Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Say you
-transitioned/started hormones at 16.
-had all the surgeries done by 18
- passed completely

Would complete stealth be possible? I ask because people seem to say it is impossible these days, someone will always know, you'll live in fear of being outed, your essentially lying to everyone.

If stealth isn't possible, I don't think I'll even bother transitioning. And I really don't want to be a female, but to me that seems better than being an out transsexual in today's world. I don't want to be "different", just a normal guy. And if I can't have that, I just don't see the point to life as a transgender male or a female.

I just don't want being transgender to be the thing that defines me to others.

Unfortunately, as far as I know in most countries surgeons will not operate any sort of gender related surgery before you're 118, however hormones at 16 are something some very lucky people get.

Even if you started hormones at 50 and had surgery done at 60, why wouldn't you be able to pass? It may be less likely, the results aren't always as good at a more mature age, but that doesn't mean you can't pass.

And if you pass, then you could probably stealth.

It's never an easy journey, butt don't be discouraged because you think you won't pass or be stealth, when youu see yourself now (presuming you're pre transition) you won't look how you want to, and that's because you're pre transition.

You'll never know until you find out, but you need to be 99% certain it's the path for you before you take it.


All the best
-Matt

I'm getting hormones in 2-3 months, and I suppose 19 then as I'll be getting the surgeries ASAP.
I am just scared I'll end up this man woman hybrid weird freak for my whole life that disgusts everyone.

Don't sacrifice who you want to be because of your current perception of peoples/social prejudices. I know myself that was one of many reasons I chose not to transition in 1991. Sadly, not transitioning for those reasons did not make my dysphoria go away.The world (well, Australia, at least) has changed a lot in it's acceptance and attitudes towards trans people. One can only hope that the trend continues, that issues of stealth will be moot, that trans people will be accepted as the gender they identify as.

I don't want to be accepted as a trans person, I just want to be seen as another guy, nothing different. It is great there is more acceptance though.
I suppose I've always been someone who hated attention, was never garish and out there and different. And now I'm being forced to be by being a transgender.

Scotts, I know a lot of trans men, even had drinks with Buck angel.!  Most trans men pass so well that if they wash no one need know their biological past.  Hiding from Internet searches is another story. You just need to be careful of what you ever post on social media, not worry about what people think, cisguys don't!

Not worrying is the trick.

I started at 21 and had everything I wanted done at the age of 24 (I'm in Finland so things work differently here). I'm able to go around, passing all the time and no one knows about my past nor do they need to know. I'm a regular guy, maybe a tad shorter and a late bloomer when it comes to stuff like beard etc but I'm able to go stealth.

I started hormones at 25. I'll be having top surgery just after my 26th birthday this year. I passed as male (fully clothed) a little more than half the time before starting hormones, and now 100% of the time as long as I'm not naked.

Obviously there are a lot of things that hormones will help with as far as passing. But I think it is equally important, if not more important, to adopt a male way of viewing and interacting with the world if being stealth is your goal. There are a lot of micro and macro level social differences that I think will out you way faster than not being able to grow a beard, or being a little shorter.

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 08, 2015, 03:43:03 AM
Say you
-transitioned/started hormones at 16.
-had all the surgeries done by 18
- passed completely

Would complete stealth be possible? I ask because people seem to say it is impossible these days, someone will always know, you'll live in fear of being outed, your essentially lying to everyone.

If stealth isn't possible, I don't think I'll even bother transitioning. And I really don't want to be a female, but to me that seems better than being an out transsexual in today's world. I don't want to be "different", just a normal guy. And if I can't have that, I just don't see the point to life as a transgender male or a female.

I just don't want being transgender to be the thing that defines me to others.

The simple fact is EVERYONE has a paper trail. Birth records, Government ID numbers, school records, school mates, neighbors. All manner of people that love to gossip. In the modern world of "Social" media, Six Degrees of Separation is likely down to four. In this day and age, living "Off the Grid" so to speak is extremely difficult.

So there IS a chance if you are living and working in the world like most other people. How much of a chance? It depends. Move several states away, keep a low profile, have a job that does not require any accreditation with an old name attached to anything associate with it. Be really good at keeping your story straight and totally verifiable. Then, pretty low. But still, in a mountainside storage facility somewhere is a disk or a tape with the truth. Old bytes never die, they simply get spooled off. In the age we're living in now; storage is cheap, as in nearly free. So likely on-line in some database those records are alive and well.

Quote from: JoanneB on February 08, 2015, 08:29:48 AM
The simple fact is EVERYONE has a paper trail. Birth records, Government ID numbers, school records ... in a mountainside storage facility somewhere is a disk or a tape with the truth. Old bytes never die, they simply get spooled off. In the age we're living in now; storage is cheap, as in nearly free. So likely on-line in some database those records are alive and well.

Of course, those old records on tape or disk in a mountain vault storage facility are extremely difficult for the average desk clerk at the DMV or your insurance provider to get hold of. BUT, a paper trail of the changes you've made - name, gender-marker, etc. - will certainly/most likely be attached to your current files, regardless of any court rulings to the contrary, and therefore quite readily available to that same clerk or overseer or 'gatekeeper'. And, as stated, storage nowadays is dirt cheap, so your old records may never actually get physically moved to that faraway vault, simply backed-up into it. Plus, ALL your info is constantly being traded and sold and reported to a vast number of data-mine warehouses and recyclers and resellers (your government, insurance company, bank, landlord, car dealer... they all make money selling your data)... and THOSE records are never deleted or over-written, simply added to. You may get your past and your change records 'sealed' by a court, but that seal does not trickle out to the data industry. True Stealth? Not happening!

So somewhere there will be a file saying "X Smith" changed their gender and name and became "Y Smith"?

Crap

And people can easily access this?

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 08, 2015, 05:00:10 PM
So somewhere there will be a file saying "X Smith" changed their gender and name and became "Y Smith"?

Crap

And people can easily access this?

I don't want to rain on anyones parade but yes for me that is true.  The documentation I provided to get my name change is part of the legal and public court record.  My name and gender has been changed on many other records such as my bank, credit cards, social security card and drivers license.  Oldies like me have a trail 60+ years long.  Still, it is perfectly reasonable to want to just blend in and be that guy you really are.  As others have noted, my friends who are trans men pass very well.  I believe more of the challenge will be to accept ones self.  You may not want or need to transition but if you are transgender the likelihood of reoccurring dysphoria is rather high.  Transitioning is often a time when we have a real focus on trans issues but I know people who transitioned many years ago and they go about their lives without transgender being on their minds 24/7.  It is a process and journey more than a definable goal for some of us.

Hi Scotty,

I understand that you want to live like a "normal" person. But I'm not sure any "normal" person exists...
Let's take another point of view : what is less painful ? Being forced to be a girl/women your entire life or having to deal with some people knowing that you transitioned ?

I mean, if you stay a girl/women, everybody in your everyday life will consider you are female, call you "madam" or your birth name for example. And if you have issues dealing with your body, you will be dealing with it 7/24. And perhaps you can have the feeling that you are not true to yourself, which is not a good one. But nobody would never ask you stupid questions about transidentity or make stupid hurting comments (at least not the same they could make if you transition. Because trust me, dumb people always find a way to show they are dumb)

If you transition and pass, you will have to deal with people knowing the truth and I'm not the best to say how it is (but I think a lot of people here will be able to tell you what you will have to face), but everybody will consider you a man in your every day life. And you can probably have a body very close to which you wish you had from birth.

I'm not saying "you should transition" or "don't do that" ! It's of course your own decision and it's a difficult one. I'm just saying that feeling your gender doesn't fit with your anatomy is not something you can choose. The only thing you can choose is what you do with your life. And perhaps it could help you to think about what could be your every day life. Everyone has tough days or situation they have to face in their life. We must all chose which ones are the less painful when we can. And there is no way, being anybody, that you can live without experiencing any very hard time in your life. That's what makes happy moments so precious !

About "being transgender to be the thing that defines me to others", decent people don't consider being transgender, male, female or intersex as the thing that defines anybody  ;)

Also something worries me in your post : you say you don't see "the point to life as a transgender male or a female". Can I kindly suggest you to find somebody to talk about that and help you with these dark thoughts ?

you could go stealth completely but you may get tired of it after a while.

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 08, 2015, 05:00:10 PM
So somewhere there will be a file saying "X Smith" changed their gender and name and became "Y Smith"?

Crap

And people can easily access this?

Yep. It was done by the court. Therefore part of the public record. In fact, just to get a name change there is an notice of the application that MUST be published in a local paper of record for the world to see.

So, public court record and printed in a newspaper

Quote from: JoanneB on February 08, 2015, 07:29:36 PM
So, public court record and printed in a newspaper

And all stored in multiple computer files in multiple locations and shared willy-nilly hither and yon.
"Welcome to the New Age, the New Age" (Imagine Dragons, Radioactive)

I feel 'stealth' can probably only be carried out on a personal, day to day basis, one on one. And I feel, in reality, this is the level that has the most personal emotional impact and import.
Not that I can speak from experience, only from some knowledge of how things work, and a healthy bit of paranoia.

Complete stealth is just an illusion. Some may think it is possible, but it is not. I have worked for Federal, county, city and State government and nothing is sacred. In days long past, yes you could live stealth. Today, no way in heck. Sorry, that is the curse of the digital age. :)

Damn it

What's even the point then

I want to transition to male, not transgender male.

I don't want people to know and to be secretly looking for signs I was born female, thinking "its not really a male", making fun of me for it... Looks like I'm going to have to kill myself lol, I can never even be perceived as a cis male, let alone be one.

There is a point, brother.

I started when I was 23 and had my top surgery when I was 26. I pass in daily life and the only person that knows that I interact with is my partner. The fact that I am living my life happily as a man and I am treated as such by everyone is all the reason I can offer. Being happy and being ourselves is why we even start on this road.

Yes, theoretically some person in the government offices and the immigration offices know that I'm trans. But, they have never seen me, I don't know them and I honestly doubt they have the time to worry about one person. Why should I worry that some person in Washington or Tokyo might look at my id and say "hey! That's a trans person!"? I worked in a pharmacy for years and frankly, I didn't have time to register more than a last name and the name of the medication I was filling. They could have been purple cat people for all I cared.

My point is, yes, in theory some person will be filing your name change or gender marker change documents at the courthouse and say "oh, this persons XYZ". Does it really matter? People think things about each other all the time. I saw a guy today and I couldn't help but think he needed a better skin care routine. You can live stealth in your daily life. Just because a court document exists doesn't mean every person you interact with will immediately track down your court records.

Please don't even joke about suicide. You can be just a guy. I am, and I'm a very noticeable minority where I live. There are many stealth members here that live their lives and have no problems.

I would suggest addressing the fear and loathing underneath. Whatever you decide you should do, I think this fear of trans-ness and "man woman hybrid" is getting in your way.
I carried similar fear for a whole lot of years. Did me no favors. I'm transitioning in my 40s since I waited so long to overcome fear. I like being a little unique, but never, ever wanted to be "the weirdo."
Some people think I'm a freak, I suppose, but I've mainly found people are respectful and supportive.

I think that it is possible to live a stealth life... After transition. Depending on what country (and state) you live in, there will be records, yes. But that doesn't mean you can't live your daily life without constant reminders. And I absolutely don't think it's a lie.

I just hate the idea of being treated differently because of it, and people seeing it as a defining characteristic. I don't want to be "that transgender guy", y'know.

But I suppose if these documents aren't easily accessible to the general public, it'd be alright? Or can anyone easily stumble across it?

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 09, 2015, 11:07:48 AM
I just hate the idea of being treated differently because of it, and people seeing it as a defining characteristic. I don't want to be "that transgender guy", y'know.

But I suppose if these documents aren't easily accessible to the general public, it'd be alright? Or can anyone easily stumble across it?

That's partly why I changed my last name so they don't find me or know my family that easily just by associating last name.
Change all your documents because if they want to find out more about you, they will find inconsistencies.
If you're starting to get well-known, stealth is impossible.

Here's an article for thought: http://jezebel.com/trans-woman-commits-suicide-amid-fear-of-outing-by-spor-1503902916

Feck...I don't even know.
I can't do anything big with my life because I'll be outed as trans. I wouldn't even be known for whatever I invented or whatever, I'll be known for being trans
So I have to live some average Joe life ...great. Even then I could be outed.

I just don't see the point. I have three options
1) Live as female
2) Live as male crunching numbers in some office with no dreams or big achievements because I'll get outed which will probably happen even if I don't do anything great due to all these documents saying I'm trans
3) Live as an out trans person

All of them seem boring mundane and miserable. I know I will probably have no great achievements anyway, hardly anyone does, just the fact that I can't even TRY because I'll be outed is bloody depressing.

I understand about not wanting to be known as a trans person all your life, but it is no reason to give up. Many trans people have done great things like Kristin Beck, Paula Schonauer and our own Cindy. It is only a problem if you let it become one. I have transitioned successfully and at the start did not want to be known as that trans girl either, but time has showed me it is nothing to be ashamed of at all. It is what makes us unique and individual. The simple fact is after transition is complete you will be the gender you are comfortable with in your own skin, but it also means no amount of surgery or hormones will make you cis. This is just something you will have to make peace with. It took me a while, but I have gotten to the point of relaxation and acceptance in myself so it can happen for you as well.  :)

Your life is what you make it!

I don't see why the site people tried to ban me ?? Too depressing I guess?

I know I just have to accept it. I just hope I once day will, I just can't live in this constant misery 24/7 anymore. I don't know what to do, the one thing I want so bad I can never ever bloody have.

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 09, 2015, 02:40:55 PM
I don't see why the site people tried to ban me ?? Too depressing I guess?

I know I just have to accept it. I just hope I once day will, I just can't live in this constant misery 24/7 anymore. I don't know what to do, the one thing I want so bad I can never ever bloody have.

Your attitude just comes off as very childish and shortsighted.

There are ways to be as stealth as possible, as others have said. So what if there is a paper trail out there? Trust me when I say no one is going to go digging for it without cause.

And you can absolutely have goals and achievements to look forward to. Unless you're doing something related to the trans community, why would anyone look at a passable male and say "wow I wonder if that guy is transgender"? They wouldn't. I pass. I went from being physically female and an assistant at the office I work at to being recognized as male and running the entire operation. I manage a multi-million dollar company and no one that I've met since coming out who doesn't know about my transition has ever said a word or asked about what kind of jimmies I was born with.

Sorry for the bluntness, but I think your worries are unfounded.

Hi!!

I understand the desire to go full stealth.  I thought I would go that route.  I was afraid.   Once I got started on my transition, it did get easier and the fear got less.  I still haven't decided how far I will go with stealth but I have about two years and seven months left before I have to decide.  But full stealth is possible.  Think about witness protection.  They also give up their families, their friends and all ties to the past. 

I will say the younger, the easier.  There are ways to confuse most of your document tracks.  You can't hide them but you confuse them.  However, each change beyond the basic stuff starts getting more time consuming and more expensive.  Obvious is to get a new social security number.  Takes time but it can be done. 

A person also has to learn to avoid and to lie.  An entire new background has to be created.  And that is problematic as it has to be confused as well.  You will be lying your entire adult life.  Your spouse will never know the true you.  I believe that is harder than the getting rid of the document trail. 

If a person truly passes, they generally are accepted - regardless of the paper trail. 

You are afraid.  That, I understand.  Yet there are many who deeply regret not transitioning because of fear.   That, I understand as well.
I think the fear is worse than the reality tough. 

I'm eight months full time.  I fully pass.  I am accepted as a woman.  Most people don's care what I was, just who I am...

Hugs,

Jen

I think you are making a quantum leap between being total and absolute stealth, and "An Out TransPerson". That is, of course, assuming my definition of "An Out TransPerson" as someone who is just a hair short of "Yeah, I'm trans. Get over it". There is a whole galaxy between those two extremes.

How about a thought game?

Let's suppose, you pull out your sonic screwdriver, and somehow R2D2 was able to hack into the Big Data Base in the Sky, and The Doctor went into the Tardis popped back a few years and made doubly sure that there is absolutely no paper trail whatsover. As far as anyone, besides your mom and perhaps a lover, is concerned, you are a male. (BTW - you get only only one shot at a lover, and/or go the reverse Black Widow route)

So, as far as all the world can document or prove, short of a physical exam, you are a male. But wait. There is always something not 100% absolute perfect cis male about your presentation. You're living somewhere, get some crap from the local h/s kids, and before you know it, a rumor starts. Then it spreads like wildfire from grade to grade, kid to adults. People all around begin to look at you a little different.

All based on a rumor.

Now what?

I'll go out on a limb and say that virtually everyone here understands the concerns you have to some degree. But, as others have said, once they (and myself) began transition it was the best thing we could have done for ourselves. Yes, I have a paper trail, but no one is going to dive into it. Plenty of us have been able to accomplish our goals. Look no further than some of our mods. Cindy has done some amazing things. Arch has pretty much the job I want. If they can do it, we can too.

You will always know, and that won't change. But others aren't going to know. Admitting defeat before you even start is not going to help. I suggest you do some soul searching and maybe talk to someone. No amount of transition will make you happy with yourself unless you address your fears as well.

Here are two examples I use. They are MTF but still relevant.

Laverne Cox - beautiful, sexy, radiant. Obviously visibly trans. Well celebrated and loved by many. There are a few haters but they don't faze her. The media tries to treat her badly sometimes but she dusts it off. Strong, proud woman.

Janet Mock - beautiful, sexy, radiant and passable as cis. In fact she was stealth before she came out. People try to demean her but she also brushes it off and fights back. She is well liked by many. Piers Morgan even tried to focus on her being trans in one of their interviews. Piers is disgusting anyway. Most people love her. And by being out she is helping us make strides.

Here's another example - Lynn Conway. Extremely passable, lived stealth for years, then came out when she realized she could do some good for the community. She had FFS which helped even more with her being stealth. Lord alone knows where I would be without Lynn and her writings. I would probably be dead. She gave me lots of hope. She is well celebrated but a few people give her crap about being trans.


Here's another example -

Michelle Obama - beautiful, sexy, radiant, elegant, cis. First lady. Mother with two kids you could clearly tell are hers and the President's. Some ignorant people think she is trans. People even make disgusting photoshops of her. Yet she is 100% cis. But she is accused of being trans.

So yeah, stealth is doable. Stealth is desirable. In the end though, you have to be prepared for some accusations that you are trans. Some people will see you. Some people will land upon a lucky guess. Some people will dig into your past. It's unavoidable. Nothing in life is 100%. And yes even some cis people will be clocked. Can't do anything about that.

Live your life and don't worry.

I know I'm probably overreacting, I'm probably going to be fine.
I just have to live my life and screw anyone who finds out and makes a big deal of it.
I just hope as I get older and become an adult I'll be able to handle it better.

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 10, 2015, 12:18:33 PM
I know I'm probably overreacting, I'm probably going to be fine.
I just have to live my life and screw anyone who finds out and makes a big deal of it.
I just hope as I get older and become an adult I'll be able to handle it better.

Bingo.

Don't let the haters win.

Also, it's 2015. If this was 1960 or 1980 it would be a different story. But this decade is ours.

Scotty, I wouldn't say your over reacting at all. I have moments where figure out my past and as much as I don't like that fact I embrace it instead. I try turning I into a positive. When did that the person who I dealt with agreed she probably would have to. Our reactions are perfectly normal and to some might seem like an over reaction but when the shoe is on the other foot they don't see it that way anymore. All over correcting her over the misgendering. The key is to become comfortable with who you and whatever is normal for you. Your transition is just a piece will help you do that. Hugs
Mariah


Sent from my Mariah's iPad using Tapatalk

I just hope it won't be really obvious I'm trans, so people only know if I tell them. One can dream I suppose.

But if it is somehow known that I'm trans, I just have to own it I guess. Don't let people treat me bad because of it. Everyone has things people use against them. It isn't as if everyone would have loved me if I was cis.

Exactly, I know it's hard to not worry about what others think but please try to. Don't feel bad, I sometimes forget this too. Hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Much of passing out their really is confidence and owning who you are. Sure people can look back at my past and put the pieces together but I don't dwell on it. For example, the other day H&R block called about my scheduled appointment that I had scheduled a year in advance. This person didn't have a clue as to who I am. Now because my pay is now considered tax exempt I don't have to file this year so all I had to do was cancel the appointment. However, I had to tell her exactly what was up so that could be done. I didn't go into more detail than I needed to, but said enough to prove my case, especially since both my name and gender were changed legally, to be able to cancel the appointment and get them to update their records so in the future they would call for Mariah instead of Michael in the future if they needed to get a hold of me. So hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 10, 2015, 01:04:16 PM
But if it is somehow known that I'm trans, I just have to own it I guess. Don't let people treat me bad because of it. Everyone has things people use against them. It isn't as if everyone would have loved me if I was cis.

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 08, 2015, 03:43:03 AM
Say you
-transitioned/started hormones at 16.
-had all the surgeries done by 18
- passed completely

Would complete stealth be possible?

Yes of course one can live stealth, even deep stealth where no one knows. The question is how big of a footprint do you want to leave in the world? Want a Facebook page, an instagram account, linked in profile? The more clues one leaves about their identity, the easier it will be to find out about one's past. It's as simple as that. The question is, is that a trade-off that one is willing to make in order to protect their identity or past? You will find people on both sides of the issues who wrestle with this alligator all the time and it has been talked to death for decades now since the days of Christine Jorgensen. There are definitely some deep stealth women out there, who are extremely careful about their pasts and go to ungodly lengths to hide it including fake pasts. Personally I don't understand how they can live their lives like that, but that's just my own thinking.

The way I see it, as far as me, I live my life with a don't ask, don't tell policy. I know who I am and where I came from, but it's not the thing that identifies me as a person. So I downplay it as much as possible. I still have a Facebook page, but I don't link to LGBT topics. I have a few other transitioned friends on my friends list, but I don't over due it. If someone wanted to find out my past they could easily enough for $20 with a background check website.

A few years ago I worked for a military contractor where I had to give out both names that I had been known by for my background check. I had to do it was well to get a gun license. In both cases I was treated very fairly. But I also know that once one person knows something it might as well be 10 more, because who knows who tells who. That's the world we live in post 9/11.

Quote
I ask because people seem to say it is impossible these days, someone will always know, you'll live in fear of being outed, your essentially lying to everyone.

If stealth isn't possible, I don't think I'll even bother transitioning. And I really don't want to be a female, but to me that seems better than being an out transsexual in today's world. I don't want to be "different", just a normal guy. And if I can't have that, I just don't see the point to life as a transgender male or a female.

I just don't want being transgender to be the thing that defines me to others.

I think the word that describes a lot of people, and includes me as well is "compartmentalized" stealth. I keep my transition to myself with my coworkers. I keep it to myself for nearly all new friends I have made since my transition, like gym buddies (or my zumba friends). Most (but not all) family and relatives know about my transition. The ones that don't know I don't talk to or wouldn't talk to anyways, so no biggie for me. Some people like my endo, and people I have "had" to tell about my past are on a need to know basis. If they didn't need to know, I probably wouldn't have told them. The only thing I have to watch out for, is having both sets of people in the same room at the same time. I don't bring up my childhood at work. If it comes up I give only limited information about me. I don't make up facts about a past I didn't live, I just choose not to share certain parts of my life with people. This way I know I am an honest person, and decide who gets to know what about me.

Dealing with my past has never been a burden on me from what I have lived so far. If I made up a childhood I would feel guilt about lying to people. The only part of this that sucks is that having lived a life in both sexes has given me incredible insight into the world. I can see how women do not understand men and vice versa. Sometimes I want to say something, but in the end I keep it to myself. My win, the world's loss is how I feel.

I don't know...I work in a job that required a police background check, so I had to explain to my boss why I had a previous name that was clearly female. As far as I can tell, she has respected my confidentiality on this. If she did tell anyone, or if anyone else found this out from my file, no one has EVER mentioned it to me and no one has treated me any differently. So technically, it's probably impossible to be stealth in the sense that legally, old documentation would remain. But in the real world, I don't think it comes up that often. I don't have anything on google that connects me to trans stuff, if someone googles me they just find stuff under my current name and gender. I also don't have contact with many people who knew me from before. Someone would have to do a lot of deep digging to find out the "truth" and most people can't be arsed to go through with all that.

The only thing I have in my old name is high school qualifications and birth certificate, which can both be changed. I suppose there is a load of other documents, I don't know much about this.

Also, do you know if stuff you did before you were 18 come up in background checks? I am pretty sure crimes don't, but would a name change?

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 10, 2015, 03:09:50 PM

Also, do you know if stuff you did before you were 18 come up in background checks? I am pretty sure crimes don't, but would a name change?

Depends on the background check done - there are varying degrees and methods for background checks.  There is no one single system that gets tapped into that has all the magical information.

I changed my first name (and gave myself a middle name since I didn't have one) when I was 12.  Sometimes, people find that information.  Sometimes, they don't.  It just depends how public the information is and how many systems the name had to be changed in.  Because my name change happened so young, things like my driver's license (age 15), college applications, bank accounts, and other happened-after-age-12 documents don't have any trace of my old name.  Also, the notice I had to post in the paper about my name change happened before such things were ALSO published online (not all newspapers do this, but a lot to now), so people would have to go to a tiny library in a tiny, rural town to search for the publication.

You dont have to post any notice of a name change in Britain, so I will be fine there.
Will there be a "X changed their name to Y" document that will show up in the background check, and/or be easily accessible?

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 10, 2015, 03:34:15 PM
You dont have to post any notice of a name change in Britain, so I will be fine there.
Will there be a "X changed their name to Y" document that will show up in the background check, and/or be easily accessible?

Not necessarily but job applications do ask if you went by any other name for background checks. You can't exactly hide that especially if you have work or academic history.

On any tax documents I fill out, I have to declare all past names used (which means my birth name, my current name, AND the married last name I had for a little bit).  Not sure how it is in Britain, but that's how it is here.

I understand the desire to have the option to go stealth.  But, as others have pointed out, the preoccupation with passing 100% of the time can be a dangerous rabbit hole that has the potential to keep us from living an amazing life.  Before I started transitioning, I was very worried about what a long and arduous process it may end up being.  I had no idea what to expect, and my imagination definitely tried to fill in the gaps.  I understand the fear.

But, thankfully, my actual experiences transitioning have quieted that fear.  I hope you find the same when/if you begin your own transition.

I am in the awkward, middle part of my transition.  There's no hiding it.  I am pre-top surgery (and very large chested so the male presentation is obviously incongruous with the female-appearing body) and only 5 months on T.  I am out to all my friends and coworkers now, and everyone is beginning to change pronouns.  There's no hiding my transness at this stage in my transition.  My fear was that people would turn their backs to me... that I would lose people.  In reality?  My current friendships deepened, and are more supportive, honest, and real (from both sides) than I ever dreamed possible.  My coworkers are understanding and learning about trans issues so they can continue to support me. 

Long story short: I have never felt more love - both from others and for myself - than I do being out, even during this awkward-and-obvious-tweensition year.  People will surprise you.  And you will surprise yourself with your own strength.

I'd like to mention that 5+ years post-transition, I'm sort of "accidentally stealth." I've never made any effort to hide my history, and I transitioned in place; I even still write publicly as a trans woman author, though I don't link it directly to my journalism writing career. And yet, I'd say roughly 90% of the people I interact with in person these days don't know (of the remainder, 5% see me doing "diversity appearances" and the other 5% knew me before transition). It never comes up, and I feel weird volunteering it, and so...

Sure, there's a paper trail, and odds are someone behind the scenes with my mortgage company knows. But at the same time, weird ->-bleeped-<- shows up on credit files all the time, and there are cis women who've had their husbands' names mixed in with theirs, etc. So unless it's directly relevant - and it almost never is, now - even the bureaucrats I have to deal with don't have a clue.

As young and motivated as you are, you can probably manage 99.99% stealth. For daily life, trust me, that's more than enough.

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 10, 2015, 03:34:15 PM
You dont have to post any notice of a name change in Britain, so I will be fine there.
Will there be a "X changed their name to Y" document that will show up in the background check, and/or be easily accessible?

As far as I know for the UK and commonwealth you cannot change your name on your birth certificate. You'll need to have a deed poll and that will be presented along with your birth certificate if and when needed. I don't think any employers need your birth certificate though, only legal ID. So yes, there will always be a paper trail.

It won't be accessible by anyone in any computer database but as DragonBeer said you'd have to disclose it when applying for employment if they require your previous names for background checks.

"A transsexual person whose birth or adoption was registered in the UK, who is granted a full Gender Recognition Certificate by the Gender Recognition Panel, can get a new birth certificate reflecting their acquired gender from the Gender Recognition Register held at the General Register Office.
Someone looking at your new birth certificate will not be able to tell that you have legally acquired a different gender.
There is also the option for this new birth certificate to show your birth surname if different from the surname on your gender recognition certificate."

This is what I read on a UK website about it, so it looks like its possible.

I managed to start my hormones at sixteen, and will be having top surgery about three months post-18th.

My plan from there is to move towns and live in stealth.

I got on hormones when I was a bit over 16 I think and changed my name some time after at like 17 or so. I purposely waited to get a driver's license until my name was changed and stuff, but my gender marker hadn't been officially changed yet. It was funny though I went for my first license and the lady marked me as male even though on my IDs it said female then I had to go back cause someone noticed it was different. All they assumed was that they accidentally marked me down as female on my birth certificate and we never bothered to change it lmao. It was kind of funny. Eventually I got the gender marker changed though. Then I got top surgery and I moved far away and no one here knows I am trans. So yeah it can be possible to live in total stealth.

I totally understand that you don't want to be viewed as a transguy and just as a normal guy. That is also my goal. After I get bottom surgery, I'll just say I had like a deformity and stuff and stay completely stealth.

Quote from: randomdude5 on March 05, 2015, 12:58:41 PM
...
I totally understand that you don't want to be viewed as a transguy and just as a normal guy. That is also my goal. After I get bottom surgery, I'll just say I had like a deformity and stuff and stay completely stealth.

I am telling people I've got a hormone deficiency all the time, and I can't wait to blame that on my tiny little diddle after (hopefully at some point in the future) meta. I got my name changed at 16 and my gender marker changed at 17, on Medicare too, which means I'm medically considered cisgender. I just need chest surgery, and then to get a tattoo over my chest scars, and I can fly away from the hometown and contently create a new life. :')

Quote from: ScottyMac on February 08, 2015, 04:47:04 AM
I don't want to be accepted as a trans person, I just want to be seen as another guy, nothing different. It is great there is more acceptance though.
I suppose I've always been someone who hated attention, was never garish and out there and different. And now I'm being forced to be by being a transgender.

There are levels of out-ness for lack of a better word.  You don't have to wear a scarlet T after beginning transition, unless you want to.  Unfortunately, a lot of us have internalized a lot of transphobia, but it's part of reality.  People are always going to want to label you or define some as other, it's a petty and awful part of the human condition.  Wether you let labels define you, and the ways in which you may rebel against them is up to you.
Being stealth seems like being perfect or normal to me, an ideal that you can lose yourself striving for.  I want real acceptance from my friends, lovers, and family.  It won't feel real to me unless I'm honest and open to them.  But a stranger on the street won't usually clock me, and I don't wear a sign.  It all depends on how much power you want to give others over how you live your life.
If you start transitioning young, it's typically less costly to transition, and you have longer to live your authentic life as your chosen gender.  But I firmly believe that all young and old transpeople can with enough effort and money live stealth if they choose.  It just depends on your priorities.
Having the option to choose is only available once you've picked the direction you will to go.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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