Susan's Place Transgender Resources

...Being stealth would lead to such awkward moments!

As for background, I'm in an internship at my friend's shop and we've known well before my transition and he's cool with it and all. He treats me as a guy etc. I sometimes do some jobs with his father, too and naturally we talk about all sorts of stuff. My friend told me that his parents don't actually recognize me despite seeing me many times pre-transition but they have asked if I've been to his shop as an intern before since I look familiar. Still, they can't connect the dots which is fine with me and pretty funny, too. :D

BUT one day I was chopping firewood (lol wut) with his father and while discussing about things, he asked when I was born. Naturally, I said I was born in 1990 meaning I'm turning 25 this year. Then he asked where I had done my military service.

...YOWCH.

Now you may not know it but we have conscription in Finland for men starting from age 18 and since my legal gender has changed, the conscription applies to me as well these days. I have no idea why I haven't received a letter about it yet, though, I suppose they don't want me there. |D

Anywho, what to say to that when I haven't been in the army and I'm certainly not going there, either? (My transsexualism diagnosis will get me out of the conscription anyway.) Well... I told him that I haven't done the service due to mental health problems (since it's a valid and quite common reason to skip the service) and it sufficed. He just asked if I had medication for it and I just said something vague about it being in control but still affecting my day-to-day life etc. But all things considered, CRISIS AVERTED. :D

It was also slightly awkward to talk about the differences of male and female testosterone levels with a guy who's doing internship through school there as well. I had to resist the urge to say something like "you wouldn't even guess how much I know about hormone-related things".

Stealth life throws interesting moments at me, to say the least!

There's always the unexpected, isn't there? Quick thinking, though.

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm stealth as well and I totally understand how awkward stuff can get, and it feels even more awkward because they have no clue im awkward about whatever we are having conversation about or doing :P

Quote from: Mackan on March 15, 2015, 04:24:36 PM
I'm stealth as well and I totally understand how awkward stuff can get, and it feels even more awkward because they have no clue im awkward about whatever we are having conversation about or doing :P

The power of poker face. ;D

I bet I was slightly squirmy about the army thing but I think it's understandable. Having been in the army is pretty much taken for granted for men in Finland and sometimes people can get really iffy when they find out someone hasn't done the service for whatever reason. That seems to be the case especially in the area where I live (apparently some guy didn't get a job since he hadn't been in the army even if it's illegal to use that as a reason) so it wasn't too bad. :B

You could also say you have a genetic condition that precludes you from service - technically true! Hopefully you don't get too many curly moments like that! Important thing is to get your "cover stories" straight and not change them otherwise they will trip you up at some point.

that was a nice save, man! i'm rarely able to come up with quick and clever (and believable) responses in situations on the spot.

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 15, 2015, 06:00:28 PM
Important thing is to get your "cover stories" straight and not change them otherwise they will trip you up at some point.

good point ^

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 15, 2015, 06:00:28 PM
You could also say you have a genetic condition that precludes you from service - technically true! Hopefully you don't get too many curly moments like that! Important thing is to get your "cover stories" straight and not change them otherwise they will trip you up at some point.

Along those lines, you could say you have flat feet. Something not that noticeable but that would keep you from being eligable from being in the service.

If the people you are working with get too close to figuring out that you are passing, all you need to do is tell them you have a sister who is either a fraternal twin or looks very much like you. Before I transitioned, I had a mare that I wound up having to find a home for. When I went and visited her after I transitioned, I told the owner that my sister had asked me to check up on the mare. The owners accepted that without any problems or odd looks.

sam1234

See this is one of those things that I know is going to throw me under the bus someday -- probably not this specific instance, but there are a lot of things I know might catch me in a pickle, and I'm not nearly as quick a thinker as you seem to be, given your response to the dad's questions. My biggest fear: someone taking a playful jab at (or just getting hit in) my groin and not doing nearly enough crying and puking as might be expected.  :D

Quote from: AndrewB on March 15, 2015, 09:47:09 PM
My biggest fear: someone taking a playful jab at (or just getting hit in) my groin and not doing nearly enough crying and puking as might be expected.  :D

Why would someone else cry and puke after hitting you in the groin?! (Hmm, could be a great preventative...)

QuoteMy biggest fear: someone taking a playful jab at (or just getting hit in) my groin and not doing nearly enough crying and puking as might be expected.

I kind of hate having to fake getting hit in the balls. Its just annoying, because high school boys do it all the time. But there's a big difference between a "playful jab" and a power punch to the nuts. Act accordingly.
  But all things aside, I'm stealth too and it can put you in some sticky situations. Especially when my friend's mother asked me exactly what kind of "lung surgery" I had ;)

Quote from: Arch on March 15, 2015, 10:22:48 PM
Why would someone else cry and puke after hitting you in the groin?! (Hmm, could be a great preventative...)

Lol! Okay, so maybe my wording wasn't the greatest, although I have to admit that would be a great superpower for a trans guy to have.

Quote from: TrojanMan on March 15, 2015, 10:33:57 PM
I kind of hate having to fake getting hit in the balls. Its just annoying, because high school boys do it all the time. But there's a big difference between a "playful jab" and a power punch to the nuts. Act accordingly.
  But all things aside, I'm stealth too and it can put you in some sticky situations. Especially when my friend's mother asked me exactly what kind of "lung surgery" I had ;)

True, but I have no natural instinct to flinch near that area if jabbed at, since I have absolutely nothing there in need of protection from high school-boy mentality. I'm actually open at high school though, at least to people that knew me pre-transition, so maybe it'll be less of a threat at college next year.

Against all of my expectations, somebody once asked me about my Selective Service history. I was well into my forties and never expected such a query. I said something about being exempted from registering. If anyone ever asks for more specifics, I can say, "Dude, if you have to ask, you don't know me well enough to ask something that personal."

Very early in my transition (again, forties), I was hanging around with a bunch of gay men, one of whom had been treated for prostate cancer. I guess I was the youngest one in the group, so one of the much older men asked me if I had had my first prostate check. I was startled and a bit freaked out--and I'm sure that my facial expression showed my discomfort--and answered in the negative. I guess my reaction looked authentic enough. Even gay men usually aren't thrilled to have some stranger rooting around in that region.

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 15, 2015, 06:00:28 PM
Important thing is to get your "cover stories" straight and not change them otherwise they will trip you up at some point.

True. The mental health reason I used isn't too far fetched, F64.0 is still lumped together with mental health diagnosises for whatever reason so... yay? (We don't have the diagnosis for dysphoria here.)

And saying I'm exempt from service even if I haven't had any official decision for that yet isn't exactly lying either. Apparently Finland's army isn't very eager to let FTMs in so they prefer to exempt them anyhow. Lovely place.

Quote from: sam1234 on March 15, 2015, 08:54:24 PM
Along those lines, you could say you have flat feet. Something not that noticeable but that would keep you from being eligable from being in the service.

If the people you are working with get too close to figuring out that you are passing, all you need to do is tell them you have a sister who is either a fraternal twin or looks very much like you. Before I transitioned, I had a mare that I wound up having to find a home for. When I went and visited her after I transitioned, I told the owner that my sister had asked me to check up on the mare. The owners accepted that without any problems or odd looks.

sam1234

Good point about flat feet. My fiancée's older brother actually got exempt because of that. :D

I've been thinking about saying I have a sister who looks too much like me but I somehow think it would be a bit difficult for me to... hmm, wrap my mind around the idea in a way. I've always been an only child (but now I have four stepbrothers) so suddenly having a sister... woot. :D

Then again, if someone asks me directly if I'm trans (I bet they won't be using that term anyhow), depending on who they are I'll either tell them the truth if I find them trustworthy and a good person in general, or tell them to mind their own business if it's the opposite. My medical history is no one's business.

The whole getting-my-private-area-punched thing has made me think, too and I really can't say I have much protective instincts for that region other than having sympathy pain whenever a guy gets his nuts bashed in AFV etc. (Yes, that show's on here, too...) Alternatively the lack of reaction for getting hit there would just make people think I have balls of steel. Now that's a superpower. :D

I also wonder if there'll be some interesting situations concerning the lack of prostate. I suppose in the future a doctor might ask if I've had it checked. What to say? "Sorry, but there's nothing there."

I also had a slightly interesting moment when the guy who's interning with me was clearly surprised that I was the same age as he is since I look at least 10 years younger. I just said "Yeah, I know I look much younger than that. I'm just well-preserved. My secret: I sleep in mothballs."
Saved. 8)