Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: skylarNY on January 31, 2015, 06:41:06 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: skylarNY on January 31, 2015, 06:41:06 PM
Post by: skylarNY on January 31, 2015, 06:41:06 PM
I feel like my personality isn't really like a boy's personality. I know that sounds dumb.
I seem to relate to most girls in TV and movies and in real life too, just cause that's how I act and feel most of the time. But I feel like a guy and see myself as a guy. My personality isn't like most of the men that I know, so I feel like I'm not really a boy, even though that's how I feel. It makes me feel almost like I'm lying to myself. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want my personality to change or anything (well some of it, I'd like to change but that's another story). I just want to feel comfortable how I am. I get happy when I look in the mirror and look like a boy, but I always come back to questioning myself. I guess I'm just worried I'm lying to myself. I'm gonna go to therapy soon, but I just needed to get this out and I wanted to know if anyone else felt like that.
I seem to relate to most girls in TV and movies and in real life too, just cause that's how I act and feel most of the time. But I feel like a guy and see myself as a guy. My personality isn't like most of the men that I know, so I feel like I'm not really a boy, even though that's how I feel. It makes me feel almost like I'm lying to myself. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want my personality to change or anything (well some of it, I'd like to change but that's another story). I just want to feel comfortable how I am. I get happy when I look in the mirror and look like a boy, but I always come back to questioning myself. I guess I'm just worried I'm lying to myself. I'm gonna go to therapy soon, but I just needed to get this out and I wanted to know if anyone else felt like that.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: Devlyn on January 31, 2015, 07:49:55 PM
Post by: Devlyn on January 31, 2015, 07:49:55 PM
Big hug! I think most of the people here ask themselves similar questions. You are who you are. It doesn't matter if that matches a checklist.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: kast on January 31, 2015, 09:04:00 PM
Post by: kast on January 31, 2015, 09:04:00 PM
It's normal to have doubts and feel that you're not "enough". There's an endless number of ways to be a man or a woman. You don't have to fit an ideal. What exactly about girls and guys do you relate (or not) to? Are you talking about hobbies, interests, behaviour, etc., or some deeper perception of not feeling male/female?
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: skylarNY on February 01, 2015, 12:47:03 AM
Post by: skylarNY on February 01, 2015, 12:47:03 AM
Thanks for letting me know its pretty normal.. And i relate to girls in terms of behavior.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: Ara on February 01, 2015, 10:08:30 AM
Post by: Ara on February 01, 2015, 10:08:30 AM
There's no real way to be a man (or woman, speaking from the MtF perspective). You can be a man who identifies more with women. You can be a guy who is really effeminate. You can also be a guy who doesn't fit in with masculinity, and not femininity either.
Speaking as an MtF person, I don't really feel like a "woman" most of the time (because I don't really know that that would mean!). I don't identify with a lot of women, only a minority of them. Sometimes I even identify with men. I'm complicated, but so is everyone else.
What I mean is this: What you want your body to be like doesn't say anything about how you should act, write, speak, think or have sex. Being a man doesn't mean you fit any requirements, it just means that you are happy being one.
Speaking as an MtF person, I don't really feel like a "woman" most of the time (because I don't really know that that would mean!). I don't identify with a lot of women, only a minority of them. Sometimes I even identify with men. I'm complicated, but so is everyone else.
What I mean is this: What you want your body to be like doesn't say anything about how you should act, write, speak, think or have sex. Being a man doesn't mean you fit any requirements, it just means that you are happy being one.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: suzifrommd on February 01, 2015, 12:45:43 PM
Post by: suzifrommd on February 01, 2015, 12:45:43 PM
As a guy, you're allowed to have whatever personality you have.
No one stops cis guys and says, sorry, you're personality is girly, we've decided you have to be a girl. You have just as much right to be yourself as a male as they do.
No one stops cis guys and says, sorry, you're personality is girly, we've decided you have to be a girl. You have just as much right to be yourself as a male as they do.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: AlB on February 01, 2015, 03:04:37 PM
Post by: AlB on February 01, 2015, 03:04:37 PM
Wow, I literally feel exactly the same. I've never been that masculine in my personality, and I've also always found it easier to relate to girls a lot of the time. But I feel like a boy, and like you, I'm happy when I'm treated as a boy and look like a boy. But yeah, I also sometimes feel like I'm lying to myself :/
I don't really know what to do about it. I think it's insecurity (at least for me), and I'm going to start therapy soon as well and hopefully that will help a lot.
I don't really know what to do about it. I think it's insecurity (at least for me), and I'm going to start therapy soon as well and hopefully that will help a lot.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: catastrophe1993 on February 01, 2015, 03:14:58 PM
Post by: catastrophe1993 on February 01, 2015, 03:14:58 PM
I feel the same. Like i dont feel like a girl. But i behave as one. I think its because thats what we are taught and how we were raised. So of course we will behave like girls. If we were born boys i feel like we would behave like boys. It might not be the same for everyone.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: AlB on February 01, 2015, 03:26:44 PM
Post by: AlB on February 01, 2015, 03:26:44 PM
Quote from: catastrophe1993 on February 01, 2015, 03:14:58 PM
I feel the same. Like i dont feel like a girl. But i behave as one. I think its because thats what we are taught and how we were raised. So of course we will behave like girls. If we were born boys i feel like we would behave like boys. It might not be the same for everyone.
I think you're right.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: Ange on February 01, 2015, 03:50:22 PM
Post by: Ange on February 01, 2015, 03:50:22 PM
I'm biologically a male.
My sexual identity is female. I have clear and total body dysphoria. 0 doubt on this.
My gender is... Well... Male, I guess ? I think 50/50. I like a lot of male things and a lot of females things.
It will always seem strange to people that I want to transition while I'm so much a male inside. I used to say, jokingly, that I was a very masculine woman. A tomboy. That's how I see myself.
So I think you should not worry about that sort of things. None of us is 100% male 0% female. That individual does not exist.
My sexual identity is female. I have clear and total body dysphoria. 0 doubt on this.
My gender is... Well... Male, I guess ? I think 50/50. I like a lot of male things and a lot of females things.
It will always seem strange to people that I want to transition while I'm so much a male inside. I used to say, jokingly, that I was a very masculine woman. A tomboy. That's how I see myself.
So I think you should not worry about that sort of things. None of us is 100% male 0% female. That individual does not exist.
Title: Re: I feel like my personality doesn't fit.
Post by: cindy16 on February 01, 2015, 09:36:22 PM
Post by: cindy16 on February 01, 2015, 09:36:22 PM
My case is somewhat similar.
I don't think my personality fits into either of the 'traditional' male/female roles, not even in my marriage. Instead, I prefer to look at it as a more androgynous, and may I call it.. 'equal' sort of relationship. Although my wife agrees with this, there are several things at home I still can't/don't do which she ribs me about, saying 'you have to do this if you want to be a girl'. :P
I do feel I think like and relate to females more, but I have several 'male' hobbies or interests. And I am not really sure whether they are only because of me having lived as male until now or it would have been the same if I had been raised as female.
About what I want to be and what I want to see myself as.. I am still trying to see how certain I am about it, but as of now it seems definitely female.
So it is a bit complicated for me too, and I think that's fine. If we were to fit into some narrow straitjackets, we wouldn't be here in the first place!
I don't think my personality fits into either of the 'traditional' male/female roles, not even in my marriage. Instead, I prefer to look at it as a more androgynous, and may I call it.. 'equal' sort of relationship. Although my wife agrees with this, there are several things at home I still can't/don't do which she ribs me about, saying 'you have to do this if you want to be a girl'. :P
I do feel I think like and relate to females more, but I have several 'male' hobbies or interests. And I am not really sure whether they are only because of me having lived as male until now or it would have been the same if I had been raised as female.
About what I want to be and what I want to see myself as.. I am still trying to see how certain I am about it, but as of now it seems definitely female.
So it is a bit complicated for me too, and I think that's fine. If we were to fit into some narrow straitjackets, we wouldn't be here in the first place!