Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi Ladies,

So being on HRT for period of time (less than a year), I sometimes have to pause and look at the changes I have gotten so far. I am grateful for the changes and I feel good. But I can't help but feel am I just imagining the changes (delusions of beauty lol). I know we are our worst critic and some would say just give it some time but does anyone go through this phase? Is HRT really working?

I would like to say it isn't a beauty pill but I have this expectations that I will soon eventually look like cis woman i.e. pretty hair, nice skin, no bulkiness, average fat distribution  (just speaking my mind out)

Just sharing my thoughts. I think the best course of action is to reset my expectation and not even think or forget  that I am on HRT.

Love,

April

p.s. forgive me if this has been discussed in the past. love you all!

April, looking at your pic's you always look like you have perfect skin.

HRT is a way of life for us, personally I tend to forget it, except at pill time  :laugh:.

As far as "we are are our own worst critics" well yes we can be, and none more so than I  :-\  However, I think a lot of it is that we have wanted this for so long and want it to be as we picture ourselves and want it to change over night...

Relax you truly are very attractive.

L Katy :-*

April, such a nice name. I've been on HRT for almost 1.5 years with a few months off during surgery. It is nice & it does help some however it's not a majic pill for me. I wish it were. You look young & very nice. Just be patient young girl, I'm sure in time you will be a beautiful woman.

Take care GF.

Here is what I did, I downloaded and app called pic jointer which allows you to place multiple picture side by side so that way you can do before and after side by side comparisons and see just where you stand in regards to your progress of HRT.  I'm sure you have changed more then you think you have.

You got nothing to worry about. You look great. Just give HRT time to work and do it's magic. This is the same advice I have to tell myself.

One of the "Challenges" I have working for the type of companies that I do is dealing with you ID badge, which of course has a picture. Of course the picture is taken only once every 100 years or so.

I am often surprised comparing as callously as an engineer's eye can the "Then" and Now look. The subjective observations are then verified via a measuring tape.

God Bless HRT

April, everyone else is right you have nothing to worry about. What I have noticed in what will be 5 months this Friday is the skin is definitely thinner, clearer and softer on myself. We are definitely our own worst critics because I will always be looking and either complaining about something including the freckles on the face that seem to popping up that weren't there before HRT. I often have to remind myself that things do take time though when wanting other things like the breasts to be instantly at the full mature size, but in due time. You really do look beautiful in your pics. Good Luck. Hugs
Mariah

Mariah, Katrina, FrancisAnn, CrissyMarie, Sabrina and Joanne - Thank you so much ladies.

Believe it or not, whenever I feel insecure outside I always imagine you ladies walking right beside me.
Thanks so much for the kind words and the generosity of your time and spirit.

I truly appreciate it - You ladies are loved.

April

Thank You April, I do too.  ;D
Mariah

Quote from: carmenkate on February 15, 2015, 09:24:04 PM
Mariah, Katrina, FrancisAnn, CrissyMarie, Sabrina and Joanne - Thank you so much ladies.

Believe it or not, whenever I feel insecure outside I always imagine you ladies walking right beside me.
Thanks so much for the kind words and the generosity of your time and spirit.

I truly appreciate it - You ladies are loved.

April

  I was so desperate to see change early on that I paid way too much attention to myself and took frequent photos for comparison.  After a while I realized I'd better quit paying so much attention and be patient because the changes seem smaller or absent when you're forever looking for them.  I quit taking photos and measurements for months at a time now and don't feel so anxious about it anymore because when I do finally get around to comparing again there's a better chance of seeing a difference.  It's kinda like the saying "A watched pot never boils".

  It certainly helps emotionally to see bigger jumps in my measurements, especially because my thin figure isn't going to change much anyway.  I also figured out that measuring bust size increase early-on is foolish because until the breasts actually develop more mature shape and fullness the change in measurement corresponds very inaccurately to cup size.  As a result, I've gained inches around the bust but have to under-size my bras versus what the calculators say.  Breast projection definitely does not directly relate to breast volume.

  I do think a mental image shift appears to be part of the change.  I think I feel better about my looks at the moment than perhaps I should.  My mind and body are in a race to the finish - one keeps taking the lead and then the other.  Perception can and does drift ahead and behind of actually physical progress.  Overall I went into this process not expecting anything or taking anything for granted.  Anything that happens feels like a grand stroke of luck and fortune and I celebrate all my teeny-tiny wins.  As such I've hardly every been disappointed.  I've been feeling so good inside since starting HRT that I'm actually worrying and focusing less and less on my appearance as time goes by anyways.  I'm scheduled for some minor FFS work in May and this may put to rest permanently any of my remaining worries about my looks.

  If you're feeling happier and healthier since you started transition, focus on that more than anything else and celebrate it.  In the nearly three years since coming out to myself the greatest change by far has been in how I feel about myself and shedding self-consciousness.  Physical changes have actually played a very small part in that.  This represents not just a big contribution to my transition and cementing my new identity, but also a complete 180 in how I lived out life before then.  I certainly don't mind if I get a little "delusional" now and then. ;)

HRT does take time to work, but it is working whether or not you realize it. We are often the last to see changes that are apparent to others.

A few months into HRT I felt like nothing was happening, but I started noticing that when I went out with a baseball cap on people would stare at me. What was happening (that I did not realize) was the cap was hiding my hair and thus was emphasizing my face, and I looked like an androgynous girl with it on. Some time later I finally caught on to what was happening - duh! :P

Now I can clearly see what the cap does it if I stick it on and check the mirror (I don't wear one unless I'm being lazy and need to run outside for a minute and I don't feel like getting dolled up). I always see a girl when I look in the mirror.

You already look so feminine dear - you have nothing to worry about  :)

Back at April...  :-*

Thanks

Hugs Katy

April, you are a beautiful woman.  :) (As are all the ladies on this page, BTW!)

One thing to keep in mind about HRT, it does not make you look like a genetic female but it will feminise you. In most cases, being feminised will make us look increasingly more like genetic women. And it will take two years or so for the majority of those effects to be apparent. Also, because we see ourselves every day it's not easy to notice the changes. I saw my endo for the first time in six months recently - to me I didn't feel I looked much different to when I saw him last but he was astounded by how much I had changed in his own estimation. But it's important to have reasonable expectations about HRT, the 'your milage may vary' axiom was never truer!

Gah, this morning I was dressing up and looked in the mirror and got another of those thoughts - damn, I am just as bulky and muscular as I used to be 2-3 years ago, I flexed my arms and shoulders and that made me look even worse. But then I started to wonder, why do I feel so small and delicate next to an average man then (cause I used to be bigger and stronger than average man...).  It kinda worked to settle those emotions down for me, but yeah, I need to work more on dropping weight :D.

It's kinda funny, the microscope we look at ourselves through.  It makes us blind to the bigger picture most of the time.  The moment I could tell that I was happy about the outcome of my FFS, was the moment I started fixating on BA and SRS.  Not exactly healthy, I know.
I still have difficulty accepting compliments from people.  And I realize that a lot of the work I've been neglecting are the parts inside.  HRT and surgeries are remarkable, but I'll still be me after them.
I guess the expectation we should strive for and forget at times is finding contentment.  Figuring out what it will take to be happy in the future and then getting there are the hardest parts of life IMO.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Looking at the before and after pictures here on the site, one of the most noticeable effects of HRT seems to be the effects on the quality of the skin.  Seems that the skin becomes milkier, smoother and almost translucent.  Men definitely don't have that skin.  Also the effect on the fat/muscle distribution on the face is startling.

Because you look in the mirror daily and your colleagues see you daily they don't notice the changes as they accumulate slowly.  Im sure if you met someone that hasn't seen you for a year they would be shocked/amazed by your change.

Your so lucky to be on your journey!!  And as others said you look great April!

:)

Thanks Obfuskatie, Ms Grace, Emily and Joanne xoxo you all are the best!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: carmenkate on February 15, 2015, 07:08:16 PM
Hi Ladies,

So being on HRT for period of time (less than a year), I sometimes have to pause and look at the changes I have gotten so far. I am grateful for the changes and I feel good. But I can't help but feel am I just imagining the changes (delusions of beauty lol). I know we are our worst critic and some would say just give it some time but does anyone go through this phase? Is HRT really working?

I would like to say it isn't a beauty pill but I have this expectations that I will soon eventually look like cis woman i.e. pretty hair, nice skin, no bulkiness, average fat distribution  (just speaking my mind out)

Just sharing my thoughts. I think the best course of action is to reset my expectation and not even think or forget  that I am on HRT.

Love,

April

p.s. forgive me if this has been discussed in the past. love you all!

April,

Sorry I'm late to replying in this thread.

When I first started HRT I was constantly worrying whether it was having any effect on my body at all. Looking at mirrors horrified me as I was constantly reminded of my maleness. It wasn't till a long break from practising my make up due to it being too hot that one day after applying it again and taking some selfies did reality finally hit me. I couldn't believe the image of the woman caught on camera was really me. Ok... so I knew it was me so far as I knew I had just taken a photo, but I couldn't believe it was how I looked. It took a while for the brain to catch up and accept that this was how I now looked. For me, that defining moment was ten months into having HRT. The changes are slow and very subtle. Constantly observing oneself, it is hard to discern the changes, but the changes are there.

At almost 16 months of HRT now I don't mind looking at the mirror, the maleness does sometimes rarely pop into view, but on the main I see only female me even without make up.

I can see the slow feminising changes in you when you update your avatar, so these subtle changes are happening to you too and you aren't just imaging it. :)

Add me to the crowd that says that April has zero to worry about!

Sometimes I wonder if you've been on HRT for a few years at least because you look pretty good.

Most of us start this journey with a bit too high expectations on what HRT would do. And in some cases maybe all of those expectation might come true, after lets say 10 years of continuous hormone therapy. For some, well, maybe never.. maybe their expectations were just little too idealistic. Maybe their body just doesn't react to it in such drastic way that might for others. Those still early in the process will learn the truth sooner or later. It literally takes time before some real changes happen. Literally. I remember watching some of those silly update videos on youtube before I started with hormones. It usually goes by the same pattern. 2 month update: a LOT of changes, can't believe, amazing, skin, hair, boobs growing, face changing, everything... 3 month update: super amazing body fat transformation, ass is really getting enormous, hips too, and boobs are really really starting to hurt, I'll probably have C cups before summer, probably. 5 month update: still not quite A cups, but its still 3 months until summer, so C-cups on the way!!! 7 month update: still waiting ( improved face though, due to improved make-up skills and shaped eyebrows ). 9 month update: nothing really changed, getting slowly more and more depressed. Summer is here, boobs are nowhere, body really doesn't look that much different than before. Slowly starting to realize that make-up is essential for people not calling you sir, etc... 11 month update: still waiting for some real changes... 12 month update: isn't really an update, but 1 year transition collection of best angle photos... 14 month update: .... Well there isn't anymore updates as people by that time usually realize that it literally takes time, and start to spent their time with more important things (than waiting for changes and looking at their body), such as saving money for FFS or hairtransplant, or body fat transfer, or breast augmentation, etc, or they have simply accepted the fact that they got what was meant, and just go with it.
Chances that HRT drastically changes anyones face are none. Some softening and rounding makes some difference but doesn't exactly mean its a drastic change. Those who expect drastic improvement are in for the surprise. A dissapointing one. There is a thing for more drastic improvement. It's called facial feminization surgery.
Starting at age 11, or 12, before the start of any puberty related growth spurt means body will never make drastic transformation from masculine apperance to ideal feminine one that we get bombarded with from every possible advertisment oppurtunity or inadvertently. Self acceptance and realization of this is more essential than anything else, and much more healthier than severe body feminization with multiple never ending surgeries in search of perfection. But if some body fat transfer from belly to butt in a brazilian way, would make you feel better about yourself, definitely go for it.
More important than everything is understanding what you really want and need, for you, and only you to be happy and have positive self-image, so you can face the everyday life without worrying about anything trans, transition and everything that kind related.

April, I think you look beautiful. I myself am just starting out can relate on expectations. While it is good to have them and to go for them. If you let go of them then you will be more in aww when you come back to it. Compard to holding yourself to an expectation. It can be really challenging. It takes time. Just enjoy the ride :)

Hi Leila,

Thank you so much for always giving the most informative feedback on this site along with some of the other ladies here that I truly respect. I am always looking forward to your feedback and suggestions.
I am truly grateful and I appreciate it very much.

Love and Respect,

April

Quote from: Leila on February 16, 2015, 01:28:27 PM
April,

Sorry I'm late to replying in this thread.

When I first started HRT I was constantly worrying whether it was having any effect on my body at all. Looking at mirrors horrified me as I was constantly reminded of my maleness. It wasn't till a long break from practising my make up due to it being too hot that one day after applying it again and taking some selfies did reality finally hit me. I couldn't believe the image of the woman caught on camera was really me. Ok... so I knew it was me so far as I knew I had just taken a photo, but I couldn't believe it was how I looked. It took a while for the brain to catch up and accept that this was how I now looked. For me, that defining moment was ten months into having HRT. The changes are slow and very subtle. Constantly observing oneself, it is hard to discern the changes, but the changes are there.

At almost 16 months of HRT now I don't mind looking at the mirror, the maleness does sometimes rarely pop into view, but on the main I see only female me even without make up.

I can see the slow feminising changes in you when you update your avatar, so these subtle changes are happening to you too and you aren't just imaging it. :)

Thanks Amandamarie :) xoxo
Stay beautiful.

Quote from: AmandaMarie on February 16, 2015, 03:54:57 PM
April, I think you look beautiful. I myself am just starting out can relate on expectations. While it is good to have them and to go for them. If you let go of them then you will be more in aww when you come back to it. Compard to holding yourself to an expectation. It can be really challenging. It takes time. Just enjoy the ride :)

Ms. Eva Marie,

Thanks so much for the feedback. I didn't mean to thank you last know that I always value every single feedback in this thread.

xoxo

April

Quote from: Eva Marie on February 15, 2015, 11:19:48 PM
HRT does take time to work, but it is working whether or not you realize it. We are often the last to see changes that are apparent to others.

A few months into HRT I felt like nothing was happening, but I started noticing that when I went out with a baseball cap on people would stare at me. What was happening (that I did not realize) was the cap was hiding my hair and thus was emphasizing my face, and I looked like an androgynous girl with it on. Some time later I finally caught on to what was happening - duh! :P

Now I can clearly see what the cap does it if I stick it on and check the mirror (I don't wear one unless I'm being lazy and need to run outside for a minute and I don't feel like getting dolled up). I always see a girl when I look in the mirror.

You already look so feminine dear - you have nothing to worry about  :)

Hi Hot Mama :)

Thank you babe. Did you get your make over scheduled? If not, I might just take the greyhound and drag you to Sephora LOL.
Love,

April

Quote from: ImagineKate on February 16, 2015, 01:51:52 PM
Add me to the crowd that says that April has zero to worry about!

Sometimes I wonder if you've been on HRT for a few years at least because you look pretty good.

Quote from: carmenkate on February 17, 2015, 11:02:44 AM
Hi Hot Mama :)

Thank you babe. Did you get your make over scheduled? If not, I might just take the greyhound and drag you to Sephora LOL.
Love,

April

Hey April!

I'm doing it this Thursday all things being equal.

This was a broken up week as the kids are on winter break (but return tomorrow).

But you are welcome anytime anyway. Also I haven't been up your way in a few years. I'm due lol. Always have fun when I'm north of the border.

Quote from: ImagineKate on February 17, 2015, 05:44:07 PM
Hey April!

I'm doing it this Thursday all things being equal.

This was a broken up week as the kids are on winter break (but return tomorrow).

But you are welcome anytime anyway. Also I haven't been up your way in a few years. I'm due lol. Always have fun when I'm north of the border.

Haha you have to come up and visit :-) it will be fun. Good luck on your make over session. I wish I was there!

April


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 :D I wish I was there with you girls too!  I need some serious guidance with make up  ::)

Quote from: Joanne Feliz on February 18, 2015, 06:01:18 AM
:D I wish I was there with you girls too!  I need some serious guidance with make up  ::)

You know that's not a bad idea... we should get together sometime and go get makeovers.

Anyway I'm ready for mine tomorrow and I am so stoked. :)