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Title: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 07:35:54 PM
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 07:35:54 PM
My name is Raquel and I am a Transsexual Female. I started Hormone Replacement Therapy on 6/3/2014.
I spent most of my life as a depressed suicidal alcoholic. Everything used to be dark, with no feelings at all, other than emotional pain that would not go away. I was happy for the 5 years I was with my wife until she passed away in November 2011. Then I decided to try to drink myself to death. Well, after losing my job, having a mental breakdown and attempting suicide, something happened. I was in one of those 48 hour suicide watch hospitals, and I remember thinking in my mind at that moment "I quit". "I quit" trying to be everything that everyone wants and expects me to be. God, do with me whatever you want, because I Give Up! After I left that place, I planned on quitting drinking; however, what I still find amazing is ever since I left that facility I haven't even had a craving for alcohol or cigarettes.
Throughout my life I've been diagnosed with an assortment of mental disorders, or you could say miss-diagnosed. However, I don't completely blame the doctors for that since I didn't realize back then that cross-dressing and wishing that I was female should have been brought up. I was way too embarrassed to even think about talking about that to anyone. It wasn't until May 19th 2014 when I read a blog post about Gender Dysphoria for the first time that I finally knew. This gave me the courage to admit it to my mom and she helped me find a therapist who diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria.
I'm on a different path now; some people call it "service to others". There's a feeling of calmness, almost a knowing that everything is going to be okay. I'm still not sure exactly where everything is headed, but at least now there is light in my life and a smile on my face.
I'm a very open person, willing to talk about anything. I just have a hard time initiating conversations, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you :)
I spent most of my life as a depressed suicidal alcoholic. Everything used to be dark, with no feelings at all, other than emotional pain that would not go away. I was happy for the 5 years I was with my wife until she passed away in November 2011. Then I decided to try to drink myself to death. Well, after losing my job, having a mental breakdown and attempting suicide, something happened. I was in one of those 48 hour suicide watch hospitals, and I remember thinking in my mind at that moment "I quit". "I quit" trying to be everything that everyone wants and expects me to be. God, do with me whatever you want, because I Give Up! After I left that place, I planned on quitting drinking; however, what I still find amazing is ever since I left that facility I haven't even had a craving for alcohol or cigarettes.
Throughout my life I've been diagnosed with an assortment of mental disorders, or you could say miss-diagnosed. However, I don't completely blame the doctors for that since I didn't realize back then that cross-dressing and wishing that I was female should have been brought up. I was way too embarrassed to even think about talking about that to anyone. It wasn't until May 19th 2014 when I read a blog post about Gender Dysphoria for the first time that I finally knew. This gave me the courage to admit it to my mom and she helped me find a therapist who diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria.
I'm on a different path now; some people call it "service to others". There's a feeling of calmness, almost a knowing that everything is going to be okay. I'm still not sure exactly where everything is headed, but at least now there is light in my life and a smile on my face.
I'm a very open person, willing to talk about anything. I just have a hard time initiating conversations, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you :)
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Jill F on February 05, 2015, 07:48:03 PM
Post by: Jill F on February 05, 2015, 07:48:03 PM
Hi Raquel,
Welcome to Susan's Place and congratulations for finding us.
Here's some quick links to help you along
Please be sure to review
Hugs,
~Jill
Welcome to Susan's Place and congratulations for finding us.
Here's some quick links to help you along
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs,
~Jill
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 07:58:21 PM
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 07:58:21 PM
Thank you, Jill.
Hugs back to you :)
Hugs back to you :)
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: JenniR04 on February 05, 2015, 08:03:43 PM
Post by: JenniR04 on February 05, 2015, 08:03:43 PM
Hi Raquel and welcome to Susan's. You'll find many here who have similar stories and roads traveled in their past, plus much information to share. We'll see around soon!
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 08:16:01 PM
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 08:16:01 PM
Hi Jenni, thanks for the warm welcome. From what I've read so far, it really does make me realize that I'm not alone. At first it's such an amazing, unbelievable feeling when you finally realize what has been your root issue since you were born. Then it hits you, and you get scared stiff, at least I did, wondering "how in the world am I going to fix this?" It can be really scary, especially if you don't have a support group nearby. I live in a real rural, bible belt area with no support. So having a place like Susan's is essential so that you don't feel isolated.
Hugs back to you :)
Hugs back to you :)
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Devlyn on February 05, 2015, 08:23:19 PM
Post by: Devlyn on February 05, 2015, 08:23:19 PM
Hi Raquel, welcome to Susan's Place! I live near Boston. You're definitely not alone, see you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 08:29:17 PM
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 08:29:17 PM
Hi Devlyn, thank you for the welcome. Congratulations on the Superbowl win! I'm originally from Michigan so I've always been a big Tom Brady fan ;)
Hugs, Raquel
Hugs, Raquel
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: mrs izzy on February 05, 2015, 09:05:53 PM
Post by: mrs izzy on February 05, 2015, 09:05:53 PM
Raquel welcome to Susan's family
Lots of topics to explore and posts to write
Safe passage
Hugs
Lots of topics to explore and posts to write
Safe passage
Hugs
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 09:27:37 PM
Post by: Raquel on February 05, 2015, 09:27:37 PM
Hi Mrs Izzy, it's nice to meet you. Thank you for the welcome.
Hugs back, Raquel
Hugs back, Raquel
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: V M on February 06, 2015, 01:47:44 AM
Post by: V M on February 06, 2015, 01:47:44 AM
Hi Raquel :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Title: Re: Hi, I'm Raquel
Post by: Raquel on February 06, 2015, 09:13:28 AM
Post by: Raquel on February 06, 2015, 09:13:28 AM
Hi V M, thank you for the welcome :) It took me four months to get up the nerve to finally introduce myself, but that's better than waiting 40 something years to finally admit to myself that I'm a girl :icon_chick: