Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey gals how are y'all? Im having a bit of troubling figuring out how to come out to the rest of my family. My mother father brother sister in law my aunt and uncle on my mothers side know. I got my grandmothers and my grandfather the rest of my fathers side basicly and some of my mothers side. I just dont know how to approach the rest of them cause some i really dont know and some i really got along with before transitioning. Currently i stand with no communication with any of them and a request by my father (who is an ass with this whole thing to begin with) to not tell his mother and father aka grandma step grandma amd grandpa.

All opinions are welcome and much appreciated. 

Stay pretty and awesome,
Sarah

If you do not have regular contact with them why worry about it? If you tell the leaders or elders of that side of the family word WILL travel to the others. If not use Facebook or social media. I told my immediate family what was coming first. After all were aware I posted my notification on Facebook (male page) and invited positive people to my new page (female). I then closed out the male page and word has spread quickly. I went from 17 friends (male) to over 200 on my female page. Just my experience of course. :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 25, 2015, 05:02:22 PM
If you do not have regular contact with them why worry about it? If you tell the leaders or elders of that side of the family word WILL travel to the others. If not use Facebook or social media. I told my immediate family what was coming first. After all were aware I posted my notification on Facebook (male page) and invited positive people to my new page (female). I then closed out the male page and word has spread quickly. I went from 17 friends (male) to over 200 on my female page. Just my experience of course. :)

Well i mostly want to get to spend time with them and be me for the holidays weddings and other fun events. I stopped talking with them alittle as i did cause i didnt want to cause excess stress with them and myself

It's truly your call, but those relatives I don't have communication with and I don't plan on having communication with I have no plans on coming out too. If you feel the need to tell them I would wait tell you need to tell them that way if the need doesn't arise no harm done. Just my two cents. Good luck. Hugs

Quote from: Sarah V Warsaw on January 25, 2015, 05:33:32 PM
Well i mostly want to get to spend time with them and be me for the holidays weddings and other fun events. I stopped talking with them alittle as i did cause i didnt want to cause excess stress with them and myself

Quote from: Mariah2014 on January 25, 2015, 07:18:36 PM
It's truly your call, but those relatives I don't have communication with and I don't plan on having communication with I have no plans on coming out too. If you feel the need to tell them I would wait tell you need to tell them that way if the need doesn't arise no harm done. Just my two cents. Good luck. Hugs

So it would be best just to go to those events and just explain then hmmmmm

Thanks for the input hugs

That is an option, but I would probably tell them in the days or even few weeks leading to that point if your going to. At least that is what I would do. It really does come down to you. Only you can know when it is right for you and if they need to be told ahead of time and who doesn't.

Quote from: Sarah V Warsaw on January 25, 2015, 08:52:16 PM
So it would be best just to go to those events and just explain then hmmmmm

Thanks for the input hugs

I am in a similar position with my mother and her familiy. I'm coming out to them via letters (we live a fair distance away). Starting with a sister (my aunt) she doesn't have much pf a relationship with. If that goes well, I will have some help in telling the rest of my family if not. I will just send out the rest of the letters and let the chips fall where they fall.

The thing to remember this is your decision not your fathers. You don't have to tell your grandparents but once you tell somebody, it can be very hard for news to stay quiet. Is there anybody on that side of the family that you trust and would be supportive of you?

Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 26, 2015, 07:23:53 PM
I am in a similar position with my mother and her familiy. I'm coming out to them via letters (we live a fair distance away). Starting with a sister (my aunt) she doesn't have much pf a relationship with. If that goes well, I will have some help in telling the rest of my family if not. I will just send out the rest of the letters and let the chips fall where they fall.

The thing to remember this is your decision not your fathers. You don't have to tell your grandparents but once you tell somebody, it can be very hard for news to stay quiet. Is there anybody on that side of the family that you trust and would be supportive of you?

Yea my mother is being like my best friend ever during this and im sure she can help. Thought about just saying something on facebook and if they want to talk to me they have my number and want to talk

Fast, simple and efficient. They only downside I can possibly see is how many of your family members follow you?

Yes it will be out there, but if the people who follow you don't support you and the people who would don't. It can make it harder to get the news out there

Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 26, 2015, 09:07:08 PM
Fast, simple and efficient. They only downside I can possibly see is how many of your family members follow you?

Yes it will be out there, but if the people who follow you don't support you and the people who would don't. It can make it harder to get the news out there

Well in all honesty i dont use facebook i would havd my mother use hers to tell the family since she follows most of them and my family gosips with each other word would spread fast. Just need to pick something to go with it. Thanks for your input ^_^

I tell most people to mentally prepare themselves for loss of relationships with family members. In a lot of cases this is a good thing, as your relationships were originally built on a false presentation of yourself.

Points to include in letters may be;

1) That you are not asking them for input or assistance making the decision, and that you are firm on your decision to proceed (if you are of course.)  --This lets them know it is not a debate, nor a decision they are included in making.--

2) That you desire to have them continue to be a part of your life should they be able to treat you with dignity and respect for the woman you are (important to refer to yourself as female.) --This lets them know that you both value them, but that you have a certain standard of how YOU want to set the tone for your interactions with them.

3) Maybe something that can put them at ease, like offering to be easygoing if they slip with your name or pronoun, but also tell them the correct one. --This lets them know that if they can give you the dignity mentioned above, that you understand that the process of changing their entire memory and existence knowing you is a process, and it takes time, and in that time, you will be respectful of them and how your change complicates things for them.


A lot of people shoot for something heartwarming, the perfect thing to say, that sounds good when you read it. I think you are better off laying guidelines, and putting fears to rest in your correspondence that trying to make it poetic.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and good luck!!