Susan's Place Transgender Resources

In advance sorry if this needs a trigger warning, but i didn't really think this needed one.

I'm tired, i'm poor, it's nice i still have a house to the threat of being homeless is ever looming and it scares the hell out of me.

I hate that, i hate that i have to live under those conditions, it's a risk every ->-bleeped-<-ing month. This one is very trivial but i'm playing a video game i love and i'm horrible at it thus not being able to finish it, that sucks.

I hate my face, i look at my avatar everytime i come to this website and i see the face of a man, with masculine features especially my jaw. It kills me, it's pretty funny because when i took the picture i felt i looked amazing, i feel like people look at me and judge me although it's mainly glance's, it's also a bummer no one (out of here) thinks i'm pretty, i love you all but it's the real world i have to deal with, hell, i do get told i'm pretty and haven't been called the wrong pronouns except once.

Makes me wonder though living in a place like San Francisco, are they just that liberal, with a sense of liberal pity or are is that who they really see me as. My mother is beautiful, i feel i got screwed here hell whatever.

I also really hate my f'n shoulders, i wish they would just get narrow and stop being as$holes, ugh.

Transphobia tires me, it get's better, it's getting better that's all fine and dandy but i don't see complete freedom in my lifetime and that feels like a waste of life, damn...i'm sick all the time too.

My mom, i love her to death but she's so cranky nowadays, just a year ago she was my rock, a smiling face that always told me to be positive and to smile after june it seems the roles have changed and i hate it.

let's see, well that seems to be all folks...oh and my poetry sucks, everytime i try to create something it just fails or i'm the only one that thinks it's a great idea, silly foolish girl.

I'm aware the complaints about my appearence is dysphoria and lack of sleep but it feels like hell.

I get you, Donna, it sucks to feel strongly things about your looks that you KNOW aren't true. Knowing it isn't true makes it worse, not better, doesn't it.

You're a beautiful woman, we've all told you, you've heard us and you seem to believe it for a time. Doesn't help, so I'm gonna tell you something different. You're a beautiful PERSON, you're caring, and loving, and you show real concern. If I can emulate you in that way, even if I end up looking like Fred Gwynne in a dress I know I'll be content.

Feel better sweety and know we all cherish knowing you.

QuoteYou're a beautiful woman, we've all told you, you've heard us and you seem to believe it for a time. Doesn't help, so I'm gonna tell you something different. You're a beautiful PERSON, you're caring, and loving, and you show real concern. If I can emulate you in that way, even if I end up looking like Fred Gwynne in a dress I know I'll be content

I have a dr. jekly and mr.hyde moment with how i feel with my looks, sometimes i think i look gorgeous though i fear i'm getting cocky, being dumb with nothing to be cocky about than other times like now, i think well damn i'm nothing.

I don't want to be nice and caring, in the past it's got me mistreated, i hate that :'( also i really want to be pretty i don't know if i sound like a psycho or a narcisist (i know i misspelled that), but i don't know what it's like looking in at me (as a person and appearence).

I just want to be attractive for myself so i can feel like i did good.

Hugs, Donna.

About the sucky poetry: Luckily poetry doesn't have to be good. It just has to be honest.

About the rest of it all: When I read your post it struck me that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. What you're dealing with at a young age (money probs, issues with mom, dysphoria and body image, depression) is more than a lot of people deal with in a lifetime. Remember that. You are strong.

I'm always here to listen.

Quote from: Donna Troy on January 24, 2015, 06:52:34 AM
why can't my mind let me have peace.

Depression and stress are powerful adversaries. You're facing both.

The best I can give you is what works for me. When stress and anxiety have me in their grip, I pray for peace. I'm not religious so I pray to my inner strength. It works just as well. If I really ask for it and really want it, I nearly always get it.

Depression is harder, because it's more of a physical thing. Trying to think of ways of bringing other people joy helps me, as does remembering times recently that I was not depressed, which reminds me that moods are cyclic; just because I'm feeling lousy today doesn't mean I always have and always will.

Quote from: Donna Troy on January 24, 2015, 06:52:34 AM
Is this my imagination or are there really ugly spots on my forhead?!?!?!

In all honesty Donna, I don't see anything in the pictures you post. I wish my skin looked as good as yours.

Quote from: Donna Troy on January 24, 2015, 06:52:34 AMI know everyone thinks i'm an idiot who makes a big drama about everything, sorry i wish it would just end as if the other problems aren't bad enough i can't not be a psycho for one day...

Anyone who thinks you're an idiot is missing out on a special person who is beautiful both on the inside and out.

I understand. Finding a way to love yourself in the face of depression is hard. But the beauty and specialness are there, believe me.