Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm on a couple dating sites for women looking for women. So far so good right?

I've now had four women flirt with me and I actually find it surprisingly weird. I'm not sure what the feeling is...intimidated, afraid, freaked out. In other words OMG a woman is interested in me. Women who like women like me. And I'm freaking petrified!!

Back in the dude days I was pretty much ignored by all cis het women. But now. Yikes!

I know I just need to breathe and relax about it. Just smile/chat back but I honestly haven't a clue how to be natural in these kind of situations without sounding cheesy.

It's a new challenge and just a bit worrying, I guess. I think it's quite normal to be a bit worried about stuff we've not dealt with before.

The positive thing is they've contacted you and are interested......that sounds pretty good from where I'm standing!

It's old and oft repeated advice, but I suppose the thing is to enjoy the new found attention from women. It's a good thing, no doubt, and now (unlike in the dude days) you are you and you have much greater freedom to be natural, be relaxed, and then just see how it all pans out!

Best of luck sister!  :) :)

Without being attracted to women, I can objectively state that you, Ms Grace, are definitely cute from your avatar photo.  I wouldn't be surprised if you find a few seriously interested from your dating profile.  But I have no idea about lesbian culture other than what I saw on the 'L' Word, and a bisexual friend.  While honesty is super important, tread carefully, especially when it comes to disclosure, and don't break too many hearts. [emoji2]
There's a weird fine line where you want someone to be invested enough to not walk away, and not too much that they feel like they were lied to.  If you get a nasty response, you can say "I didn't know there were openly gay bigots... C'est la Vie."

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ms. Grace, can I ask what site you've been using?

@Ros - thanks!

@Katie - yes indeed. I can understand though why someone who is keen on an innie might not want to ultimately jump in the sack with someone who has an outie. The re-plumbing is only a matter of time but if that matters to them in the short term then I'm cool with it as long as they don't get nasty about it.

@Suzi - I'll send you a PM. Anyone else interested just PM me.

At least you noticed. The first few times gay men expressed interest in me, I didn't figure it out until later. (Not that I would have gone for them, but, you know.)

Several winks and/or smiles later from several ladies I'm still no closer to dating anyone. I've started to "return the favour", if they smile/wink at me I'll smile/wink back. Unless they look scary, in which case I don't respond just in case I appear to be encouraging them! Lol.

If I've thought of replying to some with a message they often don't have an account that allows them to respond back, so what's the point? And I'm certainly not giving out my email in the early stages.

So after a few weeks it seems lesbian women are pretty inept at online dating. Just like me!

Anyway, there's one woman who I've seen who is kind of near where I live and eight years younger and seems really nice and not scary (I hope!). Time to work up some courage and send her a message (as opposed to just a smile/wink) and see what happens I guess!!

Might want to also take an active role finding what you want.  If you don't create and weed through some customized searches, I don't understand the point of online dating.  Also keep in mind that people are super picky online, so you may want to reach out to many people you want to get to know better, and converse with the ones that respond.  IMO It's like going to meet someone at an event at a bar and having only one patron there if you try one at a time.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Thanks - yeah, I'm one of those super picky people myself. And people on sites don't make it any easier to decide on whether to connect (or connect back if they initiate) due to their profiles which are often not very enticing. Not saying mine is any better just that it can be hard to make a decision based on a few likes and interests.

I had been reticent about initiating contact since it just seemed like such a guy thing to do, and given I'm trans I didn't want it to appear like I was filling that role.

But I guess someone has to make the first move! Looks like it's me.

Ugh, I've always hated having to do that in hetro relationships when I presented as male... which is why I never did it and was rarely in a relationship I guess.

Grace, I think almost everyone hates it -- if they're not a whack job and they're doing it for the right reasons.

Yes, I agree with that assessment...

Totally off topic, I love your avatar. Every time I see it, it cracks me up! ;D

  Well, at least you're trying.  I'd never, ever use a dating site or try to hit on/be hit on by strangers.  I've never figured out how I'm supposed to meet someone I'd click with because I'm pretty sure the only type of person that would understand me would be equally averse to the established dating scene and everything about how it plays out.  I need to find someone who feels being a good friend isn't automatically anti-relationship territory, but rather the foundation of one.  Lots of people talk a good game about this but quickly prove they really don't have the necessary instincts.

  I share your past experience with being ignored as a guy by women.  The few that made their intentions clear were extraordinarily insecure and seemed to think I was a 'safe' personality to be with.  It never really worked out because the power dynamic was completely wrong.

  I get really uncomfortable immediately when anyone seems even remotely interested in me.  Certainly with my lack of dating/relationship experience I wouldn't know how to respond to dating site flirting either.

QuoteTotally off topic, I love your avatar. Every time I see it, it cracks me up! ;D

But... but... that's me. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwink.gif&hash=fd49c1687b59c0ea097a7b4f1ed562a996fdaf5c)  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fbiggrin.gif&hash=fa2db8a2d15c338f95b7a2cbcb46a673a808a937) 

  Showing how much I've been paying attention to dating lately, I completely forgot today was Valentine's Day.  I love you all! :-* :icon_flower: :icon_love:

So it is! Happy Valentine's Day, ladies!

Annnnnnnnnnd...... I have sent her a message.

Decided to bypass the usual wink/smile silliness and jump in at the deep end.

Didn't profess my undying love - just that I thought she seemed like a lovely sweet person and it would be great if we could exchange a few messages... see where that gets me.

She's about 7 years younger so she may not be interested at all but I'mm hopeful of at least a reply.

Finger crossed for you, Grace!

Good luck!


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Honestly women are much more receptive to me online the they were when I was viewed as male.... Lesbians rule :p

Best of luck Grace!

Beware Grace, and anyone else who uses those sites.. there are lots of fake girls on there, created by the site to initiate contact with people to make it seem like there are girls aplenty out there looking to meet.

That's not to say there aren't real ones on there.. you just have to put the effort in to weed through the fakes and timewasters.

I had to get a membership on those sites to get decent success, but with that membership it was 50/50 on me initiating contact and them initiating (they'd wink at me to send them a msg).