Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Allison_andrea on March 09, 2015, 10:26:41 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Introduction
Post by: Allison_andrea on March 09, 2015, 10:26:41 PM
Post by: Allison_andrea on March 09, 2015, 10:26:41 PM
Hello, my name is Allison. I am 39 and all be 40 before to long. I am a MtF and it has been a rocky path over the years.
I am finally coming to terms with who I am along with how to actually express or let others know. I will say that in many cases my feelings of being female goes back to when I was preteen. I can not say that it was age 6,8, or any other number as the reality is that I can not remember much of what I did at those ages. I know that when I was younger I always enjoyed being able to play house with my sister along with playing with her dolls.
I was raised in a middle to lower income class family, mom stayed home and dad worked. I participated in sports as a kid and enjoyed them. I was never the strongest or the fastest, I was the skinny tall kid that most made fun of because of the way I looked. I always wore collared shirts to school and I tried to always present myself as a very clean and well kept person.
I will say that my first time that I truly felt myself was in my teens when my aunt at the time helped me with a Halloween costume. I wanted to be a girl one year and asked if she would help. My aunt was very nice and accepted my request. I spent 3 weekends with her going to thrift shops and similar looking for an outfit and shoes for me to wear. I ended up with a black skirt, black and white top, and black pumps. The shoes had probably a 1" heel on them. The day of Halloween she did my make up and my hair. Prior to doing these she asked how much did I want to look like a girl and be one, I said I want to experience as much as I could, so she helped me shave my legs along with the little hair I had on my arms. I was in awe for probably 30 minutes as I just loved how soft my skin was and I just felt so good. When I got dressed, I wore a bra, panties, pantyhose, skirt, top, and heels. I also had a purse I carried along with me to finish the whole look. After that night, I could only see myself as a girl, and wanted to not change.
Now fast forward many years, I kept the aspect of being a girl behind and did what I could to be the best I could for my parents. I enlisted in the Marine Corp and eventually got married. I did all the things I could to live a male life. There were times that imreallymwanted to let the real me out but was afraid to,say something as I figured it would hurt others. I kept all this locked up inside me and I am still fighting in many aspects as I have on,yo told a very few people so far. I am now going through a divorce, and believe it or not it is not because I told her as I have not. We just grew apart, and I think that being who I am is the reason we grew apart.
I am now starting the process with meeting with a therapist to begin my journey. I am both nervous and excited as I know this journey will have many ups and downs, and that is just something that I will have to deal with. I also know that there are plenty out there who,are happy to help and I wil be looking for that as time comes.
I hope that I will become someone that can contribute and maybe one day help another as they progress.
I am finally coming to terms with who I am along with how to actually express or let others know. I will say that in many cases my feelings of being female goes back to when I was preteen. I can not say that it was age 6,8, or any other number as the reality is that I can not remember much of what I did at those ages. I know that when I was younger I always enjoyed being able to play house with my sister along with playing with her dolls.
I was raised in a middle to lower income class family, mom stayed home and dad worked. I participated in sports as a kid and enjoyed them. I was never the strongest or the fastest, I was the skinny tall kid that most made fun of because of the way I looked. I always wore collared shirts to school and I tried to always present myself as a very clean and well kept person.
I will say that my first time that I truly felt myself was in my teens when my aunt at the time helped me with a Halloween costume. I wanted to be a girl one year and asked if she would help. My aunt was very nice and accepted my request. I spent 3 weekends with her going to thrift shops and similar looking for an outfit and shoes for me to wear. I ended up with a black skirt, black and white top, and black pumps. The shoes had probably a 1" heel on them. The day of Halloween she did my make up and my hair. Prior to doing these she asked how much did I want to look like a girl and be one, I said I want to experience as much as I could, so she helped me shave my legs along with the little hair I had on my arms. I was in awe for probably 30 minutes as I just loved how soft my skin was and I just felt so good. When I got dressed, I wore a bra, panties, pantyhose, skirt, top, and heels. I also had a purse I carried along with me to finish the whole look. After that night, I could only see myself as a girl, and wanted to not change.
Now fast forward many years, I kept the aspect of being a girl behind and did what I could to be the best I could for my parents. I enlisted in the Marine Corp and eventually got married. I did all the things I could to live a male life. There were times that imreallymwanted to let the real me out but was afraid to,say something as I figured it would hurt others. I kept all this locked up inside me and I am still fighting in many aspects as I have on,yo told a very few people so far. I am now going through a divorce, and believe it or not it is not because I told her as I have not. We just grew apart, and I think that being who I am is the reason we grew apart.
I am now starting the process with meeting with a therapist to begin my journey. I am both nervous and excited as I know this journey will have many ups and downs, and that is just something that I will have to deal with. I also know that there are plenty out there who,are happy to help and I wil be looking for that as time comes.
I hope that I will become someone that can contribute and maybe one day help another as they progress.
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: ChiGirl on March 09, 2015, 10:54:30 PM
Post by: ChiGirl on March 09, 2015, 10:54:30 PM
Welcome, Allison. I, too, was just about to hit 40 when I started to accept myself. I, too, wss ready to divorce my wife when I came out to her. I just didn't want to lie anymore. To myself or to her. It's been tough, but we are actually closer emotionally. We still may separate, but at I know it won't be because of this. [emoji6]
We've all been there, trying to be the "man" we're expected to be. The important thing is that you can be true to yourself.
Welcome & hugs! Remember you are not alone.
Charlotte
We've all been there, trying to be the "man" we're expected to be. The important thing is that you can be true to yourself.
Welcome & hugs! Remember you are not alone.
Charlotte
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Ms Grace on March 09, 2015, 10:59:00 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on March 09, 2015, 10:59:00 PM
Hey Allison!
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Thanks for sharing your story - sounds like a pretty cool aunt! :)
Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...
Cheers
Grace
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Thanks for sharing your story - sounds like a pretty cool aunt! :)
Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Cheers
Grace
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: V M on March 09, 2015, 11:03:09 PM
Post by: V M on March 09, 2015, 11:03:09 PM
Hi Allison :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: mrs izzy on March 10, 2015, 12:01:08 AM
Post by: mrs izzy on March 10, 2015, 12:01:08 AM
Allison
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. :icon_paper:
Many article of news, wiki, links ,mine craft and chat
Safe passage on your path.
Je suis un être humain,
Hugs
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. :icon_paper:
Many article of news, wiki, links ,mine craft and chat
Safe passage on your path.
Je suis un être humain,
Hugs
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: gennee on March 10, 2015, 12:42:17 PM
Post by: gennee on March 10, 2015, 12:42:17 PM
Welcome to Susan's, Allison. A great introduction.
:)
:)
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Myarkstir on March 10, 2015, 03:27:46 PM
Post by: Myarkstir on March 10, 2015, 03:27:46 PM
Hey!
Welcome to Susan's.
Welcome to Susan's.
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Devlyn on March 10, 2015, 05:46:19 PM
Post by: Devlyn on March 10, 2015, 05:46:19 PM
Hi Allison, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Thank you for your service, you can sign in over
at our veterans thread: Roll Call (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,96755.0.html)
See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
at our veterans thread: Roll Call (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,96755.0.html)
See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Allison_andrea on March 10, 2015, 10:55:47 PM
Post by: Allison_andrea on March 10, 2015, 10:55:47 PM
I want to thank all of you for your warm welcome and it does mean a lot to see people actually read and comment on the post.
I will do my best to share my experiences as well as any aspects I learn so that others can benefit as I will be as well.
I will do my best to share my experiences as well as any aspects I learn so that others can benefit as I will be as well.