Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Am i the only one who feels like an 18 year old when im actually 23?

Your mind ages much more slowly than your body, just ask any 80 year old.  So no, you are not alone.

It's not only your mind -- starting a second puberty is weird at any age. I'm in my early 60s... in my head I'm 37 really... and my partner tells me I have moments when I act like a 19 year old. (She calls me "Spike" when that happens: as in "Spike -- cut that out!" (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fredface.gif&hash=9d047737b5f4a6e3b63a2e608fdc5db36eb1b793))

I've often felt more like 17/18. I think that's because I didn't reach a lot of actual milestones until fairly recently. Driving at 25, when most people in my class were 17. Starting fresh in a new field of work. I'm perceived as much younger as well and so people subconsciously treat me like a younger man.

Ah, I feel like that anyway.  I'm thirty-three but there are days that I feel like I'm fifteen again, particularly since I have trouble driving due to an anxiety disorder, so I'm always begging my mates for a lift here or there.

I've felt a weird mixture between still 18, and about 5 years older than I actually am for a little while now. I get the feeling we don't ever really grow up, we just kind of bounce around depending on situation.

And frankly, if you start a second puberty your brain is likely going to be pretty confused!

I may grow older but I refuse to totally grow up.   Might explain my short stature.

I feel as though I look like a typical, scooter riding, energy drink sculling, Australian twelvie, but I think due to the fact that I dropped out of school and moved out before I was 18 I feel like I should have been legal for a while now (and I'm still not).

Yeah, I still don't think I feel like an adult and I'm almost 21. I agree that it's probably bcos I haven't hit the same milestones as a cis guy. And I also think it's bcos I can't do what I want to do as I'm not out yet.

Quote from: Elis on February 15, 2015, 11:33:55 AM
Yeah, I still don't think I feel like an adult and I'm almost 21. I agree that it's probably bcos I haven't hit the same milestones as a cis guy. And I also think it's bcos I can't do what I want to do as I'm not out yet.

I think Elis has hit the nail on the head here.  Assuming most if not all of us were assigned female at birth, then all of our celebrated milestones weren't right, thereby leaving us confused about whether we're truly adults now.  A male child is taught how to shave, how to fight, how to have sex a certain way, as well as certain religious events among other things that are seen are purely masculine milestones.  For females, it's menarche, the arrival of breasts, maybe one or two religious events [Bat Mitzvah, First Communion, baptism, etc].  The most common milestones are educational: graduation from high school or university.  As for first dates, let's face it, that's a double standard that I won't get into.

So, what do we do?  Do we connect with other trans guys and celebrate our own male milestones?  Do we get some older cis guys to teach us how to shave?  Do we sit down with older trans guys and have the whole sex talk all over again?  What do you guys think?  And I'm actually being serious here.  We have enough emotional rubbish to deal with, so if we can make some repairs ourselves, why not?

Quote from: Amadeus on February 15, 2015, 04:22:56 PM
I think Elis has hit the nail on the head here.  Assuming most if not all of us were assigned female at birth, then all of our celebrated milestones weren't right, thereby leaving us confused about whether we're truly adults now.  A male child is taught how to shave, how to fight, how to have sex a certain way, as well as certain religious events among other things that are seen are purely masculine milestones.  For females, it's menarche, the arrival of breasts, maybe one or two religious events [Bat Mitzvah, First Communion, baptism, etc].  The most common milestones are educational: graduation from high school or university.  As for first dates, let's face it, that's a double standard that I won't get into.

So, what do we do?  Do we connect with other trans guys and celebrate our own male milestones?  Do we get some older cis guys to teach us how to shave?  Do we sit down with older trans guys and have the whole sex talk all over again?  What do you guys think?  And I'm actually being serious here.  We have enough emotional rubbish to deal with, so if we can make some repairs ourselves, why not?

The main reason I want to go to the next ftm meeting where I live is to hopefully become friends with some of the guys there and do all the guy things I missed out on. Go to a club and get drunk, play video games even though they're not my thing, just have a laugh with them like any other guy would with male friends. Sad I know but I have the last 7/8 years to catch up on.

This is really helping alleviate some of my sadness and confusion about this whole situation, thanks guys. I keep rereading all of this and hoping my wife can understand it too. Amadeus, what you said makes a lot of sense w. the milestones and Elis, what you said too. Everyone really, jus pointing out a couple lol

Basically we need someone like big brother/big sister even though we are adults.

Quote from: Alexthecat on February 15, 2015, 06:02:48 PM
Basically we need someone like big brother/big sister even though we are adults.

Agreed. Support groups may help with that, but they are hard to find.

Yes and no (I feel like I answer every question here with that, ha).

In a way, I actually feel much older than I am. Because I had to battle a lot of things -- both internally and externally -- to just be myself, I occasionally feel more mature and otherwise more advanced than some of my peers. I know myself intimately, which is not something everyone achieves, and I endured a kind of trial by fire to get where I am.

On the other hand, I certainly feel like I missed out on some things while growing up the first time around. I don't feel super young, but more like, say, a college freshman or sophomore. I want to explore and travel and experience so many different things, and it's kind of overwhelming (but in a good way). I have a seemingly unquenchable thirst for life that I just didn't before.

Of course, if you posed this question to a cisgender twenty-something (or even a thirty-something), you'd probably get a similar answer. A lot of people struggle to come to grips with adulthood or at least to perceive themselves as not a kid anymore. We all have different reasons for it, but overall, this feeling might just be part of the human condition.

Quote from: Amadeus on February 15, 2015, 04:22:56 PM
I think Elis has hit the nail on the head here.  Assuming most if not all of us were assigned female at birth, then all of our celebrated milestones weren't right, thereby leaving us confused about whether we're truly adults now.  A male child is taught how to shave, how to fight, how to have sex a certain way, as well as certain religious events among other things that are seen are purely masculine milestones.  For females, it's menarche, the arrival of breasts, maybe one or two religious events [Bat Mitzvah, First Communion, baptism, etc].  The most common milestones are educational: graduation from high school or university.  As for first dates, let's face it, that's a double standard that I won't get into.

So, what do we do?  Do we connect with other trans guys and celebrate our own male milestones?  Do we get some older cis guys to teach us how to shave?  Do we sit down with older trans guys and have the whole sex talk all over again?  What do you guys think?  And I'm actually being serious here.  We have enough emotional rubbish to deal with, so if we can make some repairs ourselves, why not?

Hey Amadeus, I think that connecting with either cis-males or FTM guys would be the best, but I understand that may or may not be available for you. If you are looking for things like tips on shaving, appearance, male etiquette, and 'manly' thinking, there is a place that I enjoy on the web. I think there are rules about posting links so I won't, but if you google 'Art of Manliness' you will find a large site of the same name full of the tips, rituals, and behaviors of men. I particularly enjoy the history and philosophy sections. I don't know if it will help you feel more versed, but it's worth a glance. There are also lots of 'how to' videos.

Celebrating your internal milestones in some commemorative way on your own would be a good start. Finding others like or sympathetic to yourself would be ideal for those external markers.

Quote from: Alexthecat on February 15, 2015, 06:02:48 PM
Basically we need someone like big brother/big sister even though we are adults.

YES.

I agree 100%, we need role models and support from someone who can mentor us a lot of the time.
Especially the men and women in our community who didn't get to experience any of this stuff as a kid. There's a LOT of us who were lacking in that department, and we need someone who can guide us along a bit.

Quote from: Jameson on February 16, 2015, 10:14:27 AM
Hey Amadeus, I think that connecting with either cis-males or FTM guys would be the best, but I understand that may or may not be available for you. If you are looking for things like tips on shaving, appearance, male etiquette, and 'manly' thinking, there is a place that I enjoy on the web. I think there are rules about posting links so I won't, but if you google 'Art of Manliness' you will find a large site of the same name full of the tips, rituals, and behaviors of men. I particularly enjoy the history and philosophy sections. I don't know if it will help you feel more versed, but it's worth a glance. There are also lots of 'how to' videos.

Celebrating your internal milestones in some commemorative way on your own would be a good start. Finding others like or sympathetic to yourself would be ideal for those external markers.

I've actually been subscribed to Art of Manliness for a while now and had a subscription to Dollar Shave Club.  AoM is a great website, but there's just something to be said for the male bonding that occurs when you learn manly things from your father, uncle, grandfather, older brother, or any other male role model who has been consistent in your life.  As for learning how to shave...*sigh*...this is sad, but I remembered Homer Simpson's lesson that he gave Bart when he thought he was about to die from puffer fish poisoning. 

That was my shaving lesson.  Homer Simpson is my male role model.  Could be worse, though.  Could be Al Bundy.

I was lucky in this way -- my father had a sort of innocent, naive side, and I don't think he thought very much about how boys and girls were "supposed" to be. He taught me all sorts of "guy" stuff: carpentry, wood carving, how to shoot, how to chop wood and build fires, etc. We bonded like mad over all this. At least before I hit puberty (when I think my mother must have put her foot down -- she was determined at that point to turn me into a girl), he treated me like the son he didn't have -- which sucked for my older brother, but my father sort of wrote him off at an early age, which was very sad for us all.

He died some years ago, but I've wondered how he would have reacted to my transition. I know he'd have been shocked and upset at first, but I think he would have come around fairly quickly to the idea that I really had been his son all along.

"Growing old is mandatory, growing up isn't"