Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello everybody! I have been reading and looking about and love this site. After looking around for a while I noticed that there are not many couples that stay together so I just wanted to share my story with everyone.
I have been married to my wife for over 3 years now and we have two boys. One is not my bio child and the other one is. My wife sat me down one night a couple months back and told me that she thought she was a lesbian. This was difficult but not impossible to understand considering our sex life was practically dead already. Before we just chocked it up to sexual trauma in her past. This was a hard pill to swallow realizing that your SO has and will never be sexually attracted to you...
Well we decided to stay together regardless because we really love each other. For us and for the kids and all that. We are the best of friends and really the only think lacking in our relationship is the intimate part.
After about a week of her doing more soul searching she sat me down again and told me that she was not a lesbian but in fact transgender! *mind blown*
I did not know anything about transgender at all so I asked my old friend google to help me out.
The more I read the more I realized that indeed my wife was actually a transgender man 0.o!!
Once this "I think i am transgender" statement was made everything clicked into place. Everything that did not make sense before suddenly made perfect sense. I also realized that many of the  things that I found attractive in her were masculine traits! This of course set me of on my own journey of questioning my own orientation. She was besides herself with worry that I would freak out and devorse her but I love her. The inner her/him regardless of what body he is in.
To be honest I have always considered myself before as a heteroflexable/bi male before so the idea or his transition did not bother me.
Now that he is starting transition and actually accepting himself he has become far more attractive then when he was a female. I was actually very happy that finally at long last he could become who he was always meant to be!  I am his number one supporter on his transition and will continue to be!
It also turns out that he is bi as well! So after he starts on T we will be presenting as a gay couple with two bio kids. Our relationship has never been stronger.

I am saddened that there is not allot of stories like ours out there for people to see. I felt compelled to speak our story and hopefully help some couples out that are just starting the transition as well.

I will try to keep updating as things go along and respond to any messages or comments. Please feel free to talk to me.

Welcome Fall2Peaces to Susan's family.

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Everyone's path in life is worth walking, no matter if it fits in societies mindset.

Je suis un être humain,Popcorn? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)

Hugs

Welcome to Susan's. Thank you for sharing such an uplifting story.

Wow, what a sweet story! Welcome, and it's a joy to find someone else with a happy ending. :) About half of all relationships do survive... but you're right that the majority of the stories that get told are tragedies.

I've also only heard from a couple of other cis men who stayed with a transitioning husband, so you're very special.

Don't worry about us, Fall. More marriages stay together than it seems. Here the majority of us are still in the early stages. We're here for support and guidance after all. Many of us currently married are at an unsure point. Some marriages survive. Others do not. I'm at an optimistic point about mine right now, but who knows?

I'm very happy that you worked your head around it so quickly and I'm sure your kids will grow up strong with two loving dads. Welcome!

Welcome to Susan's Fall2Peaces. I just want to thank you for your understanding of your S/O I wish you both the best and I hope you both can find answers here.

That is an awesome and pretty inspiring story! Best of luck to both of you!

I do hope you post more updates regarding your situation and would love to hear more. <3

Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'm very happy for you and your husband -- he is very lucky.

My marriage is going to pieces as my husband cannot deal with me being trans. It's breaking my heart, but I'm glad that there are relationships out there that are stronger than ours!

Giving story a bump,  worth staying on top one more round.

Great inspirational topic by OP

Thank you for speaking up about your family life.  Yours really is an inspirational story.  I know a few of us who continue in a marriage that frequent features people who identify as bi or pan.  Whatever the orientation it takes compassion and empathy to make it work.  Thank you for having all that and sharing your transition together.

Thank you everybody for your comments!
Updates:
We sat down with my son the other day (he is 8) and we had "the talk." My husband explained to him what is happening and what is going on and our son was overjoyed. He thought it was super cool that he will now have two dads! He was bouncing around and so happy. My hubby and I were kinda awe struck. We were not expecting this kind of reaction at all. It goes to show just how cool and understanding kids can be.
One thing that we are finding surreal also is that my hubby has been systematically "comming out" to our friends and family. So far everyone has been cool and understanding.....also unexpected. Even my husbands ex-husband is understanding. No one has "freaked out" about it.

Now I am totally not speaking about years of experience in this but it seems to me that this current american climate seems to be allot more understanding of transgender. Has anyone experienced the same kind of situation where people in general are more accepting then expected?

Children are the best if they have not been exposed to societies pressures.

Glad you had a good day and family and friends are coming on board.

Just be ready for some back lash. It will come when you least expect it.

Stay positive.

Quote from: mrs izzy on March 16, 2015, 09:04:16 PM
Children are the best if they have not been exposed to societies pressures.

Glad you had a good day and family and friends are coming on board.

Just be ready for some back lash. It will come when you least expect it.

Stay positive.

Yeah we are on pins and needles. we almost wish someone would so we can get that over with. Im sure too that people are ok now because he still looks like a she. Maybe once he starts looking different maybe some people that are cool right now might not be when the T kicks in.
Anyone had close ppl in there life that were cool up until you started presenting in the proper gender?

Your story actually made me cry. Seriously. Lots of couples dearly love each other without intimacy, but to throw this on someone and still stick together is a testament to a GREAT love for each other.

I am so thrilled you are willing to give this a chance. You may find (well it sounds like you have) that you'll become even closer in your relationship. This deserves a screenplay for as you noted, it's not real common.

Cindi

Fall2Peaces : Is that "cool" as in accepting, or as in coldly distant? We definitely did have people who had trouble until she started presenting (and HRT made her start giving the right "signals" physically), but almost everyone was fantastic by that point. Good luck, and fingers crossed!!

Cindi : Times have changed; the most recent study of trans people* suggests that close to half of all relationships do survive. I keep repeating this because I worry that people hearing otherwise is one reason why some couples have no hope that it's possible, and I know the one thing I wanted most back then was confirmation that it *could* be done. Heck, I have a friend now who says "I kept waiting for it to be hard, and it never was" about her wife's transition. :)


*https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,172674.0.html

I agree that the societal climate is on the move in the right direction. :) Myself, I'm still waiting for it to be weird that my husband is going to be my wife. I think I am more freaked out by my total acceptance than the news. My wife and I have identified my unusual acceptance as stemming from an early life lessons passed down from my parents. They both worked in the human resources field specializing with helping down syndrome adults in the work force. They instilled in me that just because someone is different, doesn't mean they aren't just like us.

Please tell your children this lesson to live by. It has prepared me to not only accept my new wife, but love her more than ever. Spread the love.

WifeofMTF : It's people like you who most need to hear the stories like my friend's, since it might help to know other people also were never upset. :) No reason to be freaked out - you're one of the lucky ones, but still normal!

A very cool couple I knew in high school stuck together after one of them discovered she was MTF and began transitioning.  Her girlfriend was very loving and accepting and was always bisexual and had no problem with the idea or the actual changes. Many years later they are still a very happy couple and I'm proud of them both for being wonderful and happy people!

I had no idea how my parents were going to react, as well as fairly religious family members.  My very christian middle american relatives in Ohio seemed to really not care at all which surprised me.  They are, in hindsight very laid back and loving, responsible people.  It's lovely to know there are conservative and religious people who can actually do as Jesus said and love thy neighbor and refrain from judging and condemning.  I feel even very conservative people do not have to be upset by trans or queer people when they understand they are also just people.  I appreciate everyone needs to express themselves and be who they are, but it helps that there is much more info out in our world about average normal people who just happen to be a little different.  The internet is really great for exposing us to new points of view.  Also, as many awful and ignorant people and violent events as there are, I think a good deal of people are realizing it's not really that big of a deal to be trans or queer.  Even in the 50s there were people like Kinsey who were trying to make it clear that human sexuality and gender was a spectrum rather than any kind of cut and dry black and white situation!