Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi All,

I have been contemplating for a few days now if I should scale down or almost go back to being androgynous until I reach maybe my second year on HRT. Part of me thinks that it will ease my anxiety so I don't stress myself on what to wear, make up and all.

However, a part of me also thinks that I should just go through with  it as it only becomes easier day by day.

Has anyone of you getting a similar type of thinking? Does it actually get easier as what my therapist would say all the time.

Love,

April

It does get better. HRT can help in some respects, but the anxiety may not go away by itself if you don't try to face it. I was very anxious when I first started to present as female but over time it got better and my confidence grew considerably without any HRT at all. I wouldn't wait for a specific date like 2 years on HRT.
I have to add though that I was only brave enough to present as female when I had a few reaffirming cases when people saw me as female when I didn't even try.
But there are still days when I don't feel up to presenting as female, that's why I'm not completely full time yet.

I'm basically just sliding into it, letting HRT pull me in the right direction

April,
There are no rules, no fixed milestones,  your transition  is yours and unique.   How you express yourself is a decision  that is yours alone.  Now that the disclaimer  is out of the way - I found that attempting to scale back only led to self doubt, and was a disaster.   For me it has been necessary  to express femininity to be whole.

Yes it does get easier, and as your body and your mind align it becomes  more and more natural.  You have beauty and youth, do not fear  the consequences  of living authentically,  but embrace the woman you are.

Peace
Julie

Yes, it does get easier but you also need to have the confidence regardless. That will happen only when you engage with it.

Do what you find is comfortable and safe.  You might at first feel you need to present one way in public, but you can present another way in other places like home, work, school, etc. 

Toning down can be always safe and desirable.

I always wear miniskirt, but my friends want me to wear longer skirt. I wear red lipstick, but my friends want me to wear pink. Also, some people say I would look better if I wear jeans rather than skirt. I tend to wear boldly. Most of women around me wear very conservatively, seldom wear skirt including my wife.

barbie~~

If you feel you are pushing yourself too hard to meet some arbitrary time schedule, then perhaps you should slow down a bit.

If you are placing unrealistic expectations upon yourself, then perhaps you need a little rethink about who the transition is really for.

If you are not feeling confident at times, perhaps because of how you think people are thinking of you, then perhaps you need a little review of where you stand in the world. From your avatar I's say you're doing great. If you need to convince yourself then spend some quality time in the checkout line at the supermarket looking around at real women doing real things.

Thanks Joanne, I think you brought up a very good point. I think it all comes down to confidence. I say I am second guessing myself if I am trans and I am probably creating an exit strategy in case it doesn't work out then I am presenting myself someone in between (andro). This with my pending transition at work causes my anxiety within the last few days LOL.

Quote from: JoanneB on February 07, 2015, 08:34:47 AM
If you feel you are pushing yourself too hard to meet some arbitrary time schedule, then perhaps you should slow down a bit.

If you are placing unrealistic expectations upon yourself, then perhaps you need a little rethink about who the transition is really for.

If you are not feeling confident at times, perhaps because of how you think people are thinking of you, then perhaps you need a little review of where you stand in the world. From your avatar I's say you're doing great. If you need to convince yourself then spend some quality time in the checkout line at the supermarket looking around at real women doing real things.

Ms.Grace, is there any confidence supplements that I can purchase from the drugstore? LOL
Thank you xoxo

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 06, 2015, 09:27:49 PM
Yes, it does get easier but you also need to have the confidence regardless. That will happen only when you engage with it.

I know of several wonderful confidence supplements!  Wine is my favorite, but vodka and gin both come highly recommended.

April, just wear what makes you feel happy each day.

There are no rules, and there's no need to stick to a timetable. You can go as fast or as slow as you want, and you can change your mind anytime.

Actually that's one of the benefits. ;)

Quote from: carmenkate on February 06, 2015, 08:49:49 PM
... until I reach maybe my second year on HRT...

What changes exactly do you expect from that much more time on HRT? If you already made steps forward, just trust in yourself and go for it. Unless you feel you are really not ready yet, and very anxious about it, to the point that it's messing your day to day life... It's not going to be that much more different or easier a year later. I think it's the same for almost everybody in the beggining.

You made a good point. I think it's the fear that's getting in the way for me.
Like everyone says, there's no timetable just do it in our own pace.

xoxo

April

Quote from: mmmmm on February 07, 2015, 05:25:07 PM
What changes exactly do you expect from that much more time on HRT? If you already made steps forward, just trust in yourself and go for it. Unless you feel you are really not ready yet, and very anxious about it, to the point that it's messing your day to day life... It's not going to be that much more different or easier a year later. I think it's the same for almost everybody in the beggining.

It feels to me there is much more weight and energy placed on our appearance and that takes more time and energy for me too.  Sometimes I just need to take some time off and wear baggy old sweatshirts and jeans---like all the cisgender women i know.  This is that kind of weekend and there are some great pacific NW storms blowing in to make it feel more cozy at home.

April you always look so pretty, radiant and confident, upto your judgement... I don't think you should be concerned by looks...

Love Katy  :-*

carmenkate, just looking at your profile picture.. i think you do look female.

remember cis-women don't  doll themselves up everyday.. there are days they are very causal

Definitely do what you feel is best for you. Almost a year into my transition I went back to presenting as male for awhile because I couldn't handle it all too well. I never bothered with stopping because I needed to let the hormones do their job. Sadly it takes awhile for them to really work well but when you give it time you will get amazing results :D

Katrina, Noleen and Riley, thanks so much for the advices . Love you ladies [emoji173]️[emoji173]️[emoji173]️


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I was nervous about going full time at first but the more I put myself out there and tried presenting female more the easier it was. I think what the biggest help for me was using a weeks vacation to present female the whole time and see if I could. That was a huge confidence booster.

Thanks for the advice love

Quote from: Ellesmira the Duck on February 08, 2015, 01:22:27 PM
I was nervous about going full time at first but the more I put myself out there and tried presenting female more the easier it was. I think what the biggest help for me was using a weeks vacation to present female the whole time and see if I could. That was a huge confidence booster.

Be yourself.  You don't have to wear makeup or dresses or heels everyday.  I'd advise against reverting, if only because you shouldn't let yourself feel like you have to hide.  One of the first things I did when I started presenting full time was take all my boy clothes and donate them.  I kept my favorite boy outfit as a costume for visiting the conservative, geriatric extended family members I wasn't intending to inform about my transition.  Nevertheless I've found it extremely hard to wear that costume for half a day.  I can't imagine going back to androgyny-town willingly.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Do whatever you feel comfortable with and slide into things as you are ready. For me, even though I am not remotely passable yet I have to get dolled up each day before I go out and go to work or out with friends. Holding things in was starting to cause mental damage. Beware of the consequences of holding it in too long.

I dont hold with this do whats comfortable thing really. Do what right for you even if it isnt comfortable. Pushing beyond comfort zones can be rewarding when you come through unscathed. sticking to comfort zones is a sure way to get stuck in a rut.
youre 100% gorj btw!

I have found androgynous mode to be very comfortable and flexible, to the extent that it is my constant mode (well, sometimes I need to wear power suit in my job, but it happens rarely and I find that experience to be mildly annoying yet amusing - mostly the looks of other people). As other said, the trick is to find what works for You and staying safe at the same time - nothing that I wear below neck looks like female clothing but the way male/andro clothing it sits on my body is another story... :D.

Also, there's a big difference between wearing a wig and four inch heels and actually presenting as male.  There are always subtler fem options you can explore!  I wear t-shirts and jeanes a lot of the time, but I pad a bra.  It's just an example, of course.

April it does get easier over time and as others have said I have only gotten more comfortable in presenting as a result of being on HRT. However only you can decide what works best for you. Good luck and hugs with which ever route you choose.
Mariah

Confidence plays a big part and at some point you have to just accept that no matter how well you pass there will be people who will question your gender. Be proud of who you are and remember that the best reaction to anyone questioning is usually a smile.

I think you live in the same city as I do, assuming this is correct I can say that from my experience it's one of the most open and accepting places in the world to be trans, I could not have asked for a better place to live and work in.

I've been full time since June and even though at first I was very nervous things have gone very well, from the start I decided to not wear a wig or any artificial padding, etc in my daily life since I think that would have made me feel uncomfortable. In my case I went full time before starting HRT because at the end of the day I figured I needed all the practice and experience I could get and honestly I did not want to wait for months or years.

Based on my experience I think voice, body posture, walk and movements play a much bigger part than anyone realizes and these are all things you can work on right now, HRT has little or no effect.

Also remember that girls don't wear skirts and heels every day, it's OK to be casual and comfortable :)