Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: LoriLorenz on March 14, 2015, 01:11:31 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Some personal relief.
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 14, 2015, 01:11:31 AM
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 14, 2015, 01:11:31 AM
So, Dad and I were out for dinner and coffee and such (somewhat regular occurence, since he's been awesome at helping me out with rides to dentist/doctors etc). Over Tim Horton's donuts (What else would Canadians do for dessert???) we were talking about a bunch of stuff and he basically asked what makes me SURE I'm male inside? I think I finally got it through his head that I feel this way, and not just from the possible medical standpoint, but the socio-emotional and spiritual side of things.
As I see it:
Up until today, he has more or less insisted (gently and not meaning to hurt) that I will "always be his daughter". I get that, and I'm of the mindset that yes, up until last year, I was outwardly essentially female, since I accepted the outer shell as supposedly reflecting the inner. I think he understands now that until now we've been using the wrong mirror and the inside doesn't reflect the outside, but the outside SHOULD reflect the inside and in my case it does not.
I'm educating him about things like PAIS and CAIS and Turner's and all the little ins and outs. He has said that he will likely need reminding, but I get the sense he understands better now.
As I see it:
- my mentality has always been masculine
- my mannerisms and subconscious behaviours have been masculine
- and most important (for him and myself) my spirit is masculine.
Up until today, he has more or less insisted (gently and not meaning to hurt) that I will "always be his daughter". I get that, and I'm of the mindset that yes, up until last year, I was outwardly essentially female, since I accepted the outer shell as supposedly reflecting the inner. I think he understands now that until now we've been using the wrong mirror and the inside doesn't reflect the outside, but the outside SHOULD reflect the inside and in my case it does not.
I'm educating him about things like PAIS and CAIS and Turner's and all the little ins and outs. He has said that he will likely need reminding, but I get the sense he understands better now.
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: Ms Grace on March 14, 2015, 02:12:43 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on March 14, 2015, 02:12:43 AM
It's good that he's talking with you about it, gives you a good chance of him coming around eventually and seeing you as his son.
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: Taius on March 14, 2015, 06:35:20 AM
Post by: Taius on March 14, 2015, 06:35:20 AM
Oh this is fantastic! Congrats! :D
This is one of those moments where I'd say it's a huge breakthrough, to notice that he's really considering the introspective lines of thought regarding transitioning.
This is one of those moments where I'd say it's a huge breakthrough, to notice that he's really considering the introspective lines of thought regarding transitioning.
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 16, 2015, 10:25:56 PM
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 16, 2015, 10:25:56 PM
Told Mom about being Trans today. She was very cool about it. Told me she had always seen me as more a-sexual, though she did notice my moods tended to swing like my sisters, just not as extreme. OK, I can deal with that. Mom's a nurse, so we were able to hash out some of the more medically oriented things.
What I was more dissapointed with was her trying to push me away from my faith. :/ I've always been very much into my faith and that's not going to change, but she thinks that I can try other Christian denominations (aside from Catholic) and still be happy... Personally I feel that's a NO for me, but I didn't say that to her since I think she's trying to help me find ways to be happy.
So, only one direct family member still to notify, well two... My sister and her older daughter (the younger is only 3 so... meh) Sis hasa a newborn in the house, so not overly concerned about telling her yet.
My allies grow in numbers. :)
What I was more dissapointed with was her trying to push me away from my faith. :/ I've always been very much into my faith and that's not going to change, but she thinks that I can try other Christian denominations (aside from Catholic) and still be happy... Personally I feel that's a NO for me, but I didn't say that to her since I think she's trying to help me find ways to be happy.
So, only one direct family member still to notify, well two... My sister and her older daughter (the younger is only 3 so... meh) Sis hasa a newborn in the house, so not overly concerned about telling her yet.
My allies grow in numbers. :)
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: sam1234 on March 18, 2015, 01:27:22 PM
Post by: sam1234 on March 18, 2015, 01:27:22 PM
That's great! Telling the parents is always a huge step. Especially if you are living at home and have to face the results of your news daily.
For parents, it seems like a process, not unlike for ourselves. Even if you always felt masculine, there comes a point where you have to decide to follow those feelings and it can take a while. Even if it takes a couple years or more for your Dad to stop thinking of you as his little girl, at some point, he probably will.
I hope you are feeling much better after not only telling your parents, but not having them turn away from you or try to change what you are feeling. As for your faith, that is a very personal thing and I'm glad you are sticking to your guns.
sam1234
For parents, it seems like a process, not unlike for ourselves. Even if you always felt masculine, there comes a point where you have to decide to follow those feelings and it can take a while. Even if it takes a couple years or more for your Dad to stop thinking of you as his little girl, at some point, he probably will.
I hope you are feeling much better after not only telling your parents, but not having them turn away from you or try to change what you are feeling. As for your faith, that is a very personal thing and I'm glad you are sticking to your guns.
sam1234
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 18, 2015, 03:58:26 PM
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 18, 2015, 03:58:26 PM
Thanks, yes, it's definitely a relief to not have that hanging over my head anymore, but thankfully it didn't impact my day-to-day overmuch, since I'm 32 and well out of the house. Right now there's a certain reliance on the old folks, because od pain/disability issues, but I've been living independant of the 'rents for years.
My faith has been my strongest companion for years, I'm not about to give that up! :D I understand where Mom comes from, she didn't grow up with any real faith and only identifies as Catholic because that's what she became when she married Dad. She feels it's ok to dabble, whereas I have studied at Catholic college at the Master's level... not gonna go wandering off just yet ;)
My faith has been my strongest companion for years, I'm not about to give that up! :D I understand where Mom comes from, she didn't grow up with any real faith and only identifies as Catholic because that's what she became when she married Dad. She feels it's ok to dabble, whereas I have studied at Catholic college at the Master's level... not gonna go wandering off just yet ;)
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: sam1234 on March 19, 2015, 01:59:32 AM
Post by: sam1234 on March 19, 2015, 01:59:32 AM
Sorry about your pain issues. Unfortunately I can relate to that. Kind of hard to have to rely on the parents for help.
Although I don't subscribe to any particular religion, except that i stay within Christianity, faith can really get you through some rough times. It gives meaning to life and a purpose for both the good and the bad.
sam1234
Although I don't subscribe to any particular religion, except that i stay within Christianity, faith can really get you through some rough times. It gives meaning to life and a purpose for both the good and the bad.
sam1234
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: aleon515 on March 19, 2015, 11:27:02 AM
Post by: aleon515 on March 19, 2015, 11:27:02 AM
The MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) and the UCC (United Church of Christ) are very accepting (mostly, there are exceptions), I'm not sure your parents would approve either one of them. MCC is a "gay" church and UCC has a very liberal reputation. There's also Unitarian, though that's not actually a Christian church, even marginally.
I'm just throwing these out there. There are a few others out there.
I transitioned and went to a UCC church, where they knew me before. A couple ladies in their 70s-80s said "oh, you're transitioning". LOL, no nobody is at all upset about and everyone addresses me appropriately. There are two trans women who go to this church.
--Jay
I'm just throwing these out there. There are a few others out there.
I transitioned and went to a UCC church, where they knew me before. A couple ladies in their 70s-80s said "oh, you're transitioning". LOL, no nobody is at all upset about and everyone addresses me appropriately. There are two trans women who go to this church.
--Jay
Title: Re: Some personal relief.
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 21, 2015, 12:54:24 AM
Post by: LoriLorenz on March 21, 2015, 12:54:24 AM
lol thanks Jay, parental consent is not even a factor in my choice of faith community. I will go back to the First Nations church where I have been very welcome for many years, once I'm able to handle it. :)