Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: ThePhoenix on March 09, 2015, 06:59:57 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Things you wish you could say
Post by: ThePhoenix on March 09, 2015, 06:59:57 PM
Post by: ThePhoenix on March 09, 2015, 06:59:57 PM
So I've pretty much given up on talking about my issues because I am just resigned to them and to the fact that nothing changes no matter how much I talk about it. But I'd like to break with that for a moment to share one of the things that hurts me.
During my transitional days, it used to hurt horribly inside not to tell other people certain things about myself. They knew I was trans*. But I still had to be careful with people. For example, I could not tell them about the time I pranked an IHOP on Halloween by showing up in guy mode after work and asking them, "what do you think of my Halloween costume? Would you believe I was a guy?" and had a transguy friend show up in girl mode and ask them, "what do you think of my Halloween costume? Would you believe I was a girl?"
Now I find myself in that space of regretting the things I can't tell people again. I'm a lawyer. Law is an industry that is basically in collapse and it is exceedingly transphobic to boot. So if I put my trans* community activism on my resume, it is basically a guaranteed way to avoid getting most jobs. But the D.C. Office of Human Rights likes me and some of their folks are trying to get me hired into their office somehow. They asked me to put together a version of my resume that lists basically everything I've done on trans* issues. I can't talk about that stuff. So I spent a few days racking my brain and trying to come up with everything I could think of. It basically doubled the length of my resume. It covers three organizations I've been involved with. And I don't usually like to give people my resume because people get bent out of shape and call me a braggart when I just talk about my daily life, but here are a few of the things on it:
I have ten presentations and publications to my name within the last two years.
I was consulted on the first global communique to address reporting transgender issues on
I gave the legal opinion that led to D.C. including transition related care in its health plans for D.C. government employees.
I was one of the top level leaders both in the field and in the legislative lobbying of the Maryland Coalition for Trans Equality, which pushed the Fairness for All Marylanders Act through the legislature (Maryland's ban on gender identity discrimination).
I am a trainer and advisor on trans* issues to local civil rights enforcement agencies in two jurisdictions.
It goes on and on and on for about a page and a half. It includes no awards. I've been offered some, but I've declined them all. See above regarding the things you cannot talk about. Accepting awards would just be another way of bringing attention on myself that would further damage my chances at getting hired. And even at that length, I am still not covering all the bullet points. I realized today, for example, that I needed to include briefing foreign delegations from Latin America on the state of transgender rights in the U.S.
I really want to be able to say to people that I did some good for others and that I still am doing so. But unfortunately, doing good in this case means doing things that I can't talk about. I am back to not being able to say things. Like not being able to mention my Halloween prank.
Can anyone relate to the notion of things they can't share and wish they could?
During my transitional days, it used to hurt horribly inside not to tell other people certain things about myself. They knew I was trans*. But I still had to be careful with people. For example, I could not tell them about the time I pranked an IHOP on Halloween by showing up in guy mode after work and asking them, "what do you think of my Halloween costume? Would you believe I was a guy?" and had a transguy friend show up in girl mode and ask them, "what do you think of my Halloween costume? Would you believe I was a girl?"
Now I find myself in that space of regretting the things I can't tell people again. I'm a lawyer. Law is an industry that is basically in collapse and it is exceedingly transphobic to boot. So if I put my trans* community activism on my resume, it is basically a guaranteed way to avoid getting most jobs. But the D.C. Office of Human Rights likes me and some of their folks are trying to get me hired into their office somehow. They asked me to put together a version of my resume that lists basically everything I've done on trans* issues. I can't talk about that stuff. So I spent a few days racking my brain and trying to come up with everything I could think of. It basically doubled the length of my resume. It covers three organizations I've been involved with. And I don't usually like to give people my resume because people get bent out of shape and call me a braggart when I just talk about my daily life, but here are a few of the things on it:
I have ten presentations and publications to my name within the last two years.
I was consulted on the first global communique to address reporting transgender issues on
I gave the legal opinion that led to D.C. including transition related care in its health plans for D.C. government employees.
I was one of the top level leaders both in the field and in the legislative lobbying of the Maryland Coalition for Trans Equality, which pushed the Fairness for All Marylanders Act through the legislature (Maryland's ban on gender identity discrimination).
I am a trainer and advisor on trans* issues to local civil rights enforcement agencies in two jurisdictions.
It goes on and on and on for about a page and a half. It includes no awards. I've been offered some, but I've declined them all. See above regarding the things you cannot talk about. Accepting awards would just be another way of bringing attention on myself that would further damage my chances at getting hired. And even at that length, I am still not covering all the bullet points. I realized today, for example, that I needed to include briefing foreign delegations from Latin America on the state of transgender rights in the U.S.
I really want to be able to say to people that I did some good for others and that I still am doing so. But unfortunately, doing good in this case means doing things that I can't talk about. I am back to not being able to say things. Like not being able to mention my Halloween prank.
Can anyone relate to the notion of things they can't share and wish they could?
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say
Post by: suzifrommd on March 10, 2015, 08:48:16 AM
Post by: suzifrommd on March 10, 2015, 08:48:16 AM
I can relate. Not so much for trans, since for some reason I haven't been subject to the sort of discrimination you've seen. But I've been in lots of social and professional situations where I've been asked to keep a lid on stuff. When I was a software engineering supervisor, I always knew more about what was going on than I could talk about and it bothered me to have to be tight-lipped. Even some of my work here is beginning to chafe. I'm doing really interesting things that I've been asked not to discuss, even with other site members, whose feedback I'd really like.
As much as I hate this, it's much better than a few people I know, who can't keep a secret to save their lives. At least you and I can keep our mouths shut when we need to (you're better at that than I am).
As much as I hate this, it's much better than a few people I know, who can't keep a secret to save their lives. At least you and I can keep our mouths shut when we need to (you're better at that than I am).
Title: Re: Things you wish you could say
Post by: ThePhoenix on March 10, 2015, 09:03:00 AM
Post by: ThePhoenix on March 10, 2015, 09:03:00 AM
Quote from: suzifrommd on March 10, 2015, 08:48:16 AM
I can relate. Not so much for trans, since for some reason I haven't been subject to the sort of discrimination you've seen.
You're not a lawyer. That's probably a big part of why. :) I recognize that there are sensitivities around what you do. But your management and your profession as a whole are not as bigoted as mine. In the entire United States, I know of only two trans* attorneys whose careers have survived transition. The others have had been forced out of the industry, required to start solo practices with limited success because no one else would hire them, or limited to trans* specific work at LGBT orgs because no one else would hire them.
Quote
As much as I hate this, it's much better than a few people I know, who can't keep a secret to save their lives. At least you and I can keep our mouths shut when we need to (you're better at that than I am).
Well, again, you're not a lawyer so you're not accustomed to attorney-client confidentiality. :)
I will always respect confidentiality. But I'm getting tired of hiding and I'm to the point where I have little left to lose. So on my calendar of upcoming events is a presentation this summer at which the Wasington Post and other media are invited. This morning I got an email from someone asking if it would be okay to refer the New York Times to me for some stuff that's coming up. Up to this point, I have always turned the press away, but this time I said yes.