Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This has been bothering me for a long time, is there anyway someone could find out I wasn't born a female? Like once I have breasts and a vagina? I am getting a new identity so nobody will know my birth name and all but I'm just curious because if I go out and get a boyfriend I don't want him to find out I was born "irregular".
Thank you,
I hope I didn't offend anyone I just identify as a girl and never identified as a boy.

It depends on where you live.

In NJ where I live, name changes have to be published in the newspaper. Different states have different requirements. But in many places there is a paper trail if someone looks hard enough:

Also you have to cover all of your bases. I do mean all, every last one. If you have friends and acquaintances, you need to move far away from them and cut all ties because any one of them could potentially out you. Probably your parents and family too if they can't keep a secret.

So yes that level of deep stealth is somewhat possible. But would you be willing to live like that?

I've always wondered what a deep stealther does when they twist an ankle and someone else has to pick up the hormone prescriptions?

I'm not sure why that would be a problem. There are lots of reasons a person might be prescribed the same medications commonly used for HRT- none of them the business of whoever is picking up the order.

I didn't say it was a problem. I'm just pointing out how easy it would be to be outed. That is the OP's question, after all.

Hugs, Devlyn

The new parts (whether F or M) will never look or function exactly like the respective CIS parts. Thus there could be some question. Also, for some medical or legal reasons you might have to declare your trans status.

As a PI once told me, nothing is secret if you can throw enough money at it..

And, as mentioned, in some places a name change requires a notice be published in 1 or more newspapers.. This is data that is easy enough to find online.

(Rephrasing)
I' not sure how having someone else pick up your medication for you would out you. There are lots of reasons a person might be prescribed the same medications commonly used for HRT (ie. my uncle was on spirolactone for his blood pressure and estrogen for his prostate cancer). The medications you take and why is none of the business of of whoever is picking up the order if they even suspected why you took them.

Disregard our posts and reread the OP's question. "Is there any way someone could find out?" What I'm saying is true, and answers her question.

Quote from: TransKaty on February 24, 2015, 08:05:38 PMis there anyway someone could find out I wasn't born a female? Like once I have breasts and a vagina?

It depends if you are speaking practically or theoretically, how much risk you are willing to assume if the truth is discovered and if you can live with the lies you tell yourself and everyone in your world. But you can never escape the paper trial, your DNA or the shape of your spine and skull.

I am a married middle aged guy and my female alter is a 13 year old girl. We split fronting for the System 30 (her)/70 (me) and live two completely separate lives. My body has many intersexed characteristics (likely result of prenatal DES exposure); my female alter had no problems being accepted as a women preHRT and I have no problems being accepted as a guy after 5 years on a full transition level HRT regimen. It takes a tremendous amount of commitment and coordination between me and my wife and a phenomenal amount of brainpower to pull off. With two days of trauma recovery therapy a week, it would  be extremely difficult to keep up if I weren't retired. But as a survivor of childhood trauma with Dissociative identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder (DID/MPD), delusion, denial, transference, self hypnosis, double think and are a way of life for me. And it has been working for over 6 years now.

A handful of people in both my female alter's and my life know I have DID/MPD. They believe the personality they know to be the System host and have no idea that opposite gender alters take turns fronting for the System. A paperwork trial links us for anyone who has nothing better to do than follow it, and my wife, stepson, Mother and the medical professionals who treat me know the complete truth. But from a functional day-to-day perspective my stealth is "complete," and we each live separate "normal" cisgender lives.

Stealth was never a choice for me; it was my only option. None of the 5 alters in my System identifies as transgender. It is vital that both my female alter and I are perceived by the people in our respective worlds as the woman/man each of us is. Any crossover in our worlds would destroy the doublethink we use to maintain the delusion of being separate people. It would be catastrophic to the Self for the boundaries that contain the feelings and memories held by each personality to break down. Hormones are vital at this stage of my recovery because of the peace chemical castration provides in knowing that once and for all the cycle of abuse has ended with me.

Quote from: mac1 on February 24, 2015, 09:43:31 PM
The new parts (whether F or M) will never look or function exactly like the respective CIS parts. Thus there could be some question. Also, for some medical or legal reasons you might have to declare your trans status.

You have to absolutely out yourself with your doctors to receive the best care possible. They'll find out anyways, there's no hiding that bone structure.

Possible, yes, probable, no.

I say possible because in theory, you could live 'off the grid', with no medical help until you die.

I'd say there are a few people who need to know, but it's possible to live with just the bare minimum knowing.

1.  Your doctor needs to know.  Our biology is different, we're on medications and those facts are very, very important sometimes. 
2.  Sometimes your employer might need documents that out you.  For example, my employer needed my birth certificate so they found out about my old name and the name change.  I believe that you can get your birth sex changed on your birth certificate, but where I live your birth name stays on it.  So that could out you. 
3.  If you're on welfare or anything then they might also need your birth certificate copied. 

Quote from: DragonBeer on February 24, 2015, 10:31:28 PM
You have to absolutely out yourself with your doctors to receive the best care possible. They'll find out anyways, there's no hiding that bone structure.

My bone structure isn't anywhere near a mans bone structure. I bind my ribs and use a corset to push down some bones but other than that I'm pretty tiny.
Plus did anyone hear about how trans women can give birth with some kind of surgery? Only problem is it's in Europe and you will have to get a C section but you can have your own babies!!!

Quote from: Ara on February 25, 2015, 03:27:09 AM
I'd say there are a few people who need to know, but it's possible to live with just the bare minimum knowing.

1.  Your doctor needs to know.  Our biology is different, we're on medications and those facts are very, very important sometimes. 
2.  Sometimes your employer might need documents that out you.  For example, my employer needed my birth certificate so they found out about my old name and the name change.  I believe that you can get your birth sex changed on your birth certificate, but where I live your birth name stays on it.  So that could out you. 
3.  If you're on welfare or anything then they might also need your birth certificate copied.

Where I live you can change your name and gender and it'll go on my birth certificate as well as taking it off public records

Quote from: TransKaty on February 24, 2015, 08:05:38 PM
This has been bothering me for a long time, is there anyway someone could find out I wasn't born a female? Like once I have breasts and a vagina? I am getting a new identity so nobody will know my birth name and all but I'm just curious because if I go out and get a boyfriend I don't want him to find out I was born "irregular".
Thank you,
I hope I didn't offend anyone I just identify as a girl and never identified as a boy.

In many places you can erase the evidence from your documentation.

However, there will still be many people who knew you pre-transition. It would depend on how confident you are that not a single one of them would ever drop a juicy secret about you, either accidentally or on purpose.

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 09:03:50 AM
Where I live you can change your name and gender and it'll go on my birth certificate as well as taking it off public records

Yes, but your doctor will know, they have to sign off on the gender change. Here are the requirements for all the documentation changes. https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Documentation_changes

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 08:57:49 AM
Plus did anyone hear about how trans women can give birth with some kind of surgery? Only problem is it's in Europe and you will have to get a C section but you can have your own babies!!!

I don't have anything to add about going stealth, as others have already mentioned everything. But about trans women giving birth, I don't think it's been tried yet. There has been a case in Sweden where a cis woman received a uterus transplant and successfully gave birth last October, and apparently there are a few more cis women going through this procedure already. See http://www.bbc.com/news/health-29485996
However, these transplants are not 'permanent', as the uterus has to be removed after a few years to avoid complications.
Anyway, it may become possible for trans women to give birth too in a few years, but it may remain very risky and expensive.

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 08:57:49 AM
Plus did anyone hear about how trans women can give birth with some kind of surgery? Only problem is it's in Europe and you will have to get a C section but you can have your own babies!!!

I'm sorry to tell you, but that's not really a thing.  Not yet anyway.  Fertility experts say that the concept of ectopic implantation is theoretically plausible for genetic males, but it would be difficult to justify because of the extreme health risks to both the parent and child.  No tests have even been done.

This is similar to using stem cells to grow a vagina.  It's plausible but not likely in the near future.  50 years from now...who knows.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uterus_transplantation

I'm just curious: what are your reasons (or anybody's)?

I can understand wanting to pass and to be seen as and treated as the gender you identify with.  And to not have your past be something you're constantly having to explain and maybe defend.  At some point, you just want to get on with your life.

But it sounds like you want to in effect deny your past (or at least that aspect of it) completely.

The down side of successfully hiding any significant fact about your past is that you spend your life having to worry about people finding out.  And the more successfully and longer you manage to hide it, the bigger a deal it is if/when you are "found out."

Quote from: Asche on February 25, 2015, 12:24:59 PM
I'm just curious: what are your reasons (or anybody's)?

I can understand wanting to pass and to be seen as and treated as the gender you identify with.  And to not have your past be something you're constantly having to explain and maybe defend.  At some point, you just want to get on with your life.

But it sounds like you want to in effect deny your past (or at least that aspect of it) completely.

The down side of successfully hiding any significant fact about your past is that you spend your life having to worry about people finding out.  And the more successfully and longer you manage to hide it, the bigger a deal it is if/when you are "found out."

I can give a answer for myself it really comes down to personal experience for me. (I don't know about others) but I wouldn't want others to know because here we are typically treated horribly and treated as a whole different creature. Not seen as who we really are but some kind of wannabe type thing. Treated differently as such this trigger actually set some of my personal triggers off. Because it reminds me I'll always be different and I hate being different. Biology wise etc and they'll always use that as an excuse to treat me differently (most often poorly). So it's perfectly reasonable to hide in my eyes for a chance to be treated as what you are. Which unfortunately I'm not to such a point. Of course I can't answer for other people just myself.

Quote from: Asche on February 25, 2015, 12:24:59 PM
I'm just curious: what are your reasons (or anybody's)?

I can understand wanting to pass and to be seen as and treated as the gender you identify with.  And to not have your past be something you're constantly having to explain and maybe defend.  At some point, you just want to get on with your life.

But it sounds like you want to in effect deny your past (or at least that aspect of it) completely.

The down side of successfully hiding any significant fact about your past is that you spend your life having to worry about people finding out.  And the more successfully and longer you manage to hide it, the bigger a deal it is if/when you are "found out."

I feel like I should be allowed to deny my past since it wasn't my choice. I just feel I can be as "normal" (as society calls it) as anyone.
But I know a lot of people aren't open about being transgender/transsexual. (A lot of celebrities you would never guess to be born a boy or a girl)

Quote from: Skylar105 on February 25, 2015, 04:39:05 PM
I can give a answer for myself it really comes down to personal experience for me. (I don't know about others) but I wouldn't want others to know because here we are typically treated horribly and treated as a whole different creature. Not seen as who we really are but some kind of wannabe type thing. Treated differently as such this trigger actually set some of my personal triggers off. Because it reminds me I'll always be different and I hate being different. Biology wise etc and they'll always use that as an excuse to treat me differently (most often poorly). So it's perfectly reasonable to hide in my eyes for a chance to be treated as what you are. Which unfortunately I'm not to such a point. Of course I can't answer for other people just myself.

Aww just think of it like this, you have to be REAL strong. You aren't different. Hell I could tell you a list of people who are trans and you'd probably think I'm lying. Look up on google. "Avril Lavigne transsexual" as rude as it is her brother outed her and it would explain a lot about her why in her songs she's depressed at times.. Not saying trans people are sad but I'm just saying.

Quote from: mac1 on February 24, 2015, 09:43:31 PM
The new parts (whether F or M) will never look or function exactly like the respective CIS parts. Thus there could be some question. Also, for some medical or legal reasons you might have to declare your trans status.

Actually trans vaginas can look just as real as a cis gender female. And there's even a surgery for transwomen to have babies without her sperm. The only thing is you'd have to have a C section but it would feel the same as a cisgender female giving birth.

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 05:16:44 PM
Aww just think of it like this, you have to be REAL strong. You aren't different. Hell I could tell you a list of people who are trans and you'd probably think I'm lying. Look up on google. "Avril Lavigne transsexual" as rude as it is her brother outed her and it would explain a lot about her why in her songs she's depressed at times.. Not saying trans people are sad but I'm just saying.

You know, I'd find the Avril story easier to believe if it appeared somewhere other than conspiracy theory sites..

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 05:21:00 PM
Actually trans vaginas can look just as real as a cis gender female. And there's even a surgery for transwomen to have babies without her sperm. The only thing is you'd have to have a C section but it would feel the same as a cisgender female giving birth.

Research? Yes.. Have they actually done it with a trans woman? No..

And as trans women, we will be the absolute last people on the planet to get access to such procedures..

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 05:16:44 PM
Aww just think of it like this, you have to be REAL strong. You aren't different. Hell I could tell you a list of people who are trans and you'd probably think I'm lying. Look up on google. "Avril Lavigne transsexual" as rude as it is her brother outed her and it would explain a lot about her why in her songs she's depressed at times.. Not saying trans people are sad but I'm just saying.

Honestly success stories don't benefit me at all and probably do more harm than good. It's like bragging while I'm in a bad place and just because one person made it doesn't mean I will. But it's good to have optimism so enjoy it.

Quote from: suzifrommd on February 25, 2015, 10:23:32 AM
In many places you can erase the evidence from your documentation.

However, there will still be many people who knew you pre-transition. It would depend on how confident you are that not a single one of them would ever drop a juicy secret about you, either accidentally or on purpose.

I'm starting over, leaving all the people I've ever known

Quote from: TransKaty on February 26, 2015, 02:39:31 PM
I'm starting over, leaving all the people I've ever known

If you don't mind keep tracking of some white lies and keeping your story in check for the rest of your life, then yeah you can go stealth if you're leaving everyone behind. However, there's no getting around the fact that your doctors have to know. Not to mention your future partner as well.

Disagree. There are variety of genitalia ... so this qas basically reffering to everyone, cis or not. No one private bits are perfect.

Quote from: mac1 on February 24, 2015, 09:43:31 PM
The new parts (whether F or M) will never look or function exactly like the respective CIS parts. Thus there could be some question. Also, for some medical or legal reasons you might have to declare your trans status.

I dont think its nothing wrong with going stealth. If thats what makes her happy I think she should do it. Not every trans person wants to walk around with a sign that says... oh yeah I was born this way . If she wanted to tell her partner thats up to her. People keep secrets, period. Sometes things are just way to personal even for partners. It always seems to be made a crime to even be stealth.

Quote from: DragonBeer on February 26, 2015, 03:05:01 PM
If you don't mind keep tracking of some white lies and keeping your story in check for the rest of your life, then yeah you can go stealth if you're leaving everyone behind. However, there's no getting around the fact that your doctors have to know. Not to mention your future partner as well.

Quote from: TransKaty on February 25, 2015, 05:21:00 PM
And there's even a surgery for transwomen to have babies without her sperm. The only thing is you'd have to have a C section but it would feel the same as a cisgender female giving birth.

Nope. We are not there yet. Maybe in the future, but absolutely not right now. Otherwise it would be huge news.

Quote from: lovelessheart on February 27, 2015, 01:03:32 PM
I dont think its nothing wrong with going stealth. If thats what makes her happy I think she should do it. Not every trans person wants to walk around with a sign that says... oh yeah I was born this way . If she wanted to tell her partner thats up to her. People keep secrets, period. Sometes things are just way to personal even for partners. It always seems to be made a crime to even be stealth.

I mean yeah it's her choice but if someone didn't disclose something like this to me and I found out, it would kind of be a big deal. I honestly don't know if I'd stay or leave, because trust has been broken.

And again, we come straight back to the question - you are who you are. Do you want someone to love you for who you truly are or something you're pretending to be. And by pretending to be, I mean a cisgender woman.

Look, I believe in full stealth to everyone if that's what you want, but I also believe that relationships are based on trust, and keeping those big secrets from a partner is not fair to that partner.

And really, it doesn't end badly for a lot of people... there's someone here who was debating whether she should tell her boyfriend. In the end she did, and he accepted her anyway. But imagine doing so 10-20 years down the line. It could be just fine, or it could be a messy divorce.

Your choice, but trust is what makes or breaks a relationship.

QuoteSometes things are just way to personal even for partners.

Sorry I've been married 10 years and I simply cannot see it this way. The biggest mistake I made was not telling her earlier that I was trans. A big secret like that does not lead to a healthy marriage.

I'll leave the question of data searching to others more knowledgeable; it's probably harder and harder to hide information in the information age, but if you can do it...

However, physically, I've been examined by a gynecologist and ER doctors who couldn't tell my parts weren't factory-made. My vagina and vulva look and function like a cis woman's. (Obviously I'm lacking a uterus and ovaries, but the explanation for that could also cover why I was on HRT - a full hysterectomy with ovary removal. At this point, menopausal HRT wouldn't out you either; there are cis women who end up in menopause young and due to surgery.) So yes, with a sufficiently skilled surgeon, you probably could avoid having to admit anything even when naked.

And all physical gender traits, aside from genitals, occur in both genders; it might be more common for men than women to have larger hands, M-shaped hairlines, etc. but there are cis women out there with any combination you can think of from the "masculine" list.

Quote from: Jenna Marie on February 27, 2015, 06:34:34 PM
I'll leave the question of data searching to others more knowledgeable; it's probably harder and harder to hide information in the information age, but if you can do it...

However, physically, I've been examined by a gynecologist and ER doctors who couldn't tell my parts weren't factory-made. My vagina and vulva look and function like a cis woman's. (Obviously I'm lacking a uterus and ovaries, but the explanation for that could also cover why I was on HRT - a full hysterectomy with ovary removal. At this point, menopausal HRT wouldn't out you either; there are cis women who end up in menopause young and due to surgery.) So yes, with a sufficiently skilled surgeon, you probably could avoid having to admit anything even when naked.

And all physical gender traits, aside from genitals, occur in both genders; it might be more common for men than women to have larger hands, M-shaped hairlines, etc. but there are cis women out there with any combination you can think of from the "masculine" list.

My whole family was around 5'8-5'10 but my parents are shrinking. My brother is about 5'12-6 foot. So hopefully if I get on HRT soon I'll shrink a bit, also my parents have big hands even my mother but I don't crack my knuckles or anything so mine are smaller

Quote from: TransKaty on February 28, 2015, 09:16:16 AM
My whole family was around 5'8-5'10 but my parents are shrinking. My brother is about 5'12-6 foot. So hopefully if I get on HRT soon I'll shrink a bit, also my parents have big hands even my mother but I don't crack my knuckles or anything so mine are smaller

I shrank like an inch but I'm not sure if that is HRT or just age. People shrink with old age and you're young. I would expect you to grow maybe an inch or two though.