Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: MadisonMN on February 27, 2015, 06:42:06 PM Return to Full Version
Title: When is the "Right" time to come out to your friends?
Post by: MadisonMN on February 27, 2015, 06:42:06 PM
Post by: MadisonMN on February 27, 2015, 06:42:06 PM
Hey everyone :)
My question is pretty simple, when do you think the "right" time is to come out to your friends about being transgender? Is there a right time?
I've been seeing a psychologist for a few weeks now, and while I still have a lot of trouble accepting who I am and am for the most part closeted, I found that coming out to my parents and immediate family helped. Of course, I know that my friends (a few included) have a lot higher chance of not accepting this. I love my friends, and it would be great to have them on my side, but I also don't want to lose them.
What do you folks think?
My question is pretty simple, when do you think the "right" time is to come out to your friends about being transgender? Is there a right time?
I've been seeing a psychologist for a few weeks now, and while I still have a lot of trouble accepting who I am and am for the most part closeted, I found that coming out to my parents and immediate family helped. Of course, I know that my friends (a few included) have a lot higher chance of not accepting this. I love my friends, and it would be great to have them on my side, but I also don't want to lose them.
What do you folks think?
Title: Re: When is the "Right" time to come out to your friends?
Post by: Rachel on February 27, 2015, 07:28:37 PM
Post by: Rachel on February 27, 2015, 07:28:37 PM
Hi Madison,
I do not think there is a right time. However, picking friends that you think will be welcoming will build your agency. When you have a few wins then you can take a chance on a friend that may not be welcoming. When you expand the circle of people that know the probability someone will tell a lot of people goes up exponentially.
When everyone knows then you may have to reshuffle the friend deck, hopefully not.
If you control the messaging you control the content of the massage.
I do not think there is a right time. However, picking friends that you think will be welcoming will build your agency. When you have a few wins then you can take a chance on a friend that may not be welcoming. When you expand the circle of people that know the probability someone will tell a lot of people goes up exponentially.
When everyone knows then you may have to reshuffle the friend deck, hopefully not.
If you control the messaging you control the content of the massage.
Title: Re: When is the "Right" time to come out to your friends?
Post by: Jenelle on February 27, 2015, 09:06:58 PM
Post by: Jenelle on February 27, 2015, 09:06:58 PM
I agree with Cynthia, there is no real right time. The first two friends I came out to wad not even planned. We were just out have some pints and conversation turned to life and such. I just got really tired of giving vague answers about things to my friends that I told them.
After that I just slowly starting coming out to my friends that I knew would be cool with it. I am still not out to everyone but most people I am close to know.
You are just really going to have to trust your gut on this and not let the fear rule you. Keep a clear clan mind and you will know who and when to come out to.
After that I just slowly starting coming out to my friends that I knew would be cool with it. I am still not out to everyone but most people I am close to know.
You are just really going to have to trust your gut on this and not let the fear rule you. Keep a clear clan mind and you will know who and when to come out to.
Title: Re: When is the "Right" time to come out to your friends?
Post by: MadisonMN on February 27, 2015, 11:44:39 PM
Post by: MadisonMN on February 27, 2015, 11:44:39 PM
Thanks so much for the responses!
That really makes the most sense, telling a few at a time that you feel confident with. In a way, I've already done that with a couple friends. There's about eight of us that are a close ring of friends, but two of them may not be accepting. I had thought about telling the entire group at once, hoping that a majority opinion would convince those few who might be on the fence. I hope that doesn't sound manipulative xD, but regardless, we've all been friends since high school and before (we're post-college now.)
Again, thanks for the thoughts :)
Madison
That really makes the most sense, telling a few at a time that you feel confident with. In a way, I've already done that with a couple friends. There's about eight of us that are a close ring of friends, but two of them may not be accepting. I had thought about telling the entire group at once, hoping that a majority opinion would convince those few who might be on the fence. I hope that doesn't sound manipulative xD, but regardless, we've all been friends since high school and before (we're post-college now.)
Again, thanks for the thoughts :)
Madison
Title: Re: When is the "Right" time to come out to your friends?
Post by: Kelly_1979 on February 28, 2015, 12:15:29 AM
Post by: Kelly_1979 on February 28, 2015, 12:15:29 AM
Probably not the right person to reply since I haven't started anything yet but. .. I would say as soon you've done something or preparing to start. At least I would not feel comfortable telling people when I even don't know what I'm gonna do. (Especially friends / coworkers I see every day).
Title: Re: When is the "Right" time to come out to your friends?
Post by: LoriLorenz on February 28, 2015, 01:08:35 AM
Post by: LoriLorenz on February 28, 2015, 01:08:35 AM
Coming out is as personal as being trans* and it's actually *NOT* as planable as we like to believe.
I came out to a handful of friends and hadn't planned on coming out at all to my Dad until muuuuch later. But I felt that inexplicable nudge to tell him one night at our semi-random dinners (He comes to make sure I get out of the house and get decent food. Being disabled and mostly homebound sucks.)
My mother does not know, nor do I plan on telling her soon, since her MO in all things is to treat me like a teen, despite my actual age of 32.
Also, we can't control the reactions of those we call friends. My Dad took it far better than how I imagined he would. One of my friends took it far harder than I expected.
Live who you are, and those who are your tru friends will shine. Those who are not will fall away eventually.
I came out to a handful of friends and hadn't planned on coming out at all to my Dad until muuuuch later. But I felt that inexplicable nudge to tell him one night at our semi-random dinners (He comes to make sure I get out of the house and get decent food. Being disabled and mostly homebound sucks.)
My mother does not know, nor do I plan on telling her soon, since her MO in all things is to treat me like a teen, despite my actual age of 32.
Also, we can't control the reactions of those we call friends. My Dad took it far better than how I imagined he would. One of my friends took it far harder than I expected.
Live who you are, and those who are your tru friends will shine. Those who are not will fall away eventually.