Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok,
Well, now that I am an expert....!!  Just kidding.. still learning but I have made a couple mistakes I would like to share with the forum.
First, beard removal.. I should have started sooner.. I have had a fourth clearing but it sucks to have to wear makeup every time I go out or I have a little shadow still.  That will go away soon but its a bummer.. so if you begin transition good idea to start the beard removal thing...
Second mistake I made kinda by accident is voice training.. I am very busy and hardly have time and have put it off.. Now I go out passing 100% but struggle with voice so it sucks.  I do OK... but needs to be significantly improved.
A trans friend of mine one day told me you should start on beard removal.. some girls don't think they will go full time for a couple years then can't help it.. and I was like well thats not me.. I am going to do a two to three year transition.. then basically I was full time at 13 months.  I am glad she said that because that did prompt me to finally make the appointment and get started and I had a heavy beard.
Dodie

Agreed!
Other than my first professional makeup session that changed my thinking of how to apply makeup, having electrolysis done in year 1 made all the difference. It meant I could be out all day, night and not worry.
Best investment!

Im not close to fulltime and will be starting HRT in a week. But im on my fifth month of laser and there still seems a bit ways to go. So i totally agree about the facial hair thing. I cant imagine going out until beard shadow is gone.

Adding to the list:
Do not be in a hurry to come out. There are a whole host of physical and psychological reasons besides being transgender for a person to have the need to express themself as their gender not assigned at birth. Coming out can have a huge impact on the life and relationships you spent years building and will make it much harder to live in stealth if you decide to do so in the future. Resist peer pressure to be out and proud until 1) you are certain you are actually transgender and 2) you are comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life.

Oh yes I agree 100%. I was at a point where an appointments at the gender clinic were some time off and just wanted to get started ASAP. So I went full ahead with laser.  It really made me feel good that I was doing something tangible to rid myself of male characteristics and now later I am so grateful I don't have any beard shadow issues. The full time issue never really happened with me I just sort of morphed into it.

I've been through 5 laser sessions and I have very dark facial hair.  Each time, it seems like it is working but very slowly.  So far I am pretty much left with the upper lip and chin.  I have 7 more sessions to go already paid.  I am thinking of trying to get on HRT with a minimal dose of E in order to start the transition to assist in hair removal and at least cut out the T.  I've read another thread about doing low dose HRT for longer periods of time, and I must say that it seems like a good idea.  I definitely want to hold off on full HRT and full time until I get rid of the facial hair, but I also desperately want to start HRT and I hear it helps with getting rid of the facial hair.  Thoughts?

"Resist peer pressure to be out and proud until 1) you are certain you are actually transgender and 2) you are comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life."

personally, i think this is sort of a trap. no one in the closet would feel 'comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life' so many never leave. its a holding pattern, a prison. i hated it.
if you want to learn to swim you have to get in the water.
if you think youre transgender and have done since you were 5... you do the math
hiding and feeling ashamed mean you believe there is something to be ashamed of. there isnt. there really isnt. if youre a boygirl or a girlboy, you are, and hiding wont fix it.

imo come out to everyone asap its $&@#ing great, kiss that shame secrecy and guilt gbye 4eva! its your life not theirs, play the hand youre dealt and grab it; get busy living or get busy dying.

Mod edit: no swears please

Dodie, I 100% agree with hair removal and voice training ASAP.

I would add I went 15 months on pills and then went IM. I wish I started on IM but I was needle phobic.

Quote from: Muffinheart on February 27, 2015, 02:43:05 PM
Agreed!......having electrolysis done in year 1 made all the difference. It meant I could be out all day, night and not worry.
Best investment!

I am thinking that this is going to be my biggest help in getting me ready to go full time quickly.  I am lucky in that I have the money saved up and have the pain tolerance so that I can book a couple marathon sessions to get the initial clearing done.  I have too much white and grey hairs to make laser an effective option so electrolysis it is.  I figure if I could withstand 8 hrs of my using a home electrolysis on myself to clear my upper lip then having two people work on me for 4-6 hours with numbing cream should be a walk in the park. 

Quote from: alexbb on February 27, 2015, 07:51:58 PM
if you want to learn to swim you have to get in the water.
if you think youre transgender and have done since you were 5... you do the math
hiding and feeling ashamed mean you believe there is something to be ashamed of. there isnt. there really isnt. if youre a boygirl or a girlboy, you are, and hiding wont fix it.

I have come to feel this way, and at 53 almost 54 I have done the math.  That may be why I have jumped into the pond head first.  I did think there was something to hide and I was ashamed for way too long. 
No more. 
I am woman hear me roar!!
While I will probablly not openly come out to everyone for a few more months, I am not going to overtly hide my true self either.  I will still publicly present as male for a few more months but with my hair and attitude I will probably have a lot of tongues wagging  :o

Quote from: Jessie Ann on February 27, 2015, 08:21:15 PM
I am thinking that this is going to be my biggest help in getting me ready to go full time quickly.  I am lucky in that I have the money saved up and have the pain tolerance so that I can book a couple marathon sessions to get the initial clearing done.  I have too much white and grey hairs to make laser an effective option so electrolysis it is.  I figure if I could withstand 8 hrs of my using a home electrolysis on myself to clear my upper lip then having two people work on me for 4-6 hours with numbing cream should be a walk in the park. 

I have come to feel this way, and at 53 almost 54 I have done the math.  That may be why I have jumped into the pond head first.  I did think there was something to hide and I was ashamed for way too long. 
No more. 
I am woman hear me roar!!
While I will probablly not openly come out to everyone for a few more months, I am not going to overtly hide my true self either.  I will still publicly present as male for a few more months but with my hair and attitude I will probably have a lot of tongues wagging  :o

Ditto this!! I jumped now can never go back.. yea!!!

Quote from: alexbb on February 27, 2015, 07:51:58 PM
"Resist peer pressure to be out and proud until 1) you are certain you are actually transgender and 2) you are comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life."

personally, i think this is sort of a trap. no one in the closet would feel 'comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life' so many never leave. its a holding pattern, a prison. i hated it.
if you want to learn to swim you have to get in the water.
if you think youre transgender and have done since you were 5... you do the math
hiding and feeling ashamed mean you believe there is something to be ashamed of. there isnt. there really isnt. if youre a boygirl or a girlboy, you are, and hiding wont fix it.

imo come out to everyone asap its $&@#ing great, kiss that shame secrecy and guilt gbye 4eva! its your life not theirs, play the hand youre dealt and grab it; get busy living or get busy dying.

Mod edit: no swears please

For me being out totally to everyone now is so wonderful. I have no secrets for the first time in my life... and living who I am.  I have had a wonderful life but now living at full speed ahead.. its so wonderful to be out.. and so well supported by so many wonderful humans.. in a way, its awesome to weed out those who would not accept you because what the heck do they matter anyway..
Only three people I don't have relationships with now and I thought they were friends.. and they are all religious and self absorbed.. I wish I had not waisted time doing things for them for all those years.. had no idea they were not true friends.
Love,
Dodie

My biggest advice to new transitioners.. well it takes a lot of planning to transition... especially when you go full time... as it not that same as dressing for periods.. you need clothes for every day.. I had an issue with underwear... (you need a bra and panty for everyday)... and i needed more casual everyday clothes.. as when I dressed up as noleen before i was full time.. i dressed smarter.. i.e clothes you would go out in.. not clothes i would spend all day on the couch in.

I did hair removal on my chest before hrt.. trust me you don't want a laser on your chest when you breasts are budding..

Quote from: Dodie on February 27, 2015, 11:07:13 PM

Quote from: alexbb on February 27, 2015, 07:51:58 PM
"Resist peer pressure to be out and proud until 1) you are certain you are actually transgender and 2) you are comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life."

personally, i think this is sort of a trap. no one in the closet would feel 'comfortable with being identified as transgender for the rest of your life' so many never leave. its a holding pattern, a prison. i hated it.
if you want to learn to swim you have to get in the water.
if you think youre transgender and have done since you were 5... you do the math
hiding and feeling ashamed mean you believe there is something to be ashamed of. there isnt. there really isnt. if youre a boygirl or a girlboy, you are, and hiding wont fix it.

imo come out to everyone asap its $&@#ing great, kiss that shame secrecy and guilt gbye 4eva! its your life not theirs, play the hand youre dealt and grab it; get busy living or get busy dying.

Mod edit: no swears please

For me being out totally to everyone now is so wonderful. I have no secrets for the first time in my life... and living who I am.  I have had a wonderful life but now living at full speed ahead.. its so wonderful to be out.. and so well supported by so many wonderful humans.. in a way, its awesome to weed out those who would not accept you because what the heck do they matter anyway..
Only three people I don't have relationships with now and I thought they were friends.. and they are all religious and self absorbed.. I wish I had not waisted time doing things for them for all those years.. had no idea they were not true friends.
Love,
Dodie

So true! So well said.

I still see the shock on people's faces as I tell them waking up to start a new day is so wonderful. They look at you strangely when you continue, for most of my life I hoped I would not wake up.

Thanks to everyone offering advice, it is greatly appreciated. Question I have is about beard removal. I am pre everything and just started counseling with my gender therapist, and would like to start electrolysis soon but want to remain stealth. How noticeable is it once you start? Will family and friends notice anything going on with my face?  Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks, Stanna

Hi Stanna,

Many cis men have laser for beard removal, they may have irritation from shaving etc, or they don't like facial hair.

If you are not ready to come out just say you hate shaving.

Body hair removal is common for cis men! Ever seen a hairy wrestler on WWE?

I always tell people that actions are necessary for a transition to actually happen. What I mean by this is there a lot of people that spend a LOT of time talking about transition with no actions..........

As far as your facial hair. Im years past since I began transiton. Facial hair was not something that was going to stop me. Hell after a number of years I brought my own electro machine and did the job myself.

Its called being resourceful and doing whatever it takes to reach a goal. ACTIONS!!

"Math" or "trap," "$&@#ing great" or "wonderful," coming out takes away the option of living in stealth. People beginning their journey of self need to be aware of that.

For me, come out would have been the worst mistake of my life. I was diagnosed as age onset transsexual at my first therapy session. As right as transitioning felt at the time, as strongly as my GT insisted I was in denial and the sooner I came out the better off I would be, my wife and I resisted telling anyone. Three years of therapy later what my gender therapist had misdiagnosed a gender dyphoria was correctly diagnosed as Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder (DID/MPD).

There is no "uncoming out." My female alter has lived in stealth for over 6 years now; that would not have been possible if I had followed my doctor's recommendations. Coming out would not have solved the underlying problem of my DID, and would have destroyed my marriage and the life I spend nearly 50 years building.

Quote from: noleen111 on February 28, 2015, 12:08:53 AM

I did hair removal on my chest before hrt.. trust me you don't want a laser on your chest when you breasts are budding..

So that hair doesn't just thin and fall out? Yikes. I'm not very hairy there but this made me think, thanks. I was going to get the jump on hair removal anyway, it is what I can do now. Is there any change to the coarseness of beard hair? Mine is like orange steel wool and I heard hrt might soften it a bit, does that make the removal process easier? Voice was the first thing I started working on. I'm an ex performer, shame ran me off the stage, and love vocal styling so it seemed natural. I have been listening to lady punks and Bea Arthur as I'll never have a high girly voice. Years of chain smoking and hard drinking...

I suppose i was thinking this through fully for the past 20 years. I first wanted to transition as a teen but I have always known. For me self acceptance was just the first step now I'm in the water and there is no going back!

Body hair does thin and fall out, but you won't know how much until you start HRT. In my case the fine vellum hair that was left after a year on my medication isn't enough to bother shaving my chest, legs or underarms. It is important to my sense of male self but not so much that it keeps my 13 year old female alter from wearing a bikini to the beach.

Body hair takes 6-12 months to really disappear, but breasts start growing quickly.  Very quickly for the lucky ones.  So removing chest hair is important, especially if it's thick like mine was.  I found a Groupon and had the whole chest and stomach done in 6 appointments for $350.  I'm planning to do my back next.

I'm taking the cautiously plan and meticulously execute method of transitioning.  It doesn't work for everyone, but it's working for me.  Though I have to admit that I am constantly tempted to say "screw it!" and just go full-time.  But family concerns, job concerns, etc.  I'd rather wait an extra 6 months and be able to transition well.

Having said that, I'm on a low dose of HRT, so my newfound mental stability is absolutely estrogen dependent.  And I think this is the only reason I'm able to be more patient.

Hmm...so perhaps I'll calm down a bit once the initial rush of self acceptance subsides and especially once the testosterone starts to leave my system? I'd be okay with that too. At times it is better to be a tortoise instead of rushing ahead like the hare. Oh well, I can only work with who I am at this moment in time...

Kellam,
Everyone is so different in the journey.. I thought I could transition in two to three years never dreamed I would be full time in 13 months..
Go at a pace you feel comfortable at and try to enjoy the ride. 
For me being almost 56, setting this pace surprised me and my family but for me once I started E.. and continued therapy and accepted my true self I wanted out.. I wanted to be seen female.
Now that I am seen female.. I feel totally female now.. I walk differently talk differently act differently I am just a woman.  Its weird especially since not long ago I was that big body builder looking dude..

To address your statement:"Hmm...so perhaps I'll calm down a bit once the initial rush of self acceptance subsides and especially once the testosterone starts to leave my system?".
I would say that you most likely are finding joy in your self acceptance and are excited about HRT... I sure was and once I started HRT nothing  could ever stop me from taking it.
Early in my transition someone on Susan's gave me advise when I once said well I just want E to settle me down and then maybe I will just stay a dude and feel better.
She said that she had seen girls try that and ended up transitioning.. she even said my bet is your going to transition.. I wish I could remember who said that.. she was seeing my future.
So, you may find once the T leaves.. your female side will begin to take over.. and trust me us females are pretty strong headed at times.
Dodie

Thanks Dodie! I guess I'm just trying not to get my expectations up too high. Your words will stick with me for a long time. I will remember them and you. Hugs!

10 pm re re edit: I need to learn to shut my trap and listen. Sorry about earlier...

The very best advice I can give for new transitioners is that it DOES NOT happen overnight. It will take years of time, effort and possibly money to reach your goals. Patience IS A MUST! :)

I agree with hair removal. It took me 3 years before I could finally stop going to electrolysis. I haven't been back for any additional treatments in probably 12 or 13 years so I know it works. One thing I did when I was doing my voice training was to invest in a small hand held recorder. It worked great and I could hear the results right away. I had my eureka (I found my voice) moment with that tape recorder.

My own $.02. Have a plan. No one spends tens of thousands of dollars for surgery, hair removal, therapy, doctors, endo, hair, clothes, legal documents. I mean the list is endless and nothing is cheap and the money can go fast. In the end, hormones were probably 1% of the cost of my transition and I pay for them 100% with no insurance (I still do).

Have "realistic" expectations and be true to yourself. It's not about being beautiful it's about being happy. If one turns out beautiful it's a bonus :) I didn't want to be beautiful, just blend into a crowd and disappear. Anything above and beyond that is a gift. I have people, mainly women, tell me how pretty I am. But you know how it is with us, I wouldn't believe them.