Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hey awesome people,

i have a dilemma...

it's presently the march break/spring break over here. that means a whole seven days off -- no school or work for me, my siblings or my parents. i want to come out (even though i'm horribly nervous)... so... it's basically the perfect opportunity to do so, right?

however, the main factor holding me back is how my parents and siblings are going to react. see, if it's a negative response, i essentially have to spend my whole vacation stuck in terrible circumstances (whether i'm kicked out or not), but on the other hand, if it's positive, i can finally get my hair cut and some more male clothing and such. further, my peers from school will have more time to potentially become familiar with the idea of my being a guy before i return to school (i'm planning on coming out to my acquaintances and not-so-very-close friends via facebook).

in spite of the fact that i've been weighing these (and other) pros and cons for a while now, i still remain undecided. :-\

although i know it's ultimately my decision on what i should do, i would nevertheless appreciate some opinions and feedback.

thanks so much,
jackson :)

p.s. by the way, for anyone wondering, i'm 16 years old.

This is a hard poll to vote on. As a half-out guy myself, I know how sometimes you just want it to be over and done with. But I also know that when the time is right, you'll know it.

That said, I would suggest maybe sending out some feelers to your family for the beginning of spring break. Mention something about LGBT or a trans related news story. Or if there is a family friend who is LGBT or tv show with a trans character. Really anything to get the conversation out there. And then see how your family takes it. It'll help you gauge a bit of what their reaction might be. If it looks positive then maybe continue the conversation and tell them about yourself. But if they give you reason to be concerned, I'd hate to have the rest of your break spoiled. Also since you're still 16 you might want to have some sort of plan for a place you could go if you need to. Like a friend or relative you could stay with if things get heated. There's always the option of writing a letter and leaving it when them while you're out of the house to read and come to terms with things without you needing to be physically present.

I know this isn't the definite answer you were looking for with a poll, but I just wanted to give you my thoughts.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

thanks for the reply.

i already have "sent out some feelers", and they don't appear to understand (and seemingly have no desire to understand) ->-bleeped-<-, and are, as a result, disrespectful towards trans* individuals. however, it's not so extreme that there's a high possibility that they'll kick me out (although it still does exist -- and for that i do have a plan). the more likely outcome, i believe, is that they'll just completely deny/ignore it or insult me or something.

i was originally planning on writing a letter, but after considering it, i've decided against it.

thanks again,
jackson

I would maybe suggest if you do decide to come out then to just come out to family. Perhaps wait until you get a handle on your families reaction before adding the extra stress of having your school mates to deal with at the same time. I have no idea on how much stress you can handle but I might advise reducing it if you can.

good point, white rabbit. though i can usually handle stress fairly well, it is probably a good idea to reduce what i can.

but the weird thing is, i know for a fact that i physically cannot be out as male at home but still be presenting as a female at school. it'd be more stressful for me that way. so i guess it's either full time or no time.

I just came out to my family, it's a struggle getting to that point. I'm going to tell you to do it because I feel you'll just be wrestling with yourself and getting gray hairs you don't need yet if you don't. I'm old, they're OK on me!  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

 You could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184646.msg1641345.html#msg1641345

The second brochure states that being trans has some biological connections, which is imo socially a bit better acceptable, and it might help with self acceptance...

remaining somewhat calm and constructive during the talk might help... and imagining the desired outcome :)


hugs

thanks!