Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 07:49:08 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 07:49:08 PM
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 07:49:08 PM
Well. I've done it again on a dating site. I thought I could experience what it would be like to date without the other knowing I was trans, but it's causing me too much pain. I just met this really cute guy and I know I have to tell him or just quit the site immediately . I met him a few days ago and in his profile pick he's holding his young son. his wife passed 3 years ago. I can not morally go farther. I guess I can be quite stupid at times. I thought I could just meet people without putting down trans and not worry about things until later , but I can't do that and now I'm in a terrible position of leaving the site and leave him wondering or just saying I'm trans which I know will probably piss him off quite a lot. wow, I can be really stupid.
Title: Re: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: Devlyn on January 23, 2015, 08:23:20 PM
Post by: Devlyn on January 23, 2015, 08:23:20 PM
Big hug! I'm on okcupid too. Perfect honesty has worked great for me, and I've met perfectly honest people. See how that works? If you're going to hold back important things about yourself, you have to be ready to get the same in return. I don't think that's what you want. Go look at my profile. It's right to the point and getting me results.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: Beth Andrea on January 23, 2015, 08:26:13 PM
Post by: Beth Andrea on January 23, 2015, 08:26:13 PM
*hugs*
Breathe...relax.
Be nicer to yourself...my first thought is, "what would a cis-woman do?" Would she be freaked out that he's a widower with a young son? No?
So your main concern is how he'll react to the truth of your situation, yes? Has he given any clues to this? Maybe he just wants a friend, or even if he wants more (but not from you), can you still be a friend? (You don't know how he'll react)
If you put out vibes that it's embarrassing to be trans, or an embarrassing thing to be seen with people "like that", you've set yourself up for failure.
Are you kind? Gentle? Sweet, in your own way? Potentially a good friend? Not so interested in bedroom things? There you go! If he doesn't want to see you again because of this...he's losing an opportunity to know a good person.
*hugs* again.
*offers a scented candle*
Breathe...relax.
Be nicer to yourself...my first thought is, "what would a cis-woman do?" Would she be freaked out that he's a widower with a young son? No?
So your main concern is how he'll react to the truth of your situation, yes? Has he given any clues to this? Maybe he just wants a friend, or even if he wants more (but not from you), can you still be a friend? (You don't know how he'll react)
If you put out vibes that it's embarrassing to be trans, or an embarrassing thing to be seen with people "like that", you've set yourself up for failure.
Are you kind? Gentle? Sweet, in your own way? Potentially a good friend? Not so interested in bedroom things? There you go! If he doesn't want to see you again because of this...he's losing an opportunity to know a good person.
*hugs* again.
*offers a scented candle*
Title: Re: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 08:59:19 PM
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 08:59:19 PM
thanks for the suggestions
Title: Re: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 09:00:49 PM
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 09:00:49 PM
I would like to continue talking to him though
Title: Re: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: gabimoneratt on January 23, 2015, 10:13:31 PM
Post by: gabimoneratt on January 23, 2015, 10:13:31 PM
I know it sucks, but keeping it from him just to get heartbroken in the end will certainly not help :-\ If he's not ok with it, chances are he still won't be OK with it in a week.
Been through this quite a lot... even dated guys who didn't know... you'll never feel good in this situation :-/
Anyways, good luck, girl :)
Been through this quite a lot... even dated guys who didn't know... you'll never feel good in this situation :-/
Anyways, good luck, girl :)
Title: Re: I'm just going to have to stop, I'm causing myself to much pain
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 10:44:25 PM
Post by: stephaniec on January 23, 2015, 10:44:25 PM
thanks