Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I had something happen to me in my life that's made me take a second look at myself, and I was not proud of what I saw. I was out at a community event with a friend and was chatting with some of the people I had met there. My friend wasn't with me at the time, and I was being a social butterfly saying hi to as many people as I could. One person I met I eventually realized was transgendered, and it made me very uncomfortable. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I ended our conversation rather abruptly and walked away. I wasn't rude, but the person made me uncomfortable and I walked away with just the barest of explanations given.

Afterwards, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Why did I act that way? This person hadn't done anything that should make me feel the way I did about them, yet there I was avoiding them. I felt the way I did about them based solely on their gender identity. It bothered me, because that's not the type of person I want to be.

I'm here because I believe that everbody deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, no matter who they are. I don't like that my reaction to meeting a transgendered person was something uncomfortable. I feel it's dehumanizing in a way to look at someone and the only thing I saw was their gender, I want to be better than that.

I recognize that my reaction comes from a place of ignorance. I am ignorant of the transgender community to the point that when face to face with a transgender person I saw only their gender and not their humanity. For that I want to apologize. In an effort to better myself, I would like to get to know some of the people here.

I'm hoping that by getting to know everyone here I can
connect with the transgendered community. I don't want to feel uncomfortable if I find myself talking to someone who is transgendered. I want to be able to connect and empathize with them as I would any other person, but that's not going to happen if I don't understand them.

So hello everyone, my name is Hunter. I'm not very good at these introduction things and I feel a bit silly explaining all that, but I think it's important to let you all know why I'm here.

This is good. It's always nice to see someone who isn't trans looking to find understanding after an experience like that. You didn't just sign it off as "I obviously don't like trans people, whatever". You saw it as "I was uncomfortable, and that's not okay". I'm glad to make your acquaintance, Hunter. The world needs more people like you.

You're not very good at these introduction things?

I have to say I think its extremely well written and structured. It would have taken me hours to write that.

Hi

I want to give you a giant hug for being so honest with yourself and seeking to improve your understanding of others. It shows that you are someone with a very good heart.

Warmest greetings to you, Hunter. You can call me Sunny. Don't worry, us trans folks aren't really that different at all. We're just people trying to change our bodies, appearance and expression to match how we feel inside. :)

Hey, it takes a lot to get past the lifetime of societal programming that is out there, you are to be congratulated for your empathy
towards others of variance.
As the latest research now indicates, there are roughly 1 in 100 of us so, you sure as hell will meet more and your wonderful perspective is surely appreciated by everyone here.
Anna :-*

Hi Hunter, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. There's really not much to understand about transgender people, we get up in the morning and go to work like everyone else. :)  Transgender is a broad term encompassing a lot of people. I've always heard it is around 1 person out of 20 that is transgender, whether they are presenting openly or not is a different matter. I'm glad you decided to come get to know us.  See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hey!

Welcome to Susan's

Hi Hunter  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

Hugs

V M

Hi Hunter

I find it truly uplifting when someone is big enough to recognise some level of ignorance and moreover takes steps to correct it.  There are not as many folk like you out there as we'd hope.

You'll find all sorts here at Susan's, from many countries, and spanning a massive range of ages and experiences.  Ours is an unusual collective, with some extremely specialised needs, and if you ask questions, you'll certainly receive a rich and varied bunch of responses.

So dig through the archive, and get involved by opening a thread or two.

Regards
Julia

Welcome to Susan's, Hunter. This is a learning point for you. When the opportunity comes again take advantage of it.

:)

Thank you for the warm welcomes, I was a bit nervous about posting worried about the reception I might get, but I'm glad I did. I tried reading some of the info here about trans people, but there were allot of abbreviations and info that went completely over my head. I eventually found a list of common abbreviations, but it was quite long. Everything from hormone abbreviations to SO for significant other. I'm slowly educating myself.

Honestly, I never really understood much about transgendered people. My grasp of the concept was it's a guy that wants to be a girl or vice versa, and that's about as much as I understood. In the short time I've been here I've got a whole new list of vocabulary to learn like I'm back in school, and I've been learning about dysphoria and hormone treatments and surgeries. There's allot more to it than I would've ever guessed!

And I have to say, you guys go through hell! I couldn't imagine what it must be like to not be comfortable in your own body. I tried imagining what I would feel like if I had a woman's body, and I couldn't even process the idea. It was so foreign to my identity I couldn't grasp it. I don't think I'd be the happy and relatively well adjusted person I am today if I had to live with that. This is much more difficult for you guys than I had ever thought. I've got allot to learn.

*hugs you again and tries not to cry on you* I feel silly getting so emotional, but I think it's really touching that someone is going to the effort of trying to understand and learn about us just because they care. :')

Quote from: Hunter.Ian on February 22, 2015, 11:04:50 PM
And I have to say, you guys go through hell! I couldn't imagine what it must be like to not be comfortable in your own body. I tried imagining what I would feel like if I had a woman's body, and I couldn't even process the idea. It was so foreign to my identity I couldn't grasp it. I don't think I'd be the happy and relatively well adjusted person I am today if I had to live with that. This is much more difficult for you guys than I had ever thought. I've got allot to learn.

I will ask nicely once, please do not refer to me as a guy

Thank you

V M

Quote from: V M on February 22, 2015, 11:47:34 PM
I will ask nicely once, please do not refer to me as a guy

Thank you

V M

And I second that.
Anna

I thought he was just using "you guys" in the colloquial sense...

Quote from: Sunderland on February 23, 2015, 12:39:14 AM
I thought he was just using "you guys" in the colloquial sense...

I figured that also, but just one little lesson that many new people learn here is that the trans community can be pretty sensitive to any kind of gendered pronouns that are not in line with what they identify with, and for good reason obviously. When referring to multiple transwomen avoid saying "guys" even if you don't mean it in a masculine way :P Just using "ladies" or "women" and it will go over much better :)

P.S. Welcome to the site! And bravo on your mission to educate yourself :)

Quote from: V M on February 22, 2015, 11:47:34 PM
I will ask nicely once, please do not refer to me as a guy

Thank you

V M

Quote from: Anna R on February 23, 2015, 12:03:10 AM
And I second that.
Anna

I do apologize for any offense I may have caused, I was not referring to you specifically as a guy. I was referring to the group as a whole.

eg: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=you%20guys

If this is something people are going to generally find offensive, is there some other preferred gender neutral pronoun I should use? I'm thinking that saying you ladies might be equally as offensive to the ftm population? I don't want to inadvertently step on any toes, and it seems like this is a sensitive topic, so I'd rather just ask.

folks, people, everyone, you all, etc. There is always the ladies and gents of MCs I guess.

Quote from: LordKAT on February 23, 2015, 02:00:40 AM
folks, people, everyone, you all, etc. There is always the ladies and gents of MCs I guess.

Alrighty. Again, so sorry to have offended anyone, it was unintentional.

All is forgiven  8)  Just keep in mind that some of us gals really just do not care for that term

Hugs

Quote from: Hunter.Ian on February 22, 2015, 11:04:50 PM
And I have to say, you **folks** go through hell! I couldn't imagine what it must be like to not be comfortable in your own body. I tried imagining what I would feel like if I had a woman's body, and I couldn't even process the idea. 

Hunter, having edited your comment for previous sensitivities, and let me comment on how horrendous this feeling can be.  Some of us know from like 4-5 years of age that things are very wrong, and it becomes a terribly stressful thing psychologically for years and years.  Others of us realise at a later age, and then we go through our own hell to try to come to terms with it.  There are those of us who strongly suffer from dysphoria, and others for whom it's clearly there, but controllable to some extent.

I was in the latter category, but when I was around 25 I had a type of breakdown which gave me insight into how it must feel for the group that has had to live with it from very young.  Basically, for about two weeks I was totally consumed with the utter wrongness of my body and social role.  Every time a wave (tsunami) of gender dysphoria rolled it, I became utterly paralysed.  I was not who I needed to be, and I felt this so urgently that I would have been willing to do anything for it to stop.  Thankfully it stopped of its own accord after those two weeks, but it left me with the clear knowledge that I was going to have to return to it one day...

Regards
Julia

Hi Hunter,

have you thought that perhaps you're looking in the wrong place for answers? You feel bad about you your felt and reacted, but is getting to know transgender people a misdirection away from the real issue which is inside of you? If so, why would you do that?

I've experienced somewhat similar feelings on occasion, but reached a different conclusion. I may be wrong, but I've never felt the need to better understand people because I recognize the problem has nothing to do with them, its entirely me. I've felt disturbed though a lack of tolerance for example, but having thought about it I have become more tolerant in general - I recognize the feeling now, whatever the trigger, I know why I feel it, and if I can't help feeling it I can at least not act on it. I use intolerance as an example, but there's plenty of other possible reasons, such as an opposite, attraction.

You could perhaps think you've made progress with bettering yourself, without doing any such thing. You just got used to transgender people, but one day you'll be in a different situation and the same thing will happen again. The more you talk here the more you may be hiding the real issues from yourself.

I don't think you really said how you felt, except uncomfortable. There's so many ways and meanings to that. Did you explore it? You spent a lot of time describing everything else, but so little on that, and its so important. So again, are your focusing outward where you should be looking in?

I sense there's something missing from your story, but I can't work it out.

Quote from: Hunter.Ian on February 23, 2015, 01:54:46 AM
I do apologize for any offense I may have caused, I was not referring to you specifically as a guy. I was referring to the group as a whole.

eg: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=you%20guys

If this is something people are going to generally find offensive, is there some other preferred gender neutral pronoun I should use? I'm thinking that saying you ladies might be equally as offensive to the ftm population? I don't want to inadvertently step on any toes, and it seems like this is a sensitive topic, so I'd rather just ask.

Sorry if I sounded touchy, wasn't offended at all, but the term guys  just doesn't sound right to me personally I  don't know how you can be gender neutral here but if addressing MTF'S   I  personally prefer Miss ,  the term guys may be all inclusive but if you were to say "All you girls " to a mixed gender group I could see a lot of males getting a bit upset?
but that's just me, cannot and would not assume to answer for someone else,
It's I suppose a really personal point and maybe others have a few ideas on this.
It is bad enough for me that my sweet family doctor calls me Sir and she really should know better.
Anna ;)

We have members use "you guys" all the time and no one bats an eyelash, not a word is said. I think some of the replies in this thread are shameful, and not at all how we should be greeting newcomers.

Hugs, Devlyn

When I lived in Calif. everyone called each other (including females) 'Dude', some gals didn't like it, some spoke up, others just put up with it

Just because some people don't speak up for themselves doesn't mean that they approve or don't feel bothered

All I did was ask politely to not be referred to with what I consider the be a male term

Sorry if anyone has a problem with that

Folks,

I really think this thread is not serving as a positive example of how we should be dealing with an effort at outreach from somebody whose motivation appears to be genuinely motivated by wanting to learn more. 

I appreciate that we all have our personal sensitivities, but please can we stop harping on about the usage of a noun.  The OP has realised and already apologised a few times and nothing meaningful is going to be added by more of us giving another kick at it.

If Hunter hasn't yet abandoned this forum, how about we return some goodwill to this thread and invite new and hopefully positive contribution?

Sincerely
Julia

I had let go of it, but someone keeps drudging it up

You did no wrong, my post was too strongly worded. We have a habit here of taking new members to task for minor things that others are allowed.  See exhibit A: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,183632.0.html I could find a thousand examples like this. Hunter is here to learn, and that's a good thing. Let's not teach him that there's a double standard is all I'm saying.

Hugs, Devlyn

I think Hunter is a good guy and would like to be able to help him out so I really don't understand what some other folks are trippin' on

Quote from: V M on February 24, 2015, 08:03:15 AM
I think Hunter is a good guy and would like to be able to help him out so I really don't understand what some other folks are trippin' on

I'm sure anyone who you think is tripping would be happy to explain what you think they're tripping on if you ask them.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn