Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi, so around a year ago I got my first tattoo, during the appointment my tattoo artist made a sex change joke, both me and my friend who was with me are transmen and it felt like getting stabbed in the chest with a knife when we heard that joke. Neither of us said anything at the time. Anyways, I've since gotten over 2k worth of tattoos from him, but that sex change joke has always stayed in my head causing me pain, and since I came out to him as trans hes been supportive and im grateful for that, but it doesnt change the fact he made a sex change joke.

So were now fb friends because weve gotten to know each other a bit from all the tattoo appointments but that joke has always bothered me so I sent him a fb message about it. I told him I wanted him to know I was still totally comfortable getting tattooed by him and still consider him an ally, but wanted him to know that those jokes have a long lasting impact on trans people. I tried to be as polite as possible. Do you think it was right of me to confront him about it this long after it happened? Now that i've sent him that message I feel like that joke doesn't cause me pain anymore.

Glad you were able to speak with him in the end. It's not easy to speak up with this kind of stuff, because it can lead to uncomfotable situations. The biggest positive I can think of here is that maybe he will think twice before making such jokes in the future, in which case you just might have saved another trans person from the pain you have felt over it.

Sounds like you handled it well. The main thing is that you did what you needed to do for yourself: addressed something you cared about and that was causing you pain. You did it in a non-confrontational way, so it shouldn't affect your interactions with this guy, and the chances are pretty good that you've actually educated him -- especially it as sounds like he's basically well-meaning.

Good job.

What was important is that you got it off your chest. There is not doubt in my mind that he forgot it but if it makes you feel better than that is all that matters.

Hey, you did the right thing! I hope he responds adequately and you can sort things out.

Keeping things in can be seriously detrimental to your mental heath. If letting it out made you feel better about things then it was the right thing to do. :)

I've had to do this so many times. Sometimes straight away and others after having time to think and calm down. Tysilio is right, it is very good that you did this so that you could move on. I'm glad that it worked and hopefully he will think twice before making those kinds of jokes. Most of the people I've talked to have.

You know, talking politely and from a perspective of educating someone shouldn't be a problem at all.
The only issue I'd see, is if you interacted with them from a mightier-than-thou standpoint.

I'm glad you could talk to him about it, it's important to let people know that these things aren't great jokes. Save the offensive jokes for your friends who you know aren't going to be hurt by it. Keep them away from your career and professional life.

Quote from: Taius on March 13, 2015, 12:32:36 AM
You know, talking politely and from a perspective of educating someone shouldn't be a problem at all.
The only issue I'd see, is if you interacted with them from a mightier-than-thou standpoint.

I'm glad you could talk to him about it, it's important to let people know that these things aren't great jokes. Save the offensive jokes for your friends who you know aren't going to be hurt by it. Keep them away from your career and professional life.

yeah i tried to be very nice and not sound condescending and i acknowledged i appreciate his support