Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I suppose I am in a bit of a unique situation. I'm sort of well known both here and in society in Australia.

I've had some difficult conversations recently with women who have had surgery. Two very extensive and multiple, Goddess so brave.

All of them, and none are members BTW, are struggling with quite severe post surgical depression. It hit me that we have to be aware and to offer support for this. all of them are extremely embarrassed. This was their dream!

And the dream is a bit of a nightmare at the moment.
They all said that they would never mention their issues to other women in case they frightened them off from what they wanted to do. They also I think feel some 'shame' for stupid reasons.

Let us be aware of this and please, ladies who need support here, just ask.

There is nothing wrong in being depressed!

Cindy

I need to emphasize what Cindy said. I'm usually a cheerful sort, not prone to depression, but I got hit hard for a couple of months. Largely past it, thank heaven, but pretty bad for someone who thought it wouldn't happen to me.

If this is happening to you, please reach out.

Cindy, I sometimes wonder if it's OK to ask more about why folks are depressed. Does it make it worse to ask about the "why", or should we limit ourselves to just being emotionally supportive?

Like for GCS, someone might be depressed because of one or more of the following:

• after effects of general anesthesia, which can get worse as we age
• general trauma of a major surgery, and feeling like crap for a long time afterward
• fear that the new parts won't be attractive or functional when they are healed
• panic that maybe they just made a huge mistake
• emotional letdown that many people get after achieving a big goal ("so now what?")

It seems like the conversation might go differently for each of the above. Also, some of these are potentially triggering for other readers, so I suppose a trigger warning would be appropriate?

Maybe I'm just analyzing this way too much...

Quote from: Eveline on March 10, 2015, 10:31:46 AM
Cindy, I sometimes wonder if it's OK to ask more about why folks are depressed. Does it make it worse to ask about the "why", or should we limit ourselves to just being emotionally supportive?

For me it was a combination of things. Mostly that I'd put my issues on hold because there was so much involved in making the surgery happen and in the early aftercare, that once I'd put the nasty stuff behind me, I suddenly had to deal with the reality of my separation, isolation, etc. Plus the surgery totally changed my sexual orientation and I needed to figure out what that meant for me.

None of it had to do with the physical effects of surgery or concern about my new body parts (which are wonderful).

I'm trying to pinpoint my depression causes, and the best I can come up with is that I have nothing else to aim for. I think of the items in my checklist:
Come out - check
Divorce and buy new house - check
Change name, drivers licence - check
Electrolysis - check
Tracheal shave - check
Find a job - check
Come out at church - check
Find a partner willing to put up with me lol - check
GRS - check
Change name on birth certificate and remaining documents - check

What motivated me in 2007 through last year was "just one more step", but I have no more steps. No motivation.
It's way too easy to say just live life.
My mindset is always to be striving towards a goal.

Ugh

Ladies, please correct me if I'm wrong because I'm looking at this from the F to M side. There can be a lot of swelling after surgery that is not only uncomfortable but makes the "new parts" look a bit warped. If someone is expecting to come out of surgery looking like the pictures of others they have studied, it would be a let down.

There is also the fact that as much as the surgery is good, there can be a lot of pain post op. People have very different reactions to pain and varying tolerances too it. If someone has spent months going from one surgery to the next, all of which were painful post op, I could easily see how depression would be the result.

With easy access to the net and before and after photos available, its hard not to have expectations of what someone will look like. Different surgeons have their own way of doing things not to mention we all have unique bodies to begin with. A couple of years ago, I looked at before and after photos of F to Ms and saw how realistic they looked compared to me. That sparked some pretty deep disappointment and depression.

Another factor may be the support the individual has from close friends and family. If the family had a bad reaction to the news, then the individual probably had to go through all those surgeries alone and feeling guilty because their family won't accept them. We like to think our parents will love us regardless of who we are, but sadly, that isn't always the case. The same goes for friends. Having close friends that leave you just because you transitioned, ignoring the fact that you are the same person inside can be devestating.

Because so many of us were and are so happy with being able to transition and loving the fact that we are finally in the right body, its easy to forget that some people are having problems after surgery instead of euphoria. Thank you Cindy, for reminding us that there are people who need emotional support and encouragement.

sam1234

I have yet to blessed with grs, but in one of the groups that I meet with a very dear friend was very depressed last year, after many hours of going through many issues that had been triggering her, it was very plain to see that for me that physically my grs next year will help the issues that are impacting my dysphoria with my body. My concern is that I have so many other things that have also created triggers of all sizes and places. social boundries that may be percieved or real, work relations in a facility of 600 with a 25 year history most of which I spent in an male role. physical limitations that are developing, new laws and standards yet to be imposed, the fact that more than half of my family has not spoken to me since I was re-born. so many things have changed in my life. I drove a car sober and straight for the first time three years ago. my views are a living thing as my life becomes clear or foggy they adjust. the days I am not distracted or depressed are truly a blessing and much more frequent than ever in my life but do they really ever just stop being like that. likely not for anyone I just hope that we can offer help when needed to each and everyone of us. regardless of we just starting on our journey or miles on our pathes. and tha everyone should feel that someone here could help if they take a moment to speak up and hold a hand out

Jerri

I think that there is a major factor that hasn't been mentioned. This is the biggest goal and objective of our lifetimes. For many of us it is all consuming. For that reason, no plans are made for after the final procedures. I know we don't think it, but we just don't go live happily ever after.

I think it is important to have a bucket list that includes all of your other interests besides the surgery goals. If you are working on those in tandem, you'll still have them after surgery.

I sort of ran into this after my surgery. I did have a job and went through a couple more until I lost my past, but other than work, I had lost my other interests in life. So after figuring out why I felt down, I did prepare a bucket list that should have lasted a lifetime. I finished in 2009. I must make a new one.

Chin up!
Cindi

Keeping depression bottled up is no good for the individual in question or your friends and family. Like Cindi mentions, post-surgical goals pale in comparison to the major events GCS are in our lives. Hiding how we feel is not going to help us find new goals, but family and friends who understand just might. I for one will be looking to my family, friends and martial arts community for help and new goals after any surgeries.

All good points. Depression can rear it's head for many reasons.

Expectations can be a major component of disappointment, set them too high and the results will usually be a let down.

As for feeling deflated once a major goal has been achieved, I guess the thing is to realise that GRS can be a destination along the journey, not the final stop... life goes on afterwards so plan for it. :)

Don't be ashamed if depressed, please share and get support.

I posted the following on my blog a while back.  I think some of it applies here.  This is only one side of the coin in regards to what you are talking about.  But something I personally (in my geographical location) see from the TS community:




There are many ways of offering support online in posting the truth to someone, giving a wake up call, offering hard advice (but the hard truth), and being supportive.

There are also those who post things that are unnecessary, hurtful, or trying to stir the pot. I am not sure if it is because of their own issues and insecurities, or because they are generally unhappy.

However there is no Cookie cutter transition. EACH individuals transition is different.

What may work for Girl A is different for Girl B, C, and D.

With that said, it worries me that so many girls (a few on the forums, but many on other groups) look at surgery as the "CURE ALL". Once they get the magic vagina everything will work right in your life.

SRS is a dream come true for anyone able to get it. However what worries me is that misconception that it will fix everything for you.

For example. Many would say that because I am pre-op that my relationship won't last. That I am with a "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-". Or might say that statistically these types of relationships don't last. Others say it isn't right to have a Significant other until you are fully transitioned because you will always be "insert whatever here".

I think before getting the magic vagina that we first and foremost be happy with the person we are on the inside. That we love ourselves fully.

That doesn't mean you have to love your genitalia, but you need to accept that you have a journey you must go on, for whatever reason. If you are lucky it may be a short one, or it could be long. Regardless you are on a journey.

I want to use an example. I have a local friend I will call "Tammy". Tammy is Pre-Op M2F. She refuses to be in a relationship because no man could EVERY love her as long as there is a penis between her legs. That she isn't yet good enough for a relationship. Once she has a Vagina, she will be perfect.

I see a problem with that. What is or isn't between a woman's legs should never matter. It is about you, the person. I find this journey beautiful. I honestly look in the mirror and love the person I see.

Sure I look at certain parts and hate what I see, but I know that ONE DAY. That will be complete.

I know that my fiance, loves ME. The person I am, my personality, my kindness, my jokes, my laugh, the feel of my skin, my smell, my long hair, my MORALS, my outlook on life.

Because I know he loves me, I know he also loves everything that is or is not between my legs. If I get the magic vagina, he will be happy, in love, and supportive.

If I don't get the magic vagina, he will be happy, in love, and supportive.

It isn't about the genitalia. It isn't about the "perception, or sexual/kink". It is about ME as a Person, on the inside.

I had to learn to love myself. And it was not a easy journey.

I lost my family, most of my friends, jobs, and previous loves al l because I was unhappy, and chasing these perception of wholeness.

It took having nothing and no one, to realize that I didn't need all of them, or the Magic Vagina to be happy. I had everything I needed within myself.

So I quit being the victim. I held my head high, and accepted the fact that I DESERVED respect, and to live MY life the way I saw fit.

That is when I started being perceived as others around me as a woman. This was pre hormones, and even with a BIT of stubble, but long hair I was being called ma'am, instead of the sir I was getting a few weeks before. What had changed? Nothing but my perception and attitude.

Now I don't worry if I pass. I KNOW I do. I don't worry about my nose being too large. I know other women who have larger ones. I don't freak about a BIT of stubble on the side of my face between appointments because I know a LOT of women who have the same thing that are Natural Born Women with the Magic Vagina already installed. I AM a woman. The presence or absence of the Magic Vagina doesn't really matter, because it is really already there.

I know who I am, I know where I am going in my life. I know who I am going there with.

I know that this is easier said than done. I am also not pointing the finger at anyone here. Just thought it helpful to share my personal insight.

I think that is the main reason I don't have to go to therapy. There were no milestones for me to meet, no one to "come out to". I had realized LONG ago my family could never be supportive, and that wasn't MY problem. It was there's. I quit caring what people thought of me, or wanted a long time ago, and have focused on ME for a while now.

I think that is another reason I love being in love. Because I now have someone to focus on, and do little things for to improve their day. And what is so amazing is I daily get that back. Unconditional love is truly amazing. Having someone see the REAL me, and not the work in progress, but someone who can see the insecurity, and imperfections, and yet still look at me and see perfection.

Yes. Our mind is too big, too complex, and too diverse to be determined by SRS. So many factors determine the happiness or depression of a person, and it varies with time and space.

barbie~~

As someone who have been through the process. I have been by the side of many girls in this end process.

I find it is a struggle for some.

Expectations...... As with anything with transition some I fell rush way to fast to a end point. They really are not ready.

GCS is hard. It truly is a long, long period of time before you start feeling like a real person.

Some shorter then others can happen.

BUT you will just need to do the time.

Need to do the time as in anything in transition.

Stop looking for magic, none of transition is magic it is lots of therapy hours finding who you truly are to heal the person you where forced to suppress.

Expectations will kill us, living towards healing from transition is where we need the focus.

Neo vagina is not a magic fix but can be for some. GCS is a step in the process to wellbeing.

I hat to see others struggle but we can hold there hands after the fact. In the end it comes to the choices of how one walks there path in transition, some should not force anything.

Not force anything.

Hugs to all who need it...

Imo this could also be a hormonal thing. Men and women who have had operations on testes or ovaries report depressions, and also menopausal women.
A still high estrogen dose, combined with bioidentical progesterone and maybe even a low dose of testosterone might be an idea... topical or best via implants, oral might give a spike and a low some hours later... many menopausal women reported some relief, imo this should be talked through with the endo...

This post has been very insightful and informative so far. IF all goes well, I plan to have GRS next year and it is nice to know about some of the pitfalls. I'll surely have to be careful seeing that I do suffer from depression.

Good to know that all the support is still here.

Huggs

Maegan

FWIW, the first thing I did when I got home was to put go shop for a bikini, a nice bright yellow one I found. I walked like a duck but no one noticed as far as I could tell. I got home to my apartment, put it on, and went out and lay by the pool for an hour. It was during work hours so no one was there. I did this every day and it felt MARVELOUS. There are things we've always dreamed of that you can do to keep yourself from getting into the doldrums.

When I went back to work, it was really tough. They had figured out what I had done and that was taboo as far as they were concerned. Between dilating in the restroom and facing down the president every day who wanted to fire me, it was indeed a serious challenge. But that yellow bikini waited for me every day and boy, did I get a lot of use out of it!

Cindi

What great comments.

Two of the girls went against there therapists advice and went to Thailand and got signed off by the in-house psych. I've got a feeling that maybe good therapists should be listened too with a more open mind than - bloody gatekeepers.

When I went for my surgery my psych asked if I would like to come and see her 7 weeks after surgery (there was no requirement), I asked why and she said I like to see my transwomen about that time and my natal women who give birth at about the same interval because that is when depression can set in.

I think there are some other points and they have been raised. GRS is a dream for so many and it will make us 'right' but it doesn't take away all of the other baggage we may carry. That has to be dealt with.

Secondly, as my surgeon empathised continually, GRS will not make you more feminine or more of a woman. You are a woman now. Surgery is massive and recovery and maintenance a grind on your life. You have to be aware of that and to be ready for changes in your life and routine that will be foreign and probably more than you ever expected.

I do think that it is very important for post op women to stay on the site. If they are unhappy the support is here for them. There is no criticism that 'whoops' I may have made a mistake or any reason not to say, Hey I feel bad or sad and want to talk. Just as there is no issue with women who decide they do not want surgery for any reason whatsoever.

Indeed I think it is critical that both groups discuss issues so that women contemplating surgery have a full perspective that they may not get anywhere else.

I want to share some of what my experience with surgeries has been:

I have had surgery that I later regreted. There are many layers that can happen after. A quick run down:

As a college student who was both hard of hearing and in a music program, I thought I needed to improve my hearing to follow my dreams. So I had an implant attached to my skull that would anchor a hearing aid. Yes, the procedure and to this day I use the aid regularly. Had I the choice to do it again, I would have not had surgery, since it has now become for me a sybol of brokeness that I was told I was, but I now know I'm not.

I went through anger, sadness, worry, and other emotions all over a little 6 mm metal peg sticking out the side of my head.

I could have gone in and had them saw it off, returned to bilateral "typical" hearing aids, and lesser hearing. I chose not to for the simple fact that it's less hassle and pain and recovery to use what I have. I have been asked if I would do the other ear as well. Tha was a vehement NO. One is more than enough.

GCS is far more major than that, and in that light I understand the reasoning behind needing psychologists involved in such major surgery as GCS. I hesitate to call it elective surgery since so many of the trans community would (and have) committed suicide rather than not be able to fully transition. In that way it's life-threatening not to have the surgery. However, in the sense that not transitioning does not threaten the physical being's existence, it is elective, yet necesary for some. I have had life altering major surgery that was needed or else my lungs would have collapsed, crushed by the severity of my scoliotic curves. I do not regret it, despite the rather large amounts of pain it caused and causes.

In surgery my brother contracted a virus that weakend his heart, which in the end was what killed him. Of the many times he was "on the table" that was the last thing we expected. We expected him to have a shorter lifespan because he might only be able to survive on dialysis for so long. His heart - until he caught that damnable virus - was strong and was not at issue. His issues stemmed from a car accident that left him sterile and unable to relieve himself in the normal way. My brother had been operated on so many times that we lost count. In the end, he was simply to tired to carry on and the pacemaker couldn't revive him.

Any time one has surgery, the surgeons are cutting into one's body, one's being. This can have life altering effects (both the expected and unexpected). Please, my friends, please attend to thoughts of surgery with caution and knowing all the risks and effects that can come of it (at least all that we can reasonably know).

That said, particularly where those who do feel it's surgery or suicide, chose surgery. You life is worth having pain, and if that pain needs to be the after effects of surgery instead of the effects of depression, then let it be the pain of surgery, which fades in time and can be dealt with far easier than the other.

This may be one of or THE best threads Ive ever read here and Ive read a lot :)

My thoughts... Im only a bit more than a year "full time" in that time HRT has been very good to me considering Im 46... I have $$$, I was VERY good at making it as a man... For at least 30 years Ive dreamed of doing what Im doing NOW ;) After what looks to be a very successful FFS and just being happier than Ive ever been I have no doubts SRS WILL HAPPEN for me .)

I have no doubt that second letter will be a formality and like I said its easier with money, it talks and makes the hoops easier to jump through...

I really liked chefskenzie post it echo's so much of the way I feel about this... Even pre op and with YEARS left to fully feminize I feel like you have to love yourself going in or shortly after.... Really no going back with the decision to embark on all this...  Ive had VFS and now FFS with one of the best docs you can pay... Yes its made a NICE difference for me but I feel like Ive laid down the fundamentals already that just make that icing on the cake  ;D

Ive to my amazement found plenty of BF's and new cis friends and even much better relations with family since I made my decision, its not nirvana but considering the alternatives.....

Maybe its just the afterglow of successful FFS but I feel more certain than ever this is right for me :)

Its easy for me to consider successful SRS to be the end and Ive thought of it that way I must admit but Im beginning to see that its just another step and it wont "make me a woman"... I feel like Id better have that worked out first!!!!

Im starting to see it as just an admittedly HUGE step on the way ;) It gets better every day here so far, even the bad days are valuable learning experiences ;)

From what I know now about this kind of surgery its gonna be no picnic recovering and possibly the worst recovery I can imagine...

I think that one should just think of it as a medical procedure that's necessary to live but unlike FFS or VFS its easy to hide that compared to overall looks and manners VS SRS ...

BUT I donno yet just how it will all feel, I sincerely thank all of you that are way ahead of me for your perspective  ;)

Two things:

This from Eva:

Its easy for me to consider successful SRS to be the end and Ive thought of it that way I must admit but Im beginning to see that its just another step and it wont "make me a woman"... I feel like Id better have that worked out first!!!!

Unquote

When I was due for surgery I started to have doubts. I posted to some of my friends here going at about the same time. One of my friends replied, and I will not identify her and this is my personal take on the matter from what she said.

I'm 62 and gorgeous. I have suffered chronic depression all my life from my TG issues. The last three years have been the happiest of my life. I am alive. I am me. I love my life. I am happy.

Why then take a procedure that may make me unhappy? At 62 how many years will I continue to dilate and maintain? I will never have (adopted) children and a family, so why? (sorry just my dream not anyone elses). You need to balance that.

I am not gong to say what my decision was, my private parts are .... my private parts :laugh: I got very upset at supportive work colleagues being interested in what I was going to do so I closed down both publicly and privately.

But we have to be very sure of what happiness and the future may bring.

This is not a process.

There is no path that says, OK for an MtF you get HRT, FFS, Trachea, VFS, GRS and a GPS so we know where you are (sorry). You do what YOU want. You are no more and no less a woman for it.

LoriLorenz raised a very good point. Some times we things fixed that maybe we don't need fixed, but we do from hope for something better. That sounds familiar.

He also raised the risk of serious surgery.

I also know the rates of success for GRS male to female surgery. We never see them reported here (legal reasons) OK the stats are ephemeral, just conversations,  yes I went to Dr X and yes I have 6 inch depth, as long as you want to be F by a pencil, was one. There was bitterness. Understandable.

We hear from girls on the ground going through surgery and their delight, pain and fortitude. Awesome girls.

When was the last time we had a 3 month post, a six month post etc?

I have to make sure that I am not knocking what many of us want, or have had but I do think this is a useful debate.

Cindy

(My comments in this thread are PO)

QuoteWe hear from girls on the ground going through surgery and their delight, pain and fortitude. Awesome girls.

When was the last time we had a 3 month post, a six month post etc?

I have to make sure that I am not knocking what many of us want, or have had but I do think this is a useful debate.

This is true, we don't hear that and they drop off of the net completely.... I like to think its because they are finally free from GD and just living... I tell myself I could see that but Im not so sure I'll admit... IF they weren't happy though the surgeons wouldn't have jobs.... I think my optimistic vision is possible for me anyway and likely most others ;)

Breaking long radio silence here... Those of you who read old posts will know I used to be a mod here a while back.

I'm 30 years, yes that was 30 years :o, post-op and very happy thank you. I'm also a third year medical student currently doing a surgical rotation.

I'm going to point something out that others seem to have forgotten. SRS is about a 4 to 5 hour procedure. That means around 6 hours under the influence of Haloflurane and Nox, a good healthy whack of barbiturate or midazolam, and for most of you a good dose of morphine for several days after.

Postsurgical depression is well known in the medical profession and it often comes on after a few months and lasts for 6 months or more. It's thought to be caused by the havoc the anaethesia does to your brain.

My guess is those in the first glow of completion get carried by the eurphoria, but then reality bites and the post anaesthetic depression kicks in. Now if you haven't been warned that you may feel like crap, its easy to make the mistaken assumption that this is an indication that you made a bad choice, and then you start with all the self doubt, probably even encouraged by the many in society who are desperate for this treatment to be seen to fail...

Reality is 30 years down the track life is great - I've had a 25 year marriage which ended when I was widowed last year, I've had foster kids, I've had a great career, and now I'm training to be a doctor! It really doesn't come any better.

So fear not - there may be a few for whom it isnt the right solution, but I think I would hope that they might have some notion of that beforehand. For those, like me, for whom it worked well, life is better than I could have ever imagined, and thats the truth.

Ok thats my twopence worth - I probably shan't post that often, but I wanted to share that.

Good to see you again, Jenny.   :)

Hugs, Devlyn (Tracey last time you were here?)

I really appreciate this thread with the positive (and negative) experiences.  I've had keyhole surgery before (bye bye gallbladder), and I don't fear the actual surgical procedure, but am terrified about the seemingly unpredictable results from SRS.  It must take a lot of courage and trust to take that step that I don't see myself having for a long long time.

Well truth is nothing is perfect. Most people do get a decent(ish) result...  as long as you don't go looking for perfection. I've had a good sex life. I am orgasmic, I would say the anatomy is reasonable... a doctor who was looking for it could probably work out what had been done, but to casual inspection its ok.

I chose to have the bare minimum of work – so just GCS nothing else, and frankly no one gives me a second glance. Now you can say I was lucky, or you can say I just went into it with my eyes open, and prepared to accept a few compromises. Either way the point is I'm a happy camper, and that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't screwed up my courage back in my early twenties and taken the plunge. (Also bear in mind surgery now is a lot more sophisticated than what I had.)

TLDR: Its glass half empty vs Glass half full kind of situation.

I honestly think that one reason I avoided severe post-op depression was that I did see my transition as finished years earlier, and the "what now?" had been dealt with long before. I expected GRS to fix one thing - my discomfort with my body - and it did that beautifully. I didn't expect it to cure any dissatisfaction with my life, make me a better person, etc.

(And I was operated on for a whopping 1.5 hours, plus Brassard uses a spinal and twilight sedation. I heard enough horror stories about general anesthesia to have that be one of the selling points.)

Jenna Marie thats really amazing Brassard can do that in 1.5 hours :o Ive heard 2.5 hours for Brassard and other surgeons take 4-6 hours... I wonder how he can do it so fast and deliver what appear to be results as good or better than other docs who take longer???  He's the one Ive chosen and this detail kinda bothers me :-\

Quote from: Rejennyrated on March 13, 2015, 11:29:42 AM
Breaking long radio silence here... Those of you who read old posts will know I used to be a mod here a while back.

I'm 30 years, yes that was 30 years :o, post-op and very happy thank you. I'm also a third year medical student currently doing a surgical rotation.

I'm going to point something out that others seem to have forgotten. SRS is about a 4 to 5 hour procedure. That means around 6 hours under the influence of Haloflurane and Nox, a good healthy whack of barbiturate or midazolam, and for most of you a good dose of morphine for several days after.

Postsurgical depression is well known in the medical profession and it often comes on after a few months and lasts for 6 months or more. It's thought to be caused by the havoc the anaethesia does to your brain.

My guess is those in the first glow of completion get carried by the eurphoria, but then reality bites and the post anaesthetic depression kicks in. Now if you haven't been warned that you may feel like crap, its easy to make the mistaken assumption that this is an indication that you made a bad choice, and then you start with all the self doubt, probably even encouraged by the many in society who are desperate for this treatment to be seen to fail...

Reality is 30 years down the track life is great - I've had a 25 year marriage which ended when I was widowed last year, I've had foster kids, I've had a great career, and now I'm training to be a doctor! It really doesn't come any better.

So fear not - there may be a few for whom it isnt the right solution, but I think I would hope that they might have some notion of that beforehand. For those, like me, for whom it worked well, life is better than I could have ever imagined, and thats the truth.

Ok thats my twopence worth - I probably shan't post that often, but I wanted to share that.

This is great information!  Years ago I went into surgery for jaw surgery.  It was planned (to lengthen and widen my jaw).  It was almost 5 hours!  For several months after, I was in a major slump, which was unusual and I had no idea why.  Now I do.  I just wish I would have known about it back then.

Eva : It's pretty easy to answer, actually (I asked). He works with a full partner, apparently unlike most other surgeons. They don't typically reveal who did which bit of a specific patient, but the general consensus is that Brassard does all the fine detail work and Belanger does much of the rest.  And hey, less time under = less risk, so you have that as an advantage.

I'm still boggled that they managed it in 1.5 hours for me, but my wife swears that's how long it was between being told I was going in and finding out I was in recovery. Maybe they were extra efficient that day?

Anyway, if it sets your mind at ease, they did a fantastic job. ;)

Thanks actually I see it as a plus that Dr Belanger works with Dr Brassard... I mean I like the idea of a woman being involved with it, it sure cant hurt  ;)  I dont care who does what as long as its successful in the end... I guess two could do things faster and better than one as well but Id think most of these docs have a team of the same surgical nurses assisting them... Thats the only thing that bothers me and when the time comes I know I'll be asking about it...  Like I said Ive made my choice to go to Montreal for a lot of reasons but its this one issue that bothers me...

Then again Dr Speigel was able to do my FULL FFS in only 5 hours and Ive heard of what Ive had done taking twice as long with other very reputable docs.... Im happy there so far so maybe its just a sign of competence and skill they can get it done so fast :-\ Thanks ;)

Eva : Well, it's one thing to have a team of nurses and another to have a partner surgeon. If they each do half the work, then that 1.5-3 hours is the equivalent of 3-6 person hours (two people = twice the work done per hour), which is a lot closer to typical. :) I also agree that competence seems to lead to efficiency and therefore speed.

April 15 will mark 41 years (post-op) for me. I was in such a bad state in my early 20s that I simply wasn't going to survive much longer without SRS. For me, SRS was the END of transition and what came after was just "girls' life" with all the same ups and downs that any other young woman faced. I ran face first into sexism but carved out my career anyway. I learned that  safety, for a girl, is a more tenuous thing and is something you have to think about and I learned that true romance is very illusive. Life was no bed of roses but at least I didn't wear a trans label and nobody thought twice about me (at least not in a bad way). To paraphrase another old saying, 'the worst day after SRS was better than the best day before SRS'.

The state of the arts in 1974 was pretty primitive compared to later surgeries but it was good enough! I was pretty wild the first few years and nobody ever suspected. Fortunately I had a nice natural shape and was fairly good-looking so I was quite popular in my  20s - a blessed relief from being "a freak" for so many years before.

I didn't honestly suffer from post-operative depression. I had fought so long and so hard to achieve SRS that I was simply euphoric for months, if not YEARS afterwards. Living on the edge of death was like being a prisoner at Auschwitz, never knowing if you were going to live one more day, so SRS was like being liberated!

I'm gonna do everything I can to be in this best possible shape mentally and physically for surgery. I know myself very well and I just might slip into post op depression since I hate being bed ridden and feeling like I'm helpless but If I'm at my best then I know ill be able to stave off any depression that will come my way. I have a strong support system here too so I'm pretty sure I'll be alright.

Hey Northern Jane thank you for posting your experiences! I really appreciate your insight <3

Being preop right now is limiting a lot of things I want to do with my life. I'm tired of feeling and being restricted cause of this. This disconnect that I still have with my body is a terrible feeling. What's worst is that I get the phantom limb sensations a lot down there. It was the same thing prehrt when I didn't have breasts. Once I finally got my breasts, I hadn't ever felt so right in my body but yet still not totally feeling quite right, not until I have grs that is

I think it is important, this is not an anti surgery thread. Indeed the opposite. It is thinking about you and of a process that many may be induced into, that is the issue.

There is no reason at all to do something because other women want too.

Just thoughts

C

I've mentioned much of my past in other threads. But not all. I had my surgery 28 years ago. When I woke up through the haze of anesthesia, my first thought was "Oh, my! What have I done?" and then I put my hand between my legs and even though there were many bandages there, I felt smoothness. A wave of happiness spread through me like a spring breeze and I fell asleep. I have NEVER regretted having surgery. I went alone. My family did not know. I did not want them to. I knew they would do everything in their power to stop it.

I went to Trinidad, CO because back then, that was pretty much THE place to go. And as I traveled there on the plane, I cried because I felt so alone in my life. Yes I had friends here in California and two of them still stay in contact. But my family was dead set against me. I had been disowned, excommunicated from my church, run out of my job.... the list goes on and on. The loneliness on the trip out there put me in a deep state of depression. It wasn't until I saw Dr. Biber that day for the preop interview that my spirit changed. He was such a decent and kind man and he sent my spirit soaring. I became excited.

Since that time, I have had a wonderful career. The first three jobs were extremely difficult because they eventually found out about my past and held it against me. Back then, people were just getting used to gay people but they could not put their heads around the transgendered. Still, I've had challenging and rewarding work. I made a good salary and had a good life.

I got married in 1992 to a man who told me he loved me even more for telling him the truth on our second date. We had some good times. He left me last September on our 22nd anniversary for another woman. He did mention in his hate rage that he needed a "real woman." I'm not sure that was the real reason though. He got into biking and it was not my thing. Additionally, I'm not bringing home a big salary anymore. As I look back on our marriage, I can see that his was a marriage of convenience. I made a lot of money, brought some sense of respectability to his life, and he obtained many things he would have never had. In other words, he used me. It's all extremely easy to see that he was a sociopath (not violent) who used the well until it dried up and then moved on to another. However, with all that said, we did have some very good years together. I did truly love him and still do. I can forgive him. But this story is so common even among other people that it doesn't stand out. It's just part of the rich tapestry of life.

So, now I'm 59 years old. I didn't think I'd live past 30 when I had the issues with GID. I did attempt suicide twice before my transition. I'm thrilled I failed. I truly have had a wonderful life so far. In fact, I've had two lives rolled into one! I've had marvelous experiences working in the computer field. I designed stuff that everyone still uses. I learned to hang glide. I backpacked half the Sierra Range. I learned to design and build telescopes. In fact, I actually have groupies at astronomy events (now that's a hoot). I performed with our local symphony orchestra for ten years as a cellist (I also play bass in rock bands from time to time). In other words, life is rich.

Life presents so many challenges and rewards. I'm happy to have my life and I'm grateful that I lived in a time when I could correct my "birth defect." I'm still in the middle of a divorce so I don't know where my life will lead me. But I am working on some new novels. I've already published three so far. I suspect I'll continue to perform music somewhere. And for what it is worth, I am now finally getting back with my family. They have learned to deal with this. My immediate family have now accepted me unconditionally. They use my legal name and the correct pronouns. My children are finally starting to communicate. Life is getting better.

You often don't hear much from transgendered people after surgery because we want to disappear into normal society. Most of us don't want to be known as "trans." We want to be recognized as typical men and women. But I think  that it is important that for all of you on this most difficult road, that GRS (or whatever it is called these days.... it was SRS when I went through it) is just another hill to climb on our trek. There will be others. There will be meadows, streams, waterfalls, and difficult climbs on your life's path. But you can have a wonderful and fulfilling life.

My best to all of you going through this.

Chin up!
Cindi