Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I hope you all don't mind me sharing  f my thoughts so often but I like to write things down as they occur or emerge in life...
Yesterday my therapist asked if I felt more vulnerable as a female and I sat there and thought about it and yes I do.
Men seem twice the size they used to be.. they talk differently than I remember.. just so monotone and serious..  They make me nervous when I walk by them.. especially if they are good looking or younger.. its weird.
I lived as a man and married 32 years to a woman and enjoyed sex but.... and this is a touchy subject..... I was never the guy in bed really..
So, even though I would never in a million years had sex with a guy as a guy all those years..... I will after SRS.  My sexual orientation has not changed it just will match my body now.. does that make sense??
So, even though I was not gay.. I was a chick trapped in a guy body just coping in the only way I knew how and that was just to survive and do the right thing around others.
Now that my body matches my mind  or it will completely match when I have SRS I will be hetero.. in other words cured and complete.
So, now I am a vulnerable chick that wants a dude.. will I ever find one.. get married?   Well I don't know the answer to that.. I just know I will never have a relationship without being open and honest about my history..
Anyway thats it for my rambles today.. busy busy with work and I should not be writing this now...
Loving Life,
Dodie

I don't think it changed as in you became more acceptable of yourself through your transition. For most of my life I saw myself as a straight male, but always pushed myself to being straight. The past year I came to the idea that I no long cared about others opinion on me and found that I am comfortable being pansexual. I never saw myself as gay and didn't know there was a in between till a few years ago.

Quote from: Dodie on February 26, 2015, 12:34:56 PM
My sexual orientation has not changed it just will match my body now.. does that make sense??

My gender therapist says she's seen this a lot - trans women who start becoming interested in men when they get SRS. She says that there are some people who are most interested in straight sex, and when they change bodies, they're still just as interested, but how they see themselves doing it changes.

Interesting! I so get what you're saying.
In one of my therapy sessions back in '07, my therapist asked me about my sexuality, and who I was attracted to.
I had been married as well, but last six years of marriage we didn't sleep together once. Plus, through my days in military, college, and working career, I always stumbled with women. So I admitted I wasn't attracted to women.
So then she said if I was attracted to femininity. I said no.
It was then I admitted I liked guys, and I remember me saying "if that makes me gay, then I'm gay."
She responded with "Nina, you're a woman, right? You like men. You're not gay."
I love feeling somewhat vulnerable around men, and am now in my second relationship, were engaged and life is good.

I kind of get it, because now that I am transitioning I am more attracted to men.

SRS is still a ways off but it's actually now on the table versus being off the radar.

This is kind of a relief to see. I have identified as asexual, totally uninterested in sex and zero atraction to anyone or anything, for a couple years now. I haven't been with anyone in that way for around five years and don't miss it. Coming out as asexual was actually a big part of the path of growth that has lead me to this point. The last time I was with someone was with my third girlfriend. That relationship lasted eight years and I played the female role, sometimes quite litteraly, in the day to day and in bed. It was awfull for both of us and ruined what started as a close friendship. Even when dealing with my libido on my own I play a female role. Since accepting myself as a woman I have rmembered some pubecent facinations with the beauty in men's faces and bodies that I couldn't make sense of back then. The attending fantasies never seemed right so I shut them out. When I first pondered what my goal in transition might be, the first thought was "I want the guys to think I'm hot!" I'm still quite near the starting gate as far as transition goes so only time will tell. But I am starting to think I'm a heterosexual woman. Gay men are not atractive to me. Gay and lesbian sex are not apealing either. But if I had the right parts finally? Maybe... maybe I would date a man...

yep i feel the same!
i feel gay guys are more like sisters than people im attracted to.

I have been asexual for a while now
I did have a dream as a woman with a dude last night after grs and woke up horny as heck
So maybe my libido will come back.

I seem to be noticing men more and more. Though I still am attracted to the ladies, men are becoming more attractive as the days go by. Who knows who I'll end up with some day.

Before transition I was bisexual with a preference for women, and now I am still bisexual, but with a preference for men, but I've always been monogamous, and I've been with my husband since 2007.

I've always felt afraid of guys even though I tended to larger then most of them. I also tended to find relating to them difficult. During both of my transition experiments back 30 years ago, one of the check boxes on my short list was "Guys". Well, I never was attracted to them and sex in real life was far from the fantasies.

After a good 5 years on HRT, and finally feeling happy in my skin and comfortable being who and what I am, guys are looking a lot better. I recently even began having dreams with them as a romantic partner. Freaks me Out  :o 

Perhaps my wife is right. Estrogen does change your brain. Well, it has buy and large been for the better

I know what you mean JoanneB, about being afraid of men. I never understood the agression or all those mean looking stares straight men are always giving eachother. I tried like hell to be one of the boys but I seemed to be missing some essential signals. I was always acutely aware of being an outsider masquerading.  I still have more female friends than male. Always have.

I've been asexual most of my life with a small history of failed relationships with women. When my therapist asked me my thoughts on my orientation post-transition/GCS I told her I didn't know.

Weeeeell.....I think I know now, six months into HRT. The first time I realised I might be attracted to men was an episode of Sleepy Hollow where Ichabod Crane is sitting on the ground and has his hair down around his shoulders and I was suddenly gobsmacked by the thought that "goddamn, he is gorgeous and that Surrey/estuary English accent is like silk against my skin."

Today it happened again. A patient had on a sweater too thick for me to take his BP through so he took it off and oh...my...god...he had a chiseled physique, pecs you could break a rock on and that V heading towards the belt line. No hair on him at all. I had to turn away lest the blush I felt give me away so I'm thinking I'm going to be quite the straight woman when I'm done.

I started noticing them around 6-7 months on HRT and initially it was huuuge shock (I was totally not happy about that turn of events, but...). So far, I have not really explored that part of newly found sexuality, but I am definitely not finding women hot anymore.

P.S. And btw, what is this thing about them appearing to be twice the size than before? I noticed that one too... Is it psychological? And in many aspects they indeed seem so funny now, especially the way they interact with each other and speak - so predictable, at times. And sometimes - totally unpredictable and cute :). In general they dont make me feel nervous or vulnerable, unless there are more than three and I dont know any of them.

Like Emily, I too became attracted to men at around the 7 month period. For me, it was not a matter of being comfortable with sexuality that was latent or repressed. It was as if a construction crew had put in new wiring and a different fuse box. I instantly lit up in all new places. Under HRT our brains change (it's documented), and we become new creatures chemically. This does not mean that orientation will switch in all or most cases, but we are certainly rolling the dice.

Related to the thinking of men as much larger, I have written elsewhere that around the 3-4 month mark, I suddenly realized that I was perceiving women (essentially) as the same size. Before HRT, I perceived myself as larger than women, even those the same height as me. Although I did lose weight and muscle mass, the loss at that point was negligible. The implications for the social dynamics of this shift are enormous, but would need studying by those who know how.

Hey girls
Thought I would chime in on my post
Love the responses.
Went shopping last night and men just seem like totally different species to me now
It's a real mind bender.  Kind of hard to describe but they just put off completely different vibes.
It's really quite the adventure this life has dealt so many of us
Dodie

I also around 7 month mark of HRT i began noticing men... it was small things like.. hmm he is cute.. being only attracted to women previously.. this scared me.. I spoke to my therapist at the time and she told me, the hormones can affect you, as you are developing into a young lady and like teenage girls, hormones will "make" notice the other sex.

I never really acted on it.. until about the 2 year mark of HRT.. I was setup on a blind date with a guy and we hit it off.. he was fine me been transsexual (it was hard to hide at that point as I was pre-op).. I was attracted to him. I explored myself as a sexual woman. It was weird at first kissing or even making out with him. Even holding hands was weird at first. But I liked it... we dated for a few months..

I was now happy with my attraction to me.. Now I am post-op and I dating a wonderful man.. I love being a guys girlfriend and I love having the "female" role in the relationship. So I am a straight woman .

For me the changeover started before I started HRT. I remember thinking it was not unpleasant gently to be touched by my (male) doctor during the pre-HRT physical. I think it was starting to see the softer, more feminine version of myself emerge that made attraction to men palatable.

Well,
I talked to my therapist about men too.. and for a while I thought they were gross.. still kinda do... Its so strange to be in this transition puberty stage and go through the feelings girls go through when very young.  I know I will grow out of my immature behavior one day.. hopefully soon.. but for now I just like having fun.
One thing I really enjoy now is dancing and as a guy never danced or if I did felt dumb.  Now I can dance the night away.
I got the moves!  Not sure where they came from but if I were out and a dude asked me to dance I would.. depending on the dude of course!
I have some girl friends that are wanting me to go out because they think it would be fun to watch me get hit on and we could have fun with it.. but I am really not ready yet.. not until after GRS ... maybe.. who knows.

Sadly I dance like a moose on rollerskates with four left feet having a seizure. No matter how outgoing I may turn out I doubt I'll be cutting any rugs. More likely tripping over one and falling over.

I've been androphilic since I can remember, however I do know that I knew from the time I was very young that I was not a gay male. Through high school, sexuality was a nuisance, so I ignored it, however now that I am viewed and have completely embraced myself as female, I readily open my mind to the concept of being a guy's girlfriend, and it slightly torments me that it hasn't happened yet  :laugh:

Quote from: Wynternight on February 27, 2015, 12:22:03 PM
Sadly I dance like a moose on rollerskates with four left feet having a seizure. No matter how outgoing I may turn out I doubt I'll be cutting any rugs. More likely tripping over one and falling over.

Quote from: Dodie on February 27, 2015, 11:56:17 AM
Well,
I talked to my therapist about men too.. and for a while I thought they were gross.. still kinda do... Its so strange to be in this transition puberty stage and go through the feelings girls go through when very young.  I know I will grow out of my immature behavior one day.. hopefully soon.. but for now I just like having fun.
One thing I really enjoy now is dancing and as a guy never danced or if I did felt dumb.  Now I can dance the night away.
I got the moves!  Not sure where they came from but if I were out and a dude asked me to dance I would.. depending on the dude of course!
I have some girl friends that are wanting me to go out because they think it would be fun to watch me get hit on and we could have fun with it.. but I am really not ready yet.. not until after GRS ... maybe.. who knows.

I always felt stupid and awkward dancing. Well, infront of anyone. I have always enjoyed movement, being a physical person. But it never felt right. I was semi saved by Ska dancing, 'cause everyone looks dumb doing that! I'd like to have the chutzpah to dance the way I do in private around others though...

Quote from: Kellam on February 27, 2015, 12:45:29 PM
I always felt stupid and awkward dancing. Well, infront of anyone. I have always enjoyed movement, being a physical person. But it never felt right. I was semi saved by Ska dancing, 'cause everyone looks dumb doing that! I'd like to have the chutzpah to dance the way I do in private around others though...

I slam and pogo like a pro being the old school punk I am but that's it.  ;D

A shift or a willingness to try something new seems to be quite common among us. I know when I was presenting male I he no desire to be with a man, though I guess the thought came into my head but it got pushed out almost as soon as it did. I still prefer women, I think they are far more attractive, however, I'm currently dating a man and I was surprised at how normal it felt. And while I'm not attracted to him the same way I might be to a girl, I love getting to be the smaller one and how I can interact with him that I couldn't do with my previous girl friend because I was the dominant one in that relationship. The more female I felt the more being with a guy didn't seem to bother me. Though if I found myself single again I'd be looking for women, but if the right guy comes along, I might give them a shot =P

Quote from: Wynternight on February 27, 2015, 01:50:26 PM
I slam and pogo like a pro being the old school punk I am but that's it.  ;D

I'm no stranger in the pit myself, but is that realy dancing? I always thought of it as testifying at the temple of punk.

Anyway, way off topic...

I've always been attracted to boys, since middle school.  I just never noticed until hindsight kicked in.