed up on a Lesbian meeting site/forum  presenting myself openly as a (fully transitioned) trans woman. Again, no issue to date with a few warm messages of welcome just like new people get here.

However, I am not looking for a romantic relationship, just new friends, so maybe that counts too. As it happens, apart from the fact that I'm already happily married, many Lesbians are just too masculine for me to be attracted by them.

Last time I went to a club, before my GRS, a butch Lesbian who was about a head shorter than me spent the whole evening hitting on me, buying me drinks etc. One of the most disconcerting experiences I've ever had as I just couldn't shake her off. She was stickier than the stickiest of guys..  :)

Moral of the story, be careful what you wish for !

A very dear girlfriend (trans) of mine signed herself up on OK Cupid recently.  She considered her chances of being desired and dated to be on the low side within a rural area at that.  Neither of us are all that passable.  She was very up front about being trans in her profile.  She got a few hits and is currently "smitten" and in the early dating and falling for you period.  It is so heartening that someone sees and feels her loving character and they are off on a whirlwind romantic start.  Loving and dating someone creates vulnerability and opportunity for loss but you know those songs about fools rushing in.  Having a relationship is apparently worth it.  Lightening does happen and it could hit you too ;D

I've found OKCupid frustrating. A good 90% of my messages go unanswered. I've arranged dates with 6 women so far. One cancelled because I was running late (and messaged her) and refused to reschedule. One was poly, which is not for me, one friendzoned me immediately because she clocked me. Two went on dates with me and I thought we were getting along and was surprised that they didn't want to see me again. There was one woman I dated for a month after which she said she wasn't ready for a relationship (but still continued to visit and update her profile).

Suzi, I always  ask the person on first contact if they've read my profile. You can't be clocked by someone who knows you're transgender.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 16, 2015, 01:03:00 PM
Suzi, I always  ask the person on first contact if they've read my profile. You can't be clocked by someone who knows you're transgender.

Hugs, Devlyn

I have it on my profile now. I didn't then. Now I get no replies whatsoever.

Quote from: suzifrommd on January 16, 2015, 12:58:24 PM
I've found OKCupid frustrating. A good 90% of my messages go unanswered. I've arranged dates with 6 women so far. One cancelled because I was running late (and messaged her) and refused to reschedule. One was poly, which is not for me, one friendzoned me immediately because she clocked me. Two went on dates with me and I thought we were getting along and was surprised that they didn't want to see me again. There was one woman I dated for a month after which she said she wasn't ready for a relationship (but still continued to visit and update her profile).

The idea of dating is scary to me and far easier to romanticize about greener grass if I'm safe at home with my darling.  I can flirt all day but actually working through the dating and potentially intimate situations would have my anxiety off the charts.  People who are willing to put themselves out there like our Suzi seem so very brave and courageous to me.  Yes there are bunches of frogs in most ponds but the desire and need for this deeper connectivity warms a billion hearts every day.  With growing awareness, understanding and acceptance we are poised for possibilities around every corner.  Being social takes energy and even speaking with someone can raise our pulse and release cortisol.  Arm yourself well with reasonable expectations, rest and energetic confidence and fake it till you make it works too.  As always, please take or leave my unsolicited advice, I am not using it ;D

I met some really cool girls on OKcupid and I met my Girlfriend thru Wing Ma'am. I was always upfront with being trans not many people seemed to make a big deal out of it in conversation. Perhaps if It had gotten to the stage of being physical it would have been discussed more idk.

The vast majority of lesbians I talked to were cisgender but the girl I ended up dating is trans as well.

Edit: also do note that I was only looking at girls 22-34 and that it is my assumption that it might be more difficult with older age groups.

Dating sites? No luck at all, but then I don't really get the idea..

Just out in real life? Yeah, I've done OK. I've had one serious partner and rarely find myself short of a date when I want one. One caveat with the dating though, I've found an interesting age barrier, 30. More often than not, me being non-op is a deal breaker for the over 30's.. Not so much at all for the under 30's.. Oh well, I'm that late 30's woman that dates 20-somethings.. Works for them, works for me..

Quote from: suzifrommd on January 16, 2015, 01:06:02 PM
I have it on my profile now. I didn't then. Now I get no replies whatsoever.

Suzi, I've seen your profile, and you've seen mine. You remarked that mine was minimal. My intention is to just open the door for conversation, and there is enough information to let the person know they have an exotic on their hands so I don't have to be rejected later, perhaps angrily. I haven't initiated contact with anyone, they've all contacted me.

(Someone else here found my profile and we went out for coffee, but I'm not dropping names)   :-*

Hugs, Devlyn