Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I decided to make an announcement on Facebook on Monday about being a transwoman and being interested in men. I am formally know as a straight, cis-man for the first 37 years of my life.

I have had an incredible volume of support in terms of comments and likes. From cousins, friends, acquaintances...people covering my whole life.

I started freaking out and totally doubting my sincerity shortly thereafter. I also woke up the next morning with the worse neck crick ever. I went to get acupuncture and then saw my somatic therapist. I felt slightly better afterwards, but glum.

Im still kinda freaking out. I think that maybe I am deceiving myself about being trans. I have had this thought before, but it is really white hot now that I basically came out to the rest of the world so definitively.

I know it is my responsibility to figure out if I am trans, and I am the only one who knows. Why do I have such a hard time being honest with myself, is what I wonder now...

Maybe this is a phase. Ugh.

Relax, take as long as you need to work your way through this.
Coming out is scary, exciting, scary, daunting, scary, scary and scary. Now that you've passed one hurdle you may find it helpful to take a few days to digest the fact that you've taken a huge step.
You'll probably swing between being terrified and over the moon, it's natural.

On the weekend when I came out to everyone I spent a day or two crying, some of the tears were "omg I've finally done it" and some tears were "omg, now I've done it"

You will make it sweetie  is a tough thing to do

Congratulations, you took a huge step forward.

The feelings do not go away, sometimes it is in the background when major events occur but they will return.

Take a few deep breaths and relax.

Hi,

I did the same thing two years ago.   I knew that me coming out was going to be some pretty juicy gossip, so I took control of the situation and came out via Fecebook.   It was like ripping off a band aid, but having to wait for a couple of days to see if there was going to be any bleeding.

Waiting for responses was incredibly nerve wracking, as some people very close to me took their sweet time getting back to me.   I expected to lose pretty much everyone, but that was not to be.  What I learned was how awesome my family and friends are, and now I know what these people are truly made of.

So I ended up losing a handful of friends and a couple of drunkles.   It's OK though, I didn't burn the bridges and now I know who these people really are.   I didn't need to be in the company of cowardly haters anyway.  Life's too short.

Anyway, congrats on taking the next step, and don't forget to breathe.

Hugs,
Jill

Quote from: stellarj1 on February 25, 2015, 06:19:03 PM
Why do I have such a hard time being honest with myself, is what I wonder now...

You're making a big change. Change is scary. If you weren't pausing to reflect, that would be unusual.

The good news is that someday you'll be 100% yourself and be able to look back and laugh.

Until then, hugs.

Wow very brave good job by doing that you helped yourself, but you also gave others courage and I personal would like to say thank you 

When it's not out in the open, it's still easy to reverse course.  You just blew up that bridge!  Well done.  :)

I TOTALLY understand.

Yikes!

I lived in Hawaii with most of my friends and family living on the mainland USA when I came out and Facebook really was the best way to come out to everybody.

I had two accounts, a male and a female one, and at first, I would just come out to a few at a time and invite them over to my female account. Why? Well, because my wife and parents wanted to tell some of their friends and family personally but I still wanted contact with other folk.

Finally, I made the big public announcement and invited everyone over to the new account.

I think more friends thought I was being hacked, than were repulsed by the idea, so I had to persuade a few that it was really true.

Most of my friends and all of my family supported me and made the switch toy new account.

The best thing about having two accounts? Nobody had to unfriend me or say anything, they just didn't have to make the switch. I give them the benefit of the doubt and figure they never saw my announcement. By the way, I repeated the announcement a few times over the next month and collected a bunch more friends who had not seen the first one.

I have made far more friends since coming out than I lost.

The support is amazing.

I understand the mixed feelings. I mean once you are out, there is no way to go all the way back in. Remember though, you control the extent and pace of your transition. We will be here for you. Congratulations. The mixed feelings may go away with transition or they may never leave. You may discover you like living between genders.

Hold on to your hat and enjoy the ride!

Quote from: katiej on February 25, 2015, 11:33:03 PM
When it's not out in the open, it's still easy to reverse course.  You just blew up that bridge!

I think it's this in a nutshell. One that genie is out of the bottle there is no putting her back and you are probably thinking about that now and doubting yourself for what you've done - it's a huge life decision and your reaction is completely normal.

Although I didn't come out on Facebook there were moments where the gravity of what I was doing knocked me down to the ground and made me doubt myself - but I knew my old life was going to kill me if I kept living it. I kept going and I survived, and now that i'm on the other side I can say that those feelings, while understandable, were just...... fear. Breathe for a moment and relax and consider your next move - you've done the hard part!  :)

As others said, you will be fine! <3 I can totally relate to your feelings. I still have moments of "What if I'm not really trans?" and all the weird thought patterns that can accompany that doubt. But the thing is that thought is happening less and less and I imagine will vanish entirely someday.. this is a massive undertaking so it's ok to feel scared and unsure.. but you will survive and thrive! <3

Wow. Thanks everybody.

I found a little more calm yesterday as the day went on, and had lots of crying, and today I am not freaking out as much. Reading your responses is so helpful. <3 Thank you.

Also, a friend miraculously was in my neighborhood yesterday morning, and it couldn't have been better timing.

One day at a time.

on the plus side, all the things you couldnt do as a guy, theyre encouraged now. be girly its your duty hehe!!

Sophie, you got this. That was an appropriate reaction. I was so nervous when I mailed a letter to my parents coming out I literally threw up moments before dropping it irrevocably in the mail slot. Turned out that was the hardest moment. It has been an awseome journey  ever since.

Sophie,

Congratulations!!!

Coming out on facebook is a very big deal.  Even if it goes well, all that built up worry over how it will go can be a big roller coaster.  It was something I did only a two months ago and I cried as well from all the emotion surrounding it.  And it was a very positive experience for me.  Let the emotion come out.  You are doing just fine :)

With about every step and for all major steps I've taken during this journey I had my "WTF am I Doing ???" freakout lasting from days to months. For some of us it goes with the territory. The intensity and length decreases over time as you really begin to feel in your soul that this IS the right thing for you and it is OK