General Discussions => General discussions => Topic started by: Phoenix_2812 on January 24, 2015, 01:36:06 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Uncertainties about employment
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 24, 2015, 01:36:06 AM
Post by: Phoenix_2812 on January 24, 2015, 01:36:06 AM
Hiya.
I've been unemployed for a while now (more than a few years, unfortunately) and really can't decide what I want to do. I mean, I know there are lots and LOTS of different jobs out there, but I seriously don't know what I want to do!! Part of the reason I am uncertain is that there is a discomfort in me that wont rest. A few years ago (early 2012, around February/March if I remember correctly), I went to meeting (of sorts) to apply for a CSCS Card (that is required for security and construction jobs in the UK) and when I arrived, I saw that I wasn't alone there. There were about 30 men in all, including me, waiting to be seen about the CSCS Card application. A few minutes after arriving, we were ALL sent into a room (not "really" big) and then it hit me. I suddenly became overwelmed with this feeling that I didn't belong there. I found myself looking around the room at the faces and body language of the other men and ealised that I couldn't relate to them very much at all. The feeling I had was also met with a sense of loneliness. I didn't know anyone in the room, so that probably added to the sensation I was experiencing at the time. The thing is, I've had to sit in a room full of other men one numerous occasions in the past and I've gotten along with at least one or two within a short time. So why was this other time any different?! I've done solo security work in the past, which was enjoyable as I was by myself for long periods of time (at night in a car showroom after it had closed). I'm a quiet person and generally only speak when spoken to, but I'm happy to spend time in a crowd, and, if absolutely neccesary, in a room full of other people, so I know I don't suffer from anxiety of being around other people. I know I'm more or less an introvert person, but being around other people doesn't generally make me feel uncomfortable, it's just an internal feeling that I feel like the odd one out most of the time. :( Can anyone else relate to that?
Recently, this thing about unemployment has made me question what I'd really feel comfortable doing. Unfortunately, the UK government isn't interested in whether I feel comfortable in a job, just whether I can or can't do the job I'm being asked to do. One thing you should know about me... I hate politics with a passion. Disclaimer: This part of my post is about to get ranty. I can assure you though that there WONT be any flying objects, just words. To me, it's about a load of men pointing fingers at each other saying "you did this, you did that" even though the ones pointing fingers are just as bad. Furthermore, I'm starting to think men are in power too much these days, look at religion for instance, that is occupied mainly by men because there appears to be an issue with women filling those positions!! WHY?!?! Why aren't women treated the same as men?! They create life while men do their best to destroy it!! I sound like a feminist now. I don't think of myself as one. I'm just tired of all the uneveness of everything when it relates to men and women. I'm tired of thinking of myself as a man. It offers me nothing of consequence, of that, I have 31 years knowledge of. I NEED a change. Rant over.
My "Work Coach" (I'm really sick and tired of all these "fancy titles". They're my ADVISOR, ok!!) seems to think I'm at a dead end of some sort. REALLY?! What a genius!! Give yourself a cookie!! I think I'm just unsure of how I would feel about going back to work in a place where I'm just "one of the guys". I recently did a 4 week "mandatory work placement" (yeah, more British government inginuity for you) where I worked outside with 3-4 other men. For the most part, I loved it. I enjoy working outside rather than being stuck inside all day, lookinng at the same 4 walls. The only thing is, as with the many other times when I've spent lots of time around other men doing the same thing as them, I couldn't help but feel that I brought a sense of feminimity to the group, even though it was just an internal feeling I had. This is the feeling that makes me feel some what uncomfortable around other people. It's like part of me kind of feels like "one of the guys" but another part of me feels the complete oposite. It's infuriating. Simply put, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. There is a part of my life that no matter what I do, I can't change, even if I really want to and then there is the part of my life that I keep hidden from view and it pains me to do so.
Any thoughts? I'm all out of things to say, so I'll leave it there for now.
Regards,
Chris
P.S. I have been thinking for the last few months that if and when I transition, I'd really like to work as a waitress in a cafe. Not sure why, I just like the idea of helping other people. It's what I do best in life. :)
I've been unemployed for a while now (more than a few years, unfortunately) and really can't decide what I want to do. I mean, I know there are lots and LOTS of different jobs out there, but I seriously don't know what I want to do!! Part of the reason I am uncertain is that there is a discomfort in me that wont rest. A few years ago (early 2012, around February/March if I remember correctly), I went to meeting (of sorts) to apply for a CSCS Card (that is required for security and construction jobs in the UK) and when I arrived, I saw that I wasn't alone there. There were about 30 men in all, including me, waiting to be seen about the CSCS Card application. A few minutes after arriving, we were ALL sent into a room (not "really" big) and then it hit me. I suddenly became overwelmed with this feeling that I didn't belong there. I found myself looking around the room at the faces and body language of the other men and ealised that I couldn't relate to them very much at all. The feeling I had was also met with a sense of loneliness. I didn't know anyone in the room, so that probably added to the sensation I was experiencing at the time. The thing is, I've had to sit in a room full of other men one numerous occasions in the past and I've gotten along with at least one or two within a short time. So why was this other time any different?! I've done solo security work in the past, which was enjoyable as I was by myself for long periods of time (at night in a car showroom after it had closed). I'm a quiet person and generally only speak when spoken to, but I'm happy to spend time in a crowd, and, if absolutely neccesary, in a room full of other people, so I know I don't suffer from anxiety of being around other people. I know I'm more or less an introvert person, but being around other people doesn't generally make me feel uncomfortable, it's just an internal feeling that I feel like the odd one out most of the time. :( Can anyone else relate to that?
Recently, this thing about unemployment has made me question what I'd really feel comfortable doing. Unfortunately, the UK government isn't interested in whether I feel comfortable in a job, just whether I can or can't do the job I'm being asked to do. One thing you should know about me... I hate politics with a passion. Disclaimer: This part of my post is about to get ranty. I can assure you though that there WONT be any flying objects, just words. To me, it's about a load of men pointing fingers at each other saying "you did this, you did that" even though the ones pointing fingers are just as bad. Furthermore, I'm starting to think men are in power too much these days, look at religion for instance, that is occupied mainly by men because there appears to be an issue with women filling those positions!! WHY?!?! Why aren't women treated the same as men?! They create life while men do their best to destroy it!! I sound like a feminist now. I don't think of myself as one. I'm just tired of all the uneveness of everything when it relates to men and women. I'm tired of thinking of myself as a man. It offers me nothing of consequence, of that, I have 31 years knowledge of. I NEED a change. Rant over.
My "Work Coach" (I'm really sick and tired of all these "fancy titles". They're my ADVISOR, ok!!) seems to think I'm at a dead end of some sort. REALLY?! What a genius!! Give yourself a cookie!! I think I'm just unsure of how I would feel about going back to work in a place where I'm just "one of the guys". I recently did a 4 week "mandatory work placement" (yeah, more British government inginuity for you) where I worked outside with 3-4 other men. For the most part, I loved it. I enjoy working outside rather than being stuck inside all day, lookinng at the same 4 walls. The only thing is, as with the many other times when I've spent lots of time around other men doing the same thing as them, I couldn't help but feel that I brought a sense of feminimity to the group, even though it was just an internal feeling I had. This is the feeling that makes me feel some what uncomfortable around other people. It's like part of me kind of feels like "one of the guys" but another part of me feels the complete oposite. It's infuriating. Simply put, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. There is a part of my life that no matter what I do, I can't change, even if I really want to and then there is the part of my life that I keep hidden from view and it pains me to do so.
Any thoughts? I'm all out of things to say, so I'll leave it there for now.
Regards,
Chris
P.S. I have been thinking for the last few months that if and when I transition, I'd really like to work as a waitress in a cafe. Not sure why, I just like the idea of helping other people. It's what I do best in life. :)