Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My name is Sophie, and I am 37. I started presenting in November. I started HRT about 10 days ago, and I feel like my nervous system has calmed down some. It is quite encouraging. So, in one sense I am feeling better. (Actually I noticed some placebo relief right before I took them for the first time. I felt lighter and like the kid in me "was taken care of" and could kind of run free or somethin....

However, I have been feeling more and more like a dude with a wig. Like I am an imposter. Like the jig is up.

Then I begin to wonder about how well I pass, etc. and I start to question if I am really just a very feminine gay man (instead of a straight transwoman). One of the biggest benefits of being in my body has been the ability to act freely with very girly mannerisms and expressiveness.

One interesting tidbit is that in the past, I might panic about this identity confusion, but now I am more mellow about it since starting hrt. Though I am concerned.

Anyone else have similar feelings? Would HRT feel bad in my body if i wasn't really trans?

Quote from: stellarj1 on January 23, 2015, 02:48:50 PM
Anyone else have similar feelings? Would HRT feel bad in my body if i wasn't really trans?

I've had feelings of doubt and uncertainty but I think that's completely normal. HRT alters your body, in some ways permanently, and that isn't something to be taken lightly. I just kept taking HRT and eventually those feelings went away. Worries about not passing and feeling out of place by no means makes you an impostor or not really trans, because unless you're super lucky or super confident, every trans person has those feelings to a degree.

I'm lucky enough to have been blessed with my mom's hair, so I don't know your wig issue. Do you have MPB? If it's not totally gone now I'm fairly certain you'll get some regrowth, so it's just a waiting game.

Thank you! Wow, you are 2 years in on your journey. You look amazing!

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I am grateful.

I do have MPB in front. Ive lost more this year than any year before. I think that stress was a huge factor in it thinning and shedding.

I am confident and hopeful that my hairline will be thicker and return to its former state.
I think being positive is really, really important during this transition.

Quote from: stellarj1 on January 23, 2015, 02:48:50 PM
Anyone else have similar feelings? Would HRT feel bad in my body if i wasn't really trans?

It's pretty well accepted that yes, it would feel very bad!

Try to take it in stride, one day and one small step at a time. Go as fast or slow as you want, there are no rules, nor are you expected to follow anyone's path but your own.

You are absolutely right about being positive! I totally agree. I live by that mentality, and it really does work most days. Just know that there will probably be rough days, stressful things you have to deal with, and rough patches along the way. I don't know of a single person that hasn't come across those kinds of things. But as you probably know, the best things in life come from hard work and perseverance through thick and thin. Keep that positive attitude flowing and you'll be able to enjoy the nice moments along the way.

I hated wearing a wig. I just waited until my hair grew out naturally. My wig was always straight hair but I've grown to like my natural curly hair. Grown out, I'm sure you're hair is great.

Quote from: stellarj1 on January 23, 2015, 05:39:22 PM
Thank you! Wow, you are 2 years in on your journey. You look amazing!

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I am grateful.

I do have MPB in front. Ive lost more this year than any year before. I think that stress was a huge factor in it thinning and shedding.

I am confident and hopeful that my hairline will be thicker and return to its former state.
I think being positive is really, really important during this transition.

If you aren't already taking it, finasteride, a DHT blocker, is supposed to help MPB. Are you currently full time? I know you said 'presenting' but I'm not sure if you meant full time. If not full time yet, and if you can stand it, why not wait a few months to see the progress your hair makes? That might take away some of the impostor feelings you're having.

I took Finasteride for about 6 months before starting HRT.  It definitely filled in the crown and even the front a bit, but I haven't had any regrowth in the temples.  I'll probably need transplants to get the hairline I want.

I see the wig as a temporary necessity.  I spent about $200 for a decent synthetic wig, and honestly most people can't tell...it looks very natural.  So, it actually helps in passing since I'm so early in transition.  Eventually I hope to not need it, but I've reached a certain contentment wearing it for now.

I started a similar thread a few months ago. Do what's comfortable for you :) I am not comfortable with wigs so I toughened it out and went full time with a short hair. The first two months were hard - however as the hair grows and it will become easier xo

a wig?

  I  never  did  wigs,  thats  like  flipping  a  book  ahead  5  chapters. 
  you  might  want  to  '  transition".....

  start  hrt,  just  be  yourself,  that  "  gay  feminine  man"  image,  let  the hair  and  boobs  grow, play  around  with  a  wee  bit  of  make  up.  start  wearing  more  femine  clothing,  after  all  jeans  and  tank  tops  do  come  in  pink.     at  some  point you  may  find  that  your not  a  "  dude  in  a wig"  anymore....

Quote from: lilredneckgirl on January 24, 2015, 06:59:43 AM
a wig?

  I  never  did  wigs,  thats  like  flipping  a  book  ahead  5  chapters. 
  you  might  want  to  '  transition".....

  start  hrt,  just  be  yourself,  that  "  gay  feminine  man"  image,  let  the hair  and  boobs  grow, play  around  with  a  wee  bit  of  make  up.  start  wearing  more  femine  clothing,  after  all  jeans  and  tank  tops  do  come  in  pink.     at  some  point you  may  find  that  your not  a  "  dude  in  a wig"  anymore....

I like this approach :>

One of my many excuses for not transitioning was that I would feel like a "dude in a wig" if I tried to present as female. I could never cross-dress when living as male; it made me so uncomfortable to think of the attention I might draw. The HRT changed everything. When I take even a modest amount of estradiol, I 'feel' like a woman. My interests and attitude totally change, and it just feels so natural to act feminine; I love it and I know this is the way I was meant to live. Take away the estradiol, and I go back to "gender dysphoric male" mode almost immediately. The main difference for me is social seeking (on E) vs. social avoidance (off E).

Some people have suggested I get a wig because MPB and a subsequent fungal infection together took away most of my hair, but really, as long as I have any natural hair a wig is not an option for me. For me personally, feminizing is about letting the 'real me' shine; creating an 'ideal self' with fake body parts was never something that I found appealing.

I don't wear a wig and I rock short hair. I go out as a woman everywhere except at work and even there I dress femme. 

Most people don't notice. I get a sir now and again, I get confused looks from some people and I get miss and ma'am from others.

Yes I feel doubt sometimes. I feel that I'll never pass. I feel I might reach the point of suicide again. I feared rejection from my parents. So far none of that has happened except my dad doesn't talk to me anymore. Mom absolutely loves me as a girl though. My younger brother pledges to be by my side no matter what. My youngest lives with my mom and doesn't say much about anything so he didn't really say anything.

So far so good. 

My wife is accepting somewhat but she isn't fully. I give her time.


I am woman, hear me rawr.

Perhaps there is some self doubt brought on by shame and guilt over giving in to being trans and taking such a big step?

Or, just plain hormones.

In my early 20's during my experiments with transition, I could never shake the "Some guy in a dress" feeling. When I set out to fix my life 6 years ago, I had some fears, but by the time I was ready to once again venture out into the real world as the real me I think maybe once or twice I had that lapse of self confidence. Between HRT and therapy, mainly via my support group, I mostly finally felt genuine.

10 days on HRT isnt very long and your body is still in the adjustment phase.... In a few months your hormones will be totally different...

What makes you think that you wouldn't feel like a "dude with femme hair" if you could grow your own???

So guess what maybe you ARE still more masculine than feminine... Its called "transition" for a reason... I went "full time" before HRT and I WAS very much literally a "man in a dress" as well as a "dude in a wig" :D  I have some very bad pictures to prove it as well :o Thing is at the time I just didnt care and I even thought at the time that I looked good :laugh: Let me tell you it helps to have some "balls", guts, courage and faith, this transition biz aint for sissies!!! :P

I just focused on moving forward, small steps that over time along with the HRT doing its magic found me questioning things... As in "WOW I wasn't even trying to "be fem" at all and just being myself and did all that REALLY just happen???", yes honey it DID :o  It just got easier and more and more natural to just be me and not worry about things because the world around me just assumes Im a female even if to an extent things felt like "an act".... I know those feelings are a lot less now but still there... Im not sure that will ever go away BUT I could never go back now, Id rather be dead than live as a man....

I have severe hair loss and it sucks for sure so I can sympathize with anyone who has to wear a wig to look feminine...  My hair is finally getting longer and trying to make an amazing recovery on the HRT... Im optimistic eventually I will be able to wear my own hair after hair transplants, that takes a LONG time though... Soon Im gonna get started with a custom made topper that will hopefully blend with my natural hair in an undetectable way....

I can tell you that with a good quality wig in a style and color thats right for you hair just isnt a problem... It sucks for sure but I usually forget Im wearing it and im told by my cis friends that it looks real to them.... Ive had women and men compliment me on my hair... Its good enough for the guys that pick me up and Ive been told the morning after "I never knew"  ;D Id say its not an issue ;)

SO give it some time and always remember no matter where your at on this roller coaster to love and accept yourself no matter what kinda ->-bleeped-<- the world dishes out... Focus on continuous improvement and try not to be too hard on yourself ;) ;)

It definitely takes time.

Your natural hair may fill in, and the right wig can work wonders. Perhaps you just have not found the perfect one. 

The feeling of being a guy does not fade overnight. Give the hormones a little time though and your body will soften. There is nothing masculine about going to bed topless and hugging my soft torso and breasts for warmth as I drift into sleep but those changes took a while.

I can definitely relate to those types of feelings as I had the same issue right after going full time and those feelings do resurface from time to time. For those who say you should transition gradually, that is great advice for those who can manage it, but for some of us it's just not possible. I couldn't stand the feeling of only partially presenting and wound up going full time a lot sooner than I had originally planned. Only you can decide what is right for you, but for me, when those doubts did come up, all I had to do was remind myself of the alternative and I quickly realized that I would much rather be perceived as a man in a dress than as a man presenting as male. Whatever you decide, good luck on your journey.

I really, really appreciate all of your responses and support. It is very helpful and it makes me feel less alone.

Just to clear a few things up, I have been presenting full-time since later November. The whole nine yards. I look pretty good, I think. I tried uploading a few photos of myself, but the photobucker server isn't working for me.

I sometime feel like a total liar. That Im too scared to be a really effeminate, andro gay guy...so Im hiding in this girl costume as a second-best way to deal with my homophobia. It makes me feel so guilty.

I think that part of the major confusion for me was that I came out to myself as gay, on a gut feeling, nearly 2 years ago...but then soon after started feeling like a woman, as well. I have only messed around with 1 guy, which was a very fun but too short-lived.

I told some people that I was gay, in confidence, but still hid my feminine nature. So it was unsatisfying.

So I kind of just continued on to transitioning as I heard an inner voice telling me to start going to trans meetings...which I did. :-)

I know that I have been on the right path in so many ways. But Im so worried about this decision because I don't know if I am hoodwinking myself. I feel like I have been lying to myself my whole life.

Must stop worrying. Must stop worrying. Must stop worrying. It does me no good. :-)

I always had shaggy length hair, in that I looked a lot like Shaggy from Scooby Doo, so it was just a matter of a Girlier hair cut when I was ready. But being flat chested bothered me, so I wore inserts in my bra to help fill things out, and it helped but I still had a feeling of fakeness. I dropped the inserts almost as soon as my chest had anything. Remotely resembling boobs and I've felt much better. Its all personal taste for most things.

Hmmm, probably not the right topic for me... Severe MPB ( from pre 21  :'( ) so wigs are a must, on Finesteride and HRT some improvement (baby growth across head) but will take forever... So all options will be looked...

L Katy

I bought a lot of hats and beanies...

Tricks to getting your hair to grow faster:
  Mane and Tail shampoo and conditioner,
  biotin and collagen,
  and eat enough protein because your hair is made out of it (95% keratin or something).


Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Wigs can work if you have the right style and length for your face/head, right colour for your skin/complexion and one that is a good quality... it doesn't have to be real human hair, micro fibre works just as well and is a lot cheaper, but really cheap wigs rarely do the trick.

Quote from: Obfuskatie on January 27, 2015, 05:26:52 AM
I bought a lot of hats and beanies...

Tricks to getting your hair to grow faster:
  Mane and Tail shampoo and conditioner,
  biotin and collagen,
  and eat enough protein because your hair is made out of it (95% keratin or something).


Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Hmmm forgot about biotin

Taa Katie  :-*

L Katy

Quote from: katrinaw on January 27, 2015, 06:51:32 AM
Hmmm forgot about biotin

Taa Katie  :-*

L Katy

Only issue with biotin is it increases your overall hair growth, head hair, facial hair, body hair.  Still, I feel it's worth the annoyance of more $ spent on razors to have longer hair.


Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Well, a glance at my profile pic shows that I do wear a wig. Because I am in a situation where I feel I need to be part-time still and am not on HRT yet, I'm kind of stuck for now.
I can't feel sorry for myself as I'm moving forward relatively fast, but yes, I do feel like a 'dude in a wig' to an extent. I spend part of my week in an area where I can be full-time and some of the dude-in-a-wig feeling comes from my perception of how I'm seen. I'm working on accepting that this isn't MY problem but belongs to those who see me.
I'm so bald that I'm not sure I'll ever be w/o a wig. I know a couple women who have told me they were in as bad shape as I am and have regrown a lot of their hair. Whether this will be true for me is uncertain. I DO look forward to HRT and it's physical and emotional effects.

Your wig looks great!!! so does your whole style, actually!