Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Should it be easy?

Discuss.

It should be easy at least with the social transition but society is still largely uneducated about us, so we're a long ways away from achieving that complete social acceptance in every area of the world.

It was pretty easy for me, lol. I'm sure nobody here wants to hear that, but I can't say I've had many problems. My brother-in-law didn't approve at first, and I was a bit hurt by some things he said about me behind my back, but after seeing me recently he's come to accept it and seems to be happy for me. Otherwise my family has been supportive, friends were all accepting, and I haven't had any issues with anybody. Didn't have a hard time finding a therapist, got my letter fairly easily and quickly, found a doctor on my second try, and no issues there. Pills have worked fine, no real issues there. I have a straight cis boyfriend who likes me for who I am and has no interest in what's between my legs. My sex life and job prospects have oddly improved. Everything has just gotten better, and I'm surprised how easy it was. If I've had any real issues it's mostly coping with the changes, especially psychologically. And dealing with being stealth. That kinda just happened and I wasn't ready for it, and now I just deal with it. Weird stuff sometimes.

So it's not always hard, and sad that the smooth transitions get swept under the rug. Look at any media, you rarely see positive portrayals. And I'm sure I'll get some flak for all this on here. Should it be easy? Yeah, of course. Is it easy? Sometimes it can be. Depends on the individual, their life, their relations, their genetics, and their overall situation.

Should it be easy?

Discuss.
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It would be nice if transitioning were easy for everyone, but even if society fully accepted us, there would still be the struggle to realize we are not like "normal" people, HRT and surgery.

Someone once told me that the pain of having a baby is not as bad as other pain because something good is going to come out of it. I guess that is one way of looking at transitioning. Once its over, you are free to be yourself and don't have to feel shame or embarrassment that comes with living in the wrong body.

sam1234

No it isn't easy, for many, many reasons.... Being MtF or FtM is still not  really acceptable in today's society, obviously better than what it was! Some are lucky in that they have support from family and friends, which is not always the case tho.
Then there's the costs and depending on age and genetics it can be very expensive. Then there's (in many countries) very strict guidelines and steps that must be taken in the early stages that push the limits of many of us.
Then once we get there, for many theres the fear of being outted, then there's the risk of personal danger by bigoted people. There's also the risk of the steroids we have to take....

But, life's a risk, regardless of these risks and the added ones, we push on through the negatives to become what we have been cheated out of from birth...

I am a very conscientious person, always considering other people, hence why I am still in transition... I struggle with the risk of breaking the hearts and fabric of my Family... My SO, my kids and Grandkids who will be confused and dissappointed, maybe... But to test carries that real risk... So yes we continually weigh up, balance the gains with the real risks and decide from there....

Errrr sorry I've rambled on again...

Hugs for all

L Katy  :-*

For me, some things are easy, some are hard.

In general it's hard. But for some it's easy because of genes and maybe because they've never really fit in the male role.

Socially for me it's been a mixed bag. Most people are supportive. Mom, brothers, coworkers. Some people are not - wife, dad.

Physically it's been a mixed bag. Hormones have been good to me in many respects and some of my male markers aren't too bad. However my facial hair is a big pain, and removing it is frustratingly hard and painful.

So yeah it should be easy but it is not and maybe that's a good thing to ensure that you're committed.

"Should it be Easy?"

How about.... "Is it Easier then NOT Transitioning?" As my Uncle Albert would way, "It's Relative". I spent an honest 30 to almost 40 years trying damn hard not to transition. I lost my soul in the process. I've spent a good 5 years now "Transitioning", which to me is Changing. Learning to accept who I am. Learning to feel good about being me. Now THAT is hard, for anyone over anything. Hundreds of Billions of $$$$ are made each year in the "Feel Good" industries, AKA Consumerism.

Change for the positive hardly ever is easy. Change that is worth the awards is worth the work.

It wasn't hard for me... I didn't have any bad experience, didn't have any weird looks even when I was in androgynous phase. I only needed acceptance and support from my mom, dad and sister. Even though everybody else, like broader family and friends, are also accepting and supportive, they can go F*** themselves, if anything would bother them. I stayed in androgynous mode until I felt enough comfortable with my body and facial hair, and until basically everybody would gender me female even when I was in my old male clothes and without any make-up. I knew then it was the right time to go full-time, and I wasn't clocked since. Later I had FFS to erase any androgynous features from my face, because I wanted any signs from testosterone poisoning gone... I'm getting SRS (paid by insurance) later this year, and BA (also paid by insurance) IF needed when I reach 2.5 or 3 years HRT (2016).
I know and understand many people go through very different experience, and I feel sad many have a really hard time with passing and related social interactions, or unsupportive family, enviroment, etc.. Most often we read and/or hear about negativity, and how hard and painful transition is... Not for everybody. This is also important to know... many in their teens and 20s who have loving and supporting parents can have a very different transition to what it is mostly written about. I wish I would knew how easy and smooth would it be for me some 5 or 10 years before. I don't remember reading of any of such cases then

Certainly there should be a better understanding of why we need to do this. It seems like we face far too much suspicion. At too many turns did it seem that I had to PROVE my gender, with doctor's letters, with willingness to make various changes to my body, or even with the amount of time that had elapsed since I had begun discussing my interest in transitioning with others. If there was a more widespread understanding that this is something we HAVE to do, I think there would be less of that mindset.

OTOH, we sort of have ourselves to blame. We let the media and academics tell our stories for us rather than taking it upon ourselves to make sure cis people are educated about us.

Deciding to transition is hard, and likely facing having to give up something.
I lost a lot deciding I wanted to be happy which sounds selfish, but was necessary.

I think it varies in difficulty from person to person quite radically, though a consistent theme does seem that the older and more established a person the harder it is for society to accept, unfortunately. The world seems to put more gender specific expectations on you the older you get, husband, father, grandfather, etc and that only seems to make things difficult as far as transitioning goes. Gradually, things seem to be improving and people are increasingly more aware. Hopefully this trend continues to the point where society is no longer the greatest barrier to our transitions.

the years before deciding to do it were miserable. so far its been awesome.

Yes, it SHOULD be easy. Because having transitioned, it's not the big freaking deal that society makes it out to be.

But trust me, it's not easy. Because it is still a big deal to society. So getting over all of the years of suppression and self-hatred and all of the societal stigmas that have been built up over the years really can take a lot out of you mentally. And I have quite a few trans-woman friends who still hate themselves post-transition, primarily because they're still not cis, and see that as a detriment to their own self-worth. Hell, I have issues with that myself quite often. Most of my worries nowadays are about acceptance from my dad, access to medical care and surgery in the first place, concerns over whether ANYONE will ever love me, and feeling inferior to cis women. This is all societal stuff. In a world where trans women were seen as beautiful, where we had access to medical care, where we were seen as equals to cis-women, and where people expressing gender-nonconformity wasn't stigmatized as making someone a "freak," we wouldn't be having all of these problems.

Quote from: Tori on February 22, 2015, 02:54:50 AM
Should it be easy?

Discuss

Should transition be easy. . . . yes
Is transition easy . . . . . . . . . . . No
Is transition worthwhile. . . . . . Yes

Transition is not easy, there are many obstacles to overcome, some hurdles can be stepped over and some hurdles need the assistance of rock climbing gear (oh how I'd love a jetpack).
One of the biggest hurdles transitioners face is society, if the current generation pulls together we may just reduce that massive hurdle for those who follow.
This means some of us need to poke our heads above the parapets and risk people taking pot shots at us, we should all strive to leave our mark on the world.
If you don't create the world you want to live in then others will do it for you

Everyone is at a different level. Some people kill me with their before and afters. :o  Some look quite effortless. I started out kind of rugged, but HRT has been the magic in my life. Now it seems natural, and my attitude towards being female really shows and presents an outward vibe. I wish T had not poisoned me enough to where my bone structure changed. My trans friends say I don't need FFS but I know I do and don't wish to even go full time without it. Going under the knife is hard, recovery is hard. But it'll all be worth in in the end.  ;)

For me, transitioning wasn't nearly as hard as the idea of remaining a fake dudebro forever.

Quote from: Jill F on February 22, 2015, 02:23:35 PM
For me, transitioning wasn't nearly as hard as the idea of remaining a fake dudebro forever.

+1 :-)

I just threw this thread up because I figured it would spark a positive discussion.

Many responses so far have been great.

I have got to say, transition has been WAY easier for me than I thought it would be. That is very nice. But it is still quite hard.

My main struggle is my need to socialize and my fear that transition will limit my social opportunities to meet and make new friends. I just moved from a blue state to a red state and the differences are HUGE. People here are incredibly nice but I can also feel the undercurrent of warning below the surface, that if I do anything wrong, I could be in for a lot of pain.

Bla bla bla.

I guess what I am getting at is, one of the toughest parts of transition is facing my fears, but every time I do, I come out stronger and wiser.

Much like the ladies who had to have RLE before they could get on HRT, there is something about the difficulty in the process of transition that really does make it worth it. It is far more than just being your desired gender. The more difficult it is, the more rewarding it can be.

So, I am going to play devil's advocate here and say, "Transition should not be easy", I do not think it should be brutally difficult either, but we would all be a lot less clever if transition was simple.

It is what it is. Its  not easy. If it was easy the suicide rate for transgender people would be lower. We were born with a poorly dealt hand, say it how you want too, but this is not easy.

My transition would have been so much harder if I had to go it alone. Actually, I'm not sure I would have pulled it off.

I got lucky, and have been with my sister through most of the physical changes. She's helped with everything from building a nice wardrobe to just going with me to do "normal" things in public, and it's made all the difference.

Those of you who are transitioning on your own are so brave. I have total respect for you!

Has my transition been easy? Hmm... In many ways yes, and in many ways no. The biggest problems have always been self-imposed ones. Prying myself out from under the mask of maleness and overcompensation I had lived in for so many years was very difficult, to the point of feeling downright impossible. I feared I had become my mask. Realizing that the vast majority of my fears were unfounded was another long and painful process. Overcoming feelings of severe inadequacy... It was quite an elaborate internal prison I had created for myself.

Transition in regard to external factors has been about as smooth as anyone could hope for. Everyone close to me was accepting and supportive. Relationships with them improved rather than suffered. No one has been rude to me. I met an amazing woman who I hope to spend my life with. I've gained confidence I've never had. I'm taking better care of myself. I was able to get on hormones without much trouble. I find I'm even treated better and taken more seriously as a woman! So I suppose that in many ways, I've been one of the lucky ones. Some things, like GRS, are still far out of my reach due to financial limitations, but overall, my experience with transition has been a positive one, and I don't let myself get too hung up on what's down the line. I'll cross those bridges when I come to them.

You're brave for playing devils advocate, no matter how much progress we make transition will never be easy. Transition is character building but can be soul destroying.
If you manage to survive RLE before you are able to pass then you will come out of that dark tunnel into the daylight as a stronger person, I'm both happy and annoyed that I was amongst the last group in the UK forced to undergo this farce.
I call it a farce because it will never be a Real Life Experience if you don't pass in the eyes of the world, the only experience that's real about it are the Loo's and comments that you'll have to endure.

Edit: I meant to type LOOKS but autocorrect has a warped sense of humor :)

I got really good at convincing folks I am male. D'oh!

It is crazy to think, all this time I have been female inside but I never really paid any attention to how I should do that on the outside.

I could not imagine having to go through RLE before hormones. Actually I can imagine it. I probably would have delayed transition even longer if it was required.

Yes, in my short experience, transition is hard. Not because you don't have the potential and determination to do it but because people will try to hold you back. It's hard to make any life changing decision when you have no support network, especially in the first steps. I feel like I'm all alone sometimes.

tbh i know i look like a boy in a dress. well, a 32 year old guy, but i dont mind that much. i find wearing normal woman clothes and shoes, and makeup, eyebrows, earrings, having tits, doing basically the same things women do, you feel legit, and people seem to feel it too. its saying, yes, i am a ->-bleeped-<-, i love it, please treat me like a normal person itll be fine. people seem to get the message and treat me like a girl. women seem to like it and feel flattered by it, guys are bemused but generally just seem happy for you. people having a little laugh about me when im not there, meh. its nice to just be girly and not feel wrong about it. just having boobs. so great.
i mean, im doing it so i can say to my HRT person yep, loads of real life experience, gimme dem pillz but its actually super nice to do.
supermarkets have small ranges of selected, low cost copies of stylish current clothes, which makes shopping much less stressful. you feel much less absurd in a chic dress, skinny jeans, boots, cardy, you know normal person ->-bleeped-<-.
i think working from home probably helps a bit but offices these days seem pretty cool with lgbt so meh. i dnt really go to the sort of places a gay or trans person would get beaten up anyway so no great changes there.
i figure in a lot of ways, its only as hard as i make it, so i cut myself a break with the self-flaggelation and just seem to enjoy things a lot more in a dress. smile, sing and dance and do healthy stuff way more.

Should it be easy? Yes it should but the real world doesn't work that way. The hardest thing I'm dealing with now is learning feminine mannerisms / voice and looking in the mirror I still see part of a dude. The HRT is doing it's thing but slower than I would like. But unfortunately, that's the way it works.

Quote from: Sabrina on February 22, 2015, 07:17:39 PM
Should it be easy? Yes it should but the real world doesn't work that way. The hardest thing I'm dealing with now is learning feminine mannerisms / voice and looking in the mirror I still see part of a dude. The HRT is doing it's thing but slower than I would like. But unfortunately, that's the way it works.

I found female mannerisms second nature, I just have to relax, my voice is another kettle of fish however, it feels impossible right now

Quote from: Tori on February 22, 2015, 03:47:06 PM
I guess what I am getting at is, one of the toughest parts of transition is facing my fears, but every time I do, I come out stronger and wiser.

+1

Facing your fears.... Actually doing something POSITIVE! Oh yeah.. Totally hard. Nearly impossible. Too often buried

Many of us inexorably reach the "I can Do This Anymore" point. "This" being acting, being, or otherwise doing all you can to live up to the expectations of your anatomical features.

Quote from: Tori on February 22, 2015, 02:54:50 AM
Should it be easy?

Discuss.

Being in the wrong body is hard.  Doing away with all the coping mechanisms that allowed me to continue that sad existence was hard.  Now that they are gone and ending it all is no longer an option, transitioning is far easier than any other possibility.

But it's still going to be difficult.  Damned difficult.  But never as difficult as it's been living a lie. 

"Now that they are gone and ending it all is no longer an option, transitioning is far easier than any other possibility.

But it's still going to be difficult.  Damned difficult.  But never as difficult as it's been living a lie.  "

well put

I enjoyed reading many of these responses. Everyone is unique and it does become a matter of perception.

I can honestly say my transition has been difficult. I am in my 50's with a career, family, entrenched life socially, that previous life became so stressful and wrong trying emulate to something against my nature (mostly for others). Some of the darkest moments in life were the years leading up to transition. Sure it's been an uphill climb, voice work, mannerisms, electrolysis (ouch), HRT, doctors and more doctors, you all know the drill. I've maintained relationships with family, friends (made new friends),  transitioned on the job (30 years), my bands....

Transition may have been difficult, many things in life worth a darn are.

It was far more difficult on me to NOT transition in hindsight. I choose life, no regrets....

C -

The hard part was coming out.. The rest of my transition has gone pretty smoothly. Friends and family have been supportive and I've had no major issues with medical care.