Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The title says it all. I guess it depends on many factors... How intense these feelings are, the general situation, knowledge of the subject.
For example I first had internet when I was 20. I almost didn't know until then that sex change was even possible. I kept trying in my teenage and early adult years to convince myself that it's not who I am and that I can somehow control it. Later on as the feelings were in waves I figured I could ride the waves and cry until I couldn't anymore. With the first therapist (darn him) who told me I was immature and not trans* (at ~25) I was terribly torn between what I felt and he and my parents told me (what if they're right?) As I grew older it downed on me that although technically I could kinda ignore the feelings, all my years pass being unhappy and that it just doesn't make sense anymore trying to ride the waves. I keep - kept avoiding the possibility of family/ children  because I think it'll make incredibly more difficult to deal with this as I am now.
I just keep hitting myself (figuratively) why the F*&*@ I didn't accept it as a part of me when I was a child....

This probably turned out to be a rant but anyway...

Well experience and life are weird things.

I made so many bad decisions in my past that I am shocked that I'm still alive.

But one thing I do know for certain, I cannot change the past. I can live in the present, and the future is mine.

So don't worry about the past and what could have been. Embrace now, and live a wonderful future.

Good question with a million reasons or answers that still find us here right now.  And now is what we have to work with and the best time to make changes that make sense for you.

I didn't want to accept this and, until 3 years ago, repressed and denied it all.  And now I feel, only briefly, embarrassed that it took so long to figure it out and get over it.   Life is better now.

Yes, sometimes there is that lack of knowledge but even then we must be able to connect the dots or put the pieces of our personal puzzle together.  I tried and succeeded too long at coping and using half way measures until I could no longer.

Please give your self some strokes for getting here and dealing with harsh sh*t.

I guess society is so intensely built around the cis gender interpretation of gender expression and the gender roles they have built as a result. If you don't fit the equation it's like trying to navigate in the dark with no stars to guide you...which way do you go, how far would it be, how do you get there. All the answers are hard to find, the ability to accept ourselves often obscured as a result. In 100 years it might be a different, hopefully a lot sooner...there are a few positive signs here and there. Fingers crossed.

@Ms Grace: Sorry for the offtopic, but I love your "avatar text" - as I'm a diehard Star Trek fan.

May I continue? Although it's a bit blasphemous "Gender: The final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship USS Transgendered. Its lifelong mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new souls and reach acceptance, to boldly go where no cis person has gone before."

Ms. Grace really did hit this on the nose. I know for me there was a lot of internal soul searching, but I also had to get over some of my old hurdles which I was able to accomplish the first time around.
Mariah

Quote from: kelly_1979 on February 20, 2015, 12:29:46 AM
The title says it all. I guess it depends on many factors... How intense these feelings are, the general situation, knowledge of the subject.
For example I first had internet when I was 20. I almost didn't know until then that sex change was even possible. I kept trying in my teenage and early adult years to convince myself that it's not who I am and that I can somehow control it. Later on as the feelings were in waves I figured I could ride the waves and cry until I couldn't anymore. With the first therapist (darn him) who told me I was immature and not trans* (at ~25) I was terribly torn between what I felt and he and my parents told me (what if they're right?) As I grew older it downed on me that although technically I could kinda ignore the feelings, all my years pass being unhappy and that it just doesn't make sense anymore trying to ride the waves. I keep - kept avoiding the possibility of family/ children  because I think it'll make incredibly more difficult to deal with this as I am now.
I just keep hitting myself (figuratively) why the F*&*@ I didn't accept it as a part of me when I was a child....

This probably turned out to be a rant but anyway...

Hi Kelly :) I Know where your coming from, Self Acceptants is a difficult thing with so many Factors involved,  Fear, Society, Family, the unknown all these thing will kill the self acceptance  factor, Its takes a very strong person to accept lifes Issues.
   The one thing people should do, if they suspect they are TG, is not to go to ANY therapist , But go to one thats Trained in TG Issues, most therapist  dont know Ditally squat about tg Issues,
and they will just about always point you in the wrong Direction, because they dont know any better them selfs. Take care, Chellie

I cant say I have fully accepted this yet either although getting better if that makes sense. Reiterated the past is what it is and its doe time for now and the future. I think the big reason we don't figure this out about ourselves is mostly society brainwashing if you will us to fit into the magic boy/girl constructs yet if we happen to not fit that we are shamed, ridiculed, separated etc. We then think well there is something wrong with us and the old it cant happen to me syndrome but having said that there must be something in us that has heck even brought us to this place. Maybe we happen to be more self aware then most and happen to be different is that a bad thing no perhaps it is a good thing. I guess what I am trying to say for at least how I am perceiving this is that I hear statistically TG are above average intelligence which fits I that we are questioning more the some would even think to yet this for me at least seems like a paradox. I am oddly a realist but this sure doesn't seem real perhaps why it has taken me about 30 years to get my head out of the sand but whatever its time to look to future not dwell on the past. If I don't fit in with the main crowd so what as long as I am happy and enlightened and I can deal with well ->-bleeped-<- then my life will be richer then just stuffing this down anymore. Thinking it really does take a lot to fight against the crowd but we have some strength or something that says hell with it I need/want to do this. You can call this strong but it just may be listening to our body and going with the flow or who knows each person is different and not a simple question to ask self so it does take time to well figure things out. I realize this is just my view so take it as it is.

I really think it is community and support that enables us to grow our identity to the point of resiliency to overcome the negative hate based bigotry. Nothing feels better than being yourself and accepted.

I spent the better part of almost 5 decades not accepting myself. In fact, fighting myself tooth and nail. THAT was easy. Dealing with the fall out, was not

I've been spending the better part of the past 5-6 years trying to get a grip on myself, followed by accepting myself. Talk about hard work!

It takes time, patience, understanding, and even more hard work followed up with a lot of looking back at "Then & Now", making those hard comparisons. And fighting back the "WTF am I doing?" meltdowns.

It may be difficult. But IT DOES get better

I'm not sure whether this exactly counts as an "accepting myself" issue, but I have a hard time believing I'm really trans.

I'm used to not trusting myself.  I tick off the reasons I might be trans, but then this voice in my head says, maybe I'm just imagining it as a way of avoiding dealing with my real issues.

Maybe you aren't really trans, you just wish you were.

Maybe you're miserable for other reasons, but "it's because I'm trans" is the latest Bright Shiny that you're grabbing onto.

Maybe I'm just caught up in some romantic fantasy, like when my family went to some event where they were selling vacation property and we all thought buying this place to go camping would be just the greatest thing.  But my father said we wouldn't sign that day, and a day later, when we were home, we were all, like: what were we thinking?

Maybe if I go ahead and transition, like a different part of my mind tells me I will (but won't say when or how :( ), I will one day come to my senses and say: what was I thinking?

Edited To Add:  In case there's any confusion, all the thoughts listed above are me talking to myself, regardless of whether I wrote "you" or "I".  After coming back to my post, I realized someone might assume I'm talking to other people on this thread.  Nope, it's only me.

Asche,

I literally was at war with myself. It was like there was a female and male in my head and the male was cruel to the female. I remember it was late fall 2012, just before winter, and I was crossing a street in center city Philadelphia. I was with my lawyer. I was on my way to give a deposition; I was being sued and I had to give a pre-trial deposition. Instead of thinking of the deposition and what was about to happen, I remember like it just happened, my dysphoria was through the roof. I could not handle the war in my head. As I was stepping down a curb I promised the rest of my life I would be myself. I stopped the war but the struggle was just beginning because I had used all the internalized homophobia and trans phobia to suppress my true self. I found that I had become my problem and I had to free myself but I hated myself too.  That was a 2.25 years ago. It took a lot of work and tears to get to the point I am now.

I think the biggest gain in my transition is accepting myself and liking the person I am. Others my say or do things to hurt me but I know it is they that have the issue and the bigotry can not penetrate me. I do not let it in.   

As others have already said, I think social conditioning and the resultant self-hate has a big role to play in this.
When I think about why I've taken so long to understand myself, I believe that the reason is partly biological, i.e. partial but insufficient androgenization of the brain, and partly social, i.e. the generally prevalent transphobia and strict gender norms in society. But if I think about why is it so difficult to accept myself, I think it is all social.
Moreover, the longer one lives in their assigned-at-birth gender, the more likely that relationships, career plans etc add to the difficulty of even thinking about transitioning or of accepting one's true gender identity. So we all tend to push it away inside us until it can no longer be contained.
Another thing is that even if one transitions, so many of us still want to align ourselves with one of the binary genders, that I think it reinforces the existing norms in some way. So for those who do not identify with the binary genders or who are uncertain about how transition will pan out for them, it may be even more difficult.
For example, in my own case, I know that I can continue to be fully accepted by everyone as male if I continue living this way, even if I find it hard to imagine being happy or living too long like this. There is a much smaller chance that I can successfully transition and be accepted as female, and still have a good life. It is a small chance but it exists.
But if my transition goes awry, if I am not fully accepted as either male or female, then I see almost no chance of acceptance from anyone around me, not even the people closest to me, and no hope of a career or a good life of any sort.

All of these thoughts just add up and still make it difficult for me to fully accept myself, even if I see no other way of describing my gender identity except female.

I convinced myself into thinking things like dating girls and doing macho things would "cure" me. I also told myself maybe there is something to getting married and having kids, and have not and never will. As soon as I stopped fighting myself, things were clearer.