Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi all I am Kao (chosen name not real)

I've buzzed the forums a number of times over the last 6 months looking for reassurances and information to assist in the start of my journey but only just made an account to post.  A little about me, I'm now 27 and I Identify as a trans female after I came to accept myself (I didn't say came out as I see it as more of accepting myself as I pretty much always knew), this happened last September when I hit a mental impasse of accept or end the miserable existence I was currently experiencing (seems overly dramatic but it was the way I was mentally at the time).  This was a major step I was planning my departure from the physical realm when my partner caught me and after a few questions I broke down and told her everything and to my great relief she hugged me and told me she always had her suspicions and she would be with me no matter what, I have come to find I am extremely lucky in this regard to have her here supporting me.

Since then I can say it hasn't been all smooth sailing as much as I'd love to say it has been easy it hasn't.  Finding support and information from the medical aspect of my journey has been painfully difficult and something I thought would be the easiest part of my journey, I was so wrong it made me realize how badly the trans* community is supported.  I did finally find a GP who didn't have experience with trans* patients but he was very helpful in locating information and now I am waiting to see a specialist but I will be waiting till June thanks to South Australia outdated laws but it will come fast I hope as I am eager to start HRT.  I am undergoing laser hair removal and seeing minor changes currently and fingers crossed it won't take many more sessions before the razor is retired from facial duties.  As for living I live every day I can as me (female) but there is times I can't....I have only told a few people of my transitioning and most have been good but my parents reacted poorly (was a shock as my older sister is a lesbian and my parents never battered an eye lid about it) I was told by my dad it was a faze and my mum said at first she would support then did a 180 and started with snide remarks one which was hurtful was "if it was your older sister I could accept it but not from you" I questioned why it made any difference and she came out with "guys don't do this sort of thing".  I understand that they have to come to terms with my changes, loosing a son gaining a daughter and such but to make comments like that I found to be deeply hurtful, my mother has since told so many people whats happening I no longer have a grasp on who knows and who doesn't (she likes to make everything about her) and as a result I have received an abusive phone call from someone who tried to mask themselves calling me every name under the sun but i figure if they don't have the guts to do it face to face then they don't warrant my time.  I have done a few trips out to the city and such and haven't had to much trouble and given my anxiety issues I am surprised at this, I don't go out much so it has been easy for me to just relax in what I feel comfortable (skirt padded bra etc). 

Other things about me not tailored to my transition are, I have 3 kids and I suffer from serious fibromyalgia and anxiety which keeps me out of work for now.  I have very few friends 4 that I have told and the others I know will not accept my change but they haven't been part of my life for so long they don't really matter so a very small friend group.  I play alot of video games to pass the time and escape reality for a while.  I draw when I can manage to get drive (more so since accepting myself).  I think that is most of it I'm not really that interesting.

Now the questions.  How did you know?  I just did if that makes sense, I have known since I was a child about 3/4 I would tell people that I came though a door from another dimension but they got my body wrong but it was ok because I would be going back soon and it would be fixed.

Passing/not passing, how important is it to people?  To me it does get me every now and then are people looking at me am I passing (my voice gives me away) I have come to the conclusion that this is for me if they have an issue it is their issue not mine I am just been me and I am happy with that.

Has anyone transitioned with kids before? I mean how have they reacted?  I worry about my kids and how I will effect their social lives (been in the northern suburbs I can say there are many closed minded people near me) and I don't want them been picked on by adults, most kids would never no the difference unless their parents say something.

If you did encounter an issue with said above question how did you deal with it?

Anyone who is on HRT share their side effects? I am aware of a number of side effects such as libido drop, erectile dysfunction, mood swings, pain load changes and such but some insight from someone who has been taking them for a while would be amazing.

I guess that is enough for now any answers would be awesome.

Thanking you in advance,
Kao

Hi Kao,
Welcome to Susan's

From an Adelaide girl :laugh:, Yes I know all about the unique evil Sex reassignment act in SA and I'm one of many trying to get it repealed.
Feel free to talk to me about transitioning in Adelaide, I went FT about 3 years ago and to be honest Adelaide and all of Australia is a pretty accepting place for trans* people.


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Hi Cindy, thank you for the welcome.

I actually recognize you so I may have seen you or your picture on one of the many forums/facebook/general internet searches I have found myself doing every other day.  I could have also seen you on kristyana's facebook page (I met kristy the day after my realization and she gave me a lot of help and an ear to talk to) As for going FT I am almost there but as I mentioned due to overly stressful factors there are times (much to my dislike) my old self has to come out.  The SSR of 88 is quite a hurdle and I am glad I read on the GendaSA page that an movement to amendment has been made and hopefully it can make a difference, as it stands research for help brings you to Dr Lyons as the only port of call to get onto HRT and I am still waiting for my first appointment and god noes how much it will cost me the lady on the phone never answered that question (organized appointment in October last year).  As with Adelaide been accepting I would say you are right I am yet to have many issues I did have a few drunk idiots recently in Glenelg when I was catching up with someone but it is their problem they are narrow minded. 

I want to thank you for all you and others are doing to attempt and make SA and other states better for trans* individuals like myself. 

Thanking you for responding
Kao

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
Now the questions.  How did you know? 

I knew at age 7 myself. I simply had the heart, soul and spirit of a female with no doubts.

Passing/not passing, how important is it to people? 

If I pass to myself and am happy that is the only thing that mattered to me. I do not care about the opinions of others because they do not have the same struggles and feelings I do.

Has anyone transitioned with kids before? I mean how have they reacted?

My 16 year old daughter left with her mother, but my 16 year old son stayed with me and has been thrilled with the new me. He says I am a much better parent and person now that I am not struggling.


If you did encounter an issue with said above question how did you deal with it?

I allowed my daughter to go with her mother, but let her know I would always be here for her if she ever changes her mind. I simply let her know I was not abandoning her or ever would. It was her choice alone to take the path she did. My son has been by my side the whole journey.

Anyone who is on HRT share their side effects?

I have only had typical effects such as loss of muscle, a new intolerance to cold and minor things like that which we expect. I am healthier now than I was at age 30. My labs improved, depression is gone and even my chronic pain has eased to where pain medications are no longer needed. Living with our issue is costly for both our mental and physical health. I will be 50 this year and I feel 25. :)

Another Adelaide girl here..

I never found getting medical care all that tricky.. Just sometimes there was a wait involved.

QuoteNow the questions.  How did you know?  I just did if that makes sense, I have known since I was a child about 3/4 I would tell people that I came though a door from another dimension but they got my body wrong but it was ok because I would be going back soon and it would be fixed.

I worked it out at 12.. Just took me another 22 years to accept it.. Funny thing was, I'd never really managed to hide it from any one..

QuotePassing/not passing, how important is it to people?  To me it does get me every now and then are people looking at me am I passing (my voice gives me away) I have come to the conclusion that this is for me if they have an issue it is their issue not mine I am just been me and I am happy with that.

This one I'm going to back away from, as my opinions on the subject are not always welcomed here.. I will add that I've had essentially zero issues with hate when out and about - and I do go some places that other trans women might consider crazy..  And the few minor issues I've had, other (cis) people have dealt with it before I could even respond..

QuoteHas anyone transitioned with kids before? I mean how have they reacted?  I worry about my kids and how I will effect their social lives (been in the northern suburbs I can say there are many closed minded people near me) and I don't want them been picked on by adults, most kids would never no the difference unless their parents say something.

If you did encounter an issue with said above question how did you deal with it?

I don't have any kids.. But I did spend some time living in Davoren Park and never had any issues..

QuoteAnyone who is on HRT share their side effects? I am aware of a number of side effects such as libido drop, erectile dysfunction, mood swings, pain load changes and such but some insight from someone who has been taking them for a while would be amazing.

I've had the 'usual' expected effects of hormones.. But.. I won't say my libido dropped.. Changed? For sure.. But it's still there.. As for ED, that's an interesting one and again, my views are somewhat controversial.. But, personally, I did have an issue with it for a little while. What I discovered was that it was mostly in my head and that I needed way more 'warm up' time. Mood swings were limited to the initial period while I adjusted to the new hormone mix - about 4-6 weeks.. Pain tolerance is as high as it's ever been. On the whole, my experience with hormones has been positive - even if I didn't get the physical changes I was led to expect..

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
Now the questions.  How did you know?

It was a puzzle. I've always wanted a female body. I've also always consumed entertainment (books, music, movies) intended for women, and I've only been comfortable with female friends and in female company.

I've always assumed that these things were unrelated.

It wasn't until I started hanging around here that I realized it was all part of me being trans.

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
Passing/not passing, how important is it to people?  T

Passing is very important to me. I would transition without it, and for a long time assumed that my transition would not be passable. Now that I'm passable a lot of the time, I don't want to go back. The smiles from women who read me as one of them are like precious jolts of happiness.

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
Has anyone transitioned with kids before? I mean how have they reacted?

I have a son and a daughter who were 17 and 16 when I transitioned.

My son seemed OK with it. Never complained, was very accepting, though all this from his own world. If it didn't affect him and his friends, he didn't sweat it. Don't know if it bothered him so deeply that he hasn't let it show, but on the surface things have been OK.

My daughter went through a period of about 4 months where she wouldn't be seen with me in public. After a little bit of therapy with an LGBT friendly teen counselor (her therapist's specialty is helping trans teens transition), she's fine with it and we're closer than ever.

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
I worry about my kids and how I will effect their social lives (been in the northern suburbs I can say there are many closed minded people near me) and I don't want them been picked on by adults, most kids would never no the difference unless their parents say something.

If you did encounter an issue with said above question how did you deal with it?

I made my daughter promise that if anyone even looked at her funny she had to tell me. It's been a year and a half since I went full-time, and nothing. No one has given her the slightest bit of a hard time. OTOH, all her friends are in the school gay/straight alliance, so they would be open minded sorts to begin with.

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
Anyone who is on HRT share their side effects? I am aware of a number of side effects such as libido drop, erectile dysfunction, mood swings, pain load changes and such but some insight from someone who has been taking them for a while would be amazing.

Don't know what pain load changes are. Libido did not decrease, but stopped having erections until right before climax. Climaxes were spectacular, not in any way resembling what I'd had without E. Other side effects:
* Breast sensitivity, first tenderness, giving way to intense arousing sensations.
* Became more aware of smells
* Skin softens
* Eating chocolate feels like an orgasm.
* And an incredible feeling of loving happiness.

Hope this helps, Kao. I'm more than happy to answer more questions if you've got them.

OMG thank you all so much for the answers as it is one thing to read what a doctor says should/can happen compared to what people who have actually lived/are living through/with have to say (wow so many slashes in there). 

Quote from: kelly_aus on February 11, 2015, 05:25:56 PM
I never found getting medical care all that tricky.. Just sometimes there was a wait involved.

It wasn't so much as getting help (although 8-9 months is a long wait, but i have had longer waiting periods for other issues) I did go through 3 gp's before 1 would help and it was more that trying to find current information was hard as alot of sites that I was given links to had long since gone down or the phone numbers were no longer in use, so it was more finding relevant helpful information was hard.

Quote from: suzifrommd on February 11, 2015, 06:18:39 PM
It was a puzzle. I've always wanted a female body. I've also always consumed entertainment (books, music, movies) intended for women, and I've only been comfortable with female friends and in female company.

I've always assumed that these things were unrelated.

It wasn't until I started hanging around here that I realized it was all part of me being trans.

I can relate very strongly here, I was very feminine in high school which was great I associated with the goth culture so wearing makeup and corsets and such were all seen as acceptable making suppressing my desire to be female easy as I was very fluid but I was always envious of my female friends and their boobs due to wanting them myself and that was the only always painful.  I was picked on constantly for having makeup on or reading that book all the girls had or my long hair (was half way down my back) or the fact I drew flowers but I was always happy with my female friends and a good book what the guys did was not appealing in the slightest and lets face it many guys have no clue about how to dress (well the ones I knew anyway)

Lots of varying outlooks on passing and not and I believe at some point or another I have had all the below mentioned and I am sorry Kelly_aus that your opinion has ruffled feathers in the past I can understand that everyone has there reasons for things and some people will always clash, and the stronger you feel for something the stronger your reactions or there reactions will be, it is a pity it has at some point lead you to have to withhold but I thank you for still answering and for your foresight in reducing the drama that may have risen (personally I have had this happen in the past myself in other topics and I have to just avoided tension by avoiding it I just agree to disagree with them)

I thank you for the insight on your children from those who have them.  I see they are all much older than mine 6yo, 5yo and a 17 month old, so you would have had a very different experience and I thank you for the insight as I'm sure it was very difficult with teenage children for them and yourselves to come to terms with.  I hope mine manage ok, my son has autism and bless him he came to me the other day and said "dad (I dont mind them calling me that) why are you wearing a skirt, isn't that for girls your a boy," I told him "boy or girl was up to how he felt inside and I felt like a girl not a boy"  he smiled and came out with "well I'm a fish" and he just wondered off. 

HRT seems to be a pretty mixed bag which is what I thought it would be.  I guess everyone will be different but thank you all for sharing it gives me a better idea of what I can expect.

Few more questions.

Does anyone suffer any serious body dysphoria?  I myself have it not with my genitals but with my chest I hate not having boobs to the point I have thought of preforming home implants (I would never go through with that but it has passed my mind) I use padding but knowing that it is just padding can cause mood swings if I focus on it, I get similar issues with my thighs I guess you could call them mens legs but I have huge thighs that stop me wearing alot of cloths as I cant get them over the damn things (I'm not sure if that comes across as stupid but) and don't get me started on my nose, it isn't straight it is on a slight angle and people say its not bad but to me it may as well be at a 90degree angle.

When you started transitioning did you get the horrid thoughts of not been strong enough to follow through to the end? what I mean is those downs where everything you do is a struggle no matter how positive you look at it, your make up doesnt look right, cloths sitting wrong, head just not in it... I have a few times due to the rejection of my parents come to the "would it have been better to have killed myself" thought, It isn't a nice thought and I would not go through with it but it does plague me with questions like "would it have been easier for them if I had" as then they would have only had to mourne for my loss not have to deal with the loss of their son but also my transition (it seems dumb but it is a nagging thought)

Professional life, how has it gone with work and finding work?  I am not working due to some pain in the arse health problems but I want to work again once I have them under control. I know there will always be people who don't agree with my life choices but those who work how hard was it to transition and work?  I know I will have the advantage of starting after transition has started but I have read and heard some pretty bad stories about transphobia in workplaces.

I guess that's all the questions I can muster for now brain isn't working not enough sleep or not enough coffee or both.

Thank you all again for all the answers you all rock
Kao

Hi Kao,

OK a few things, we are trying hard to educate GPs but it is an uphill task in some areas. The waiting list to see Dr Lyons iso long because of 1) the SRA of '88 and the evil restrictions it places on therapists, this is NOT WANTED by the therapists 2) The number of new referrals, currently running at 5 per week and the need to help current referrals at the same time.

Body dysphoria varies between individuals and among individuals as they transition, I now have zero dysphoria.

Not being strong enough? Transitioning can be like running into a brick wall and bouncing off bruised and battered, eventually the wall shatters and you walk though it. This is a major strength of the site, we can help pick up the bruised and battered self and get you to take another run.

Work? The anti-discrimination laws in SA are very strong, that is not to say some places don't try to get around them, but in general it isn't a big issue and the gender unit can help with that as well.

Help before getting an appointment? The support groups in Adelaide are great, GendaSA, SNAG and Carrousell are VERY accepting of new members.

And I am always happy to meet people at a coffee shop and have a talk about anything you like.

Hi Cindy thank you again for even more helpful information. 

Quote from: Cindy on February 12, 2015, 01:27:23 AM
OK a few things, we are trying hard to educate GPs but it is an uphill task in some areas. The waiting list to see Dr Lyons is long because of 1) the SRA of '88 and the evil restrictions it places on therapists, this is NOT WANTED by the therapists 2) The number of new referrals, currently running at 5 per week and the need to help current referrals at the same time.

I completely understand the uphill battle and I thank all those who are helping in the effort to change that.  I was unaware there was so many new referrals and I understand older patients need help too, I have had to wait over 12 months once for an appointment with a specialist for a 10 minute test, but hopefully for future people the SRA of '88 can be rectified so more people can get help when seeking it.

I'm hoping that when my body is the way I want it my dysphoria will at least lessen it can vary depending on how I am mentally but has been better since my acceptance.

Quote from: Cindy on February 12, 2015, 01:27:23 AM
Not being strong enough? Transitioning can be like running into a brick wall and bouncing off bruised and battered, eventually the wall shatters and you walk though it. This is a major strength of the site, we can help pick up the bruised and battered self and get you to take another run.

I have a thick skull so brick wall here i come :P.  That really is a good way of putting it and makes an easy visualization and from all the reading I have been doing I'm sure this site has helped a great number of people up off the floor and back into the fray.

Quote from: Cindy on February 12, 2015, 01:27:23 AM
Help before getting an appointment? The support groups in Adelaide are great, GendaSA, SNAG and Carrousell are VERY accepting of new members.

And I am always happy to meet people at a coffee shop and have a talk about anything you like.

I have met Kristyana from carrousel club and had a wonderful conversation with her and have been keeping tabs on the GendaSA page it has been showing alot of good information and such.  The problem I have is I'm a bit of a hermit I have been for a long time and it has made it so I can count my friends on one hand which isn't so great,  I have issues with meeting new people due to my anxiety issues but once someone knows me i tend to never shut up >.>  I will however try and branch out little by little as health and such permit.  I may even take you up on that coffee one day (granted it isn't stinking hot, damn SA weather doesn't want to make up its mind)

I really want to thank everyone who has contributed to this tread I really appreciate the help and it has lifted my spirits quite a bit after a really bad week on the health front.

Thanks again
Kao

Quote from: Cindy on February 12, 2015, 01:27:23 AM
OK a few things, we are trying hard to educate GPs but it is an uphill task in some areas. The waiting list to see Dr Lyons iso long because of 1) the SRA of '88 and the evil restrictions it places on therapists, this is NOT WANTED by the therapists 2) The number of new referrals, currently running at 5 per week and the need to help current referrals at the same time.

I looked up the SRA of 88 and I'm a bit unclear what its got to do with therapists.

http://www.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/sa/consol_act/sra1988229/

It seems to be about SRS, or possibly HRT.

Section 3 on interpretation states

"reassignment procedure" means a medical or surgical procedure (or a combination of such procedures) to alter the genitals and other sexual characteristics of a person, identified by birth certificate as male or female, so that the person will be identified as a person of the opposite sex and includes, in relation to a child, any such procedure (or combination of procedures) to correct or eliminate ambiguities in the child's sexual characteristics;

That seems to be what the act covers medically, and a therapist doesn't do that. I don't see how it could cover low dose HRT either as it doesn't cause "the person will be identified as a person of the opposite sex".

I'm not sure how you read legal documents, but I don't suppose you could interpret "alter the genitals and other sexual characteristics" to means it only applies when you do both? I guess that would be too much.

And I don't understand how it can be so different in Sydney and SA. I thought we're in the same country.

I can't quite remember but I think endo was 2 or 3 months, the psych 2 or 3 weeks and then easy to get in most every week (and really good too). The Gender Center was terribly slow but I didn't really need them in the end. It wasn't at all like I was expecting.

Quote from: AnonyMs on February 12, 2015, 03:28:51 AM

Quote from: Cindy on February 12, 2015, 01:27:23 AM
OK a few things, we are trying hard to educate GPs but it is an uphill task in some areas. The waiting list to see Dr Lyons iso long because of 1) the SRA of '88 and the evil restrictions it places on therapists, this is NOT WANTED by the therapists 2) The number of new referrals, currently running at 5 per week and the need to help current referrals at the same time.

I looked up the SRA of 88 and I'm a bit unclear what its got to do with therapists.

http://www.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/sa/consol_act/sra1988229/

It seems to be about SRS, or possibly HRT.

Section 3 on interpretation states

"reassignment procedure" means a medical or surgical procedure (or a combination of such procedures) to alter the genitals and other sexual characteristics of a person, identified by birth certificate as male or female, so that the person will be identified as a person of the opposite sex and includes, in relation to a child, any such procedure (or combination of procedures) to correct or eliminate ambiguities in the child's sexual characteristics;

That seems to be what the act covers medically, and a therapist doesn't do that. I don't see how it could cover low dose HRT either as it doesn't cause "the person will be identified as a person of the opposite sex".

I'm not sure how you read legal documents, but I don't suppose you could interpret "alter the genitals and other sexual characteristics" to means it only applies when you do both? I guess that would be too much.

And I don't understand how it can be so different in Sydney and SA. I thought we're in the same country.

I can't quite remember but I think endo was 2 or 3 months, the psych 2 or 3 weeks and then easy to get in most every week (and really good too). The Gender Center was terribly slow but I didn't really need them in the end. It wasn't at all like I was expecting.

The Act limits medical providers to those registered by the Attorney General OF SA for providing such provision. It bans us from using public hospitals in SA for gender reassignment. The Act is utterly flawed.

There is a massive amount of information on this on FB pages. It is currently been sent to a Parliamentary review. -  another 12 months.

The Act is totally unique to SA.

Also SA is only 1 of 2 states (i forgot the other) that still has the panic defense in common law if what I was reading yesterday is still correct.  But the SRA of '88 was a surprise to me when I came across it as been SA only i doubt many outside the state would no it existed,

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 08:33:17 PM
Does anyone suffer any serious body dysphoria?

I never did. I actually liked my male parts and miss them a bit. However I hated NOT having female parts, if that made sense. I used to look at woman and feel very jealous that they had parts I didn't.

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 08:33:17 PM
When you started transitioning did you get the horrid thoughts of not been strong enough to follow through to the end?

Not per se, though I wrote a long post about 100 reasons why I thought it would suck. (If you're curious: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,128509.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,128509.0.html)) I later updated it after my transition, recording my actual experiences. Makes interesting reading...

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 08:33:17 PM
Professional life, how has it gone with work and finding work?

I transitioned in place. The only issues I had were from my own union. The admin and all my coworkers were great. However, there is a strong anti-discrimination law in our county. I have a feeling it would not have been such smooth sailing otherwise.

Ive been so out of it I almost forgot my tread

Quote from: suzifrommd on February 12, 2015, 07:48:38 AM
I never did. I actually liked my male parts and miss them a bit. However I hated NOT having female parts, if that made sense. I used to look at woman and feel very jealous that they had parts I didn't.

That makes sense I feel the same at times when looking at other women. My dysphoria is at an unmanageable state today and I am really struggling to cope (I also hit my head really hard this morning which hasn't helped) I was lying awake last night for instance because I couldn't sleep the brain wouldn't stop trying to figure out 'safe' ways to remove the horrible pair of doom between my legs....I can cope with most of the dysphoria by changing the way I'm dressed like adding extra padding to my bra and such but I just can't deal with them, seriously looking at a orchiectomy if I can find a doctor to do it (not getting my hopes up) or a vet I can bribe (joking about the vet). 

I haven't had a chance to read your other post yet but I will get around to it when my headache subsides and I have had more sleep as my head is really not good right now.

Even with the anti-discrimination laws I've seen/heard many nasty things said about women in general in the work place let alone trans* individuals, working in a large butchers shop some of the guys were total dicks to every woman that work or came in...not loud enough for the targeted person to hear but loud enough for all the guys around them to hear.

Does anyone have any good advice on dealing with dysphoria?  I don't plan to do anything stupid but lack of sleep and mental deterioration can lead people to do some stupid things

Quote from: kao on February 11, 2015, 05:32:46 AM
Now the questions.  How did you know?  I just did if that makes sense, I have known since I was a child about 3/4 I would tell people that I came though a door from another dimension but they got my body wrong but it was ok because I would be going back soon and it would be fixed.

Passing/not passing, how important is it to people?  To me it does get me every now and then are people looking at me am I passing (my voice gives me away) I have come to the conclusion that this is for me if they have an issue it is their issue not mine I am just been me and I am happy with that.

I can answer these two.

How did I know? Honestly, from a young age I wasn't real comfortable with 'being a boy'. All that rough-and-tumble, playing-in-the-dirt, catching-bugs, grossing-out-the-girls stuff just never appealed to me. I preferred fluffy things, unicorns, kittens, things like that. But it wasn't until I lost a bet against an ex and wound up in a dress that I realised something was...different...about me. I felt -right- in that dress. It felt natural. Normal - which was something I'd never experienced before.

Passing/not passing? Hun, I know I'm fabulous as they come, and that's all that matters. Just like you, the only thing that gives me away is my voice...and also like you, if someone's got a problem, that's their problem, not mine. And their problems aren't worth my time. I do hate my voice a bit, but it's just because of how decidedly and stubbornly male it is. I've started practicing, but my vocal cords don't seem to be too fond of taking it up more than just a few steps. Five years of smoking, two bouts of bronchitis, and a round of pneumonia probably caused that, though.

The long and the short of it is, be bold. Be fearless. Be you. Because you're beautiful, and that's all that matters. To quote mama Ru - if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else!?